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SOCIAL RELATIONS 



OUR SOUTHERN STATES. 



BY 



D. R. HlTTNDIjEY, ESQ. 



"In forming a judgment, lay your hearts void of foretaken opinions; else, what- 
soever is done or said will be measured by a wrong rule, like them who have the 
jaundice, to whom every thing appeareth yellow." Sir Philip Sidney. 

" Faithful are the wounds of a friend ; wliile the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." 

King Solomon. 



NEW-YORK: 
HENRY B . PRICE, 

Publisher, 884 Broadway. 
1 8 GO. 






Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1S60, by 

D . R . HUNDLEY, 

the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the 
Southern District cf New-York. 






JOHN A. GRAY, 

Printer & Stereotyper, 

16 and 15 Jacob St. 



TABLE OF CONTENTS, 



CHAPTER I. 

The Southern Gentleman, . . . . . <7 

CHAPTER II. 

TnE Middle Classes, . . . . . V7 

CHAPTER III. 

The Southern Yankee, . . . . .129 

CHAPTER IV. 
Cotton Snobs, ...... 163 

CHAPTER V. 
TnE Southern Yeoman, ..... 191 

CHAPTER VI. 
The Southern Bully, . . 223 

CHAPTER VII. 
Poor White Trash, ...... 250 

CHAPTER VIII. 
The Negro Slaves, ...... 284 









PREFACE 



In one of his letters to Pum Hoam, First President of the Cere- 
monial Academy at Pekin, in China, Lien Chi Altangi, the Discon- 
tented Wanderer, gives us an amusing and graphic account of his 
introduction, by the Man in Black, to a certain bookseller in Lon- 
don. This bookseller was named Fudge, and being asked by the 
Man in Black whether he had recently published any thing new ? — 

"Excuse me, sir," says he, "it is not the season; books have 
their time as well as cucumbers. I would no more bring out a 
new book in summer, than I would sell pork in the dog-days. 
Nothing in my way goes off in summer except very light goods 
indeed. A review, a magazine, or a sessions' paper, may amuse 
a summer _ reader ; but all our stock of value we reserve for a 
spring and winter trade." 

" I must confess," says Lien Chi Altangi, "a curiosity to know 
what 3'ou call a valuable stock, which can only bear a winter pe- 
rusal." 

" Sir," replied the bookseller, "it is not my way to cry up my 
own goods ; but, without exaggeration, I will venture to show 
with any of the trade. My books at least have the peculiar advan- 
tage of being always new ; and it is my way to clear off my old 
to the trunk-makers every season. I have ten new title-pages 
now about me, which only want books to be added to make 
them the finest things in nature. Others may pretend to direct 
the vulgar ; hut that is not my way ; I always let the vulgar di- 
rect me; wherever 'popular clamor arises I always echo the mil- 
lion. For instance, should the people in general say that such a 
man is a rogue, I instantly give orders to set him down, in print y 



VI PREFACE. 

a villain ; thus every man bui/s the boot; not to leant new send- 
meats, but to hart the pleasure qf teeing his oicn reflected? 

Sagacious Fudge ! Neither is the race yet extinct I dare 
Bay the Fudge family is as numerous now as it was in the days 
of Goldsmith. And we have our popular writers, too — the Fudge 
beam ideal of a great genius — who worthily, even when handling 
the gravest themes, follow the precedent furnished by the inimi- 
table author of the Infernal Guide. " Ah ! sir, that was a piece 
touched off by the hand of a master ; tilled with good things 
from one end to the other. The author had nothing but the jest 
in view; no dull, moral lurking beneath, nor ill-natured satire to 
sour the reader's good humor; he wisely considered that moral 
and humor at the same time were quite overdoing the business.' 1 

But, my readers, this I would have you to understand at the 
very commencement of our acquaintance ; you will assuredly find 
the writer of the following pages no Fudge, nor in the least am- 
bitious to touch off such a master-piece of wit as that same In fe- 
cal Guide. I have endeavored to speak my sentiments plainly, 
to narrate facts impartially, and to treat a grave theme in a man- 
ner becoming its gravity and great importance. Read for your- 
selves, and determine. For, however faulty these papers may be 
thought in other respects, I have endeavored to portray, truthfully 
at least, what has been presented to my own mind, from my pre- 
sent stand-point. Others, I know, gazing it may be, from a high- 
er point of observation, have professed to see the same object- in 
a different light; and they may possibly be right and I wrong; 
for, fully conscious of the imperfect ness and general obliquity of 
all men's vision, I am not so fool-hardy as to swear that the shield 
whose legend I read so plainly, bears the same device upon its 
other side. At the same time, however, permit me to suggest to 
those who may not view the matter in dispute the same as I do, 
that a peep at both sides will do no harm ; since otherwise, they 
might be induced to wage a Quixotic war in defense of what may 
prove (when it is too late, alas !) of no greater merit or importance 
than that same senseless cause of quarrel which resulted in the 
untimely death of both the foolish one-idead knights of the old 
days of chivalry. 

Jan. 1st, 1SG0. The Author. 



OUR SOUTHERN STATES. 



CHAPTER I. 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

"He is a noble gentleman ; withal 
Happy in's endeavors : the gen'ral voice 
Sounds him for courtesy, behavior, language, 
And every fair demeanor, an example : 
Titles of honor add not to his worth ; 
"Who is himself an honor to his title." 

John Ford. 

Perhaps it would be altogether superfluous to re- 
mind our readers, that the fashion has been for several 
years,' at least since the unlooked-for success of Uncle 
Torres Cabin, to write books about the South. Eng- 
lishmen, Frenchmen, Down-Eastern men, the Bloomer 
style of men, as well as countless numbers of female 
scribblers, have not ceased to drum upon the public 
tympanum (almost to deafness, indeed) in praise or 
blame — generally the latter — of Southern peculiarities, 



8 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

social habits, manners, customs, observances, and do- 
mestic institutions. And jet we dare to presume, the 
untravelled reader who has never crossed the line which 
separates the North from the South, possesses but a 
very confused, and, in the main, erroneous opinion, 
touching the veritable and distinguishing characteris- 
tics of his much-abused fellow-citizens of the Slave 
States. Indeed, we are morally certain, if he have de- 
rived his information from no other sources than in- 
temperate newspapers and exaggerated romances of the 
Uncle Tom school, he remains to this day in as pro- 
found ignorance of the Summer Land, as was poor 
John Brown when he made his foolish raid into Vir- 
ginia at the head of his three and twenty fanatical fol- 
lowers. In truth, the Quixotic enterprise of these 
madmen is mainly due to the persistent misrepresenta- 
tion of the South by the rancorous journals and un- 
scrupulous demagogues of the Free States. Certainly, 
it is no easy matter for an entire stranger, let him be 
ever so capable and unbiased, impartially to delineate 
the peculiarities of any people whatever. But when a 
writer's perception is rendered crooked by reason of 
prejudice, while his love of the almighty dollar and 
the plaudits of the rabble, urges him to cater to the 
tastes of his readers, who clamor unceasingly for sense- 
less detraction and bloody murder — what are we to 
think of his productions ? Certes, that they are to be 
credited by no manner of means ; and whoever looks 
to such a source for any useful information, might just 
as reasonably expect to gather lilies off a bramble-bush, 
or to find the age of a maiden aunt in the family regis- 
ter. 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 9 

And yet, if this can be truly said of all peoples — ■ 
that one not to the manor born is incompetent fairly to 
discuss their social relations — of the South it can be 
said most truly and pertinently. Spreading over a 
vast area of country, and boasting but few large cities 
or great commercial centres, the different phases pre- 
sented by Southern society are almost as various as the 
extent of her territory is diversified ; and while it 
must not be denied that she sometimes does shock our 
humaner sensibilities with brutal displays of one sort 
or another ; still these, happily, are the exceptions to 
the generally pleasing character of the landscape — the 
shadows, if you will, whose very darkness only serves 
to render more conspicuous those heights of moraj. 
grandeur, and more gratefully pleasing those broad 
savannahs of genial hospitality, which stretch all the 
way from Little Delaware to the cactus-clad banks of 
the Eio Grande. If the South has her Big Cypress, 
Okefenoke, and Dismal Swamps, she can also point to 
her noble Blue Ridge, her graceful Cumberland and 
other mountain ranges, as well as to many a lovely 
river embowered in forests of magnolia, beech wood, 
hemlock, the wide-branching cedar, and the stately 
pine. 

It must not be forgotten, either, who were the early 
pioneers in the settlement of the Slave States. New- 
England was settled mainly by persons in the humbler 
walks of life, and who were essentially possessed of the 
same habits of thought and modes of speech ; whereas 
the early pioneers in the occupancy of the South pos- 
sessed no such homogeneal characteristics, but differed, 
on the contrary, widely in every particular — the two 
1* 



10 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

extremes being, on the one hand, the high-bred English 
courtier of aristocratic mien and faultless manners, and 
on the other, the thick-lipped African, fresh from the 
jungles of Congo and still reeking with the bloody 
stains of cannibalism ; while between these were some 
half-dozen other classes, possessing different degrees of 
culture and refinement — all of whom yet have their 
descendants in the South, changed in many particulars 
from their original and aboriginal ancestors, but for all 
that, distinctly the representatives of the several classes 
whence they derive their origin. 

Now,, as the reader is aware, this very important 
fact has been persistently ignored by all those outside 
enemies of the South who are ever " harping on my 
daughter," and seeking to engender strife and all un- 
charitableness between the two sections of our common 
country. We know a few of the " unco pious" do 
occasionally condescend in their pulpits, and through the 
medium of quasi-religious newspapers, to refer in well- 
set phrase to the Convict Fathers of the South ; but, as 
a general thing, the honey -tongued libellers of the 
Southern half of our Confederacy, appear to be totally 
unconscious that her citizens were ever divided into 
other than three classes — Cavaliers, Poor Whites, and 
Slaves. Can it be ignorance which prompts this dis- 
creet silence in regard to a solemn truth of history — 
a fact so essential to a proper understanding of the 
true relations of society in our Southern States ? And 
yet if it be not ignorance, what are we to conclude ? 
Why, that the accusers of the South fear to face the 
subject squarely, and hence are constrained to resort 
(with malice prepense) to base and unmanly subter- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 11 

fuges, in the hope of still longer bamboozling their 
poor dupes and trusting disciples ; thus proving to the 
world how exceedingly nice is their sense of honor : 

" Like dastard curres, that Laving at a bay 
The noble stag embost in wearie chase, 
Dare not adventure on the stubborn prey, 
Ne byte before, but rome from place to place, 
To steal a snatch when turned is his face !" 

Now, as we conceive, the only proper method of 
arriving at any just conception of a nation's merits or 
demerits, as of an individual's, is, to study closely its 
antecedents — its past history, in a word. It would not 
be wise to judge of every individual man by the same 
standard ; wherein, then, consists the wisdom of judg- 
ing of communities of individuals after the like fash- 
ion ? You say, that Jones is short, and Smith is tall, 
and Brown is corpulent. Because, sir, (being corpu- 
lent yourself, ah ! ha ?) you think a rotund beer-barrol 
to represent the highest style of man, physically speak- 
ing, clo you dare to laugh at Jones and Smith— to call 
the former a duck of a man and the latter a bean-pole ? 
Consider the misfortune of their birth ; how Jones* 
father was a dapper little gentleman of four feet six, 
while Smith's mother stood five feet eleven in her 
stockings. Consider, also, that while you are so en- 
thusiastic in your admiration of Brown, Jones and 
Smith, on the other hand, feel for you and that jolly 
fat dog of a Brown, all the pity and commiseration 
which a profound sense of your unfortunate corpulency 
awakens in their friendly bosoms. So, too, when na- 
tions fall out and call one another hard names, they 



12 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

are only playing on a larger scale the petty parts of 
Messrs. Jones, Smith, and Brown. Thus have John 
Bull and Monsieur Jean Crapeaud lampooned each 
other for a thousand years ; and both these have united 
in discharging their limping pasquinades at Brother 
Jonathan, ever since that immortal Fourth of July, on 
which this last-named individual came of age and cut 
loose from his mother's apron-strings, to "set up on his 
own hook." And it is in the same spirit that the Ca- 
valiers of Virginia have never ceased to "poke fun" 
at the sharp-nosed inhabitants of New-England, while 
the latter have returned the compliment in kind, with 
all sorts of brobdignagian stories in regard to the out- 
rages on human rights daily perpetrated in the South- 
ern States. A Yankee who visits the South, rarely 
troubles himself to consider what sort of society he 
ought reasonably to expect, in view of the different 
characteristics and dissimilar natures of her early set- 
tlers ; but, having free access to the firesides of only 
one or two classes of her citizens, and ignorantly as- 
suming those to be representations of all the rest, he 
very naturally blunders, often ludicrously, and always 
most egregiously, whenever he attempts to delineate 
the same. He reminds one of the sapient Englishman 
who went over to Boulogne, in France, tarried one 
night only, and returning home the next clay, reported 
that all the women in France possessed red heads ; and 
all because his hostess of Boulogne was blessed with 
such a flaming capillary ornament ! In illustration 
whereof, we may further observe, that all the gentle- 
men of Mrs. Stowc's novels are represented as being 
anti-slavery in sentiment, though slaveholders ; while 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 18 

every Southerner who entertains an honest conviction 
that slavery is right, is invariably made to appear as 
a brute, a bully, a hardened wretch — one who is to be 
looked upon as any thing else than a gentleman or a 
Christian. How false in fact such a presentation of 
the subject is, must be obvious to every unbiased 
mind ; and yet the fair authoress is not to be charged 
with having intended to convey a false impression 
In o more can the Hon. Miss Murray be accused of a 
similar intention, while presenting a diverse report in 
her Letters ; for this lady's associations led her to see 
a very different phase of Southern society from that 
presented to Mrs. Stowe, whose anti-slavery sentiments 
were well known, and w r ho, for that reason, would be 
very apt to affiliate with persons of kindred convic- 
tions. Viewing the matter in this light, we are willing 
to concede, that both these ladies, as well as all other 
reputable authors who have devoted their attention to 
the South, are equally honest, so far as intentions go : 
and this, too, whether they have written in praise or 
blame of Southern institutions. 

Indubitably, there is much in the Slave States to 
call forth either unqualified approbation, or equally 
unqualified denunciation ; owing entirely to the nature 
of the individual's sympathies who so applauds or de- 
nounces. We will even go a step further, and declare 
in all good conscience, that there is much in the South 
to call forth honest praise from honest men, as well as 
much to grieve the spirit of themost rational and conserv- 
ative of philanthropists. But we have }^et to stumble 
on that community, free or slave, of which the same re- 
mark can not be made with equal truth and pointedness. 



14 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

All human society, indeed, is faulty, more or less, and 
ever must remain so ; and it is, therefore, a grave 
error either to praise or to denounce unqualifiedly, any 
system of human government whatever, however good 
or bad. Nothing good can ever come of such a policy, 
dictated, as it of necessity ever must be, by a very cir- 
cumscribed knowledge of man's imperfect nature, as well 
as by the most intolerant bigotry or the narrowest pre- 
judice. Thus, in spite of fifty years' unceasing denun- 
ciation of her peculiar domestic relations, the South is 
stronger to-day than at any former period, and fifty- 
fold more prosperous than when the denunciation first 
began. This, the reader will probably remark, is 
hardly to be considered as an unfavorable result, and 
so it is not ; but there is an evil still, which has re- 
sulted from the indiscriminate blame of Southern insti- 
tutions, and that is the indiscriminate praise of the same, 
indulged in to excess by the too intemperate and hot- 
headed advocates thereof; until, in consequence of the 
wild vagaries of the two extremes, so totally erroneous 
a public sentiment has been created-, that few persons, 
if any, whose opinions have of necessity to be based 
upon the testimony of others, possess as accurate in- 
formation as they should touching the true state of 
society south of Mason's & Dixon's line. 

While one portion of the Northern people inclines 
to believe, that the citizens of our Southern States are 
so many Chevalier Bayards, sans •peur et sans reproclie ; 
living upon their broad estates in all baronial splendor 
and hospitality, but being, nevertheless — like the slave- 
holding Catos and Brutuses of republican Borne, and 
the equally slaveholding Solons and Lconidases of 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 15 

democratic Greece— still true to the Constitution, the 
Commonwealth, and the Laws ; another portion of the 
same community (and for the honor of humanity, we 
pray Heaven this portion be not so large as we fear) 
entertains in regard to the same people opinions not 
quite so flattering, to say the least. What evil thing 
has not been laid to the charge of the poor Southerners, 
indeed, by the very Christian, refined, and amiable 
people, of whom this latter portion of the Northern 
community is composed, it were difficult for even the 
most experienced Tombs lawyer to suggest. Only 
think of an ex-minister of the Gospel, who publicly 
declares that the hanging of John Brown, horse-thief, 
traitor, and murderer, by the Virginia authorities, would 
make the gallows as glorio.us as the cross! Oh! for 
shame ! shame upon you, Massachusetts, when you can 
applaud to the echo such blasphemous utterances ! 

We hope our readers are not growing impatient, for 
we shall endeavor to get rid of this prosing style in a 
few more paragraphs ; when we shall proceed immedi- 
ately to the discussion of more entertaining topics. But 
vre can not resist the temptation to prose just a little 
bit longer while we are in the vein. 

And what we wish to impress upon the reader's mind, 
is this (and we have been drawn to the subject almost 
unawares) : The greatest villainies that were ever per- 
petrated, were perpetrated in the name of God and 
Justice. The bloody guillotine was erected to further 
the ends of justice. The Order of Jesus and the Holy 
Inquisition were instituted in behalf of God and justice. 
And alas ! even while the Rabbins and Pharisees hanged 
the King Immanuel upon the cursed tree, they loudly 



16 THE SOUTHERN" GENTLEMAN. 

professed that they were doing the will of Jehovah ! 
Mark, however, had there been no public sentiment to 
justify the High Priest and Levites who consented to 
the death of Christ — a public sentiment which had been 
created and fostered by the false teachings and rabbini- 
cal traditions of the Levites themselves — such monstrous 
sacrilege never could have been consummated. Just 
so at the present time ; did not a lamentably false pub- 
lic sentiment sustain our modern Levites in their politi- 
cal crusade against men as righteous as themselves, they 
never would dare to speak as the Phillipses and Beecli- 
ers have spoken about John Brown, neither would they 
persuade themselves that to preach "Jesus Christ and 
him crucified" (which was the sole ambition of the noble 
Paul) consists in beating their drums ecclesiastic in a 
rage of fanatical zeal, or in actively consorting at pri- 
mary political caucuses with every drunken vagabond 
who has a ballot, and who votes it according to their 
consciences. 

Now, as every well-informed person knows, the fact 
is indisputable, and has often been boasted of by the 
infidel press, that anti-slavery sentiments were first pro- 
pagated by the ultra socialists and communists — those 
miserable sans culottes, who, during the memorable 
French Revolution, raised the cry of Liber 'ie, Fraternite 
et Egalite, and in the madness of their drunken folly 
enthroned a nude harlot in the Temple of Justice as the 
goddess Reason, the object of their admiration and 
worship. At that time England and Massachusetts 
were virtuously engaged in supplying the slave-marts of 
the world with cargoes fresh from Guinea and Loango, 
and our Northern divines had not the least suspicion 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 17 

that the Bible condemned slavery. But, sansculotteism 
being quelled in France, soon found a foothold in 
Exeter Hall, and thence spread to the United States. 
For a long time the clergy resisted the storm of radical 
ideas, but being only men like the rest of us, and hav- 
ing an eye to benefices, calls, surprise-parties, and the 
like, as well as " itching ears" to catch the sweet voices 
of the rabble, they have at last almost surrendered in a 
body in the Free States, and now seek to lead in the 
nc\\ r crusade; yea, some of them have even gone so far 
as to doff the surplice to assume the uniform of a new 
master, and are now prominent political leaders : know 
how to pull the wires and the wool over the eyes of 
honest citizens, equal to the shrewdest ; can turn off a 
five-dollar whisky-skin as coolly as the bloodiest Blood 
Tub, and entertain for the frailer daughters of Eve a 
benevolent regard which is truly affecting. 

In truth, in some sections of New-England, the clergy 
have made this thing of free ivool a part of their creeds 
— the great Open Sesame of their churches ; the real 
party or sectarian shibboleth : the only test of piety, 
or benevolence, or humanity, or civilization; until, and 
we declare it with shamefiicedness, in the transcendent- 
ally mystified atmosphere of that highly enlightened 
region, the substance of things is no longer regarded, 
only t"he name. Does the reader doubt our assertion ? 
Behold, then, the proof! We epiote a brief passage 
from the writings of one of the most popular of New- 
England authors : 

" Bussia has sixty millions of people : who would 
not gladly swap her out of the world for glorious little 
Greece back again, and Plato, and yEschylus, and Epa- 



18 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

minondas, still there ? Who would exchange Concord 
or Cambridge in Massachusetts for any hundred thou- 
sand square miles of slave-breeding dead-level ?" 

Now, this is all good enough as high-sounding rhe- 
toric, but it is also high-sounding nonsense as well. Is 
the writer ignorant that his " glorious little Greece, " the 
whole pocketful thereof, was only " slave-breeding dead- 
level," in its palmiest days ? Is he ignorant that " Plato, 
and iEschylus, and Epaminondas," and all the rest of 
the Grecian worthies, were slaveholders as much as 
George Washington, or Henry A. Wise, or Gov. Ham- 
mond? with this difference, that these are Christian 
slaveholders, while those were profane heathens, igno- 
rantly worshipping gods of wood and stone ? And yet 
this amiable orthodox anti-slavery philosopher and dia- 
lectician of the "Modern Athens," would rejoice to see 
Christian Russia blotted out of existence, merely to 
have back again " glorious little Greece," with all her 
thirty thousand obscene gods and goddesses, and her 
slaveholding populace, whose morals were so bad, that 
Thucydides, after having driven in a car drawn by six 
nude Cyprians through the public thoroughfares of 
Athens, was by popular ballot elected to the highest 
office in the gift of his fellow-citizens ! Need we won- 
der the Old Bay State, while under the control and 
guidance of such perspicacious logicians, despite her 
acknowledged wealth and refinement, exerts no greater 
influence in the land than she does ? Verily, in the 
days of Cotton Mather, when her godly sons were sorely 
exercised about Quakers, Baptists, witches, hobgoblins, 
broomsticks — and the like precious theological matters, 
they were not more befogged and befooled, than are 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 19 

their descendants of to-day on the subject of "slave- 
breeding dead-level." If, however, they will grant us 
a patient hearing, we hope to enlighten them some- 
what in that regard, at least in so far as our own Slave 
States are concerned. Kussia must take care of herself- 
Of course, in order faithfully to perform the delicate 
task we have voluntarily undertaken, (for it is a delicate 
matter to presume to discuss the social relations of any 
community,) even if we were an author of well-estab- 
lished reputation, and long acquaintance with the public, 
it would behoove us to show some personal fitness for 
the work; but much more is this the case, when a young 
and unknown literary aspirant lays claim to a public 
audience. We trust the reader will pardon a seeming 
egotism, therefore, when we proceed first to state, that 
the writer has enjoyed more than ordinary opportunities 
for observing the different phases of Southern society. 
Born in the South, his education was chiefly acquired 
at Southern institutions of learning, in the States of 
Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia. 'Tis true 
he left the University of Virginia to conclude his pro- 
fessional studies at Harvard University, Massachusetts ; 
but this was because he had a strong desire to come in 
contact with the Northern people, and Northern preju- 
dices, on their own soil ; to correct his own sectional 
prejudices, should these require correction, as well as to 
demonstrate to those with whom he might have occa- 
sion to associate, that not all slaveholders are such "out- 
side barbarians," as the enemies of the South strive ,^o 
laboriously to make the Northern public believe. lie 
has, besides, travelled in nearly every State in the Union, 
and for four years has been a freeholder and house- 



20 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

keeper in a Free State. Indeed, his pecuniary interests 
in the North and South are about equal, so that there 
will not be a sufficient preponderance of selfish interests 
to bias his judgment one way or the other. We shall 
aim all the time at strict impartiality. And although 
we do not deny that we entertain very warm sympathies 
for all classes of persons in the Slave States — not ex- 
cepting those who are there held as property and sold 
as chattels — we are }^et perfectly well aware, that many 
of them are in very bad odor with all honorable men, 
as they rightly deserve to be. When, therefore, we 
come to speak of such, while we shall take care to set 
nan glit clown in malice, we shall endeavor nevertheless 
to state the plain, unvarnished truth ; even if, as the 
great English novelist has suggested, it may occasion- 
ally scratch. 

Having premised the above, more to introduce the 
writer to the reader than his subject, we now proceed 
to introduce to him the latter. And, imprimis, we beg 
to make him acquainted with the Southern Gentle- 
man. We know the usual practice with writers is, as 
with hod- carriers, to begin at the bottom-round of their 
argument and thence ascend to its topmost ; but we are 
pleased to reverse the usual order, and so beginning at 
the topmost, shall endeavor to descend as easily as pos- 
sible until we reach the " mud-sills," known in the old- 
fashioned vernacular of the South as slaves. 

In our description of the Southern Gentleman — his 
family and friends- — his negroes, horses, dogs, and es- 
tates — his manners, speech, opinions, excellencies, and 
faults — all indeed that appertains to him — we wish the 
reader to understand from the beginning, that we in- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 21 

tend to confine onrself to such a gentleman as is pecu- 
liarly the outgrowth of the institutions of the Sonth. 
Of course there is at the South a conventional gentle- 
man, as there is at the North, or in England, or on the 
continent of Europe ; but he is no more the South rn 
Gentleman, than was the Count D'Orsay such a gentle- 
man. Although born in the Southern States, and never 
having been any where else, may be, he is yet simply a 
gentleman — the universally accredited gentleman of the 
civilized world. This conventional species of gentle- 
man may be either an honest man or a knave — a blase 
libertine, a wine-bibber, a coxcomb ; or a hero as well, 
a Christian, and a sage. We know there are those who 
will cry out against this definition of the world's gen- 
tleman ; but let them bawl until their lungs are sore, 
yet they can not thereby change the facts. What was 
Beau Brummell, but a spendthrift, drunkard, and cox- 
comb ? What was my Lord Chesterfield, but a pol- 
ished sepulchre, fair outside to look upon, within black 
and unsightly with every rank corrujDtion ? What was 
King George the Fourth — that most " perfect gentle- 
man in all Europe" — but a base deceiver, a proud and 
selfish ruler, and a heartless hypocrite ? And coming 
down to these degenerate times, what shall we say of 
P. Barton Key ? And do you presume, honest reader, 
that "the tower of Siloam," which fell upon him, 
crushed in his person all the polished, but false, Keys 
in the land, who are accustomed habitually to unlock 
the treasure-house of their bosom friend and steal 
thence his diamond without price ? What, too, shall 
we say of Bulwig, the learned novelist, the titled play- 
wright, and minister of her Christian Majesty — Bulwig, 



22 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 

who notoriously beats his wife, and shuts her up" in a 
mad-house without cause? Has not this same Bag- 
wig, as Yellowplush blunderingly calls him, shot into 
the very centre and bull's-eye of fashion ? Is he not 
looked upon in all respects as being no less a gentle- 
man than was our own immortal Washington, or is that 
purest of our statesmen and chastest of our orators, Ed- 
ward Everett ? Certainly : and all because the learned 
Baronet has read Chesterfield with profit, and possesses 
a certain external polish — a certain suavity of manner 
and speech, soon mastered by such as frequent courts 
and the palaces of the great — as well as a complete 
knowledge of all those conventional laws of etiquette, 
which the artificial nature of our social intercourse has 
rendered almost indispensably necessary to the comple- 
tion of a polite education. Neither are such mere or- 
namental accomplishments to be despised ; but whoever 
would lay too great store by them, let him not forget, 
that while blossoms and green leaves render the tree 
beautiful to look upon, still much more greatly to be 
prized are its black, misshapen roots, which, striking 
deep clown into the earth, hourly extract from the soil 
those juices which supply both leaf and floAver with all 
their fragrance and beauty. 

jSFow, we are not going to say, that the Southern 
Gentleman does not frequently possess as much of 
Chesterfleldian polish as most others, for then we should 
say that which is not true ; but we do say, that a great 
many persons in the Southern States possess equally as 
much polish and refinement, who are yet not to be con- 
sidered as Southern Gentlemen, par excellence ; while 
many of those who are to be so considered are not al- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 23 

ways what the beau monde calls au fait in matters of 
dress and deportment. Many of them are quite old- 
fashioned, indeed, and would crack in a trice any sim- 
pering coxcomb's skull who should dare to whirl their 
daughters through the indecent mazes of some of those 
most popular modern waltzes, suitable to Germany and 
other parts of Europe perhaps, but as yet exotics in 
these States, and like all exotics so far of but feeble 
growth — though much affected by the codfish-ocrats of 
our large cities, as well as by all the ambitious inland 
villages, which so love to ape the vices of a metropolis, 
since they can not aspire to its virtues. 

And we would also like to impress now at the com- 
mencement upon the mind of our reader, that the gen- 
uine Southern Gentlemen, like all real gentlemen, are 
not quite so plentiful as blackberries in summer-time, 
or New-England robins in spring. To intelligent Nor- 
therners, who have travelled much, this information is 
superfluous, we know ; but a great many citizens of 
the Free States — amiable, educated, and naturally 
shrewd people — on visiting the South for the first time, 
manifest great surprise because they meet there, as at 
home, many ill-bred and vulgar persons ; just as they 
are disappointed, oftentimes, to discover that the South- 
ern landscape is disfigured now and then with a reedy 
swamp, a long stretch of barren sand-hills, or many 
continuous miles of monotonous piney woods. They 
have been so accustomed from infancy to hear and read 
of Southern hospitality and wealth, as well as of the 
splendors of natural scenery in all Southern latitudes, 
they seem to anticipate at every step a princely man- 
sion, and at every turn magnolia groves. Filled with 



24 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

such ideal conceptions of the Summer Land, it is not at 
all strange that such persons can not refrain at times 
from expressing their disappointment, when they come 
to realize the facts. 

We remember travelling once on the Mississippi in 
company with an old gentleman from New- York, (it 
was in the autumn of '57,) — a respectable member of 
the middle classes, intelligent and courteous, though 
somewhat of a cockney. He was quite a portly old 
gentleman — must have stood at least six feet in his 
stockings— with a red face and very white hair ; a bach- 
elor withal, hearty and jovial, and a pretty fair speci- 
men of what one might fitly call an Old Boy. Being 
such an Old Boy, he was not above associating with 
young gentlemen many years his junior, but seemed on 
the contrary to prefer such company to that of the se- 
niors ; and so we became quite familiar. He was on his 
first visit Southward, and it was quite amusing to note 
the changes which came over his bachelor visage as we 
neared the tropics. He came aboard at Cairo, and be- 
sides having had to stay in that dull Illinois town one 
whole night, the ticket-agent at Chicago had swindled 
him out of a dollar, selling him a through-ticket to 
Memphis at a higher rate than the usual railroad and 
steamboat fares combined amounted to ; and these two 
trials united had left our Old Boy in no very pleasant 
humor, although he was a jolly old bachelor. The 
steamer happened to be one of the best of the Louisville 
and New-Orleans packets — stately in its proportions, 
luxuriously furnished, and was besides fairly packed 
with first-class passengers. The bustle of landing, etc. 
etc., together with the novelty of the whole scene to 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 25 

our bachelor's eyes, for a while made him forget his 
misfortunes, as well as his ill-humor ; and the Old Boy 
manifested almost as much delight as any Young Boy 
would on his first escape from the maternal apron- 
strings. Eubbing his hands together with delight, and 
thridding his way nervously from deck to deck among 
the hundreds of travellers, in the brief space of half an 
hour he must have informed near upon twenty differ 
ent individuals that he was a New-- Yorker, Sir ; and 
was on his first visit to the South, Sir ; and hoped to 
spend the winter in the same, Sir ! And at least half- 
a-dozen times he must have asked, pointing to the col- 
ored waiters, "And these are the slaves? eh, Sir, all 
slaves ?" while at the moment he was evidently inclined 
to think very favorably of an institution which had 
succeeded in manufacturing into such decent and re- 
spectable, not to say important-looking personages, the 
raw material originally imported from Africa. 

In truth, so long as the bustle and confusion lasted, 
our bachelor acquaintance seemed pleased with every 
thing about him. So long had he been used to the 
continuous hum and noise of a large city — so long had 
he been accustomed to being jostled about at every 
turn — that to him unrest seemed to be the only species 
of rest of which he knew any thing. This fact became 
painfully apparent after his first day's travel on the 
Mississippi ; we say painfully, for it was (save that it 
was ludicrous as well) really painful to witness the mis- 
ery the old gentleman suffered day by day, as we 
steamed further and further down the broad bosom of 
the Father of Waters. He was evidently a kind-hearted 
man, national and patriotic, and did not wish to say 



26 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

any thing out of the way ; but it was still plain as a 
pikestaff that in his own mind he connected the vast 
solitude, in. the awful stillness whereof he seemed to be 
dying, with the " curse of slavery." For a long time 
he endured the horrors of his situation with the patience 
of a martyr, (and what he must have suffered in mental 
agony and bodily worriment before he did speak, it is 
frightful to conjecture ;) but at last, after having walked 
his boots almost off, and after numerous ejaculations, as 
if to himself, while standing by the taffrail, of " Well ! 
well!" "It's no use!" "Yes! it must be so!" "It must 
be so I" he came up to us in a pompous manner, and 
says he, very energetically, giving his inexpressibles a 
nervous hitch at the same time, and striving hard to 
boh unutterable things — says he: "Where's your 
towns?" The question was so characteristic, and was 
uttered with such a meaning look and gesture, we could 
not refrain from turning aside to have a quiet laugh. 
And yet at least one half of the Northern people, used 
all their lives to the bustle of cities and towns, and the 
noisy clatter of mechanical trades, if similarly situated 
with our earnest New-York acquaintance, would pro- 
pound just such a question as he did — never once re- 
flecting that cotton, sugar, rice, wheat, corn, tobacco, 
and all other agricultural products, grow only in the 
country, and very quietly too at that. Hence, even 
while they are passing a princely plantation — hid from 
view though it be by the dense forest on the river's 
bank — whose proprietor could with a single year's crop 
buy up half-a-dozen New-England villages, they will 
whisper confidentially in your ear: " Ah ! Sir, how un- 
like our thrifty Down East villages!" Observe, how- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 27 

ever, we are casting no stones at any body in par- 
ticular. Nor yet do we complain of any man for doing 
what it is perfectly natural he should do, until he has 
learned to do better. It is natural for the city cockney 
to find the country dull , and to wonder without affecta- 
tion how people manage to live there ; and it is equally 
natural for the sun-embrowned farmer, after one week's 
sojourn in the town, to find it excessively boring, and 
to wonder how any body can make money honestly 
where they neither sow turnips nor raise garden " sass." 

But let us return to our subject. 

To begin with his pedigree, then, we may say, the 
Southern Gentleman comes of a good stock. Indeed, 
to state the matter fairly, he comes usually of aristo- 
cratic parentage ; for family pride prevails to a greater 
extent in the South than in the North. In Virginia, 
the ancestors of the Southern Gentleman were chiefly 
English cavaliers, after whom succeeded the French 
Huguenots and Scotch Jacobites. In Maryland, his 
ancestors were in the main Irish Catholics — the retain- 
ers and associates of Lord Baltimore — who sought in 
the wilds of the New World religious tolerance and po- 
litical freedom. In South-Carolina, they were Hugue- 
nots — at least the better class of them — those dauntless 
chevaliers, who, fleeing from the massacre of St. Bar- 
tholomew and the bloody persecutions of priests and 
tyrants, drained France of her most generous blood to 
found in the Western Hemisphere a race of heroes and 
patriots. In Florida, Louisiana, Texas, and other por- 
tions of the far South, the progenitors of the Southern 
Gentleman were chiefly Spanish Dons and French 
Catholics 



28 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

Thus it will be seen that throughout the entire ex- 
tent of the South, (for the new Southern States have 
been settled almost wholly by emigrants from those 
named above,) wherever you meet with the Southern 
Gentleman, you find him hijo dalgo, as the Spaniards 
phrase it : however, there are many notable exceptions 
in every Southern State. For, owing to the repeal of 
the Law of Primogeniture, and the gradual decay of 
some of the old families, as well as the levelling effects 
of many of Mr. Jefferson's innovations, particularly 
the subsequent intermarriages between the sons and 
daughters of the gentry and persons of the middle class, 
(of whom we shall have something to say in the next 
chapter,) there are scattered throughout all the Southern 
States many gentlemen of the genuine Southern cha- 
racter, whose ancestry was only in part of the cavalier 
stock. Indeed, Mr. Jefferson himself was a fit repre- 
sentative of these ; for, while his mother was a Kan- 
dolph, his father was only a worthy descendant of the 
sturdy yeomanry of England. 

Besides being of faultless pedigree, the Southern 
Gentleman is usually possessed of an equally faultless 
physical development. His average height is about six 
feet, }^et he is rarely gawky in his movements, or in 
the least clumsily put together ; and his entire phy- 
sique conveys to the mind an impression of firmness 
united to flexibility. If the reader has ever read 
Lieutenant Strain's account of his perilous Darien Ex- 
pedition, he will have had presented to him a fit illus- 
tration of what the superior physical structure of the 
Southern Grentleman enables him to undergo, in the re- 
markable powers of endurance possessed by Capt. Maury. 



TIIE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 29 

We mention this subject, because the Northern peo- 
ple entertain in regard to it such very erroneous opin- 
ions. They have been told so incessantly of the lazy 
habits of Southerners, that they honestly believe them 
to be delicate good-for-nothings, like their own brain- 
less fops and nincompoops — those amazingly good fel- 
lahs, who dawdle at watering-places during the sum- 
mer months, and dance attendance all winter upon 
some fair Flora McFlimsy, who is in all respects as 
utterly stupid and worthless as themselves. Only 
those Northerners who have travelled in the Southern 
States, or whose associations otherwise have made them 
familiar with the gentlemen of the South, possess any 
correct knowledge of the physical perfectness of the 
latter. This these owe in part, doubtless, to those 
mailed ancestors who followed Godfrey and bold Cceur 
de Lion to the rescue of the Holy Sepulchre, or to 
those knightly sires, may be, who, like Front de Bceuf 
and most of the other gallant gentlemen of those 
da}- s, were great with battle-axes, and in every other 
kind of physical prowess, but who also always signed 
their names with a cross. 

Much more reasonably, however, we think we may 
attribute the good size and graceful carriage of the 
Southern Gentleman, to his out-of-doors and a-horse- 
back mode of living. For we might as well here in- 
form our readers, the genuine Southern Gentleman 
almost invariably lives in the country. But let them 
not conclude from this circumstance that he is nothing 
more than the simple-hearted, swearing, hearty, and 
hospitable old English or Virginia Country Gentleman, 
of whom we have all heard so repeatedly. The time 



80 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMEN. 

lias been when such a conviction could have been 
truthfully entertained ; but that was long ago. In 
those good old times the Southern Gentleman had lit- 
tle else to do than fox-hunt, drink, attend the races, 
fight chicken-cocks, and grievously lament that he was 
owner of a large horde of savages whom he knew not 
how to dispose of. 

But times change, el nos mutamur in illis. The new 
order of things which succeeded the innovations of 
Mr. Jefferson made it necessary for the Gentlemen of 
the South, for all the old families who had before lived 
upon their hereditary wealth and influence, to struggle 
to maintain their position, else to be pushed aside by 
the thrifty middle classes, who thought it no disgrace 
to work by the side of their slaves, and who were, in 
consequence, yearly becoming more wealthy and influ- 
ential. Besides, after the repeal of the Law of Primo- 
geniture, the large landed estates, the former pride and 
boast of the first families, very soon were divided up 
into smaller freeholds, and the owners of these, of ne- 
cessity, were frequently forced to lay aside the old 
manners and customs, the air and arrogance of the 
grand seignor, and to content themselves with the 
plain, unostentatious mode of life which at present 
characterizes most gentlemen in the South. The re- 
sult of all which has been, that the Southern Gentle- 
man of to-day is less an idler and dreamer than he 
was in the old days, is more practical, and, although 
not so great a lover of the almighty dollar as his 
Northern kinsman, still is far from being as great a 
spendthrift as his fathers were before him. 

But, notwithstanding the old style of Southern Gen- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 31 

tlemen has in a measure passed away, the young 
South is nurtured in pretty much the same school as 
formerly — at least so far as physical education is con- 
cerned — and participates more or less in all those rol- 
licking out-door sports and amusements still common 
in England to this day. Scarcely has he gotten fairly 
rid of his bibs and tuckers, therefore, before we find 
him mounted a-horseback ; and this not a hobby- 
horse either, (which the poor little wall-flower of cities 
is so proud to straddle,) but a genuine live pony — 
sometimes a Canadian, sometimes a Mustang, but al- 
ways a pony. By the time he is five years of age he 
rides well ; and in a little while thereafter has a fowl- 
ing-piece put into his hands, and a little black boy of 
double his age put en croupe behind him, (or in case 
mamma is particularly cautious, his father's faithful 
serving-man accompanies him, mounted on another 
horse,) and so accoutred, he sallies forth into the fields 
and pastures in search of adventures. At first he 
bangs away at every thing indiscriminately, and the 
red-headed woodpeckers more often grace his game- 
bag than quail or snipe ; but by degrees he acquires 
the art and imbibes the spirit of the genuine sports- 
man, and ever after keeps his father's hospitable board 
amply supplied with the choicest viands the woods or 
fields or floods afford. By floods, the reader will 
please understand rivers, creeks, and ponds; for our 
young Southerner is as much of a fisherman as a Nim- 
rod. When he tires of his gun, he takes his fishing- 
rods and other tackle, and goes angling; and when he 
tires of angling, provided the weather is favorable, he 
denudes himself and plunges into the water for a 



82 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

swim, of which he tires not at all. Indeed, he will re- 
main in the watery element until the sun blisters his 
back, and if thus forced to seek terra firma, he does it 
" upon compulsion," and under protest. As a general 
thing, the blue-noses of Nova Scotia, or the natives of 
South- America, are not greater lovers of the healthy 
exercise of swimming than the boys of the South, of 
all classes. 

In his every foray, whether by flood or field, our 
young gentleman has for his constant attendant, Cuffee, 
junior, who sticks to him like his shadow. At the 
expiration of five years or so of this manner of living, 
(provided there is no family tutor, and in that case his 
mother has already learned him to read,) the master is 
sent to the nearest village, or district, or select school, 
returning home every night. Sometimes this school is 
from five to ten miles distant, and so he has to ride 
from ten to twenty miles every day, Saturdays and 
Sundays alone excepted. Again Cuffee is sent with 
his young master, and morning and evening the two 
are to be seen cantering to or from the school-house, 
the negro taking charge of their joint lunch for dinner, 
(to be eaten during " play-time,") and the master car T 
rying on the pommel of his saddle or his arm the bag 
which contains his books and papers, and maybe a 
stray apple or peach to exchange with the village 
urchins for fishing-rods, or to present to some school- 
boy friend, who has a rosy-cheeked little sister, with a 
roguish black eye and a silvery laugh. 

And although every clay in the week, from Monday 
to Friday inclusive, is thus occupied, both master and 
slave sit up nearly all of Friday night, cleaning guns, 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 33 

arranging fishing-lines, and discussing enthusiastically 
the sports to be followed on the morrow. These 
change very materially, as our young Southerner be- 
gins to get higher and higher in his teens. He very 
soon surfeits of the tame pastime of shooting squirrels 
and ducks, woodcock and plover, or chasing of hares ; 
when for a short while, say a couple of years, his chief 
delight is to hunt wild turkeys — a rare sport where 
turkeys are abundant and when one has a well-trained 
dog. But even this soon ceases to be attractive, and is 
succeeded by fox-hunting. Preparatory to entering 
upon the latter rare old English sport, our young gen- 
tleman gets some one of the many dusky uncles on 
his father's plantation, to procure him a deep intoned 
horn ; which procured, he proceeds immediately to ex- 
change his pony for the fleetest and most active of his 
father's stud. On a great many Southern plantations 
there are kept hunting horses, regularly trained for the 
sport as in England ; and it is astonishing in what a 
little time they become as fond of the same as their 
riders. Even mules, after having been used a few 
times, will prick up their heavy ears at the sound of a 
merry horn, and will follow the hounds with all the 
eagerness of the best-blooded of their sires. 

Having selected his steed, and mounted Cuffee on 
another, (usually a mule, by the way,) our young fox- 
hunter gives his horn a merry wind in the "wee sma' 
hours atween the twal" in the morning, answering to 
which well-known call, Eingwood, and Jowler, and 
Bon, with all their yelping and barking mates, soon 
gather together and hasten after their master to the ap- 
pointed place of rendezvous. Here soon assemble the 
2* 



3-i THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

sons of the neighboring gentry, or such, of them at 
least as intend to participate in the morning's sport. 
Masters and negroes, horses and dogs, all sniff keenly 
the bracing morning air, and, after a brief parley, hav- 
ing settled the preliminaries, away they all hie to some 
old field filled with broom-sedge, or to some scarcely 
penetrable copse — these being Keynard's usual habi- 
tats ; and ere a great while the rattling music of the 
" pack in full cry" breaks on the stillness of the hour: 

" For the fox is found, 



And over the stream, at a mighty bound, 

And over the highlands and over the low, 

O'er furrows, o'er meadows the hunters go : 

Away ! away ! As a hawk flies full at his prey, 

So flieth the hunter, away, away ! 

He flies from the burst at the cover, till set of sun, 

When the red fox dies, and the day is done !" 

Ah ! it is impossible for your pale denizens of the 
dusty town, whose horizon on every side is bounded 
by dull brick walls and flaming sign-boards, to appre- 
ciate the wild delight of a steeple-chase ride through 
brake and briars, over gullies and fences, adown green 
lanes and under the overshadowing boughs of majestic 
forests, with a whoop and halloo, and hark, tally ho ! 
and all the accompanying bustle and excitement of a 
regular old-fashioned Virginia fox-hunt ! We say Vir- 
ginia fox-hunt, not that it is peculiar to the Old Do- 
minion, but because the red fox most abounds in that 
ancient commonwealth, and this is the fox which gives 
the longest run and the greatest sport, and to win whose 
" brush" is the ambition of all aspiring hunters. Fox- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 35 

hunting is more or less followed in all the Slave States, 
both by the sons of the gentry and of the middle-class 
planters and farmers ; and such has been the practice 
ever since the first settlement of the country. It was 
originally introduced by the English cavaliers, was a 
favorite pastime with the Father of his Country, and in 
those days was adhered to by the lovers of the sport, 
even until their " frosty pows" admonished them that 
the greatest of huntsmen, Death, was about to "earth" 
them in his turn, as they had " earthed" many a noble 
fox before. At present, however, it is chiefly patron 
ized by boys and young men, and in consequence, occu- 
pies much less of public attention than formerly, or 
than it still does in England. Nor have we ever 
known an instance in the South of a lady's indulging 
in the sport, which is a common practice in the old 
fatherland ; and the foxes are so plenty, the copses, 
woods, and other breeding and hiding-places, being 
so abundant, instead of having to take the pre- 
caution to insure a continuance of the breed, as our 
English cousins have to do, the Southern farmers com- 
plain that the cunning rascals only breed too fast, de- 
spite the hunters and their hounds. 

We are thus particular to speak of these matters, 
since they are so imperfectly understood in the Free 
States, wherein every species of pastime which hinders 
the making of money is regarded as sinful ; and wherein 
also the usual custom is, to hunt foxes with any kind 
of dog, while such a thing as a horse, or merry-sound- 
ing horn, is never once thought of. We remember be- 
ing in Concord, Massachusetts, on a certain occasion, 
indeed, bavins; driven thither from Cambridge in a 



36 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

sleigh, and stopping at a country-looking tavern, the 
bar-room whereof reminded one of the South-west. This 
licensed rum-hole was full of rough, unpolished people, 
dressed like laborers and farmers, and dogs — old dogs 
and young dogs, puppies, sluts, and snarling curs. 
After we had sufficiently thawed our frozen fingers to 
listen to the conversation of the bipeds in the room, (one 
of whom, in a kind of drunken glee, held an overgrown 
pup between his knees, and, while the brute made fran- 
tic efforts to lick its master's face, descanted in a doting, 
maudlin way on the pup's pints — for one we thought 
the master could boast of more pints than the dog,) we 
gathered that some of the company present had just 
returned from a fox-hunt ; and learned, to our aston- 
ishment, that they actually had taken guns along to 
shoot poor Reynard, in case their "mongrel curs" 
should fail to catch him — which indeed happened; 
while, from the manner in which they recounted over 
and over again the various incidents of the chase, laugh- 
ing the while immoderately, they certainly fancied they 
had had a deal of sport. 

Now, the sport of a properly conducted fox-hunt 
consists in its adventurous character, in the wild excite- 
ment and general abandon of the long chase, and the 
eager cries of the hounds — all which are heightened 
and rendered more delightful by reason of the " merry 
bold voice of the hunter's horn." Even when one is 
not a participant in the chase itself, there is an inde- 
scribable charm in listening to the various sounds 
which accompany it. Let any person, no matter how 
prejudiced he maybe against the sport, only be aroused 
from his slumbers some still frosty morning, when the 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 37 

sky is cloudless and the moon is just beginning to wane 
in the first blush of the dawn, and all at once have 
borne to his ears, as in a dream, the distant winding of 
the hunter's horn, the echoing shouts of a dozen horse- 
men, the deep and varied cries of fifty hounds in hot 
pursuit, the whole mellowed by the distance and sweetly 
confused — at times almost indistinct, as the huntsmen 
dash madly through some sequestered glen — then again 
ringing clear and melodious as they brush past the 
brow of a neighboring hill, only to be lost so soon as 
they drive helter-skelter down its thither side ; and 
he will prove singularly phlegmatic and lacking in en- 
thusiasm who does not feel, for the moment, that he 
can heartily and conscientiously approve the sentiment 
so beautifully and musically uttered by Barry Corn- 
wall : 

" Sound, sound the horn ! to the hunter good, 
What's the gully deep, or the roaring flood ? 
Right over he bounds (as the wild stag bounds,) 
At the heels of his swift, sure, silent hounds. 
Oh ! what delight can a mortal lack, 
"When he once is firm on his horse's back, 
With his stirrups short, and his snaffle strong, 
And the blast of the horn for his morning's song?" 

After fox-hunting succeeds deer-hunting, which, in 
the Southern States, among gentlemen, is usually con- 
ducted somewhat after the same fashion as the former, 
or by what in hunter's parlance is called " driving," 
although scholars, and men of quiet contemplative 
natures, frequently prefer to " still-hunt," which is like- 
wise much in favor with all "pot-hunters;" these latter 
adopting such a mode of killing their vension from ne- 



38 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

cessity, and their inability to afford the horses and dogs 
necessary to a successful drive, while the former, being 
usually of a taciturn bent of mind, find opportunities 
in still-hunting to gratify their penchant for meditation 
and solitude. And truly there is a won<frous charm 
in being all alone in the shadowy woods — shut out as 
it were from the bright sunlight above, which only 
trickles down in little golden showers through the thick 
green leaves over one's head — and where the stillness 
is so profound, you distinctly hear even the faintest 
wimbling of the wriggling wood-worm in the very 
heart of the old log on which you sit down to rest. 
How pleasant a place, indeed, for one to look after the 
interests of his Chateaux en Espagne ! In reality you 
sit on a very common sort of rusty old log, and rest 
your gun idly on your knee, while a red-headed wood- 
pecker drums in a very prosy monotone on the decayed 
branch of the old oak over your head, and little gray 
squirrels skip about around you, stopping now and 
then merely to taste a savory acorn, or chasing one an- 
other from root to root and tree to tree ; but oh ! what 
different scenes does the arch magician Fancy spread 
out before you ! You are in your own enchanted cas- 
tle, and your trusty vassals are keeping faithful watch 
in the tower and at the portcullised gate. You are 
"monarch of all you survey," and dream your dream 
of love, or fame, or wealth, with none to molest you or 
make you afraid. But when the dream has ended, (as 
all such dreams will end, alas !) and you awake to find 
the sun fast sinking in the West, it is not so pleasant 
to trudge homeward many a weary mile, through marsh 
and bog and reedy swamp, with the gloomy shades of 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 39 

darkness fast gathering around your head, and the 
brambles and tangled grass growing every minute more 
tangled and intricate beneath your feet. Besides, one 
is sure almost to get wood- ticks and chigas on his per- 
son, by reason of his contact with the old log on which 
he sits down to ruminate ; and these pestiferous little 
varlets render his night-dreams for a long time the very 
antipodes of the pleasant day-dreams in which he may 
have indulged, while they managed to fasten on his 
breeches. 

But, even conceding that "still-hunting" has its 
charms for quiet people of an imaginative turn, despite 
a few drawbacks of the kind we have adverted to, we 
still think that most persons would prefer "driving." 
This is in truth a right royal sport, and engages the atten- 
tion of the Southern Gentleman in matured life, after 
he has given up most other field-sports, although it is 
followed by the younger men and boys also. It is 
most popular in the far South and South-west, because 
of the greater abundance of deer in these parts of the 
country ; for in the more northerly Slave States it is 
rarely indulged in more than once in a twelvemonth, 
and then parties of gentlemen have to retreat to the 
mountains in the autumn, and participate in what is 
called a camp-hunt, which lasts from two to six weeks. 
Driving, to prove successful, requires a skillful horse- 
manship, a quick eye and steady aim, thoroughly train- 
ed horses and dogs, and a partial familiarity at least 
with the geography of the hunting-ground, as well as 
the "range" of the deer thereon. Above all things 
else, however, the hunter should be endowed with 
steady nerves ; for even the oldest and most experi- 



40 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

enced hand sometimes trembles and fails to draw the 
trigger until the right moment has been lost forever; 
while, if you were to station an ordinary cockney 

sportsman at a ki stand," and some lordly "monarch of 
the forest" were to come bounding towards him, with 
tail waving Like a banner in the breeze, his kingly head 
thrown bark and the branching antlers thereof tossing 
a proud defiance to both hounds and huntsmen, ninety- 
nine times in a hundred lie would be suffered to pass 
by unharmed, receiving only a bewildered stare from 
his ambushed enemy, who for the moment is totally 
oblivious that he has a gun in his hands; or even did 
he recall this circumstance, it would be all the same, 
since a hundred guns would be of no service whatever 
to a man already nearly shaken out of his boots by the 
terrible " buck-ague." 

It is mainly owing, as we conceive, to such out-door 
sports as we have briefly described above, and others 
like them — which are common in most parts of the 
South — that the Southern Gentleman possesses that fine 
physical development which we have already adverted 
to. Such pastimes, aided materially by plenty of pure 
country air, do almost if not wholly counteract the per- 
nicious influences of certain dissipations — unfortunately 
too prevalent in the South — but more particularly the 
dissipations and close confinement incident to college- 
life. Herein, indeed, lies the chief reason why the 
Southern people, though living in a warmer climate, 
are far less nervous and spasmodic than their fellow- 
citizens of the Free States. The latter pay so little re- 
gard to the proper culture of the physical man — have 
so persistently banned and anathematized all rollicking 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 41 

field-sports and healthy out-door amusements, and at 
the same time have taken such great pains to stimulate 
into undue and excessive activity the mental faculties — 
that we are by no means surprised the London Times 
should conclude that the Americans have physically 
deteriorated in the last hundred years. Nor do we 
wonder that Spiritualism, and every other blind fanat- 
icism of the hour, should possess the minds of men, 
whose bodies are unsound and whose secretions are al- 
together abnormal. We do not wonder that, from 
Maine to Minnesota, there should have been one gene- 
ral bonfire on the success of the Atlantic Cable, while 
the English continued to eat their roast-beef as quietly 
as usual, and scarcely a bell was rung in a single Slave 
State. Comparisons are "odorous," we know, as the 
learned Dogberry hath said ; but the writer means no- 
thing unkind by these remarks. We entertain for our 
Northern fellow-citizens the highest regard, take them 
en masse. Among them we have many personal friends 
also ; but we never allow our friendships to blur our 
vision. The fault is not confined to one class alone at 
the North, but to all those above the laboring or farm- 
ing classes. Foreigners, when they visit America, see 
it and speak of it. Sir Charles Fox, one of the Com- 
missioners of the Crystal Palace, while in Boston, visit- 
ed one of the high-schools for girls. On coming away 
he remarked to his friend: "You seem to be training 
your girls for the lunatic asylum." Such was the im- 
pression made upon this practical Englishman by their 
wonderful intellectual achievements, in connection with 
their pale and sallow faces. And as for the Northern 
boys, here is what Mr. Theodore Sedgwick said, in a 



42 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 

recent address before the Alumni of Columbia College, 
New- York : 

" From the time that the boy whose fortune it is to 
be educated is immured in school, till the period when 
he is again to be immured in a lawyer's office or count- 
ing-room, and from that time again until he enters upon 
the profession of his life, no systematic attention what- 
ever is paid to the subject of physical education. All 
the health, all the exercise that he gets, he gets by na- 
ture or by chance. No regular opportunity is provided 
for it — no authoritative encouragement is given to it, no 
stimulus, no prize ; all the ambition, all the zeal, all the 
ardor of his young, ignorant, and unreflecting nature is 
concentrated on the vigil and the midnight lamp. Se- 
vere labor, long terms, short vacations, crowded rooms, 
late hours, bad air — what is the result?" 

Must we answer for Mr. Sedgwick and our readers ? 
Who are the leaders of the Northern masses at this 
time? Theodore Parker, Wendell Phillips, Ward 
Beecher, Dr. Cheever, John Brown, and their " compa- 
triots !" — men whose early excesses of one kind or an- 
other have impaired their reason, and who ought, as 
has been found necessary in the case of Grerrit Smith, 
to be confined in a Maison de Sante. 

" To this complexion will it come at last !" 

Believe us, our readers, without a sound body a well- 
balanced mind is not to be thought of. In all serious- 
ness, we think a good digestion has about as much to 
do with great thoughts and great actions as a good 
brain. The fable of the freedman ^Esop is as true to- 
day as it was when the old fellow uttered it. If you 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 43 

keep a bow bent too long, in time it will lose its elas- 
ticity ; and if you tax the mind too greatly, both it and 
the body must suffer. It is all work and no play, you 
know, that makes Jack a dull boy. 

Now, as has been intimated already, the natural man- 
ner of living in the Slave States helps to cover up a 
multitude of Southern shortcomings — tobacco-chewing, 
brandy-drinking, and other excesses of a like character 
— which would otherwise without doubt render the 
masses of the Southern people as fickle and unstable, 
as nervous and spasmodic, as the masses of the North. 
God knows dissipation and debauchery are rife enough 
in all conscience over the whole land ; and our own 
opinion is, neither the North or the South would be 
justifiable in casting the first stone at the head of the 
other. Such irregularities, however, are not so fre- 
quently committed by the gentlemen of the South as 
by a certain class of underbred snobs, whose money 
enables them for a time to pretend to the character and 
standing of gentlemen, but whose natural inborn coarse- 
ness and vulgarity invariably lead them to disgrace 
the honorable title they assume to wear. The real 
gentlemen of the South are restrained by considerations 
of family pride, and family prestige, if by none more 
honorable, from participating in those disgraceful prac- 
tices so well calculated to tarnish the family escutcheon, 
and to render themselves the unworthy descendants of 
the compatriots of the Hero of Mt. Yernon. Perhaps 
in no one place in the South is the truth of the above 
observation illustrated with greater force and clearness 
than at the University of Virginia. Here congregate 
from all portions of the South the flower and bloom of 



44 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

her chivalrous youth, as well as the scum and dregs of 
her whisky-swilling snobs and bullies. While the 
writer attended this first of our Universities, there were 
about five hundred students, either actually or nomi- 
nally pursuing their studies in its various departments. 
Of this number, at least one hundred were more or less 
dissipated ; while of these not more than a dozen at the 
farthest could have been the sons of gentlemen. The 
rest were either needy adventurers — beggared in purse 
as in character — living in a kind of shabby-genteel way, 
and indulging in cards, and wine, and loose women 
only to that extent which insured their becoming inti- 
mate with vulgar greenhorns and new-rich swells, whom 
they hoped to fleece, and who formed the larger pro- 
portion of those given to dissipation ; for, besides them- 
selves, and the chevaliers d 1 Industrie whom they helped 
to support, and the single dozen of gentlemen already 
named, there were but a few others, and these, singu- 
larly enough, were State students. What is meant by 
"State students" may need some explanation. The 
University of Virginia is a State institution, (as the 
reader is doubtless aware,) and undertakes to educate 
free of charge a certain number of Virginia young men 
every year — boarding and lodging them gratuitously 
also, unless we misremember ; at all events they have 
lodgings separate and apart from the rest of the stu- 
dents, and dress very poorly, being usually selected 
from the most destitute families in the State. Under 
such circumstances it is hard to credit the statement, 
but it is true, that some of this very class are the most 
dissolute and worthless of all the young men who at- 
tend the University lectures. At first they come clothed 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 45 

in suits of russet, with freckled sun-tanned faces, large 
red bon}^ hands, loose matted locks of hair, and hav- 
ing in their pockets neither scrip nor purse. But so 
soon as they begin to associate with the " spreeing fel- 
lows," by some sort of talismanic influence they seem 
to become transformed almost in a day — completely 
metamorphosed in their whole appearance. 'Tis true 
for a time they appear somewhat awkward in their flash 
apparel, and do not get rid very soon of their shuffling 
country gait; but they attempt, to the best of their 
ability, to imitate the swaggering strides of their more 
wealthy associates, and on the whole succeed pretty 
well, considering their "chances." They remind one, 
however, in some of their assumed airs, of Dr. Living- 
stone's friend, Sambanza, a high functionary attached 
to the court of the royal Shinte, king of the Balondas, 
in Central Africa. Shinte's chief dress consisted of a 
series of heavy brass rings, which reached, one above 
the other, from his ankles to his knees ; and owing to 
their great weight, his sooty Majesty was perforce obliged 
to walk in a right royal straddling fashion. Sambanza-, 
too poor to wear the same amount of brass on his legs 
as his royal master, made up the deficiency by another 
species of brass not wholly unknown in this country ; 
and so out-Shinted Shinte himself in his performance of 
the fashionable royal straddle, making believe that lie 
bore on his own stout calves all the brass in heathen- 
dom ! 

We shall not deny that one will occasionally meet in 
the South, as elsewhere, persons of the smallest possible 
calibre of mind — whose respectable position in society 
is owing to no merit of their own, but to that of their 



46 THE SOUTHERN" GENTLEMAN. 

fathers — who imagine that their social status is a license 
to do wrong with impunity ; but our readers need never 
fear to set down as a parvenu that Southerner who is 
openly and notoriously dissipated in his habits, or loose 
in his morals. They may sometimes mistake their man, 
bat we apprehend they will do so very rarely. One 
of the most mortifying trials we ever had to endure 
was a day's journey by rail through a Northern State 
in company with one of that class of drunken, snob- 
bish, but ignorant as conceited Southerners, who claim 
to be Southern gentlemen, but whose claim is about as 
reasonable as was that of the painted jackdaw to a place 
in the dove-cot. So long as such worthies can manage 
to hold their tongues, they succeed in deceiving strangers 
very well ; but, like most other shallow-pated fools, 
they would burst could they not wag their unruly little 
members upon all occasions. Our companion, in per- 
sonal appearance, was presentable enough, but his 
speech spoiled every thing ; and yet claiming to know 
an intimate friend of ours, we could not well treat him 
with that contempt which his conduct merited. He 
was near upon "half-seas over" most of the time, and 
rendered himself peculiarly obnoxious to every body 
by insulting the sun-imbrowned but honest yeomanry 
who occupied the same car as ourselves — sneering at 
the customs of the country in a tone of supercilious 
hauteur altogether insufferable, and for which he de- 
served to be ejected from the train. On another occa- 
sion, we attended Chapel at Harvard, in company with 
another Southerner of the same stamp — a purse-proud 
upstart, as different from the gentlemen of his native 
State as a boor is from a prince. This fellow's inipu- 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 47 

dence and ill-breeding passed all bounds. Notwith- 
standing the chaplain was occupied with the morning 
services, he kept continually staring about the room, 
occasionally nudging us with his elbow while he in- 
dulged in the most disparaging remarks relative to dif- 
ferent young gentlemen present, and in a tone suffi- 
ciently loud for the subjects of his criticisms to hear 
plainly every word he spoke. We never felt less devo- 
tional or much savager than we did on this occasion. 
It is a consolation to know that we have seldom met 
with such glaring instances of ill-breeding — only a few 
times in the persons of Southerners, and about as many 
in the persons of fanatical Down-Easters, whom either 
self-interest or some worse motive had induced to visit 
the Southern States. We recall at this moment one 
instance of the latter, which we will put on record as 
a set-off to what we have said touching the former, and 
because, also, it may enable some good people to see 
themselves as others see them. 

The instance to which allusion is made attracted our 
notice while traveling in Virginia, in the dej^th of 
winter, on the route from Eichmond to Washington by 
the Orange and Alexandria railroad. The train was 
crowded with passengers, and had been delayed for 
some hours by a heavy snow-drift — the thermometer 
standing meanwhile below zero, while the fires in the 
stoves seemed to give out not the least bit of warmth. 
It was truly a most uncomfortable situation, but the 
Virginians present took the matter pleasantty, chatting 
and laughing as unconcernedly as if they were in their 
own parlors. There chanced, however, to be some rude 
and untutored Yankees aboard, seated in different parts 



48 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

of the "coach" — as they call a rail-car in the Old Do- 
minion — though, as afterwards appeared, evidently be- 
longing to one and the same party. For some time 
these ascetic individuals discreetly kept their own coun- 
sel and their tongues between their teeth ; but becom- 
ing cold and restless, one of them presently popped his 
sharp nose out of a window, designing, doubtless, to 
take a survey of the adjacent landscape. Through the 
driving snow nothing was visible but old field pines, 
with here and there a shivering darkey holding a lan- 
tern in one hand and a shovel in the other ; without 
exaggeration, a gloomy picture enough, and was so re- 
ported by our observant Yankee, in a loud vulgar tone, 
and broad accent, as if addressing himself to the rest 
of his part}^. For immediately, like as when you have 
thrust a burning stick into a coil of snakes in winter 
time, the whole batch of Down-Easters opened their 
"shrivelled jaws" at once, and began right off a most 
abusive tirade against the noble old "Mother of States 
and Presidents ;" taking occasion meanwhile to sneer 
at the institutions and people of the South, cheering 
each other on to the glorious work, by laughing long 
and delightedly at their own coarse and vulgar witi- 
cisms. Filled with shame and mortification at such an 
unlooked-for display of ill-breeding on the part of their 
fellow-travellers, every gentleman present, whether Vir- 
ginian or Yankee, remained silent until the poor boobies 
had sufficiently vented their spleen ; and this was the 
only notice taken of them ; for the moment they again 
relapsed into moody silence, the conversation once 
more became as lively and general as before the ungra- 
cious interruption. Doubtless there were those present 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 49 

who, in their ignorance of the "land of steady habits/' 
imagined these loutish New-England provincials to be 
fair specimens of the noble stock of Puritans ; as it is 
equally probable, that many of the pale students of the 
Chapel mistook the vulgar fellow from the South for a 
genuine representative of the chivalry ; and with just 
about as much truth in the one case as in the other. 

But to proceed once more with our subject. 

When the Southern Gentleman has fully completed 
his academic labors — has honorably gone through the 
University Curriculum — if his means be ample, he sel- 
dom studies a profession, but gives his education a fin- 
ishing polish by making the tour of Europe ; or else 
marries and settles down to superintend his estates, and 
devotes his talents to the raising of wheat, tobacco, rice* 
sugar, or cotton ; or turns his attention to politics, and 
runs for the State Legislature. Should, however, the 
patrimonial estate be small, or the heirs numerous, (and 
the generous clime of the South renders the latter sup- 
position highly probable,) he then devotes himself to 
some one of the learned professions, or becomes an 
editor, or enters either the Army or the Navy. But 
of all things, he is most enamoured of politics and the 
Army ; and it is owing to this cause, that the South 
has furnished us with all our great generals, from 
"Washington to Scott, as well as most of our leading 
statesmen, from Jefferson to Calhoun. In order to at- 
tain either eminence or success, men must do whatever 
they undertake con amore. Hence the popular outcry 
against the undue political influence of the Slave Power, 
or the Southern Oligarchy, is just as senseless and ab- 
surd as if the little retail grocer, who sells brown sugar 



50 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

by the two-penny paper package, should denounce his 
fellow-citizens because they prefer "loaf" of the best 
quality, and in order to obtain it patronize his more 
wealthy neighbor on the opposite side of the street ; for 
the laws of supply and demand govern in both cases — 
the best in the market will always be most eagerly 
sought after, as well as command the highest prices. 

The Northern people have interested themselves 
chiefly in commerce, manufactures, literature, and the 
like ; and we behold the result in the ships, the steam- 
ers, telegraphs, the thousand practical inventions, the 
works of art and genius they have already furnished 
the world. On the other hand, the South has interested 
herself in agriculture mainly, political economy, and 
the nurture of an adventurous and military race ; and 
the fruits of her labors are to be witnessed in her long 
lists of Presidents, Cabinets, Generals, and Statesmen, 
as well as in her teeming agricultural resources, which 
add every year some two hundred millions of dollars' 
worth of exports to our country's commerce. It is also 
traceable to this marked difference between the two 
great sections of our Eepublic, that, while the North 
has not extended her limits Northward a single degree 
since the birth of the Constitution, the South has al- 
ready seized on Florida, Louisiana, and Texas, and her 
eagle eye is even now burning with a desire to make a 
swoop on Cuba, Central America, and Mexico. Under- 
stand us, however. We do not claim that the South 
has any thing to boast over the North, no more than 
do we believe the latter possesses any superiority over 
the former. They each have their own separate sphere 
of action, and both, in their respective spheres, have 






THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 61 

done nobly and well. They each have their own 
11 manifest destiny" too ; but by Union alone can they 
ever hope to achieve the same — by a "anion such as ex- 
isted when the first guns fired off in behalf of Inde- 
pendence reverberated along the bleak hills of Massa- 
chusetts — a Union of Hearts and of Hands — a Sacred 
Union which we trust will never be dissevered. 

One chief reason why the North has never yet fur- 
nished what might be truly called a great party leader, 
is the fact that the Northern people are too intent on 
other pursuits to find time to study, much less to mas- 
ter, the great science of Political Economy. And 
moreover, owing to the great diversity of interests in 
the Free States, their public men are not continued long 
enough in service — an indispensable requisite to the 
thorough accomplishment of the statesman. If there 
were in the North some one predominating interest, no 
matter what, which would command always a popular 
support, it would not be a great while before a change 
for the better would be observable in her public men. 
As matters now stand, however, the wealthy and influ- 
ential citizens of the Free States are so divided in inter- 
ests — some being producers, while others are manufac- 
turers ; some being for protection, and others opposed 
thereto — that there seems to be only one subject upon 
which they can consent to agree ; and in that not a sin- 
gle Northern citizen is interested, and all the addresses 
about which are only so many appeals to the passions 
of the unthinking rabble, who know not how to under- 
stand any more a profound State-paper than a doggerel 
political hymn sung by political mountebanks to the 
tune of "Du-dah" or " A* Few Days," and who always 



52 THE SOUTHEKN GENTLEMAN. 

elevate to office, by their " sweet voices," the oily dem- 
agogue who most flatters and cajoles them. 

And so the practical effect of the unstatesmanlike 
proceedings consequent upon such a state of affairs has 
been to drive away from politics the choicest spirits in 
the North, until it is a common observation in the Free 
States, that no person who wishes to live " cleanly and 
like a gentleman" ever condescends to dabble in politics 
at all. Hence many Northerners of wealth and culture 
spend mpst of their time abroad, in idleness and fash- 
ionable dissipation, until they gradually lose all respect 
for their native land, as well as all love for free institu- 
tions, and in the end become nothing better than mere 
tuft-hunters and toad-eaters. Instead of leading useful 
lives themselves, and rearing up sons and daughters of 
whom a free people might be proud, they waste their 
own time and talents, and educate their children to be 
nothing better than obsequious flunkies to a titled and 
debauched aristocracy. This is why the historic names 
of New-England are so rapidly passing off the stage of 
modern action, the unworthy owners of the same pre- 
ferring to bask in the questionable smiles of Old World 
princes to doing yeoman's service in the country of 
their ancestors, (we shall not call it their own country, 
for theirs it is no longer.) A son of one of these degen- 
erate sons — a descendant of one of our most illustrious 
families, of one of those noble gentlemen who stood 
shoulder to shoulder with the ever-loved "Washington 
during the Revolutionary War — we once chanced to 
know. He was at that time a minor, as was the writer ; 
but at the age of twenty-one he would fall heir to an 
annual income of thirty thousand dollars, and in this 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 53 

respect our fortunes were very dissimilar, alack-a-day ! 
But how do you presume he was preparing himself to 
use his fortune? A man with thirty thousand a year 
could accomplish much good for himself and his fellow- 
men ; a fool with the same income would accomplish 
his own ruin, and • perhaps the ruin of many others 
more deserving than himself: and, alas ! the fool's part 
was the sole ambition of this unworthy scion of a noble 
stock. Although bordering on twenty years of age, he 
reasoned like a little child — amused himself like a 
boarding-school miss, with gilt-edged story-books and 
costly bijouteries for presents to his acquaintances, and 
felt as much pride in never knowing, his lessons (that 
being vulgar in his eyes) as ever his great-grandfather 
felt while winning those laurels which have rendered 
the name illustrious. He had spent even then the 
greater portion of his life in Europe — had already tasted 
those forbidden pleasures which in Paris are to be had 
"for the asking" — and he solemnly asseverated that, 
so soon as he came of age and thereby got rid of the 
control of his governor, he should return to Europe 
again, and every }^ear thereafter make it a point of 
honor to squander his whole income in riotous living, 
gratifying all the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eye, 
and the pride of life ! Now we shall not charge that 
the sons of all American gentlemen who desert their 
native shores to play second fiddle to some Lord Tom- 
noddy in the Old World, are so utterly brainless as this 
unfortunate youth ; but let them beware, for if they 
are not, their children will yet come to be such, since 
it is God's will that every man who is not a natural 
fool should have something to do, and whoever fails to 



54 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 

find that something to keep alive the manhood that is 
in him, will eventually become both an unnatural as 
well as a natural fool. 

Now, when the facts in regard to politics and parties 
in the North are duly weighed, we do not see why any 
intelligent man should express surprise that all our na- 
tional parties should have originated in the South, or 
that the leaders of those parties should, generation after 
generation, prove to be Southern men. Neither is it 
astonishing that the Northern people, after having de- 
nounced every Southern statesman in turn, should in 
time come to adopt their several opinions. Thus, when 
Mr. Jefferson overthrew the New-England Federalists, 
and inaugurated the principles of Democracy, nearly 
every political pulpit in New-England thundered anath- 
emas against his administration, and both priests and 
people vilified him without measure. But to-day the 
worthy old Federalists celebrate with all the honors the 
tough old Democrat's birth-day, and his chief panegy- 
rist and encomiast is one who, when he was alive, thus 
damned him in flowing; numbers : 

o 

" And thou, the scorn of every patriot name, 
Thy country's ruin and her council's shame ! 
Go, scan, Philosophist, thy Sally's charms, 
And sink supinely in her sable arms ; 
But quit to abler hands the helm of State, 
Nor image ruin on thy country's fate." 

So too when Jackson "set his face like a flint" against 
a National Bank, and all other great moneyed monop- 
olies, he was denounced all through the Free States as 
an illiterate tyrant : but the name of Jackson is now an 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 55 

household word, and his memory is sacredly enshrined 
in the hearts of his countrymen. And as for the States- 
Eights doctrines of Mr. Calhoun, they are already be- 
ginning to find favor in the North ; and by another de- 
cade we expect to see the name of Calhoun placed side 
by side with the names of Jefferson and Jackson ; while 
the coming Southern leader, who shall inaugurate what- 
ever new policy the shifting fortunes of our growing 
Kepublic must in time demand, will be vilified at first 
by the Northern people, until they learn to respect the 
wisdom and foresight of his measures, when they will 
inevitably applaud the same as heartily as they before 
condemned, and will embrace his principles with as 
much alacrity as the people of the South will ever con- 
tinue to welcome the literary productions of Northern 
authors and the practical inventions of Northern me- 
chanics, and to applaud the matchless eloquence and 
profound learning of those Northern statesmen whose 
constituents have the good sense to keep them in pub- 
lic life long enough to enable them to master the sci- 
ence and philosophy of government. 

But to return. 

No matter what may be the Southern Gentleman's 
avocation, his dearest affections usually centre in the 
country. lie longs to live as his fathers lived before 
him, in both the Old World and the New ; and he ever 
turns with unfeigned delight from the bustle of cities, 
the hollow ceremonies of courts, the turmoil of politics, 
the glories and dangers of the battle-field, or the weari- 
some treadmill of professional routine, to the quiet and 
peaceful scenes of country life. The glare of gas and 
the glitter of tinsel, the pride, the pomp, the vanity, 



56 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

and all the grace and wit of la bonne comjxignie, lie sur- 
renders without a sigh of regret, and joyfully retires to 
the seclusion of his own fireside, grateful for the auspi- 
cious and happy exchange. The old hall, the familiar 
voices of old friends, the trusty and well-remembered 
faces of the old domestics — these all are dearer to the 
heart of the Southern Gentleman than the short-lived 
plaudits of admiring throngs, or the hollow and unsat- 
isfactory pleasures of sense. Indeed, with all classes in 
the South the home feeling is much stronger than it is 
in the North ; for the bane of hotel life and the curse 
of boarding-houses have not as yet extended their per- 
nicious influences to our Southern States, or at best in 
a very small degree. Nearly every citizen is a land- 
holder, and therefore feels an interest in the perma- 
nency of his country's institutions. This is one reason 
why the South has ever been the ready advocate of 
Avar, whenever the rights of the nation have been tram- 
pled on, or the national flag insulted. But if the patri- 
otic feeling is strong in the breast of even the poorest 
citizen, whose home is a log-cabin and whose sole patri- 
mony consists of less than a dozen acres of land, how 
must it be intensified in the bosoms of those whose 
plantations spread out into all the magnificence of old- 
country manors ! 

As it is our desire to present the reader faithful pic- 
tores of the home life of the Southern States, we wish 
we could fitly paint to his mind's eye how the Southern 
Gentleman appears when reclining under his own vine 
and fig-tree. Much has been said of his generous hos- 
pitality, but this to be fully appreciated should be en- 
joyed. We doubt if there is any where on the globe 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 57 

its parallel. Certainly, in some portions of the South 
the Southern Gentleman docs not live in very grand 
style — his house is not always showy, nor his furniture 
elegant, nor his pleasure-grounds in the best keeping — 
but he is always hospitable, gentlemanly, courteous, 
and more anxious to please than to be pleased. A city- 
bred gentleman from the North will not always find in 
the planter's home " the rich curtains, the sumptuous 
sofas, the gorgeous picture-frames, or the thousand and 
one other dainty household gods, so carefully gathered 
and treasured in his own house ;" but he will ever find 
a much heartier welcome, a warmer shake of the hand, 
a greater desire to please, and less frigidity of deport- 
ment, than will be found in any Availed town upon the 
earth's circumference. And, to quote the words of one 
of his class : " As he begins to feel at home, to discover 
the new pleasures at his command, and to fall into the 
way and spirit of the life around him, he will feel that 
the wants of one social condition and climate may not 
be the wants of another and very opposite one ; that on 
the Southern plantations the people l live out of doors ;' 
that their very houses, ever wide open, are themselves 
'out of doors,' and consequently but little more cared 
for than are the self-caring lawns and woods around 
them. 

" When the few cold days come, and the stormy days, 
this provision for summer and sunshine only may prove 
for the moment inadequate. But then books, though 
not showily exposed, are forthcoming for in-door enter- 
tainment, and the best of pianos may be opened to good 
purpose, while your hosts, old and young, are at leisure 
3* 



58 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

and command to talk with you intelligently and heart- 
ily upon any theme, from the state of the Union to the 
state of the crops, or to tight over again bold encoun- 
ters with bear and alligator, or with the quiet adversa- 
ries of the chess and the backgammon-boards. To revive 
the nagging interest in these and other resources there 
is, as at all times, the cordial relief of the well-supplied 
side-board, and the very model of generous and hosp'- 
table tables." 

This writer also proceeds further, in the following 
very truthful and pertinent remarks : 

" It would seem, and so indeed it is, as a rule, that 
the Southern Gentleman, even the most assiduous in 
business, labors only for occupation, or pour passer h 
temps, his daily toil being his daily pleasure ; and not, 
as in busier and mere money-getting communities, a 
painful drudgery, submitted to but for the sake of a 
scarcely understood good beyond. He never buries 
the man in the business, but makes of his business it- 
self his social enjoyment and his true life. Thus, what- 
ever may be his engagements, he seems never to have 
any thing to do but to amuse himself and his family 
and the stranger within his gates. It is to these habits 
of life, in a great measure, that may be traced the cer- 
tain air of gentlemanly and chivalrous character and 
manner which is so characteristic even of the humbler, 
of the most rude and unlettered — the rough diamonds 
of the race. Some of this result may possibly be laid 
also to the circumstance of the distinction between their 
class and that of the blacks by whom they are sur- 
rounded, and which makes them all of a certain neces- 



THE SOUTHERN" GENTLEMAN". 59 

sity brothers and peers, and also to the habits of com- 
mand, with the consciousness of noblesse and its incident 
obligations. 

"Loving and accustomed to equestrian exercise, the 
ladies have enough of pleasant and profitable out-door 
life, while their large households furnish ample employ- 
ment, even without the generally great cares of hospi- 
tality. It is much the custom, at least on the smaller 
plantations, for the mistress to charge herself with the 
labors and responsibility of supplying the wants of the 
blacks as well as the whites of the family, providing 
them with their rations of food and their stock of cloth- 
ing, and ministering to them in hours of sickness." 

" Immense stores of material have every season to be 
cut up for coats, and gowns, and trowsers, and shirts. 
Little quarrels have to be arbitrated at one moment, 
and little chastisements inflicted at another. Now 
Hannibal has broken his head, and vinegar and brown 
paper must be hunted up ; or Lucy is going to be mar- 
ried, and white dresses and white cakes must, accord- 
ing to custom, be prepared ; so that, on the whole, one 
way or another, black and white together, a Southern 
matron has no necessity, and but little opportunity, to 
be an idle woman. The gentlemen are equally well 
provided with occupation in the care of their planta- 
tions, the entertainment of their guests, and with stu- 
dies in the library and sports in the field. The swamps 
are full of deer, which beguile them to the chase, 
and the peopled waters tempt them to wander forth 
with hook and line. Sometimes a bear has to be 
looked for, and now and then the alligators require 
some setting down. These last uncouth gentry are by 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 



means pleasant folk to encounter unexpectedly, though. 
they are more apt to avoid than to seek you. Still 
they are given to the offensive when they dare, and 
often do they make short work of the unlucky hounds 
who stray within their precincts." 

Thus far a discriminating Northerner. 

Nor need you, philanthropic Madam, envy our 
Southerner because his eye may happen to sparkle with 
a natural pride, as he scans his broad acres stretching 
away many a rood in the shimmering sunshine ; or be- 
cause he gazes with delight upon his blooded horses 
prancing and pirouetting in their green pastures, and 
his countless herds of cattle lazily browsing the succu- 
lent twigs of sassafras growing here and there in the 
midst of the grassy meadows. Do not, we pray you, 
disturb that equanimity which has always been such a 
charming characteristic of your ladyship, by dwelling 
too intently upon supposititious pictures of the awful 
contrast between the sunshine that pervades the parlor, 
and the terrible gloom which always enshrouds the 
cabin. For, hark! do you not hear those sounds of 
revelry and mirth ? the ceaseless turn turn of de ole 
banjo, and the merry twang of de fiddle and de bow ? 
as well as the noisy shuffling of not very nimble feet, 
accompanied by that full- voiced chorus which bursts so 
merrily, ay, and musically too, upon the midnight air, 
telling of the free heart and the contented mind ? Not 
even the lark, " singing at heaven's gate," trills his 
matin song with more of unaffected joyousness, than 
do these simple Africans shout their evening choruses, 
until the very rafters of their humble cabins vibrate 
with the sound ! And tel] us, honestly ; have you 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. ' 61 

ever witnessed in the miserable tenant-houses of your 
own toiling poor, after the day's weary labors are done, 
such evidences of unaffected light-heartedness and phy • 
sical comfort? And do you suppose, O noble cham 
pion of Equal Eights ; you, sir, who turn aside with a 
curse from the ragged starveling on your own door- 
steps to clamor that the poor slave shall be freed, but 
afterwards refuse to sit with the freedman in the house 
of God, or in the theatres, or in public conveyances, or 
any where else, indeed, save at Dawson's ; do you sup- 
pose that 3^our love for the sooty African equals that 
of his vilified master ? If you do so delude yourself, 
the more's the pity ; for, despite what you or any other 
person may think to the contrary, the Southern Gentle- 
man entertains more real love for his " human chattels," 
than all the hair-brained abolitionists the world ever 
saw. His love is not theoretical but practical. He has 
tried theory and found it would not do. Formerly he 
was theoretically an abolitionist, but he has long since 
got rid of such puerile sentimentality. 

He remembers that, when the negroes were first sold 
to his ancestors by the Puritans of both New and Old 
England, they were nothing but naked, gibbering sav- 
ages, heathenish and beastly ; being but a single re- 
move above the brutes that perish. He sees now, that 
a century and a half of slavery has changed them into 
intelligent human beings, compared with what they 
originally were, being elevated as high above their 
kindred, who still remain in Africa, as he is above 
themselves. He sees, moreover, that wherever the 
wholesome restraint and intelligent guidance of the 
master have been taken awa«y, as in Jamaica and else- 



62 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 

where, tlie poor blacks have invariably lapsed into a 
state of semi-barbarism, dragging with them also the 
white races with whom they have been permitted to 
associate on equal terms. With such undeniable facts 
before him, he would be the most jolter-headed fool 
alive, did he allow himself to be seduced by any spirit 
of a maudlin sentimentality or pseudo-philanthropy, to 
destroy by a misdirected benevolence all the good re- 
sults which it has taken nearly two centuries to accom- 
plish. Hence, the ceaseless clamor of the so-called 
civilized world — of those peoples whose bread comes 
through the sweat of the African's brow, and whose 
commercial prosperity is mainly due to the products of 
slave-labor — passes by the Southern Gentleman as the 
idle wind which he heeds not. Yea, let them clamor, let 
them denounce, let them misrepresent and vilify to their 
heart's content, although they may succeed in putting to 
the rack many good republican souls in the Free States, 
who are so ridiculously sensitive to the opinions enter- 
tained of America by the hoary old European tyrants, 
still never will one single Southern Gentleman be influ- 
enced by the very disinterested outcry. He knows 
that this is not the first time a successful burglar has 
joined in the general shout, "Stop thief!" " Stop thief!" 
bawling louder than all the rest, indeed, the more self- 
interest prompts him to direct public attention to some 
other sinner, or at least to some other head than his 
own. Of a truth, there is nothing pleasanter in the 
world, than to live up to the popular standard of mo- 
rality ; and there is no avocation in life more easy to 
master than that of a trimmer — one who sails always 
with the current, whose rudder is public opinion, whose 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 63 

right bower is vox popul% and whose left bower is 
populi vox. The Southern Gentleman is as well aware 
of all this as yon, sir, or we ; but he chooses to havf 
an honest opinion of his own, and would rather stand 
in the shoes of -the meanest slave on his plantation, of 
the laziest and most ignorant gumbo whose back was 
ever made to bleed under the overseer's lash, than to 
become that thing — that most emasculate and miserable 
mockery of a man — the slave of public opinion. 
For the negro, although he may, as the Scriptures en- 
join, serve faithfully his "master according to the flesh 
with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as unto 
Christ," can still maintain his own self-respect, and be 
accounted by the Master of us all, a man; but the 
poor slave of public opinion — the shifting human wea- 
thercock, who is " every thing by starts and nothing 
long" — must in the very nature of things always loathe 
and abhor himself, and when he gets his deserts in the 
future life, will, if such things be, officiate as lick- 
spittle and boot-black to the devil himself, being ac- 
counted unworthy to receive even respectable tor- 
ment. 

Do not wonder, therefore, that the Southern Gentle- 
man has never been, and is not now, influenced by the 
popular and world-wide denunciation of the " peculiar 
institution." For he is a man every inch, bold, self- 
reliant, conscientious ; knowing his own convictions of 
duty, and daring to heed them. What that duty is, 
the Divine Teacher has inculcated in the well-known 
precept: "Masters, give unto your servants (6ov X otg) 
that which is j ust and impartial ; knowing that you also 
have a Master in heaven." This the Southern Gentle- 



64 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

man delights to do. It is almost impossible for a citi • 
zen of the North to realize the strong ties which bind 
the Southern Gentleman to his bond-servants, and vice 
versa. In most instances the slaves of gentlemen are 
all " family negroes," who have been in their master's 
f iiiiily for several generations, and their family pride 
is equal, if not superior, to that of the master himself. 
We do not deny that there are estates in the South, 
the negroes belonging to which are badly treated : the 
South is no second paradise, but has its evils like the 
rest of the world. But it is for the most part on the 
plantations of parvenues, or the children of such, that 
one witnesses those scenes of barbarity which so shock 
our humaner feelings ; for on these estates are agglome- 
rated a promiscuous rabble, bought here and there, 
without regard to any thing else than their capacity to 
hoe tobacco, or pick cotton ; and the consequence is, 
they have to be controlled by brute force — just as those 
poor bachelor coolies, whom philanthropic England 
yearly sells to the Cubans for a term of years, have to 
be controlled, or those more savage and heathenish Af- 
ricans, whom such men as Captain Townsend and other 
slaver captains are selling to the same people for a Ut- 
ile longer term of years, have to be controlled. 

We apprehend, however, that as a general thing the 
negroes on all the Southern plantations fare much bet- 
ter than the people of the North desire to believe. It 
is so very pleasant, you know, to pick splinters out of 
the eyes of one's neighbors ! And to pull the beam 
out of one's own eyes, is such a deal of trouble ! We 
should think though, that " mad Old Brown" must have 
helped to open the eyes of some of the blind leaders of 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 65 

the blind in the Free States. That poor old monoma- 
niac imagined the slaves to be so oppressed, that they 
only waited a deliverer, when they would immediately 
throw off their shackles, and rally as one man under 
the flag of the Provisional government, trusting in the 
" sword of the Lord and of Gideon." Yain delusion ! 
He brought his own neck to the gallows, but did not 
liberate a single slave. 

No wonder the failure of the attempted Harper's 
Ferry insurrection has puzzled the abolitionists. It 
controverts all their theories, and falsifies all their asser- 
tions. And in this connection we beg the reader will 
indulge our introducing the following editorial remarks 
of the New - York Herald, on the Harper's Ferry raid, 
published at the time. They are very sensible, as well 
as truthful. 

" Many of the country journals, either from a want 
of wit or a want of honesty, insist upon calling the 
invasion of Harper's Ferry by a score of black and 
white abolitionists from the North, a slave insurrec- 
tion. 

" If there is any one point in the late proceedings of 
Osawatomie Brown, of Kansas notoriety, that is more 
prominent than any other, it is the singular fact that 
none of the Southern slaves were mixed up in the 
affair, nor did a single one of them voluntarily come 
forward to accept the great advantages which Brown 
and his fellow fanatics in the North held out to them. 
Within a circuit of a few hours' ride of Harper's Ferry 
fully five thousand slaves reside ; but not a sign of dis- 
turbance or discontent was exhibited. Yet Brown had 
been busy for months round there, his means of com- 



66 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

munication were established, the underground railroad 
has its stations all along to the Canada frontier, and 
J. B. G\ was a willing contributor from Ashtabula, 
Gerrit Smith applauded the ' Kansas work' from Pe- 
terboro, F. B. S. sympathized in Concord, and many a 
scattering abolitionist all through the Northern States, 
no doubt wrestled in prayer that the slave might be 
freed from his bonds. 

11 But the deportment of the slaves has shown that 
they possess a very correct appreciation of the mis- 
named advantages of Northern freedom. They know 
very well that all this mock philanthropy exerts itself 
merely to run them off from their comfortable South- 
ern homes to leave them to starve in the cold and in- 
hospitable wilderness of Canada. When we compare 
the condition of the free negro at the North with that 
of the slave at the South, we can not be surprised that 
Cuffee should prefer to remain in slavery. In the 
North, every where, the negro ceases to awaken the 
least sympathy for his sufferings in the hearts of the 
abolitionists ; they cease to care in any way for his ne- 
cessities, they refuse to admit him to their houses or 
churches, they will not sit by his side in the cars or at 
table, they reject him as a mechanic, a servant, or la- 
borer, and persecute him with neglect till he sinks to 
the very dregs of society, and dies in misery. 

" In the South his condition is widely different. It 
is true, he is held in slavery, but negro slavery is a 
condition of patriarchal servitude. From birth the 
negro is in close and intimate contact with the white 
man. His childhood is cared for, his youth is instruct- 
ed in some useful labor, and all through the maturity 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 67 

and decline of manhood, his master and himself work 
for the same family interest, until, in old age, he is a 
family pensioner secure from want. In this life-long 
intercourse between the white and the black, between 
the master and the slave, the inferior has the benefit of 
the control and guidance of the superior intellect. 
Through this stimulus and this example his morals are 
improved, his industry is increased, and in every way 
he is a better member of society than the vicious free 
negro of the North or the liberated barbarian of the 
tropics. Eloquent proof of this fact is found in the 
advice of one of the Presidents of Liberia to the Colo- 
nization Society : ' Send us slaves from the South, 
liberated after they have attained to manhood, for they 
make better citizens and more industrious people than 
the negroes from the North.' 

"The close intercourse between the two races that 
exists under the patriarchal institutions of the South 
can never be obtained under any other system of so- 
ciety. No where else will the white lend his efforts to 
teach the black, no where else will the black unite his 
physical labor with the intellectual effort of the white 
for their common benefit, no where else will the supe- 
rior admit the inferior race to the advantage of close 
family contact, as nurses, housekeepers, handmaiden?, 
and not seldom as foster-brothers. No where else will 
the white labor side by side with the negro in the open 
field, guiding his ignorance, bearing with his incapacity, 
and rectifying his errors or neglect. It would be well 
for the fanatics who wish to dissolve this great social 
tie in Southern society, through the shedding of blood 



C8 THE SOUTHERN' GENTLEMAN. 

or the cheat of Northern freedom for the negro, to 
learn a lesson from the refusal of the slaves in and 
around Harper's Ferry to accept the boon held out to 
them through the abolition invasion of Old John Brown 
of Osawatomie." 

The above remarks are so full of truth, so acceptable 
to one's common-sense, that it is hard to believe there 
are in these States many men possessing a sound mind 
in a sound body, who can conscientiously disapprove 
of them. Indeed, from an extensive personal acquaint- 
ance among the so called Republicans of the North, we 
are persuaded that the best informed of those regard 
the matter of Negro Slavery from the same stand-point 
with the editor of the New York Herald. Many of them 
even concede that they do not consider slavery a sin 
-per se, since the Bible has sanctioned it. Why, then, 
the reader is ready to inquire, do they oppose the far- 
ther spread of the "peculiar institution?" Well, if 
their public and private declarations are to be believed 
it is because they think it fosters and builds up a kind 
of privileged aristocracy — which they have denomin- 
ated the Southern Oligarchy, and which they hate with 
a cordial hatred. They pretend that the Southern 
slaveholders are an exclusive class, who have somehow 
managed to control the government ever since the adop- 
tion of the Federal Constitution; and although .the 
country has continued to prosper under the rule of 
these so-called Oligarchs, they yet seem to entertain the 
most direful forebodings relative to our future progress, 
unless the Oligarchs can be deprived of all their politi- 
cal influence. Hence many honorable and conservative 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 69 

men have been brought to affiliate with abolitionists 
even, in their intense zeal to witness the overthrow of 
the Slave Power. 

These men do not consider that this same Oligarchy 
existed in the days of the Ke volution — and that at that 
time the distinctions of caste, were even more nicely 
drawn than at present. They fail to note also, that it 
is not an exclusive aristocracy, as they seem to imagine, 
(except in regard to color,) but that every free white 
man in the whole Union has just as much right to be- 
come an Oligarch as the most ultra fire-eater. In truth, 
there are thousands of Southern slaveholders more de- 
mocratic in their instincts than these very ultra Eepub- 
licans; for while the former wear homespun every day 
and work side by side with their slaves, the latter are 
the very pinks of propriety, array themselves in the 
most unexceptionable silks and broadcloth, and turn 
up their nose at the "vulgar herd" with as much dis- 
dain as the most aristocratic Oligarch in the whole land. 

Now, we shall not deny that the Southern Gentleman 
is exclusive in his tastes and associations, and sometimes 
possesses strong and deep-seated prej adices of caste : but 
to no greater extent than usually prevails amongst all 
other gentlemen the world over. Of the nature of those 
prejudices, we presume the intelligent reader needs not 
to be informed. That they are blemishes in any man's 
character, can not be successfully controverted ; viewing 
them from an elevated moral stand-point, and regard- 
ing with calm philosophic eye the vanity of all those 
titles and social distinctions which the narrow intellects 
of men have magnified into matters of first importance. 
But pray let us inquire, what class of our fellow-men, 



70 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

whether high or low, has not its peculiar prejudices of 
one sort or another ? And shall we blame the favorites 
of fortune for entertaining their "peculiar wanities" more 
than we blame the street beggars for their love of filth 
and vagabondage, or Jack Tar because of his peculiar 
predilection for salt water? Dearly beloved, we are 
told by the inspired writer that charity covereth up a 
multitude of faults ; and God knows, there are human 
wickednesses enough of a deadly and damning charac- 
ter in the world, to keep us all praying till the crack 
of doom, without our wasting a single moment to ob- 
serve every little mote which may happen to obscure 
in part the vision of a frail fellow-being. In truth, it 
seems to have been wisely ordained of the Creator, that 
our finite minds should never reach beyond the narrow 
horizon which bounds our destinies ; and that each in- 
dividual man should be rendered superlatively happy 
in the harmless conceit, that his own country, his own 
religion, his own home, wife and children, friends and 
neighbors, even his horse and his dog, are better than 
any other person's. For, even as it is, we have envy- 
ings, and jealousies, and heart-burnings without num- 
ber ; and few are they in any age or any country who 
are possessed of a truly cosmopolitan spirit, a world- 
wide Christian philanthropy, or that even-balanced 
understanding which separates the good from the evil, 
the solid grain from the chaff, or immortal Truth from 
the many idle fancies and childish superstitions which 
have in every age more or less dwarfed the human 
mind. 

But to return. 

The natural dignity of manner peculiar to the South- 






THE SOUTHERN" GENTLEMAN. 71 

era Gentlemen, is doubtless owing to his habitual use 
of authority from his earliest years ; for while coarser 
natures are ever rendered more savage and brutal by 
being allowed the control of others, refined natures on 
the contrary are invariably perfected by the same 
means, their sense of the responsibility and its incident 
obligations teaching them first to control themselves 
before attempting to exact obedience from the inferior 
natures placed under their charge. This is a fact which 
it were worth while to ponder thoughtfully, for herein 
lies the secret of the good breeding of the Gentlemen 
of the South, and the chief reason why they seldom 
evince that flurry of manner so peculiar to many of our 
countrymen ; and why, also, they manifest on all occa- 
sions the utmost self-possession — that much coveted 
savoir faire, which causes a man to appear perfectly at 
home, whether it be in a hut or a palace. Hence in 
manners the Southern Gentleman is remarkably easy 
and natural, never haughty in appearance, or loud of 
speech — even when angry rarely raising his voice above 
the ordinary tone of gentlemanly conversation. Those 
boisterous good fellows, whom one meets constantly in 
the South, and sometimes even so far from home as 
New- York or Philadelphia, and whose wont is to mo- 
nopolize all the talking, interlarding their speech with 
Southern provincialisms and Africanisms, are not in the 
remotest degree allied or akin to the real Southern Gen- 
tleman. He is ever well educated, and draws his lan- 
guage from the "well of pure English undefiled." Even 
though he may be poor, (which is neither an impossible 
nor improbable supposition,) he always manages to give 
his children the best opportunities for education the 



72 THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

country affords : for it is one of his prejudices to detest 
boorislmess and vulgarity — two inseparable companions 
of ignorance — and he would as heartily detest them 
in the persons of his own offspring, or other members 
of his family, as in the person of the most besotted 
drunkard that ever reeled into a gutter. His sons he 
sends to the University, but prefers to educate bis 
daughters at home ; to please mamma, he may be in- 
duced, perhaps, to send the latter for a year or two to 
some Finishing School, just previous to their debut in 
life ; but he stoutly maintains all the while, that the 
old-fashioned plan of educating one's daughters at home 
is the best. 

And if in nothing else, in this at least is the Southern 
Gentleman to be commended — he educates his daughters 
at home. Hence the well-bred and well-educated daugh- 
ters of the Summer Land, are the model women of the 
age in which we live. How different are they from 
your hotel-boarding matrons, who know so well how to 
ogle and to stare, or your flippant butterflies of fashion, 
who spread their gaudy plumage so industriously, am- 
bitious alone to win the plaudits of simpering coxcombs 
and blase libertines ! Ah ! thou true-hearted daughter 
of the sunny South, simple and unaffected in thy man- 
ners, pure in speech as thou art in soul, and ever blessed 
with an inborn grace and gentleness of spirit lovely to 
look upon, fitly art thou named: 

" A perfect woman, nobly planned, 
To warm, to comfort, and command ; 
And yet a spirit still, and bright 
With something of angelic light." 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN". 73 

Such a woman can well leave to the strong-minded 
of her sex all political twaddle and senseless disputes 
about the " Eights of Woman," alienable or inalien- 
able : for she will always be loved and admired the 
wide world over. The men are not all fools yet, and 
they know that woman's one sole Inalienable Eight, is 
to be a Teacher ; for whatever may be said in praise 
of Public, or Free, or High, or Select schools, or any 
other kind of school, we maintain there is one greater 
and more praiseworthy than these all, for it is God's 
school, and is called The Family. And it is in this 
school that woman finds her proper sphere and mission. 
This is her God-given privilege and honor, which the 
tyranny of man can never deprive her of; for it is hers 
by right and by nature, and hers must it ever remain 
in sceculum scecult. Besides, in this her proper sphere 
woman wields a power, compared to which the lever 
of Archimedes was nothing more than a flexible blade 
of grass. She it is who rules the destinies of the world, 
not man. The raging tornado treads with the tramp 
of an army along the mountain's sides, uprooting lofti- 
est cedars in its fury, but there its power ends ; while 
the silent night dews, stealing without noise or bluster 
into the heart of the solidest rock, rend the very moun- 
tain itself asunder. So man, although he shall march 
with banners flying and to the music of fife and drum 
to the world's end, will always find that there is a power 
behind the throne greater than the throne itself. We 
of the sterner sex, indeed, may be not inaptly compared 
to the cold hard iron of the telegraphic wires which 
span the surface of the civilized parts of our earth ; the 
electric flashes that vivify and move us, are the heart- 



74 TilE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

throbs and transmitted thoughts of our mothers. 
Hence, when the Apostle commanded that women 
should not be suffered to speak in public, but on the 
contrary to content themselves with their humble house- 
hold duties, he not only spoke as the inspired servant 
of God, but also as a man possessed of uncommon com- 
mon-sense. For since to the family belongs the educa- 
tion and gradual elevation of the race, it is most im- 
portant that mothers should be pure, peaceable, gentle, 
long-suffering and godly — which they never can be, if 
permitted or inclined to enter the lists and compete with 
selfish and lustful man for the prizes of place and pub- 
lic emolument. And that society, we care not how 
great may be its virtues in other respects, which tends 
to force woman out of her proper sphere, and to lay on 
her frailer shoulders the burdens which ought to be 
borne by man only, is not a natural condition of society, 
and for this reason is blameworthy. We will not say 
that, in the Free States, such a state of society already 
exists; but this we do say, in the South the family 
is a much more powerful institution than in other por- 
tions of the Eepublic. It may be owing in part to the 
sparse population of the South, but the fact is indisput- 
able : as a general rule, family ties are much stronger 
there than in the North, while the parental discipline 
is more rigid, and Young America is rarely met with, 
save in the large towns and villages; for these are much 
the same all over the country, except that the Southern 
villages have a more wo-begone look, and smell stronger 
of mean whisky and hogs than the trim villages of 
New-England. 



THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN".. 75 

Now, as we all know, in most American villages and 
towns, the family has long since ceased to be an insti- 
tution at all. Boys and girls are things unknown in 
their streets, and politeness and good-breeding ditto. 
We have seen it remarked somewhere, that there are 
thousands of boys in free America, not one of whom 
has ever made a bow, unless when he had occasion to 
dodge a snow-ball, a brickbat, or a boulder. A few 
years ago, ex-Governor Everett, of Massachusetts, with 
the late Amos Lawrence, was in a sleigh, riding into 
Boston. As they approached a school-house, a score 
of young boys rushed into the street to enjoy their 
afternoon recess. Said the Governor to his friend, 
"Let us observe whether these boys make obeisance to 
us, as we were taught fifty years ago ;" expressing a fear 
at the same time that habits of civility were less prac- 
tised than formerly. As they passed the school-house, 
however, all question and doubt upon the subject re- 
ceived a speedy if not a very satisfactory settlement, 
for each one of those twenty juvenile New-Englanders 
did his best at snow-balling the way-faring dignitaries. 
It is possible, nay probable, that in some localities in 
the South the same rudeness would have been mani- 
fested ; but we incline to think such localities would be 
found, like angels' visits, few and far between. The 
better portion of Southern boys are taught to consider 
themselves boys so long as they remain in their teens, 
and the valuable advice of Hebrew Solomon is followed 
to the letter, in case they seek to imitate the vices or to 
ape the manners of their elders before the down has 
ripened on their boyish cheeks. Nothing, indeed, so 
annoys a well-bred Southerner as the impertinent speech 



76 .THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN. 

and coxcombical behavior of the youths of the present 
day, (they would be offended did we call them hoys.) 
Such an youth, however, was never our great Wash- 
ington, or Calhoun, or Webster. These giants were 
willing to be looked upon as boys until they grew to 
be men ; but our modern youths will not consent to be 
boys at any time, and by the general consent of all 
thoughtful minds they never get to be men at all — at 
least in any emphatic sense. They may succeed in be- 
coming pretty fair pocket editions of a Brummell or a 
D'Orsay — wondrously clever at smoking a colored meer- 
schaum and drinking champagne, as well as apt at 
sucking ivory-headed canes (when they were babies 
and more natural, they sucked their thumbs) — and in 
all things else the proper individuals to wed those ladies 
whose lives are devoted to nursing poodle-dogs and 
reading trashy novels : but men f 

" What is a man, 
If his chief good and market of his time 
Be but to sleep and feed ? a beast — no move." 

i 



CHAPTEE II 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 



" He that holds fast the golden mean, 
And lives contentedly between 

The little and the great, 
Feels not the wants that pinch the poor, 
Nor plagues that haunt the rich man's door, 
Embittering all his state." 

Cowper's Horace. 

As in all other civilized communities, the middle 
classes of the South constitute the greater proportion 
of her citizens, and are likewise the most useful mem- 
bers of her society. In treating of these classes, how- 
ever, we shall have to tread rather gingerly, for fear 
we squelch some neighbor's corns, owing to^ the false 
and ridiculous notions of respectability, which unfor 
tunately prevail throughout the whole extent of the 
United States. In this country every man considers 
himself a gentleman, no matter what may be his social 
status ; nor shall we find fault with this national trait, 
•perhaps not altogether peculiar to our happy republic ; 
but we must beseech of the honest citizen who reads 
these pages, to look upon us for the time being as a 
Hottentot, or other outside barbarian— a citizen of the 
world, if it please you — one who can afford to look at 
the people of this great country with unprejudiced 



78 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

e y es — regarding matters as they are and not as they 
should be, and calling things by their real names, and 
not by such as have been rendered familiar from long 
use, and, we might aver, abuse. 

We know very well that it would be highly im- 
proper to step into the office of Col. Wall Bankstreet, 
or to stalk into his marble mansion — his brown-stone 
front, at all events — to sit clown in his elaborate parlor 
in the midst of his splendid furniture, his ormolu, his 
rosewood, his velvet, and brocade, and say to him 
plainly : " Sir, you are only a successful tradesman, 
and when you try hardest to play the role of a gentle- 
man only a more successful snob !" We know equally 
well that it would never do to march boldly up to 
C. Eyland Bayles, Esq., who owns two thousand acres 
of land in Georgia, or Alabama, or Mississippi, and a 
hundred negroes to till them, with cattle, and sheep, 
hogs and horses to match — and say to Mr. C. Eyland 
Bayles, Esq. : " Sir, you have neither the birth, nor 
the manners, nor the education of a gentleman — you 
are only a successful planter, nothing more !" We 
should probably be caned out of hand in both instan- 
ces, for so great a display of ill-breeding and impertin- 
ence, as we would richly deserve to be ; but in five out 
of ten such cases, we should only be telling the truth, 
nevertheless, for there can be little doubt that many in- 
dividuals, both in the North and the South, occupy just 
such positions as Messrs.Bayles and Bankstreet, who are 
not entitled to be considered gentlemen in the rightful 
and proper use of the term, though useful and intel- 
ligent citizens, and in many respects honester, perhaps, 
than one half the gentlemen that are in the world. In 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 79 

other countries, such, individuals, together with the 
great mass of well-to-do citizens of less note and wealth, 
constitute what are called the middle classes ; and 
why, in the name of common-sense, do we pursue a 
different course in the United States ? Why shall we 
not call a stone a stone ? Does the calling of it a fish 
make it any the less a stone ? Does the buying a pic- 
ture of Sir Launcelot Grimlook clad in complete armor 
make Sir Launcelot Grimlook one of your paternal an- 
cestors ? Can you make a delicate scented posy out 
of a Massachusetts codfish by simply naming the lat- 
ter's head a rose, its tail a camelia, each one of its fins 
a japonica, and its odorous intestines cape jessamines? 
Away, say we, with all such snobbery, and let us 
stand by the honest old English names and customs 
of our homely Saxon ancestors. 

But understand us, our democratic fellow-country- 
men. We do not respect Messrs. Bayles and Bank- 
street any the less because they belong to the middle 
class, nor young Augustus Fitz Herbert any more be- 
cause he is of the upper crust, to quote a cant phrase. 
That there are those who do, 'tis true, and pity 'tis 'tis 
true. Speaking for ourself, permit us to assure you, 
however, we respect a man for his virtues, his talents, 
or his goodness alone, wholly regardless what his pedi- 
gree may be, or whether each morning he purchases a 
fresh pair of kids, or proceeds to labor humbly with 
toil-worn hands for his daily bread. And we will also 
add, that we despise as heartily the pampered knave 
(we care not how sleek his coat, or if he possess all 
the blood of all the Howards) who uses his gold merely 
to gild his vices, as we do the most poverty-stricken 



80 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

wretch ever put into the stocks ; notwithstanding, too, 
the world may fawn upon the former and crouch to 
do him reverence, while the tattered rags that barely 
hang upon the latter' s back, but serve to magnify his 
guilt in the eyes of a virtuous public, which sees in 
every separate tag and patch only accumulative evi- 
dence of the wearer's villainy. Wherefore, demo- 
cratic citizen ! we rail against no class of men as a class 
— not even princes, dukes, or lords — and we believe 
the king on his throne can be just as honest and vir- 
tuous as the humblest laborer in this great Eepublic ; 
while we are equally persuaded the poorest citizen 
can, if he so will, make himself a "king o' men for a' 
that ;" yes, 

" For a' that, and a' that, 
His toils obscure and a' that ; 
The rank is but the guinea's stamp, 
The man's the gowdfor cC that /" 

Coming, then, understandingly, to the subject of the 
middle classes of the South, we trust the reader will 
not be offended at the liberties we shall take while 
speaking of them, who as we said in the outset, are very 
numerous, very useful, and we will now add, in many 
respects very worthy. They belong to many different 
callings, professions, and trades ; and we propose to 
speak of them according to their several pursuits. 
There are among them farmers, planters, traders, store- 
keepers, artisans, mechanics, a few manufacturers, a 
goodly number of country school-teachers, and a host 
of half-ilcdged country lawyers and doctors, parsons, 
and the like. Since the South is mainly agricultural, 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 81 

however, perhaps the larger proportion of her middle 
classes are to be found among the tillers of the soil ; 
of these, therefore, we shall endeavor to speak first. 
And, as we think it always best to begin at the be- 
ginning, we crave the reader's indulgence while we 
say a single word about the ancestors of the middle 
class farmers and planters in our Southern States. 

In the remote times of English history, their ances- 
tors were, doubtless, sturdy Saxon thanes and frank- 
lins, freemen and landholders, but boasting no alliance 
with baronial or ducal houses ; plain men, indeed, ig- 
norant of courts and bearing no knightly insignia, but 
famous for skill with the cross-bow and the old English 
.pike. So long as they were permitted to live in peace 
in England, Scotland, or Ireland, and had no better 
place to fly to for refuge, they bore in patience, first 
with the oppressions of their Norman masters, and next 
with the persecutions and exactions of the Cavaliers 
and the Church of England : but when America held 
out to them an asylum in which they might rest se- 
cure from the further molestation of enemies, like 
nearly all who sought the New World, they hastened 
to its then savage shores, seeking liberty of conscience 
as well as freedom from a galling political thraldom. 
Now, in view of these undeniable facts of history, is it 
not a little curious, that windy Northern demagogues 
have endeavored so industriously to mislead the mass 
of our Free State citizens, swearing roundly that in 
the South, aside from the negro slaves, there exist but 
two other classes — Poor Whites and Cavaliers ? Do 
you presume, gentlemen, that the honest English frank- 
4* 



82 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

lins have left no descendants in the Southern States ? 
Have the Scotch-Irish Presbyterians, the daring Cove- 
nanters of Auld Reekie, and the English Baptists who 
settled in Virginia, Georgia, and the Carolinas, as well 
as the humbler classes of Huguenots — have none of 
these hardy and intelligent races left representatives ? 
According to the popular Northern view of the existing 
relations in the society of the South, they could not have 
done so ; but the real facts show that they have left a 
numerous posterity, far outnumbering the descendants 
of the Cavaliers, and greater in numbers indeed, than 
any other one class of whites in the whole South. They 
have added as much, too, to the material progress and 
advancement of the Slave States, as all the other. 
classes combined, owing to their industrious and frugal 
habits, the general pureness of their morals, and their 
strict religious principles. Like their forefathers, they 
are chiefly small farmers or planters, though sometimes 
possessed of much wealth, which has been acquired by 
steady industry and economy ; and not infrequently 
they are both cultivated and refined, and perfect gen- 
tlemen in every sense, as we have already shown in 
the last chapter : particularly is such the case, when 
they possess a little admixture of Norman blood, 
brought about by intermarriages with the descendants 
of the Cavaliers and Huguenots. From such connec- 
tions, indeed, have sprung some of the proudest names 
in our country's history. Jefferson, for one, was of 
such a race. Jackson was nearly full-blood Scotch- 
Irish, and Calhoun was the son of a middle-class 
planter ; while the well-beloved and eloquent Harry 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 83 

of the "West, as is well known, came of English. Bap- 
tist parentage, and noble-hearted Patrick Henry sprung 
directly from the bosom of the people. 

But not only have the Middle Classes of the South 
helped to furnish these great leaders, as well as many 
others of less note ; they have always exercised a healthy 
and sensible influence upon both national and state poli- 
tics from the adoption of our Federal Constitution till 
the present day. Had it not been for them, the law of 
descent never would have been changed in Virginia, 
or materially in any of the other Southern States. 
For the old Law of Primogeniture was pretty generally 
upheld by the Cavaliers, and besides these were no 
other voters at that time but the respectable Mid- 
dle Classes. So, also, was the extension of the elective 
franchise bitterly opposed by the major part of the 
gentry, who were opposed, indeed, to all innovations 
whatever upon the old English Common Law, or any 
other interference with the established order of things. 
Being out-voted, however, by the more whole-hearted, 
and less exclusive, though humbler freeholders, they 
yielded quietly to the change at length, applauded it 
after a few years, and thus became again reinstated in 
the favor of the public as well as in political power. 
But for a long time, in some of the poorer districts of 
Virginia, so strong did popular prejudice rage against 
fair-tops and ruffled shirts, almost any ruffian who 
would ply the rabble strong enough with flattery, could 
be elected to the Virginia Assembly over the heads of 
the most able and refined of the First Families. We 
remember to have heard a Virginian tell once of such 
an election, in which the contest was between one of 



84 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

the oldest of "Virginia statesmen and — well, a dirty fel- 
low, whose chief delight and occupation was to groom 
a stallion ! This worthy was elected by a handsome 
majority. After that, who will pretend to disbelieve 
in the divinity of the oracle, vox pqpuli, vox Dei! 

So far as physical appearance is concerned, the mid- 
dle-class planter differs very materially from the South- 
ern Gentleman. The former does not possess that 
lithe, airy, and graceful carriage, that compactness and 
delicacy of muscle, for all which the latter is distin- 
guished. The former is, moreover, of all sizes, from 
the most diminutive and bandy-legged runt, to the 
coarse, large-featured, awkward, and bony seven- 
footer ; but most usually is above medium size, with 
broad shoulders, and angular outline in general. 
Though not so polished as the Southern Gentleman, 
and even, perhaps, a little blunt in manners, sometimes 
to rudeness, the middle-class planter is still no boor, 
but whole-souled, generous to a fault, and extremely 
hospitable, entertaining freely all strangers who neither 
look suspicious nor affect to put on airs of superiority. 
For, mark you, he is a man of the stoutest independ- 
ence, always carries a bold and open front ; asks no fa- 
vors of either friend or foe, and would no sooner doff his 
hat to the Autocrat of the Kussias, than to his poor 
neighbor, Tom Jones, who owns not a darkey in the 
world, and barely makes a shift to live by the cultiva- 
tion of a sorry patch of five acres or so of sandy soil, 
which scarcely possesses enough strength to sprout 
peas : nor would he, let it also be said in his praise, 
insult the one any sooner than the other. 

He is usually a slaveholder, owning from five to 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 85 

fifty negroes, (sometimes more,) and generally looks 
after their management himself. If he does employ 
an overseer, the latter habitually eats at the table of 
his employer, and in many cases it is difficult to dis- 
tinguish employer from employe, so similar are they 
in every respect — dress, manners, speech, and tout en- 
semble. 

In regard to his dwelling-house, out-houses, yard, 
etc, he is sometimes extremely negligent and careless ; 
but is just as frequently the opposite, is anxious to 
have every thing look neat and comfortable, and keeps 
the whole in thorough repair and good condition. But 
he will persist in eating hog and hominy ; believes 
bacon to be better than any other kind of meat, or a 
corn hoe-cake or well-cooked ash-cake superior to the 
finest flour bread that ever was baked. Our Yankee 
readers, however, need not blame him so much for this 
predilection ; for we have never eaten any good bacon 
yet out of the South, unless it came from there origin- 
ally ; and corn, hoe, and johnny cakes, are very dif- 
ferent in Kentucky or Virginia from what they are in 
Massachusetts or Illinois — which is partly owing to the 
better quality of the Southern corn, and partly to the 
difference between the old-fashioned cuisine of the 
South and the modern cooking-stove of the Free States. 
In the Southern States, generally, the kitchen is dis- 
connected wholly with the dwelling-house — is a house 
apart to itself, indeed, and is appropriated to nothing 
beside. At one end rises a magnificent (in proportions, 
we mean) chimney of brick or stone, with a fire-place 
about ten feet across, more or less, well supplied with 
pot-hangers, cranks, ovens, pots, skillets, griddles, pans, 



86 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

and the like. Every thing is cooked in the old-fash- 
ioned way, and, to our liking, is much more palatable 
than food cooked in smothering stoves or furnaces 
ranges or any thing of the kind. Perhaps we could 
not give the reader a better idea of the real corn bread 
of the South, than by quoting the following practical 
remarks on the subject from Dr. Hall's Journal of 
Health, to which they were contributed by a gentleman 
of Kentucky: 

" A corn-dodger is not now what it used to be. Orig- 
inally it was a corn-meal dumpling. In very early Ken- 
tucky times, the universal dinner, winter and spring, 
at every farm-house in the State, was a piece of mid- 
dling bacon, boiled with cabbage, turnips, greens, col- 
lards or sprouts — cabbage-sprouts — according to the 
season. The pot, if the family was a large one, con- 
tained about ten gallons, and was nearly filled with 
clean pure water : the middling and the greens were 
put in at the proper time, to give them a sufficient 
cooking. Almost always the cook would make with 
water and corn-meal and a little salt, dough-balls, 
throw them into the pot, and boil them thoroughly with 
the rest. These were called dodgers, from the motion 
giving them by the boiling water in the pot. They 
eat very well, and give a considerable variety to a din- 
ner of bacon and collards. A dodger in modern times 
is corn-bread baked in a roll about the size of your 
hand, and about three times as thick, and in my j udg- 
ment is not a veritable first-rate dodger, unless when 
on the table it bears the impress of the cook's fingers 
on it, in placing it in the oven to bake. 

" A pone of bread is corn-bread baked in a skillet or 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 87 

small oven. The skillet or oven when at the proper 
heat is filled with corn dough, which when baked and 
turned out, is a pone of bread. 

" A hoe-cake is not now what it used to be. I do 
not believe there will ever be any more good hoe- 
cakes baked. I have an unextinguishable longing for 
hoe-cake — real hoe-cake, such as the black woman 
Jinny, my mother's cook, always baked. It gets its 
name from the mode of baking. It was originally 
baked upon a hoe. An old hoe, which had been worn 
bright, was placed upon live coals of fire, with the eye 
down, and on it the cake was baked. Now, hoe-cake 
is baked upon a griddle, or was before cooking-stoves 
came into use. It just occurs to me, may not the 
cooking-stove militate against the griddle ? 

" Corn-dodger, corn-pone, and hoe-cake are different 
only in the baking. The meal is prepared for each 
precisely in the same way. Take as much meal as 
3 r ou want, some salt, and enough pure water to knead 
the mass. Mix it well, let it stand some fifteen or 
twenty minutes, not longer, as this will be long enough 
to saturate perfectly every particle of meal ; bake on 
the griddle for hoe-cake, and in the skillet or oven for 
dodger or pone. The griddle or oven must be made 
hot enough to bake, but not to burn, but with a quick 
heat. The lid must be heated also before putting it on 
the skillet or oven, and that heat must be kept up with 
coals of fire placed on it, as there must be around 
and under the oven. The griddle must be well sup- 
plied with live coals under it. The hoe-cake must be 
put on thin, not more than or quite as thick as your 
forefinger; when brown, it must be turned and both 



88 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

sides baked to a rich brown color. There must be no 
burning — baking is the idea. Yet the baking must be 
clone with a quick lively heat, the quicker the better. 
Saleratus and soda, procul, procul ! Let there be 
nothing but water and salt." 

In a majority of cases the middle-class planter is a 
kind master, works not unfrequently in company with 
his slaves, and always personally attends to their wants 
in sickness or their necessities in old age. Like the 
Southern Gentleman, he usually owns one or two very 
old "family negroes" — heirlooms which have come 
down from a past generation — and to these he pays the 
utmost deference. They are the plantation oracles, in 
fact, without consulting whom the plantation machi- 
nery and every thing else would go to wreck and ruin. 
They are respectfully called Uncle by black and white, 
old and young, and usually possess a very sage, sober 
look, shake their heads with the utmost gravity, and 
are equally remarkable for their piety and their love 
of a wee drop too much of the " critter" on all holiday 
occasions. They think they know much more than 
their master, whom they always look upon as young, 
and continue all their lives to call him Marse Joshe- 
way, or Marse Peter, or whatever else his name may 
be. They are always giving him advice too, in con- 
sequence ; and tell him with all oracular dignity whe- 
ther the moon is just right to plant the different kinds 
of grain, or how to hoe tobacco to best advantage, 
or when to give the corn the last ploughing, or to har- 
row the cotton, or to kill the pork-hogs, or to shear the 
sheep, ou chatrer les trw'es, or how " they" shall resort to 
some new and untried expedient to keep " dem deb- 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 89 

belisli pigs from gettin in clat ar tater patch, and rootin 
up de taters" — all of which the master listens to good- 
humoredly, and in most cases to profit. 

When the master is inclined to be religions, these 
old Africans receive double honor. They are usually 
pious members of the Church in full fellowship, are 
great on quotations from "scripter," and oftentimes 
aspire to become preachers or exhorters. Some of 
them are allowed to preach off their own plantation, 
both by the consent of their master and a license from 
the Church ; and they are often very sensible and prac- 
tical in their remarks, though sometimes in their man- 
ner and mode of expressing their thoughts a little ludi- 
crous, thus giving rise to many amusing anecdotes. 

A characteristic instance of the kind we will furnish 
the reader by way of example. A sable " Brudder," 
whom we will call Brudder Jones, being deeply im- 
pressed with the story of Zaccheus, conceived the idea 
of employing the same, in illustration of the way in 
which the " bredderen" ought to " use de means of 
grace," and lay hold on " de tree of life" in time, "for, 
my bredderen," he exclaimed triumphantly, " little 
Zacch'us was boun' to see de Lord for shure, dough he 
had to clomb up de tree to do it. And how did he got 
up der tree ? Ah ! how did he got up der tree, my 
bredderen ? Did he wait for some lazy nigger to brung 
him a ladder ? Ah ! no, my bredderen. Did he wait 
to be boosted ? Ah ! no, my bredderen ; not a boost, 
ah ! He clumbed right straight up de tree hisseff, like 
de possum, by his own hands and feet and de grace of 
God, ah !" 

Many of them, while not ambitious of filling the sa- 



90 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

cred desk, do yet delight to shout with. Mars'r, and sing 
and pray and exhort at home ; for very frequently the 
master meets with them in their prayer-meetings, and 
reads to them out of the Bible, afterwards calling on 
the most venerable of the colored patriarchs to pray. 
And, O Rev. Creamcheese, you should hear the aged 
African's prayer ! Unlike yourself, he nourishes no 
perfumed cambric before proceeding, nor does he fold 
together two soft, white hands with languid ease and 
grace ; but humbly kneeling upon the bare, uncarpet- 
ed floor, instead of lispingly reciting a few chaste sen- 
tences to win the applause of fashionable ladies and 
attar-scented dilettanti, he prays to Our Father in 
Heaven, with whom is no respect of persons ! Rough 
indeed may be the old man's speech, unpolished and 
full of Africanism, but gushing fresh from an overflow- 
ing heart, simple as the undoubted lispings of child- 
hood, and rolling forth from the trembling lips in that 
full, musical richness of voice and enunciation so pecu- 
liar to the negro race : his must be a very callous and 
worldly heart, that could listen unmoved to the simple 
and fervent petition. And on all such occasions, in 
truth, it is rare that a shout does not rise from some 
sympathetic African present, long before the prayer 
has been brought to a close ; while hearty amens re- 
spond from every side, and "glory! glory! glory to 
God!" is unceasingly ejaculated by the most aged ne- 
gress in the assemblage, down whose furrowed cheek 
stream big tears of joy, and whose whole body sways 
constantly from side to side in the intensity of her reli- 
gious enthusiasm. And when the prayer is ended, 
with what an outburst of heartfelt religious fervor do 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 91 

master and slaves strike up some familiar old-fashioned 
camp-meeting hymn, full of simple but plaintive 
sweetness; and sing with melody in their hearts to 
a common Lord ! Verily the old Covenanters, driven 
to the glens and caves of canny Scotland by the myr- 
midons of kingly and priestlp power never evinced in 
their most secret conventicles away off in the heart of 
the inaccessible highlands, more of spiritual exaltation 
than is almost every clay to be witnessed in some por- 
tion of our Southern States, among the descendants of 
those same Covenanters and their Christian Slaves. 

Indeed, take them all in all, and there is a striking 
similarity between the middle - class planters of the 
South, and the more well-to-do and intelligent farmers 
of New-England. They have all undoubtedly sprung 
from the same original stock. Differences in climate, 
in outward circumstances, as well as their lifelong riv- 
alry and antagonism have rendered them dissimilar in 
some particulars, but in the main features of their cha- 
racter there is a very strong similitude. That stern 
devotion to principle, that religious enthusiasm, that 
spirit of dogmatism, that practical wisdom which teaches 
to keep one's powder dry while trusting in the Lord, 
united to an unquenchable love of independence, which 
characterized the rebellious Roundheads and Cove- 
nanters of the days of Cromwell and Hampden, Came- 
ron and Knox ; still survive in their descendants, no 
matter whether these live among the granite-boulders 
of New-England, or plant cotton and tobacco on the 
sunny savannas of the South. Besides, they strongly 
resemble in that spirit of bigotry and intolerance which 
always characterizes the middle classes of all commu- 



92 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

nities, but in particular the middle-class Englishman, 
from whose stout loins most of our own middle classes 
in all parts of the Union are descended. 

The fanaticism and bigotry of the early Puritans, 
which led them to persecute Quakers and Baptists, to 
burn witches and broomsticks, and to pass blue laws 
which forbade a man's kissing his wife on the Sabbath ; 
is still visible in that intense and bitter hatred with 
which their descendants regard all slaveholders, and 
which leads them to canonize John Brown and his fel- 
low murderers ; while the religious enthusiasm of the 
offspring of the Pilgrim Fathers now finds vent in 
Spiritualism, Free Thinkerism, Political Priesthoodism, 
Free Loveism, and the like. On the other hand, the 
hereditary dogmatism of their Southern kinsmen, is 
manifested in the summary disposition these make of 
all vagabond Yankees — tinkers and peddlers — found 
strolling about without any " local habitation," when- 
ever they suspect them of being abolition emmissaries : 
for they incontinently ride the poor fellows on rails, 
and ornament their backs with a coat of tar and fea- 
thers, and sometimes administer to them hydropathic- 
ally, giving them a succession of gentle douses in the near- 
est mill-pond, or oftener perhaps, in the pond attached 
to the nearest farmer's goosery. Their religious fana- 
ticism, however, has hardly yet led them into that 
miserable chaos of absurdities and crude isms, which at 
the present time disgraces the Free States. Camp- 
meetings are about the only bane of the Southern reli- 
gionists. Certainly, there are many good people, pious, 
God-fearing people, who attend camp -meetings ; and so 
we doubt not there are good and virtuous abolitionists, 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 93 

who entertain their peculiar convictions from the hon- 
estest motives. But because a man is honest in his 
convictions, is no argument that his convictions are 
right. 

But camp-meetings are not wholly confined to our 
Southern States ; in certain parts of the North they 
flourish as greatly as they do in the South. Although 
the writer never could see any fitness in such a mode of 
conducting the worship of God, (who commands us to 
do all things " decently and in order," while camp- 
meetings are often any thing else than decent or order- 
ly,) still he knows that many wise and good men view 
the Fubject in a very different light. And it is possible 
that there are certain classes of the community, whose 
emotional instincts are predominant, who can be influ- 
enced religiously more easily by means of the exciting 
appeals addressed to them by camp-meeting orators 
than by any other. But it is unquestionably true, nev- 
ertheless, that such appeals more often partake of the 
ridiculous than the sublime, and we have ourself seen 
an intelligent audience convulsed with laughter, while 
a weak brother occupied the "stand" and labored with 
" might and main" (sobbing convulsively all the time 
himself) to produce a different result. Hence camp- 
meetings are rapidly falling into disrepute of late years, 
and we trust they will disappear altogether in time ; 
for true religion consists much more in deeds of charity 
and works of love than in bodily shivers, or nervous 
shrieks, or sepulchral groans, or any kind of dreaming 
whatever, whether of devils, hell-flames, spirit-circles, 
broomsticks, or shovels and tongs. 

However, despite his periodical furor at camp-meet- 



9-i THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

ings, the middle-class farmer of the South (when reli- 
gious) is practically pious and God-fearing; just as the 
mass of Down-Easters are virtuous and sensible, despite 
an occasional Kalloch in their pulpits, and spiritual me- 
diums and circles without number every where. He 
keeps away from race-courses, cockpits, groggeries, 
brothels, and the like ; makes no bets ; plays no cards ; 
shuns profane company as much as possible ; attends 
to his own business diligently, and so finds but little 
time to trouble his brain about the affairs of his neigh- 
bors ; but above all, endeavors to raise up his children 
" in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." The old 
family Bible is always to be found on the centre-table 
in the quiet unostentatious parlor, with its neat curtains 
and nicely sanded floor, or, of late }^ears, more fre- 
quently ornamented, perhaps, with a good substantial 
three-ply carpet. The venerable Book, with its dark 
leather-back and sometimes dog-eared leaves, gives evi- 
dence of having seen much service ; and opening it, you 
discover in the family register, at the end of the Old 
Testament and the beginning of the New, the births 
and deaths, as well as the dates of the marriages which 
are of recent occurrence, of both the living and trans- 
lated members of the little household. And if you 
tarry all night, when the evening shades begin to ap- 
pear, you will observe the pater familias, so soon as the 
candles are lighted, call mother and sons and daughters, 
and domestics also, into the "big room;" after which 
the lids of the good Book are reverently opened, a les- 
son is read and commented on, then a hymn of praise 
and thanksgiving is sung, and all finally bow down 
humbly in the presence of the Infinite Father, and with- 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 95 

out pomp, or form, or ceremony, present their devout 
supplications at the Throne of Grace. The same reli- 
gious observance takes place on the morrow morning, 
while the dew is still fresh on the jessamine that over- 
hangs the window-lintel, filling the room with sweetest 
fragrance, and before yet the laggard sun has fully 
emerged from the mists upon the neighboring hills : 
and thus, morning and evening, the whole year round, 
is the Creator worshipped — the ever blessed God of 
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. 

Occupying a middle position between the Southern 
Yeoman and the Southern Gentleman, the children of 
the middle classes associate with the children of the 
one or the other of those, according as their several in- 
clinations may lead them. When given a polite edu- 
cation, they usually prefer the company of gentlemen, 
as is natural, being truly gentlemen themselves ; but 
ordinarily their education is deficient in many particu- 
lars, from which cause, feeling hampered and ill at ease 
when permitted to mingle with their superiors in refine- 
ment and culture, they usually prefer in such cases to 
mix with more congenial associates ; and do sometimes, 
from sheer envy and jealousy, entertain a most cordial 
hatred of those whose attainments and good-breeding 
they despair of ever being able to emulate. This mis- 
erable boorishness is manifested in divers ways, but in 
especial by the dislike they evince to being brought 
into contact with the sons of gentlemen in any of those 
many rollicking out-door sports, so common among all 
classes in the South. For you must know, our readers, 
that in the South hunting is an universal pastime, and 
the sons of the poorest farmer are often as good shots 



96 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

as Viscount Palmerston, and in many instances are as 
fond of ^ox-hunting as the sons of the gentry ; instead, 
however, of selecting refined associates on such occa 
sions, they much more prefer to hunt in company with 
rowdy characters and people of that description — pre- 
ferring to be hale fellows with those beneath them, 
rather than to enjoy an equality with their superiors, 
which is due to no matter how graceful a condescension 
on the part of the latter : a very natural human weak- 
ness, by the way, and let us not judge them too harshly. 
As a general thing, however, the sons of the middle 
classes, whether farmer, artisan, tradesman, or what 
not, are quite provincial in manners, speech, and opin- 
ions. Educated, when educated at all, at third and 
fourth-rate seminaries, where they imbibe a smattering 
knowledge of Greek and Latin, with the slenderest pos- 
sible amount of the humanities, they yet fancy that 
they are cultivated in the highest degree, and strut and 
attitudinize equal to our Western Congressmen, evinc- 
ing as much pride and self-importance as any English 
Oxonian of seven years' standing. And these are the 
fellows who make what in the outset we called middle- 
class lawyers, doctors, school-teachers, parsons, and the 
like. Happy, jovial, well-contented blades ! Each 
one fancies he carries the world in a little private sling 
of his own, somewhat as David carried the pebble with 
which he slew the giant ; with this difference only, that 
each flatters himself he is a veritable Goliah of Grath, 
instead of a very, very small David, indeed ! Hence, 
when invited to make a Fourth of July speech before 
some village lyceum, they imagine the applause which 
greets their sophomorical rhodomontade to be as lasting 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 97 

and full as merited as that which used to greet the old 
Grecian masters of oratory in the famous Athenian 
Areopagus. And when they devote themselves to law 
or medicine, and succeed in becoming only fifth or 
sixth-rate proficients in these professions, verily they 
would not yield their own opinions a hair's breadth to 
Hippocrates in the one or to Sir Mathew Hale in the 
other. If we may be indulged to use a vulgar saying, 
they just think they know it all. Thus they very often 
render themselves quite ridiculous in the eyes of per- 
sons who have seen more of the world ; particularly 
so when, while entertaining the pleasant conviction 
that they are the most notable individuals in the society 
in which they move, they solemnly and seriously de- 
clare to you that said society is the most refined, the 
purest, and the perfectest every way in the whole 
world ! ye pretty fellows, what a nice set of coun- 
try cockneys you are, indeed ! 

Now, we always did abhor a cockney — we can't 
help it. A New- York cockney is a terrible bore 
enough in all good conscience, and a Paris or London 
specimen of the genus is no better, but a country cock- 
ney ! Truly, we had almost as soon get some defV 
handed mechanic to auger a hole straight through us 
at once. Even the Sacred Screw of inquisitive Yan- 
keedom, is almost tolerable in comparison. Whenever 
we come in contact with individuals of such meagre 
capacity, but overweening Self-esteem, we do not fail to 
call to mind the words of Burns : 

"Ah! wad some power the giftie gie tfs, 
To see oursels' as others see us, 
It wad frae raony a blunder free us,. 
And foolish notion !" 



98 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

But let us turn to more agreeable themes. We do 
not believe we have said any thing as yet touching the 
women of the middle class. These, almost without ex- 
ception, are worthy of our admiration and respect. 
Modest and virtuous, chaste in speech and manners ; 
they are, besides, very industrious house-keepers, kind- 
hearted mistresses, and the most devoted of wives and 
mothers ; although, we are free to confess, they are not 
unfrequently quite simple and unsophisticated, easily 
gulled or deceived, knowing at best but little of the 
world and its manifold follies, and caring even less for 
its empty vanities and trumpery shows. The labors, 
indeed, of such a Southern matron are onerous in the 
extreme. Besides the cares of a mother, the anxieties 
of a house-keeper, and the wants of her husband, she 
has also to look after the wants of the blacks. She 
nearly always superintends the cutting and making of 
every garment worn by the latter ; makes daily visits 
to the " smoke-house" in company with the cook, in 
order to see that they are bountifully supplied with 
provisions ; visits their humble cabins when they are 
sick, or infirm through age ; with her own delicate 
hands administers the healing medicine left by the 
doctor ; and when all medicines have become alike un- 
availing, sits down beside the lowly couch of the dying 
African, and tenderly consoles his last moments with 
all those unwearying assiduities and kind utterances 
of Christian gentleness, which make the women, God 
bless them ! our better angels and our ministering spir- 
its all the wide- world over. No wonder, therefore, 
that such a Southern matron is ever idolized and al- 
most worshipped by her dependents, and beloved by 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 99 

her children, to whom no word ever sounds half so 
sweet as mother, and for whom no place possesses one 
half the charms of home. She lives indeed only to 
make home happy. She literally knows nothing of 
"woman's rights," "or free love," or "free thinking;" 
but faithfully labors on in the humble sphere allotted 
her of heaven — never wearying, never doubting, but 
looking steadfastly to the Giver of all good for her re- 
ward ; and she is to-day the most genuine pattern and 
representative of the mothers of our [Revolutionary his- 
tory, to be found any where in the land. 'Tis true she 
wears no costly silks, and instead of fine linen every 
day, is simply arrayed in homely calico ; nor can she 
boast an expensive crinoline ; nor many gold rings on 
her fingers, or jewels in her hair ; yet, believe us, ye 
spoiled children of Fashion, in all the superabundance 
of your flounces and furbelows, your sparkling dia- 
monds, your topaz broaches, and necklaces of pearl, 
never once can you claim to be apparelled like unto 
her ! For, as the Lady Countess of Godiva was " cloth- 
ed on with chastity," so is she, as well as with unas- 
suming modesty and Christian meekness, the peerless 
raiment of the daughters of heaven — without which, 
though McFlimsey may count her silks by the hun- 
dred and her flounces by the score, she yet has truly 
" nothing to wear," but walks the earth in nakedness 
and shame. Neither has this Southern matron ever 
visited the Opera — never hung entranced on the war- 
bles of a Strakosch or a Piccolomini — never heard of 
andante, allegro ma non troppo, or p>restissimo ; and only 
is acquaint with such old-fashioned songs as " John 
Anderson my Joe," and the psalms of David versified 



100 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

by good Dr. "Watts : but, all ! Mesdames and Made- 
moiselles, we think, in the Great Day when we shall 
every one positively appear for the very last time on 
this earthly stage, you will sing quite small by the 
side of her whose heart is ever in perfect accord with 
the mind of the Great Master Symphonist, who, with 
immortal linger and a voice whose echoes are the 
echoes of Eternity, leads and directs the Grand Or- 
chestra of the Universe. 

In most instances the daughters of such a Southern 
matron resemble their mother, save that they possess 
a little more modern polish and culture, and hanker 
more eagerly after the vanities of the world ; but even 
the daughters are often quite uneducated in the cur- 
rent literature of the times, and in all things else evince 
a simplicity of mind and character altogether refresh- 
ing. Sometimes, 'tis true, they are sent to Boarding- 
Schools, (which are becoming more common in the 
South of late years,) are there exposed to a false and 
shallow system of hot-bed culture for a few sessions ; 
and emerging therefrom in due time make their debut 
in life, possessed of full as much pride and affectation 
as well as conceit and vanity, as of artificial graces of 
person and manner ; and boasting a superficial know- 
ledge of twenty different branches of learning, but in re- 
ality having a perfect mastery and comprehension of 
none. Southern young ladies of this character, how- 
ever, are usually the daughters of tradesmen, village 
store-keepers, and the like, who constitute a pretty fair 
proportion of the Southern Middle Classes, and of 
whom we shall next come to speak. 

Almost every village and hamlet in the United 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 101 

States can boast one or more storekeepers, so-called in 
our American vernacular : in England called shopmen. 
These storekeepers generally keep on their shelves a 
miscellaneous assortment of goods, groceries, hardware, 
cutlery, hats, caps, shoes, agricultural implements, and, 
In fine, almost any thing you can name "in their line." 
"While many of them are gentlemanly and honest, the 
major portion (as we all think, if we don't say so) are 
shrewd, sharp, cunning fellows ; glib of tongue, full of 
their own conceit, but prodigal of bows and compli- 
ments, and always smiling of countenance, yet, did one 
credit their own most solemn asseverations, always sell- 
ing every thing at a "most tremendous sacrifice." 
How often do they remind one of Dry den's translation 
of a poem of Persius : 

" Be sure to turn the penny : lie and swear, 
'Tis wholesome sin : but Jove, thou say'st, will hear. 
Swear, fool, or starve, for the dilemma's even ; 
A tradesman thou ! and hope to go to heaven ?" 

Alas ! how true is that saying of some modern mor- 
alist, that formerly, " when great fortunes were made 
only in war, war was a business ; but now, when great 
fortunes are made only by business, business is war." 
In the old times, the weapons used were swords and 
battle-axes, and the fighting was mostly done in broad 
open day and aboveboard : but now, the most efficient 
weapons are lies and cunning, and the fighting is all 
done in darkness and in secret. If this be true of our 
merchant princes and largest wholesale dealers, how 
much more true must it be of the little retail-dealer who 
peddles his wares by the shilling's worth : for the small 



102 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

* 

hucksterer, particularly the country haberdasher of 
either a New-England village or Southern cross-roads, 
is sure to be jewed and worried past endurance any 
how, by his fourpenny customers, who will never con- 
sent to purchase any thing save at a reduction from 
the price first demanded ; and hence the seller has to 
swear that he paid fabulous sums for his goods, but 
" as it's you" he will part with them for once " at a sac- 
rifice." Certainty, all country store-keepers are not of 
this stamp, but we apprehend that a majority of them 
are not overburdened with conscientious scruples ; we 
do not care what their parentage may be, or in what 
climes they may have their local habitation. Lying 
and cheating, as well as jewing down a seller and dis- 
paraging that which one wishes to buy, are neither 
sectional nor national peculiarities — they are human 
and world-wide. 

The reader will understand us, therefore, when we 
tell him that Southern Store-keepers (we do not speak 
now of the city merchants) are pretty much like all 
other shopmen the world over. They certainly do 
possess some marked peculiarities, but aside from 
those which are mainly due to local surroundings, they 
differ but little from any ordinary shop-keeper in New- 
England or the North-West. They generally, in all 
the States, spring from the thrifty middle classes ; and 
their heads are much more constantly occupied with 
how they may turn an honest penny, than with poli- 
tics, or science, or religion. Mark, however, we say 
generally ; for there are two classes of storekeepers, as 
we trust there are of lawyers, since the writer belongs 
to the latter very pious and honest fraternity. We 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 103 

wish the reader to bear this fact in mind ; and while 
we proceed first to describe the larger and less honest 
class of storekeepers — those, in reality, who ought to 
figure under the caption of " Southern Yankee" — let 
him not forget that we will yet have a good word to 
say, by and by, of those honest and straightforward 
tradespeople, who happen, we regret to believe, to be 
in a minority so far as mere numbers are concerned. 

If a respectable farmer of the middle class in the 
South, has a son who early evinces a fondness for 
trade, by eternally swapping jack-knives with his school- 
companions, or exchanging marbles, or fish-hooks, 
or puppies, or any thing else, and always making a 
" good thing' by the operation, even if it be at the ex- 
pense of a few white lies ; this hopeful juvenile is very 
soon installed behind some merchant's counter, and the 
doting parents consider that their youthful prodigy's 
fortune is already made. And the youthful prodigy 
entertains the like conviction, and determines that the 
old folks shall one day see him the owner of a store ; 
and dressed in broadcloth every day, and a black satin 
vest, and big gold watch with a heavy gold chain ; 
and owning a white painted house " in town," with an 
immense portico in front, and making semi-annual 
visits to New- York or Philadelphia after goods ; and 
coming in a carriage with servants in livery, to see the 
old homestead every Christmas ; and having the seat of 
honor awarded him on such occasions, while he makes 
the eyes of all to stare in awe and wonder at the mar- 
vellous yarns he spins out concerning the sights to be 
seen in the metropolis ; until even burly Andy, as he 
pretends to be piling the wood high up in the old-fash- 



104 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

• 

ionecl chimney, grins as a darkey only knows how to 
grin, and fumbles abont his work unusually long, pok- 
ing and punching the big back-log and stirring up the 
coals, impatient to hear the conclusion of the last mag- 
nificent story about Dead Eabbits and Eip Eaps. 
These are the pleasant dreams Young Hopeful indulges 
in while he is learning to split skeins of silk, selling a 
half-skein for a whole one, as well as to lie genteelly, 
to look at all times smooth and insinuating, to be obse- 
quious to the rich, and condescendingly affable and 
confidential to those of mean condition. 

Young Hopeful's preceptor is usually a shrewd Yan- 
kee from Down East ; and here a word about this Yan- 
kee ; for the Yankees who have gone South with their 
descendants, form no inconsiderable share of the South- 
ern Middle Classes. Of course we are speaking of the 
great mass of them, who have been by no means the 
flowers of the New-England parterre, allow us to hint to 
our Southern friends. When not school-teachers, they 
have usually been trading people, who started out in 
life with their all tied up in a bundle on their backs, 
which said bundle is presumed to have contained wooden 
nutmegs, jewsharps, rat-traps, patent corkscrews, and 
other Yankee notions ; but so soon as they get the 
means, they set up for merchants or storekeepers. 
They then profess to be intensely pro-slavery, though 
they seldom own slaves, unless acquired by marriage, 
preferring otherwise to "hire;" either because they find 
it impossible to overcome their early anti-slavery pre- 
judices, or else owing to a fixed resolve to return to the 
land of their nativity at some future period of their 
lives. For, aside from the natural and inborn love of one's 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 105 

• 

birth-place which remaineth ever in the human heart, 
few Yankees have the tact to feel comfortable and per- 
fectly at home in a Slave State. Oftentimes they have 
evidently seen more of the world than the people with 
whom they select to live — particularly more of city 
life — still they appear to find it almost impossible to 
acquire that easy, unaffected simplicity of manners, 
which is the charming characteristic of all classes in 
the South, the slaves not excepted. Without intend- 
ing it, they yet appear either too pert and consequen- 
tial, or else too fawning and sycophantic. They are 
too frequently patronizingly good-fellowish, with the 
bluff yeomanry, and at the same time most torturingly 
polite to the wealthy planter. They manage, however, 
to fleece most of those who deal with them ; or else 
become bankrupt and run away from their creditors, 
having previously mortgaged all their stock of goods 
and other property to some friend or relation in the 
North ; who quietly comes and takes possession of the 
same, sells every thing to the highest and best bidder 
for cash, pockets the money — for whose use, deponent 
saith not — and returns whence he came, leaving the 
poor creditors minus their funds as well as their tem- 
pers. But the honest and prosperous Yankee usually 
associates himself with a Southern partner who is well 
known and possessed of influence in the community — 
the union proving beneficial to both parties. The firm 
soon gets a large run of custom, owing to the popularity 
of the Southern partner; and the familiarity of the 
Northern partner with the quality and prices of goods 
in the large cities, enables him to buy to better advan- 
tage than could a raw Southerner who visits the Mc- 
5* 



106 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

tropolis for the first time ; and in consequence to make 
better bargains with his customers. For the Yankee 
knows all those places where "old goods are sold for 
Southern and Western trade" — all the large auction 
establishments — all the second-hand dealers, and the 
pleasant den of My Uncle of the Three Balls. He 
buys most of his invoice from these people, and the 
"likes of them," and only enough new and fashionable 
articles to supply a few of his wealthy patrons, well 
knowing that these alone would ever be able to detect 
the fraud of his endeavoring to palm off goods two or 
three years old as the " latest styles." Even if he must 
lose on the few rich and fashionable articles he docs 
"lay in," he is bound nevertheless to make fully one 
hundred per cent on all the rest. Certainly it will re- 
quire considerable lying to " effect sales" — no doubt of 
that ; and is no better than downright swindling, to use 
the mildest epithet : but our Yankee consoles himself 
with the reflection, that in a few more years he will 
grow rich, when it will be plenty soon to enjoy telling 
the truth and being conscientious along with the other 
luxuries of life. And besides, the honest farmers and 
mechanics, and calico-loving negroes, will never enter- 
tain a doubt but what they have received their money's 
worth any how; and then, too, if he did not swindle 
them somebody else would ; and you must not forget, 
you know, the good old English maxim — "Every body 
for himself, and devil take the hindmost," and the 
Scripture declaration, that whoso provideth not for his 
own household, has denied the faith and become worse 
than an infidel ; and — a hundred other plausible excuses 
and pretexts, all of a kindred character. 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES 107 

Such is a hasty sketch of the usual preceptor of our 
Young Hopeful. Being both a willing and apt pupil, 
under such tuition he makes the most wonderful pro- 
gress, and soon acquires the sobriquet of Model Clerk 
and is promoted accordingly. And a Model Clerk is 
he, in truth — one that will swear black is white, or 
white is black, nor wince once while he does it either, 
but preserve all the time such a severe look of gravity 
and injured innocence, as rarely fails of disarming even 
the shrewdest of all their doubt or suspicion. In a little 
while, too, he learns to read a customer the moment 
he or she enters the store, and mentally soliloquizes, 
"Here's a country greenhorn to be plucked," or, "This 
lady is of the haul ton ; I must win her favor." In the 
former case he puts on a gracious patronizing air, looks 
very pleasant and affable, and speaks with an affectation 
of frank heartiness : " How are ye, Tom, ole fell' — give 
us your paw ! Haven't seen you in a coon's age — why 
haven't you been round to see a feller, eh ? And how's 
the old folks, and craps, and that blamnation pretty 
sweetheart of yours, ha, ha?" By this time he has 
made verdant feel at his ease, for the latter was a little 
shy when he first came into the presence of so much 
unaccustomed finery, and rubbed his mouth and nose 
confusedly with the sleeve of his "jeans" coat, and 
stammered, and blushed, and looked sheepish ; but now 
he says, with a broad grin, "As how he wants to buy 
her a nice dress, been's they're gwine to have some 
mighty fine doin's down to Aunt Sally Dubbin's fore 
long." And the simple fellow blushes again to hear 
himself talk, and grins somewhat bewilderedly : and 
the Model Clerk grins too, but he doesn't blush, not 



108 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

he ! But he takes his friend, Tom, confidentially by 
the sleeve, and leads him around the counter to where 
are stowed away some worthless old goods, which 
have lain on the shelves of the New- York importer 
until they are fit for moths only ; and picking them up 
daintily, he thrusts them into the face of the admiring 
countryman; grins again; winks; elevates his eye- 
brows knowingly ; chucks poor Tom under the short- 
ribs in a playful manner ; then softly whispers in his 
ear: "Times are hard, old fell' — and so we have put 
these splendid goods down to cost for cash." And he 
immediately proceeds to ask just one hundred and fifty 
per cent more than the miserable stuff cost at auction. 
Verdant is delighted, charmed, but -hesitates — sizes his 
pile, and says ruefully, "he haint got the rhino." "Is 
it for her?" asks the Model Clerk, with a sly wink. 
" Yes, 'taint for nobody shorter." " Then, confound my 
buttons, Tom, you shall have it at a sacrifice!" He 
offers it then at a large deduction, but still fully one 
hundred per cent above prime cost ; and sells it of 
course. Verdant marches off with the prize, grinning 
audibly as he does so, well-pleased with his " bargain ;" 
while the Model Clerk trips quietly smiling to his 
ledger, well -pleased with himself. 

But let us suppose the customer to be a lady of ton 
and wealth — how humble is the Model Clerk ! How 
affable, how polite, how cringing, how nimble of feet, 
how full of smirks and grimaces ! With happiness 
divine beaming in his glowing face, he tumbles down 
silks, brocades, velvets, laces, ribbons, etc., etc., piling 
the counter with the costly fabrics until he is almost 
hid from view behind the same ; and yet, after all his 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 109 

toil and flatteries, his bows and smirks, he is in the 
end most humbly thankful to sell madam a simple 
yard of ruban clefil ! When she has left him, floating 
in all her crinoline and flounces out at the street door, 
reminding one of a ship's cargo passing through the 
vessel's narrow hatchway ; he does feel somewhat hu- 
miliated, but then she will call again. "Ah! yes, 
you will come again, madam, and then /" Well, the 
deep significancy of that and then, is best interpreted 
by looking ahead a few years, for we will surely find 
that the Model Clerk has become the Model Store- 
keeper ; the urchin who ere while swapped jack-knives 
so deftly, at last realizes his early ambition, and is 
the owner of a " town house," and a " brick store," 
rides in his own carriage, drinks his weak wines every 
day, or his stronger brandy and water ; visits New- 
York and other seaboard cities twice a year, and, 
proudest of all his honors, goes to the old country 
homestead during the holidays, takes the seat of honor, 
none disputing, and proceeds to spin his Christmas 
yarns to the delectation of old folks and young folks, 
as well as to the utter bewilderment of the open- 
mouthed Andy and his fellow blacks. So wags the 
world, our readers, so wags the world. 

When the Model Storekeeper goes abroad, (which is 
to sa}', when he visits the land of the Northerners,) 
despite his everlasting satin waistcoat, he assumes to 
be a Southern gentleman, and so tries very hard to free 
himself of certain little tell-tale habits, which trades- 
people sometimes unfortunately contract in the "shop." 
But not knowing precisely how the "thing" should be 
done, and possessing besides somewhat original and 



110 TnE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

peculiar ideas on the subject, he endeavors to convey 
some notion of his importance to strangers by looking 
eminently grave and consequential, and picks his teeth 
along with those flashy chevaliers d ) Industrie who are 
wont to assemble in front of the St. Nicholas or the 
Girard, in the rather ludicrous conviction that such a 
dirty and ill-becoming practice makes him appear non- 
chalant and "up to snuff" — a vulgar phrase, this 
last, but significant of our meaning. He is very proud, 
too, when you inform him that you could have taken 
your Bible oath he was a Southerner the moment you 
laid eyes on him ; and if he does not tell you so, he 
yet secretly congratulates himself that there is some- 
thing in his air — in his bearing — peculiarly distingue, 
and peculiarly Southern also. And, although often 
not pecuniarily interested in slave property, save that 
his largest patrons are slave-owners, he is ever a valiant 
champion of the peculiar institution, and takes every 
opportunity to discuss the merits of the question, just 
as some New-England men are always sure to run 
every topic of conversation into a denunciation of the 
South, if you do not tell them plainly, " you'll none 
of it." 

At home, in his own little village, the Model Store- 
keeper prides himself upon his superiority to the other 
members of the middle class, partly because he thinks 
the life of a farmer or mechanic quite degrading, and 
that of a storekeeper the ne plus idtra of ton and re- 
spectability ; partly because he has cheated and swin- 
dled them all so long, that he very naturally concludes 
they are but dull common sort of people as compared 
to a person of his own wonderful 'cuteness ; partty, 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. Ill 

also, because he really is better informed than they 
about most subjects which are discussed in the jour- 
nals of the time ; and partly and mainly, too, because 
he is ambitious to be considered aristocratic. This 
last is his greatest weakness, in truth, for his sole am- 
bition becomes, later in life, centred in a desire to 
move in the select society of the landed proprietors of 
wealth and refinement. Filled with this "one idea," 
he rushes into all sorts of vulgar display, pretty much 
like his brother Potiphars of the Free States, and not 
unfrequently educates his children in such an unwise 
and senseless fashion, that they almost invariably grow 
up to be nothing better than dawdling fops and par. 
venues, instead of refined and well-bred ladies and 
gentlemen, who know how to be courteous to even the 
poorest beggar in the streets, and to whom sneers and 
all other modern genteel vulgarities are as wholly un- 
known as servile crookings of the "supple hinges of 
the knee, where thrift may follow fawning." 

But the Model Store keeper — the successful and 
money accumulating shopman, whose gains are chiefly 
gotten by reason of his adroit cozenage and subtlety — 
though the most prominent of his class in the South, 
as elsewhere; is not the exemplar- and archetype of all 
Southern storekeepers — not by a great odds. Neither 
would we have the reader to believe, that the cozening 
knave is always successful, for roguery more often than 
otherwise overreaches itself in the end ; and there are 
many scores, yea, and hundreds and tens of hundreds, 
too, we dare say, of poor shop-keepers in the South, as 
in the North, who do not remain poor through any lack 
of cunning or dishonesty, but simply because the fates 



112 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

are not propitious, and they themselves have not the 
abilities requisite to command success, even in swind- 
lers and cheats. 

There are, indeed, many different kinds of store- 
keepers, and we are almost at a loss for a classification 
of them. Some of them are gentlemen of wealth and 
the first social position, who, in a majority of instances, 
were never educated to the business, nor passed through 
any previous store-keeping novitiate or apprenticeship, 
and who are not therefore to be considered as properly 
belonging to the class of store-keepers. For which 
reason we shall not attempt any description of them or 
their families, but proceed to speak of that class of gen- 
uine tradesmen, who are the antipodes of the Model 
Storekeeper, and hence deserving of both our consid- 
erance and respect. 

At the time the Model Storekeeper was serving out 
his indentures as the Model Clerk, he had many fellow 
clerks, may be, all of whom, were fashioned after very 
different models from himself as well as from each other. 
There were delicate, simpering, weak-voiced, soft- 
handed, be-oiled, and be-curled clerks, with pretty 
mustaches, and whose brains seemed to have all melted 
and run down into their shirt-collars. These charming 
little fellows knew no higher ambition than to be valiant 
knights of the yard-stick, and of course never rose any 
higher in the scale of being; unless, perchance, by 
some very easily imagined process of metempsychosis, 
they finally were transformed into old women, after 
that the halcyon days of youth had been wasted, and 
when, through the infirmities of age, they could no 
longer successfully mimic the simpering smiles and 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 113 

mincing steps of the younger feminities — which seemed 
to be the sole aim and study of their earlier years. So, 
too, there were fast clerks, who gave oyster-suppers to 
their friends after work-hours ; who played the flute and 
old sledge every night, till near upon u day -break in the 
morning;" who drank oceans of champagne, and old 
Bourbon, and brandy and water ; who kept a pretty 
negro wench for a mistress, or may be some poor milli- 
ner's apprentice ; who bet on horse-races and the elec- 
tions, and loved fast driving, and to talk about " such 
a splendid rig," and their "two-forty," and all that; 
and who, as a natural consequence of the foregoing, 
sometimes took money out of the till of their employ- 
ers which did not belong to them — got discharged for 
their pains — lost caste thereupon — took to drink and 
cards harder than ever before, and finally died of deli- 
rium tremens, or degenerated into the Southern bully — 
of whom, more anon. 

But (and we now crave the reader's attention, par- 
ticularly if he be a young man of humble position) be- 
hind the same counter with all these worthless fellows, 
and side by side with the Model Clerk himself, there 
stood an honest, homely lad, possessing a sad but 
thoughtful face ; a lad whose parents had placed him 
in that servile position (bowing his manly nature down 
to the hard necessity of doing a woman's labor; for 
what else is it, good faith?) — because one sturdy father's 
arm could afford to give at best no more than one or 
two of his offspring the means to enable them to ac- 
quire any thing like a liberal education. Religiously 
trained at home, and naturally full of all generous im- 
pulses, this honest young fellow continues to be honest 



114 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

despite the lessons and examples of dishonesty all 
aronnd him ; continues to be frugal and economical, 
despite the continuous jeers and sarcasms of the sleek- 
coated coxcombs, who every day thrust their scented 
locks between him and the more wealthy patrons of the 
establishment, with a contemptuous smirk dispatching 
their more plain and homely fellow-clerk to attend to 
the wants of the ol ttoXXoI — the bluff, straightforward 
old farmers, the independent yeomanry, the drawling 
and gawky hoddy-doddies from the "hill country," and 
the grinning, good-natured, thick-lipped, and woolty- 
headed Africans. 

But mark, young gentlemen, honesty, frugality, and 
unwearied faithfulness, always, sooner or later, bring 
their own reward. In time, and by slow degrees, it 
may be, our honest lad emerges from his obscurity, and, 
as a young man, is noted among all classes for trust- 
worthiness and fair dealing, for a courteous affability 
which knows no respect of persons, and a conscious 
pride of demeanor, which declares that he is not 
ashamed of honest poverty, feeling and knowing that 
" a man's a man for a' that." By and by he has saved 
enough to go into business for himself; else some 
wealthy gentleman kindly furnishes him the capital, 
taking for security the honest fellow 's reputation ; and 
now, although he may not accumulate riches as rapidly 
as the Model Store-keeper, he yet steadily advances in 
the way to prosperity, winning all the while, what is 
worth a deal sight more than money, the respect and 
confidence of his fellow-citizens. Neither does his 
prosperity ever elate him any more than did his poverty 
render him servile and sycophantic ; for it is a painful 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 115 

truth, that your domineering and overbearing rich men 
who have risen from obscurity, were equally servile 
and truckling while they remained poor, crawling ever 
on their bellies at the beck of their employers, and 
eating dirt with as much apparent zest as the vulgar 
gourmand manifests while discussing a flavorous pot 
rpourri. Though not much read in books, the Honest 
Storekeeper is remarkable for hard common sense — 
what the country people vulgarly call horse-sense — and 
this prevents his aping the manners of those whose 
superior advantages have rendered them more elegant 
and refinecl than himself. Hence he is truly a gentle- 
man at heart, and is rarely given to any kind of vulgar 
ostentation ; but, instead of a showy house, luxurious 
furniture, liveried domestics, and extravagance in dress, 
so soon as he finds himself possesor of more cash capi- 
tal than his business requires, he invests it in a suburban 
farm— small at first, but enlarged and added to from 
year to year, until after a while it assumes the stately 
proportions of a plantation, to which the thrifty owner 
retires in his old age, seeking that otium cum dignitate, 
to which we all look forward as the reward of honest 
industry ; and leaving his sons or sons-in-law to carry 
on his former business. Such storekeepers are always 
deservedly respectable and well thought of; and their 
children in most cases being properly educated and 
well-bred, have the entree of the best society, and usu- 
ally conduct themselves worthily in every relation of 
life, whether civic or social. 

Tis most true, however, that the Honest Storekeeper 
does not always succeed in acquiring a fortune, but in 
a majority of cases dies with the harness on, and goes 



116 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

to receive, in a better country than this, the rewards 
due a life of honest toil and unflinching integrity. Ah ! 
how few of us who are blessed with abundance of this 
world's goods, ever consider what trials and temptations 
always beset the path of the struggling tradesman ! 
What doubts and fears ! What hopes deferred which 
make the heart sick ! He always presents to us a pleas- 
ant face, but who can paint the unutterable grief which 
lies hid behind that smiling mask? There is a note in 
bank due on the morrow, and he has not the money to 
take it up. There are grocers' bills, and butchers' "bills, 
whose owners are clamorous to be paid, but he can not 
raise a "red." Must his note go to protest? and must 
the families dependent upon the grocer and the butcher 
be turned into the street by their landlord, because he 
is delinquent in paying them their honest dues ? In 
the first case his honor is at stake and his good name, 
and in the other his manhood and all the kindly in* 
stincts of his heart. No wonder his head is prema- 
turely gray, and his quiet subdued manner even some- 
times borders on humility, not to say servility. Wait 
until we have been similarly tried ! After all, despite 
the world's blind worship of its mighty men, the most 
praiseworthy heroes are those whose walks are the com. 
mon ones of every day life, whose names- perish and 
whose memories are buried with their bodies — but who, 
having received only one talent from the good Master, 
wrapped it not up in a napkin, but used it honestly and 
faithfully, and at last, when called upon to give an ac- 
count of their stewardship, returned it with interest 
compounded to the Benevolent Donor. 

For who could not bear patiently the buffetings of 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 117 

the world and the cold neglect of mankind, when per 
suaded that aftertimes will honor his memory with that 
reverence which he feels is due, though denied to him 
by his contemporaries ? But to have to run the gaunt- 
let of life alone, only to find neglect and oblivion at the 
end of the race — buffeted at every turn by adversity 
and misfortune, kicked about, thumped about, worried 
and wearied by the struggles and cares of poverty, and 
above all disheartened by reason of the sneers and con- 
tempt of an unfeeling world : the man who runs such 
a gauntlet contentedly and in peace, never complaining 
of the hardness of his lot nor envying the riches of his 
neighbor, though he should faint by the way before his 
race is ended, and fall wounded and sore under the feet 
of the groundlings to be trampled in the dust, is yet 
the moral hero of the universe. Ah ! yes, and there are 
thousands of such in the world, although the world 
may never know them, and no trump of fame shall ever 
with brazen tongue proclaim their worthiness in camps 
or courts, in the presence of kings or peoples. They 
are the rough diamonds of our race, discarded and set 
at naught by ignorant men, only to be translated to a 
more princely kingdom, there to become the crown dia- 
monds of its majestic Sovereign. 

" So, gentlemen, 
"With all my love I do commend me to you : 
And what so poor a man as Hamlet is 
May do, to express his love and friending to you, 
God willing, shall not lack." 

We come next to speak of the Southern manufactu- 
rers. These bear a strong family resemblance to the 



118 THE MIDDLE CALSSES, 

various classes of storekeepers, and even sometimes to 
the more refined and intelligent city merchants, who arc 
pretty much the same in the South that they are in the 
North. The manufacturing interest is rapidly advanc- 
ing in the South, particularly the manufacture of cotton 
and woollen stuffs of a coarse grade. Manufactories of 
this kind are springing up every where in the cotton 
States of late years ; but they are most numerous in the 
State of Georgia, which has been appropriately called 
the Empire State of the South, and in this State they 
are owned not infrequently, at least in part, by persons 
from the North : what is more, these manufactories are 
generally profitable investments — more so, in truth, 
than those of Massachusetts or other Northern States. 
We do not see any reason, indeed, why cotton or wool- 
len manufactories in any of our Gulf States could not 
be made to pay handsomely, if in the hands of enter- 
prising and intelligent capitalists. They can certainly 
compete successfully with Lowell or Manchester in sup- 
plying the wants of the South, as well as our Pacific 
States, Mexico, Central and South- America, and, in 
time, China and Japan — the trade with these latter 
countries being destined ere a great while to pass in- 
evitably through or over either the Isthmus of Darien 
or Tehuantepec. Even discarding slave labor alto- 
gether, the Poor Whites alone of the South, to say no- 
thing of the Yeomen, are numerous enough to work 
more spindles than are in the whole of New-England 
at present. And we are disposed to believe that they 
could be induced to forsake their usual idle and profit- 
less manner of living, and to devote themselves to the 
labor of factory operatives ; although there are those 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 119 

who think their blood has so long flowed through l&zy 
channels — first in the veins of their remote English 
ancestors who lived and died in the poorhouses of 
England, and latterly through the veins of their im- 
mediate progenitors, who seem to have vegetated 
among the Southern sandhills something like the na- 
tive mullein-stalks, which neither toil nor yet do spin 
— until there is no longer any possible method by 
which they can be weaned from leading the lives of 
vagrom-men, idlers, and squatters, useless alike to 
themselves and the rest of mankind. But we should 
like to see the experiment tried, notwithstanding. 

From a late digest of the statistics of manufactures, 
which has just been completed in accordance with an 
act of Congress, and transmitted to that body by the 
President, we learn that the total value of manufac- 
tures in the South for the year ending June 1, 1858, 
amounted to one hundred and sixty -two millions one 
hundred and twelve thousand three hundred and 
twenty -four dollars. The number of establishments is 
about thirty thousand ; the number of hands employed 
about one hundred and sixty thousand ; the amount 
of capital invested ninety-one millions two hundred 
and eighty thousand nine hundred and sixty-four dol- 
lars. This is certainly no mean showing for what has 
been considered an almost exclusively agricultural 
community. Of course, however, in the present em- 
bryo state of cotton and woollen manufactures in the 
South, the greater proportion of her present manufac- 
tures is the product of more intelligent labor than 
what is ordinarily performed by factory operatives. 
It is the product indeed of mechanical skill — the value 



120 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

of the labor of Southern mechanics, even those " greasy 
mechanics," about whom certain Northern dema- 
gogues have been so much exercised of late. It is the 
value of the labor of carriage-makers, leather-dressers, 
harness-makers, hatters, cabinet-makers, cobblers, iron- 
workers, engine-builders, trunk-manufacturers, and the 
like. And yet it has been asserted in the North time 
and again, and the assertion is still reiterated every 
day, that Southern mechanics are put upon a level 
with the negroes, and are not respected because they 
labor with their own hands for a livelihood ! You, 
Eeverend Sir, have, in the hotness of your political 
zeal, doubtless aided in the circulation of the charge ; 
and if only to prevent your again desecrating the pul- 
pit with such utterances of falsehood and calumny, al- 
low us to inform you implicitly that all such cock-and- 
bull stories are the sheerest fabrications, concocted by 
those political tricksters who, to serve their own sel- 
fish purposes, seek to inflame the breasts of the honest 
sons of toil in the Free States against the landed pro : 
prietors of the South. Did not these latter afford 
them a safe and shining mark at which to spit their 
venom, the hollow-hearted knaves would soon begin 
to agitate with viperous tongue agrarian sentiments at 
home, hoping to thrust themselves into power by ex- 
citing the rabblement and riffraff of the community 
against all citizens of affluence and respectability. 

Now, the mechanics in the Slave States constitute a 
very worthy portion of the Southern middle classes, 
and, when moral and upright, are fully as much re- 
spected as they are any where else in ths world; 
though they arc not at the same time any more admit- 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 121 

ted to a social equality with the Southern elite, or the 
family of the high-bred Southern Gentleman, than 
they are to the fashionable and exclusive society of 
the solid men of Boston, or to the gilded and luxuri- 
ous drawing-rooms of a New- York millionaire. As 
we view it, respectability is one thing and gentility or 
fashion is quite another. It is respectable to labor — 
to acquire an honest livelihood by one's own industry 
— all the world over ; but where, we should like to 
know, is it considered genteel or fashionable? Be- 
sides, respectability may be of different degrees, some- 
times graduated according to a man's pecuniary cir- 
cumstances, but much oftener according to his mental 
capacity and largeness of soul ; but fashion, on the 
contrary, never allows of but one standard, whether 
of dress, of manners, or equipage, or birth, or wealth — 
and to this standard must conform all those devotees 
who would fain bask in the smiles of the uncompromi- 
sing goddess, who in all things else allows the very 
largest liberty, not to say license. Hence men may be, 
and often are, both fashionable and genteel, who still 
remain any thing else than respectable, and vice versa. 
Thus the code of fashion and modern gentility de- 
mands that poor Mrs. Sickles shall become an outcast, 
while a noble Briton, said to be as guilty, is feted and 
his society courted by the very quality who turn their 
backs upon the helpless girl-adulteress, upon principle, 
too ! and who would still smile upon the greater sin- 
ner, who doubtless lured the poor victimized wife to 
her ruin, had his life only been spared by the dishon- 
ored husband. Yea, load even an ass down with jew- 
els and broadcloth, give him a long pedigree, and the 



122 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

entree of "our best society," and in a very little while 
it would be looked upon as "flat burglary" not to cry 
bravo! every time the quadruped might bray, and 
hear ! hear ! if he so much as flapped one of his lovely 
auricles ; but who is such a born fool as to imagine 
once that Long Ears is the recipient personally of such 
tokens of distinguished regard ! Strip the poor fellow 
of his costly trappings, and you will soon perceive 
what a sorry ass he becomes indeed, with none so poor 
as to do him reverence. So is it with many persons 
of ton and fashion ; strip them of their trumpery gew- 
gaws, of the glitter and glamour in which their wealth 
and surroundings envelop them, or effectually remove 
the gilded mask which hides from the world's eyes 
their black and viperine natures, and verily not a wild 
ass that brays among the sandy wastes of Judea but 
would more deserve our respect and esteem. While, 
on the other hand, every where, in all ages and climes, 
and no oftener in the Slave States than in the Free 
North, men are to be met with of sterling integrity, of 
noble natures, of generous impulses and the purest 
moral character, who would find themselves completely 
at a loss how to behave in a fashionable drawing-room, 
would never be able to dine in any peace of body or 
mind at a rich man's table, and whose life-long friend- 
ships and associations wholly unfit them to mingle on 
terms of social equality with the educated and refined, 
the high-bred and aristocratic. And none but a fool 
or a knave, or a philosopher of the school of Kobes- 
pierre, or a demagogue of the family of the Gracchi, 
would ever advocate such an impossible social mon- 
strosity as the fraternization of natures so dissimilar; 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 128 

or, failing in the accomplishment of their quixotic 
emprise, would begin to rail, with rancorous malice 
and spite, against riches and refinement, against cul- 
ture and pride of station, one or all of them. For the 
discerning eye of the truly wise and thoughtful man 
will ever pierce through no matter what sort of out- 
ward disguise, be it of poverty or wealth, of rags or 
purple raiment, until he shall be enabled to measure 
the spiritual stature of every one of his fellow-crea- 
tures ; and when he has done this, he will then predi- 
cate his esteem of each individual upon what he finds 
written upon the tablets of his heart, and upon nothing 
beside. This is the true Christian philosophy, and it 
is founded upon that immutable and eternal Kock of 
Ages, which will remain firm and unshaken when all 
mutable and perishable things shall have passed away. 
Those doughty individuals who bawl loudest and 
fiercest against (not the abuses of wealth, but) wealth, 
are the very fellows, if the truth were known, who in 
their hearts honor riches most, and who run thereafter 
with greatest greed, until they find that the coveted 
treasure still continues to elude their grasp ; when, out 
of pure envy, they resolve not to permit those who do 
possess the coveted prize to enjoy the same in any 
peace or comfort. Such honest worthies always re- 
mind one of those leathery blue-stocking damsels who, 
(after having baited their man-traps for full thirty 
years or more with every delicate morceau known to 
female ingenuity, but all in vain,) finding themselves 
in the autumn of their days shrivelled and hideous, 
rail so indignantly against matrimony, and sneer so 
virtuously at the buxom charms of a blooming girl of 



124 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

sixteen, whose fresh young life and' healthy heart- 
beats will make her the cynosure and idol of all her 
gentleman friends, who are neither blase nor misan- 
thropical. So, also, your factious demagogues, whose 
oily tongues are always appealing to the People and 
for the People, are ten to one the greatest knaves 
alive, and in their hearts care no more for the dear 
people than the purring tom-cat cares for the mouse 
he tenderly fondles before eating, or the dirty swine 
for the reeking draff in which it wallows before taking 
thereof its swill. And when we reflect that the dis- 
closures of the shameful practices of our Forty Con- 
gressional Thieves have so fully demonstrated the 
truth of this charge, we are inexpressibly astonished 
and confounded, that the citizens of our Free States 
will not open their eyes to the necessarily demoralizing 
tendency of that miserable politicalism of ttte hour, 
which appeals to nothing higher than base passion or 
baser prejudice. beguiled fellow-countrymen, why 
will you not be instructed by the warning voice of all 
past history ? "Without considering the multiple rev- 
olutions and periodical massacres which have stained 
Europe with blood during the last half-century, when 
was it, let us ask, in the history of the Eepublics of 
Greece and Eome, that the most fervid and intempe- 
rate appeals were addressed to the fickle pojDulace ii3 
favor of an universal brotherhood ? It was when the 
tyrant Scylla was liberating convicts and slaves to rape 
and debauch the patrician dames of the Imperial City : 
and when Aristides was being ostracized by the Athe- 
nians, because he dared to be juster and honester than 
the servile demagogues who, by flatteries and wire- 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 125 

pulling, had wormed themselves into the hearts of the 
unthinking rabble. Believe us, gentlemen, the sway 
of passion, if long indulged, leads inevitably to mob- 
law in the end ; and thence to despotism is a facile de- 
sensus, from which the revocare gradum is only to be 
accomplished at the expense of oceans of blood and 
treasure. But in our excessive zeal we are fast losing 
sight of the Southern mechanics; so, revenons & nos 
mouto?is, our readers. 

As a general thing, the mechanics of our Slave 
States are much better conditioned, so far as worldly 
goods are concerned, than their brother-craftsmen of 
the North ; and for three very good reasons. First, 
there is in the South less competition ; and in the sec- 
ond place, higher wages ; and thirdly and lastly, the 
Southern mechanics get work all the year round, and 
do not have to lie idle all winter, sucking their paws 
like the grizzly bears of the Rocky Mountains, eating 
up in the mean time all the little store they may have 
accumulated during the summer months. And par- 
ticularly is this true when slack times prevail, and la- 
bor is not in demand. This, indeed, is the great curse 
of the life of a mechanic in the North, and keeps just 
about one half of them always dodging from pillar to 
post, uncertain to-day where to-morrow's dinner shall 
be eaten. 

Why, at the present time, we do not entertain the 
least doubt but there are fully one hundred thousand re- 
spectable families in the North who are out of employ- 
ment, and who in consequence will have to live for 
the next three months (we write this about the begin- 
ning of December) in a state of semi-starvation ! What 



126 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

a commentary may we here read on the boasts of the 
Northern press only two short years ago. Then the 
South was every where decried as poor and bankrupt, 
as on the eve of beggary and starvation, while in the 
Free North all was progress and reform ! But the 
hard times came — the winds blew and the rains beat ; 
and now we all know who has been the wise man, 
building his house upon a sure foundation. The great 
Northern house of sand has been overwhelmed in the 
storm, leaving nothing but a wreck behind ; but the 
South stands firm as a rock, and her financial condi- 
tion never was better. And in the general prosperity 
her mechanics have shared in the good fortune of her 
other citizens ; they have suffered no reduction from 
their usual wages, and have had pretty constant work 
all the time. 

Indeed, our abolition parsons who have been praying 
so devoutly for God to heap coals of fire upon the heads 
of the Southerners, are now beholding their own flocks 
subjected to the ordeal, and to save themselves from 
destruction are forced to rely upon foreign gold — to beg 
alms of the enemies of their country ! Have their mal- 
edictions come home to roost ? Why, if this be not 
true, does one meet so constantly in the Free States 
haggard, care-worn faces, which are seldom lighted up 
with a smile of contentment, or the broad grin of a 
hearty and wholesome good humor ? In the streets, 
on the cars, on the ferry and river steamboats, in the 
churches, in the theatres, in the workshops — every 
where you meet continually the dull restless eye of the 
weary brain, or the wistful, longing look of the wearier 
heart, in sad contrast to that smiling, rollicking spirit, 



THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 127 

which seems to pervade the entire South. If any of 
our readers doubt the truth of the assertion, only let 
them travel for one month in one section and then one 
month next succeeding in the other, and they will 
have their skepticism removed beyond a perad venture. 

So much for the Middle Classes. 

Whatever else we shall have to say concerning them 
will be found in the two next succeeding chapters, 
which treat respectively of the " Southern Yankee" 
and "Cotton Snobs;" only we will here remark, what 
should have been adverted to before now, that most of 
the classes treated of in this chapter are much given to 
a love of military titles, bestowed without regard to any 
sort of military service and upon all sorts of people. 
The young men, also, very much affect blue coats with 
brass buttons, and even sometimes sport veritable 
stripes down the legs of their pantaloons. To such an 
extent does the military fever rage in some localities, a 
stranger would conclude at least every other male citi- 
zen to be either " Captain, or Co-lo-nel, or Knight at 
arms." Nor would he greatly err, so far as the title 
goes, for, we verily believe, in some favored districts, 
he would find more than every other man a military 
chieftain of some sort or other. Illustrative of this 
weakness for sounding handles to one's name, (an Ame- 
rican peculiarity, by the by, and by no means confined 
to the South,) a well-known gentleman of Winchester, 
in the State of Virginia, is in the habit of telling some- 
thing like the following anecdote. Crossing the Poto- 
mac on a certain occasion into Virginia, with his horse, 
in a ferry-boat, the ferryman said : 

"Major, I wish you would lead your horse a little 
forward !" 



128 THE MIDDLE CLASSES. 

He immediately did so, observing to the man : 

"lam not a Major, and you must not call me one." 

To this the ferryman replied : 

" Wall, Kurnel, I ax your pardon, and I won't call 
you so no more." 

Having arrived at the landing-place, he led his horse 
out of the boat, and said : 

" My good friend, I am a very plain man ; I am nei- 
ther a Colonel nor a Major — I have no title at all, and 
I don't like them. How much have I to pay you ?" 

The ferryman gazed at him a while in astonishment 
and silence, but at last exclaimed : 

" By j inkers ! you ar' the fust white man that I ever 
crossed this ferry with who warn't jist nobody at all ; 
an' I swar, Kur — a — Cap — dangnation ! Wall, dod 
seize me, Squire, you shan't pay not a red cent — you 
allers can go over this ferry scot free — if you shan't, 
hang old Jake Wiggins !" 



CHAPTER III. 

THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

M How many a man, from love of pelf, 
To stuff his coffers starves himself ; 
Labors, accumulates, and spares, 
To lay up ruin for his heirs : 
Grudges the poor their scanty dole ; 
Saves every thing except his soul : 
And always anxious, always vexed, 
Loses both this world and the next !" 

Old Satirist. 

The name Yankee was originally bestowed upon 
New-Englanders alone, but for what reason it would 
be difficult perhaps to determine at this time. At 
present, however, with all foreigners it is used to desig- 
nate the natives of any of the Anglo-American States 
of our Republic. Thus Mr. Paul Morphy, though a 
Louisianian, is always spoken of abroad as the Yankee 
Champion of Chess. At home, matters are somewhat 
different. In our Southern States all Northerners are 
regarded as Yankees, while the Southerners will not 
consent to have the name applied to themselves. But 
even in the North there are those who still disclaim 
the appropriateness of the cognomen, when applied to 
any persons other than the natives of New -England ; 
hence, the New-Yorker becomes quite indignant if you 
call him a Yankee, and so do the Keystoners, and the 
6* 



130 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

people who live in our Western States. Yankee with 
all these is looked upon usually as a term of reproach 
— signifying a shrewd, sharp, chaffering, oily-tongued, 
soft-sawdering, inquisitive, money-making, money-sav- 
ing, and money - worshipping individual, who hails 
from Down East, and who is presumed to have no 
where else on the Globe a permanent local habitation, 
however ubiquitous he may be in his travels and pur- 
suits. In this sense of the word, however, we are dis- 
posed to opine that, while New-England may possibly 
produce more Yankees than other portions of the Re- 
public, owing to the sterile nature of her soil and the 
consequent necessity of hoarding up and husbanding 
every thing, even to stinginess, on the part of her teem- 
ing population ; still, any numbers of the close-fisted 
race are to be met with all the way from the banks of 
the Hudson to the deltas of the Mississippi — all to the 
manor born too, and through whose veins courses not 
a drop of New-England blood. 

Of these all the Southern Yankee is, without dispute 
or cavil, the meanest. He has nothing whatever to 
plead in excuse or even extenuation of his selfishness ; 
for all around him is a boundless hospitality, and even 
the very air he breathes excites to warm-heartedness, 
relaxing the closed fist of more Northern latitudes into 
the proverbially open palm of the generous-hearted 
South. Time was, indeed, when the Southern Yankee 
had neither a local habitation nor a name. During the 
grand old Colonial days, as well as the happy period 
which immediately succeeded the Revolution, South- 
erners did not dream of devoting their whole lives — all 
their time and talents — to the base pursuit of riches — 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 131 

the mere acquisition of dollars and dimes, regardless 
of family ties, or the duties one owes to society, and 
the much higher duties also one owes to his God. 
There is, in truth, only a single instance on record of 
such a Southerner existing in those days ; and he was 
that scurvy fellow, who, according to Patrick Henry, 
at the very time our Revolutionary fathers were re- 
joicing over their hard-won victory and independence, 
ran about frantically from camp to camp, bawling 
hoarsely at the top of his voice, beef! beef! beef! But 
alas ! this famous beefman must have been no less than 
a second Grand Turk, to have left so many descend- 
ants after him ! At the present time, the Southern 
Yankee is quite an institution in the South. Although 
he has sprung up in the last fifty years, he has thriven 
faster than Jonah's gourd, has waxed fat exceedingly, 
and already elevates his horn amazingly high in the 
land. He flourishes like a green bay-tree in every 
Southern State. Whether this has been owing to the 
influence and example of his Northern brother, or to 
the sudden wealth bestowed upon the South by the in- 
vention of the cotton-gin and the purchase of Louisiana, 
or to some other undefined and indefinable cause, we 
are not prepared to say. "We simply record the fact/ 
as in duty bound to do, and leave to more inquisitive 
minds the labor of tracing out the cause. 

The Southern Yankee comes of no particular line- 
age, but springs from all manner of forefathers, though 
in most cases from persons of the middle class. No 
matter whence he derives his origin, however, he inva- 
riably boasts but one armorial motto, and that is, vincit 
omnia aurum. These arc the words he emblazons is 



132 THE SOUTHERN" YANKEE. 

letters of gold upon the silken gonfalon which he flings 
so bravely to the breeze, and such is the inspiriting 
ensign under which he rights : and he proves no rec- 
reant soldier, we can assure you, but fights the good 
fight to the death, and verily he hath his reward : For, 

" Satan now is wiser than of yore, 



And tempts by making rich — not making poor." 

Indeed, were we disposed to imitate the style of 
our political parsons, (which is no difficult thing, O 
reader !) we should declaim somewhat on the following 
wise : Like his Northern brother, the Southern Yankee 
is deterred by no obstacle whatever from his tireless 
pursuit of riches. In the tobacco-fields of Virginia, 
in the rice-fields of Carolina, in the cotton-fields of 
Alabama, or among the sugar-canes of Louisiana, when 
a farmer or planter, he is in all things similar and 
equally bent on the accumulation of the sordid pelf: 
and the crack of his whip is heard early, and the crack 
of the same is heard late, and the weary backs of his 
bondmen and his bondwomen are bowed to the ground 
with over-tasking and over- toil, and yet his heart is still 
.unsatisfied ; for he grasps after more and more, and 
cries to the fainting slave : "Another pound of money, 
dog, or I take a pound of flesh !" And the lash is 
never staid, save by one single consideration only — 
ivill it pay? Will it pay to press the poor African be- 
yond what he can endure, and thereby shorten his 
life, or is it better to drive him just so far as his health 
and continued usefulness will justify ? this is the great 
and the only question with every Southern Yankee : 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 133 

Conscience ? Basta ! lie knows no such a thing as 
conscience : he cares only to get gain, and get it he 
will, and let conscience go to the dogs. Religion ? 
Kiss your grandmother ! Go talk to the women and 
the parsons about religion : a man who has uncounted 
treasures visible and tangible, will not be such a fool 
as to give them up for those which can be neither seen 
nor felt, and the enjoyment of which is postponed to 
the Hereafter. Humanity ? The devil ! what care I 
for your humanity ? Don't I see every body else try- 
ing to cheat every body, and to get the upper hand ; 
and shall I remain such a milksop as to let every body 
get ahead of me ? So he reasons ; and he acts accord- 
ingly. Who of us, dear friends, shall cast the first 
stone at him? ' Will you, Sir, regular church com- 
municant, negrophilist too, and all that, who gamble in 
stocks, in railway shares, bank shares, and mortgage 
bonds ? in grain, in whisky, in lands ? who blow your 
great financial bubbles in a venal public press, until 
you have pocketed the savings of the widow and the 
orphan, when you suddenly collapse, suspend, fail, or 
abscond, leaving your poor victims a prey to want, and 
beggary, and starvation ? Will you, our gentlemanly 
manufacturers, who live in your brown-stone fronts 
and fare luxuriously every day, while in your estab- 
lishments " down-town" thousands of weak, hollow- 
eyed women and sickly-hued men, are every clay dying 
by inches for lack of proper nourishment, and proper 
rest, and freedom from corroding cares, and a mouthful 
now and then of pure country air, and an occasional 
scent of the clover-blooms or the sweet perfume of the 
new-mown hay ? Or will you, ye swearing, libidinous 



134 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

Free Thinkers, who labor to undermine public virtue 
and public morals by denying the authority of Kevela 
tion and the existence of a God, hoping in the uni- 
versal corruption which would ensue upon the success 
of your doctrines, to gratify more easily your beastly 
and lustful natures ? Which one of you all, we re- 
peat, will cast the first stone at the Southern Yankee ? 
Come now, gentlemen, do not all throw at once : one 
at a time, if you please — one at a time ! 

The farming class of Southern Yankees abounds 
more in the Gulf States, than in those which border 
on the Free States. This is owing to the greater rich- 
ness of the soil in the former States, as well as to 
the greater profitableness of cotton-raising or sugar- 
planting as compared to the production of tobacco, 
wheat, or hemp. Besides, in the extreme South, the 
Southern Yankee puts himself to very little expense 
about any sort of improvements on his plantation, and 
his gin-house not unfrequently costs twice as much as 
his mansion. Sometimes, indeed, he lives in a log- 
cabin similar to those furnished his negroes, and even 
when he possesses a better and more pretentious dwell- 
ing, he rarely keeps it painted, but lets it rot down over 
his head, being too penurious to spend the money ne- 
cessary to keep it in repairs. Usually there is only a 
" worm fence" of rails around his yard, in which pigs, 
poultry, cows, sheep, horses, and the like are allowed 
to roam at will ; and his stables, barns, negro cabins, 
and other out-houses, are, in most cases, not more than 
a stone's throw from his own domicil. Under such 
circumstances, is it at all wonderful that the Southern 
Yankee is fully as restless as the Yankees of the North 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 135 

— always on the move, or ready to sell out at any time 
if settled? Home to be loved must be made attractive, 
but he who is so wedded to filthy lucre as to despise all 
ornament that costs money, is not capable of entertain- 
ing in his selfish and narrow bosom so refining a passion 
as the love of home, or the love of any thing else, in- 
deed, that is pure and beautiful. In the words of the 
poet, 

"A river or a sea 
Is to him a dish of tea, 
And a kingdom, bread and butter." 

In regard, however, to the dwellings, or log cabins 
rather, of those persons who have just moved into any 
of the new States of the South-west, the reader will 
please observe, that there is a great difference between 
the man who lives in a log cabin from necessity and 
because nothing better is to be had, and the individual 
who does so from choice, and because he is too penuri- 
ous to own a better dwelling. For you will find in 
many a log cabin in all the South-western States as 
perfect gentlemen — gentlemen of the first breeding and 
education — as in most of the mansions on Fifth Avenue. 

However, though often a farmer or planter, the 
Southern Yankee is much more frequently a trader or 
speculator. The slow but sure gains of agricultural 
pursuits are not swift enough to satisfy his inordinate 
craving for money ; hence he speculates, either in mer- 
chandise, or stocks, or tobacco, or cotton, or sugar, or 
rice, or grain, or lands, or horses, or men. In all 
which he is but a type of the Wall Street prototype. 
He will lie or cheat if need be, and scruples at no dirty 
trick provided it enables him to make a " good thing 



136 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

of it" — sucli is the chaste vernacular of these sharp 
witted fellows. Of course there are those who specu- 
late in most of the things we have enumerated, both 
in the North and the South, who are yet honorable and 
trustworthy citizens. We are by no means disposed 
to confound the innocent with the guilty in any of the 
affairs of life. Bat the Southern Yankee, as well as 
the simon-pure Northern Yankee, is unscrupulous in his 
speculations, as in every thing else almost which is not 
put down in black and white as a penitentiary offence. 
Neither of them has any principles he could swear by, 
unless you except the principle of making money and 
saving it when it is made. When the former goes to 
live in the North he is sure to turn abolitionist, although 
he may have been a negro-trader up to that time ; and 
so, too, when the latter directs his steps Southwards, 
notwithstanding he may have been previously a con- 
stant employe on the Underground Eailroad, he im- 
mediately discovers a sweet divinity in the peculiar 
institution, and no Southern overseer could expatiate 
more eloquently on its manifold beauties than he. 

We have had the good fortune or the bad fortune 
(whichever the reader prefers) to meet with many of 
these knavish, unprincipled turn-coats, both in the 
North and the South. The most striking instance we 
ever knew of a Southern Yankee turned abolitionist, 
was that of a Marylander, who had left his country for 
his country's good no doubt, and had gone to live in 
a Northern State. We met him by accident on one of 
the many leading lines of railway in the Free States — 
when or where does not matter ; and since we two oc- 
cupied the same seat, so soon as we became aware that 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 137 

each of us was Southern born, we very naturally be- 
gan to discuss the subject of slavey. We do not know 
wliy it was, unless the fellow desired to curry favor 
with the Northerners all around us ; but he certainly 
did extol the North with undue lavishness, abusing the 
South at the same time in as scurrilous a manner, as 
that preeminently virtuous and sweet-spoken paper, 
the New- York Tribune, is wont to do every day. At 
first we were exceedingly shocked, but recovering from 
our surprise and mortification, we answered with some 
bitterness the aspersions of our fellow - Southerner, 
which so confused him, he seemed completely at a loss 
what to say, but wriggled like a crushed worm upon 
his seat, shaking his head the while in a manner so 
doleful and wretched, that a New-Yorker present and 
the amiable Conductor (this was the label on the lat. 
ter's hat) volunteered to back him ; and so at it we 
went again more spirited than before. Luckily for the 
writer, an intelligent Englishman and a gallant son of 
the Old Dominion came to the rescue, seeing the odds 
against us ; and right soon we had routed the enemy 
horse, foot, and dragoons. But being all of us young 
and somewhat heady, and our blood being up, we de- 
termined, so soon as we reached our hotel in the South- 
ern city we were bound to, that a diligent inquiry 
should be instituted concerning the antecedents of this 
person, who could be so mean and ungrateful as to 
strike at the mother who brought him into the world. 
Old Dominion undertook the task of smokinsc out the 
cunning fox, and he soon had Master Eeynard unearth- 
ed to our entire satisfaction. We learned that the fel- 
low had formerly lived in a little country village in 



138 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

Maryland ; was there the cashier of the village bank ; 
was withal a miser of the straitest sect, and so cruel a 
■master to his servants as to be universally detested. Such, 
O reader, are some of the recruits to the great Army 
of Freedom ! 

The Southern Yankee is very often a village store- 
keeper or country merchant, as he delights in styling 
himself, and is always pretty much of the like pattern 
with the Model Storekeeper, only he is even less scru- 
pulous than that worthy. For, besides the practice of 
selling auction-bought goods as the "latest styles," and 
general lying and swindling, he is also given to one 
other practice much more reprehensible and blame- 
worthy, though equally if not more profitable. In all 
parts of the South, it is the custom of village storekeep- 
ers to sell goods on a credit of twelve months, at the 
expiration of which time, if you are rich and influen- 
tial, you are seldom asked to pay up, but simply to 
give your note for the amount due. If you are in only 
moderate circumstances, however, and so " short" that 
you can not meet your yearly bills promptly when pay- 
day arrives, the Southern Yankee is very kind ; does 
not wish to distress an old patron and friend ; all he 
asks is, that you too shall give him your note, but se- 
cured by good collaterals — which means a trust-deed of 
your land and negroes. These may be worth ten thou- 
sand dollars, while your note does not exceed five hun- 
dred ; but, no matter, the whole of your property is 
demanded as security. Then you are permitted to 
buy on credit again ; and again at the end of another 
year your note is taken as before ; and thus from year 
to year, until your indebtedness amounts to about one 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 139 

half what your property is worth. Hitherto the South. 
ern Yankee has been to you the very best friend in the 
world. He has fawned on you in public, invited you 
to dine with him whenever you have been in the vil- 
lage to remain all day ; and has so completely obfus- 
cated your wits by means of his adroit flatteries, that 
you are absolutely fool enough to believe him, when 
he tells you in a confidential whisper, that he loves you 
like a brother. But now his aspect suddenly changes — 
the cat which has been lying so demurely in the meal- 
tub this long time, throws off all disguise at last : your 
advances are met with coldness ; your stale jokes are 
not laughed at so furiously as formerly ; you are no 
longer asked to dinner, but are snubbed on all occa- 
sions ; and next you are forbidden to buy any longer 
on credit, but are sternly called upon to " pay that 
thou owest." And wo be unto you if you fail to meet 
the demand of your unjust creditor, promptly ! for he 
will immediately proceed to put your whole property 
under the hammer of the sheriff ; will buy it in him- 
self for one half its value, and then in the coolest man. 
ner possible return to you your notes, telling you im- 
pudently : " Now, Sir, we are square, and I trust we 
shall remain so !" 

But the most utterly detestable of all Southern Yan- 
kees is the Negro Trader — Speculator he delights to 
call himself of late years. The unmerciful master is 
bad enough in all conscience ; the swindling store- 
keeper is no better, while the unprincipled knave who 
is all things to all men if by any means he may make 
money, is equally to be abhorred with the rest ; but, 
above all these, preeminent in villainy and a greedy 



140 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

love of filthy lucre, stands the hard-hearted Negro Tra- 
der, who is in every respect as unconscionable a dog of 
a Southern Shylock as ever drank raw brandy by the 
glassful, or chewed Virginia tobacco, or used New-Eng- 
land cowskins to lacerate the back of a slave. Of 
course, when we thus characterize the Negro Trader, 
we allude to the worst class of them ; for they are not 
all corrupt, or ignorant, or ill-bred. Some of them, we 
doubt not, are conscientious men, but the number is 
few. Although honest and honorable when they first 
go into the business, the natural result of their calling 
seems to be to corrupt them ; for they have usually to 
deal with the most refractory and brutal of the slave 
population, since good and honest slaves are rarely per- 
mitted to fall into the unscrupulous clutches of the 
speculator. And we all know how soon familiarity 
with ignorance and a vicious brutality tarnishes even the 
characters of good men: for example, who does not 
know that our city police are nearly always rendered 
corrupt from a long familiarity with vice ? 

The miserly Negro Trader, then — once more to speak 
in the language of the tabernacles — is, outwardly, a 
coarse ill-bred person, provincial in speech and man- 
ners, with a cross-looking phiz, a whiskey-tinctured 
nose, cold hard-looking eyes, a dirty tobacco-stained 
mouth, and shabby dress. But what he is inwardly 
can not be so well arrived at or determined. He is not 
troubled evidently with a conscience, for, although he 
habitually separates parent from child, brother from 
sister, and husband from wife, he is yet one of the j oi- 
liest dogs alive, and never evinces the least sign of re- 
morse. Neither has he any religion ; for almost every 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 141 

sentence he utters is accompanied by an oath, and as 
for downright blasphemy, he is in this particular almost 
as gifted as those infidel socialists, free-lovers, and abo- 
litionists, who annually assemble in some one of the 
Free States for the purpose of resolving the Bible a 
humbug, and our Federal Constitution a compact with 
the devil. His heart, indeed, is full of all villainies 
and corruptions. It is never warmed by a single gen- 
erous impulse, but is all blackness and barrenness — 
black with guilty thoughts and wicked machinations 
how he may increase his gains, and barren of all good 
deeds or virtuous resolves. But his greatest wicked- 
ness, Reverend friend, does not consist alone in his cru- 
elty to the African. He has other sins to answer for 
fully as heinous ; for nearly nine tenths of the slaves 
he buys and sells are vicious ones sold for crimes or 
misdemeanors, or otherwise diseased ones sold because 
of their worthlessness as property. These he purchases 
for about one half what healthy and honest slaves would 
cost him ; but he sells them as both honest and healthy, 
mark you! So soon as he has completed his "gang," 
he dresses them up in good clothes, makes them comb 
their kinky heads into some appearance of neatness, 
rubs oil on their dusky faces to give them a sleek 
healthy color, gives them a dram occasionally to make 
them sprightly, and teaches each one the part he or she 
has to play; and then he sets out for the extreme 
South, taking with him a complete company of low 
comedians — for low comedy is usually the role in which 
he prefers they should appear. At every village of 
importance he sojourns a day or two, each day ranging 
his "gang" in a line on the most business street; and 



142 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

whenever a customer makes his appearance, the oily 
speculator button-holes him immediatety, and begins to 
descant in the most highfalutin fashion upon the virtu- 
ous lot of darkeys he has for sale. Mrs. Stowe's Uncle 
Tom was not a circumstance to any one of the dozens 
he points out. So honest ! so truthful ! so dear to the 
hearts of their former masters and mistresses! Ah! 
Messrs. stock-brokers of Wall street — you who are 
wont to cry up your rotten railroad, mining, steamboat, 
and other worthless stocks — for ingenious lying you 
should take lessons from the Southern Negro Trader ! 
Do you observe that sour-faced, broad-shouldered 
negro man, leaning so lazily there in the sunshine 
against the garden fence, his blood-shotten eyes roving 
restlessly from place to place, while ever and anon 
there is an uneasy twitching of the muscles about the 
corners of his mouth when he forces out a grin ? "Well, 
he was bought in Ole Yirginny. He is a cold-blooded 
murderer — a sneaking, cowardly assassin. For this 
reason and no other was he sold. He poisoned a fel- 
low-slave with whom he fell out about a game at cards, 
and because he owed him ten dollars more than he 
could pay. To save the paltry debt he poisoned his 
fellow-bondman. The evidence was strong to convict 
him, but his master loved money better than justice, 
and thought the loss of the murdered slave was enough, 
without having to lose the murderer as well. So he 
sold the latter to the shrewd Negro Trader, who was 
knowing to all the circumstances, and who therefore 
drove the sharpest bargain the nature of the case would 
allow It was a dark transaction all round, and what 
the Trader actually paid for his honest chattel perhaps 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 143 

will never be known ; but one condition of the bargain 
was, that the murderer must be removed beyond the 
limits of the State. These are the plain, unvarnished 
facts. But let us hear our oily-tongued Negro Specu- 
lator when he comes to sell this capital boy — to sell 
him, too, into a virtuous and unsuspecting household : 
" Well, Gin'ral, look o' here now. Thar's a trick for 
you — A No. 1. Tell you what, Sir, he's worth his 
weight in gold. Cost me adzactly fifteen hundred dol- 
lars, and cheap as dirt ! His master wanted two thou- 
sand ; but debt, Gin'ral, debt. His master was one o' 
them raal ole fashion' Virginny high-flyers — proud, Sir, 
proud ! kept mighty fine liquors, played high, bet high 
— and, Gin'ral, you know how hit all ends. He broke ! 
was laid out flatter'n a stewpan. But d — n my buttons 
if he warn't a honerubble gentleman as ever lived. You 
see, he was a pertickler friend o' mine, and so he says 
to me when he broke, says he : ' Dick ' — (he allers call' 
me Dick) — ''Dick,' says he, 'I want you to take Alf — 
the cleverest boy in the world, a little stiff in the upper 
lip mebbe, family pride, Dick, you know — and I want 
you to sell him to some gentleman as knows how to 
treat a high-bred Yirginny nigger. Do you take, 
Dick?' says he. 'And so I do,' says I. 'I'm got my 
eye on Gin'ral Blank of Alabama right now, the very 
man for Alf.' 'Well,' says he then, 'what sort o' fel- 
ler is the Gin'ral?' And says I, 'The most perfectest 
gentleman in seven States — rich as the Jews, lives like 
a prince, and wants jist sich a boy as Alf to look arter 
his blooded horses.' Them's the very identical words 
I tole him, Gin'ral, if I didn't, d — n me ! And so he 
says, says he, ' Take him, Dick ; I'll give him to you, 



144 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

bein's hit's you, for fifteen hundred, but ary nothcr white 
man wouldn't a toch him with a dime less n'r two thou- 
sand ; for I know you, Dick, of old — you can be relied 
on for doin' what you say, and sayin' what you do. 
You is honest, Dick, and I hope you will give the Gin'- 
ral my 'espects, and tell him to treat Alf kindly.' Now 
you see, Gin'ral, that's the way I come by Alf. D — n 
your woolly head, Alf! don't you look so down in the 
mouth, you old aristocrat, you ! Here's a gentleman 
jist like your ole master, boy ! the raal quality, regu- 
lar grit, none o' your flams nor shams, but who'll keep 
you in the same style you's fotched up to. What's 
the word, Gin'ral? shall we say two thousand? and 
worth his weight in gold, Sir!" 

The "Gin'ral" is completely taken in, and agrees to 
pay the "two thousand." 

This will serve as an imperfect specimen of the man- 
ner in which some of the Negro Speculators impose 
upon honorable men, selling them criminals whose 
hands are red with murder for honest Uncle Toms, and 
palming off for sound and healthy servants diseased 
ones, to keep whom is sometimes a dead expense. You 
can fancy, gentle Miss, who weep so sorrowfully over 
the wrongs clone the poor blacks, and contribute so 
freely in behalf of John Brown, how pleasant it must 
be to live on the same plantation with a sneaking, cow- 
ardly poisoner — one who does his wickedness in dark- 
ness and in secret, and when no eye but the Eternal's 
sees the damning iniquity. Nor need you fancy the 
sketch over-drawn ; but it' you do, only turn to the last 
chapter of this book and read the same attentively 
through, and we opine you will have j^our skepticism 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 145 

removed. You will there learn that Mrs. Stowe knows 
no more about the real negro character than does Queen 
Victoria, who, we dare say, never heard a negro speak 
a dozen words together. 

Although it is true the Negro Trader proper some- 
times presents the disgusting figure we have represent- 
ed, there is yet another and a very different class of 
negro-traders, confined mostly to the cities of the South, 
and who are never suspected of trading in slaves. You 
must know, our readers, the Consul-Greneral of Cuba, 
and the Emperor Napoleon, and the British Naval offi- 
cers, and the solid men of Boston, are all ostensibly the 
greatest enemies in the world to the much-decried slave- 
trade. But the Consul-General, we are told, realizes 
thousands every year from the traffic; the Emperor 
Napoleon, we know, openly buys the colonists sent out 
to Liberia from Virginia and sells them again at a mag- 
nificent profit to his own colonies, just as the British 
cruisers sell their prizes to her Christian Majesty, who 
has them sent to Jamaica and there disposed of as her 
virtuous subjects usually dispose of the poor coolies ; 
while even some of the solid men of Boston, though 
pillars in the anti-slavery church, are said to be the se- 
cret partners of Captain Townsend and his piratical 
crew ! So, too, at the South many men, who are both 
rich and respectable — commission merchants chiefly, 
whose legitimate business is to sell sugar, cotton, tobac- 
co, etc., for the planters of the interior — and who are 
bold as the boldest in denouncing the common, vulgar, 
ignorant Negro Trader, do yet privily advance the 
funds necessary to enable the latter to carry on his bu- 
siness, and usually take the lion's share of the profits. 



146 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

These are the respectable well-to-do Southern Yankees, 
who have a position in society to maintain, and who 
would as soon be considered guilty of highway robbery 
as of participating in the vulgar traffic of buying and 
selling slaves. Still they do not scruple to sell a man 
from his wife, provided they can do so on any plausible 
pretext, and have reason to believe that they will at 
the same time make a few pennies more by such heart- 
lessness. We remember seeing one of these conscien- 
tious individuals once offer at auction a large number 
of negroes, belonging to an estate of which he had been 
left the administrator. Although himself reported to 
be worth hundreds of thousands, and though the com- 
missions he would receive would have amounted to 
nearly as much by an honest course, still, so great was 
his thirst for gain, he told the auctioneer to offer the 
youngest married couples in separate lots, thinking the 
humanity of the purchasers would lead them to give 
higher prices for the husband, having previously bought 
the wife, or for the wife, having previously bought the 
husband. When this fact became known to the crowd, 
a cry of shame ! rose from the lips of many ; and the 
disgust of every person was so great and so apparent, 
the bloated rich man was fain at last to get up and pub- 
licly state, that he had been influenced to pursue the 
course he did, from an honorable regard for the interest 
of the heirs ! Wonderfully conscientious fellow, wasn't 
he? 

We hear your objection, Eeverend Clergyman, and 
will briefly pause to answer the same. You say, He is 
not to blame / it is the blame of the institution. You came 
near to saying blamed institution, and would have used 






THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 147 

a still more expressive adjective yet, had it not been 
for your cloth. Now, with all due deference to the lat- 
ter, we beg to inform your reverence that you reason 
like a sophist or a suckling. Do yon not know, that if 
the blame were in the institution, every slaveholder 
would be equally cruel and corrupt ? But was not 
there Abraham, and Philemon, and Eoger Williams, 
and the early Puritans, and George Washington, as 
well as hosts of others, all of whom lived and died in 
favor with both God and man ? Suppose we were to 
cast your reverence into a pond of water, and you 
should be drowned, (which Heaven forbid,) would you 
blame the water for your drowning ? Of course not. 
The fault would rest solely with yourself; you ought 
not to allow yourself to be drowned, but should keep 
your head above water by swimming. So, too, when 
you suffer strong drink to overcome you, you are the 
sinner, not the brandy-and-water ; or when you allow 
lust to seduce you into the sin charged upon Kalloch, 
you alone are blameworthy, and not your Maker for 
creating you with a passionate nature ; or when you 
permit mercenary motives to influence your course in 
the pulpit, your own heart is the corrupting evil, not 
your five thousand a year ; or when you abuse your 
wife and children beyond what is lawful and just, the 
sin rests on your own shoulders, and "marriage is still 
honorable in all;" or when you preach politics and 
make the name of Jesus a reproach among men, it is 
not Christianity which is to blame, but the old Adam 
that has given you an "itching ear" for vulgar applause. 
What would you think of the writer, were he to por- 
tray a Christian Inquisitor-General of the middle ages, 



148 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

in the torture-room of the Spanish Inquisition, sur- 
rounded by his familiars, engaged in all those devilish 
atrocities so common at that time, or a Pilgrim Father 
in the act of burning a witch or a Baptist, and bid you 
behold the legitimate fruit of Christianity ? You would 
be quite indignant, wouldn't you? What, you would 
exclaim, do you pretend to argue against the use of an in- 
stitution because of its abuse? Well, that is just the 
very question, dear Sir. You argue against slavery as 
a domestic institution simply because it is abused, and 
for just the same very logical reason the infidel argues 
against Christianity. And so likewise do the socialists 
and free-lovers argue against the marriage relation, be- 
cause married people are always quarrelling, and run- 
ning off to Indiana to be divorced. They have not the 
good sense to discriminate between the legitimate uses 
of an institution and the illegitimate abuses to which it 
can be subjected. Hence they cry out, Do away with 
marriage- vows — leave us all to choose our " affinities" 
at will — and there will soon be no divorces or causes 
for divorce. Sagacious philosophers ! you do not re- 
flect, that evils of much more portentous magnitude 
would in that event succeed to family quarrels, and 
even to divorces. The experience- of the French Age 
of Reason, or of such institutions as the Love-Cure at 
Berlin Heights, weighs not so much as the softest down 
with such preeminently sage political economists. And 
yet it is just in the same spirit, our Reverend friend, 
that you are all the time proclaiming, Do away with 
slavery, and my humane nature will not be any more 
shocked with such exhibitions of mediaeval barbarity as 
the public sale of man and wife to separate masters. 



THE SOUTHERN" YANKEE. 149 

Yenerable Rabbin! You do not consider, that the 
evils resulting from emancipation would be far greater 
than those which now accompany the peculiar institu- 
tion, even when in its worst degradation. The sad ex- 
perience of Jamaica, and Hayti, and barbarous Africa, 
weighs not a feather with you and those of your friends 
who entertain similar convictions. Why not, O learned 
savan, come out boldly and declare, Do away with all 
cities, and then we shall have no more Dead Rabbits, 
no more Plug Ugiies, no more tenant-houses, no more 
brothels, no more liquor hells, no more gambling hells, 
no more thieving outcasts who live by pilfering or even 
murder ? For you will never see any where on the 
face of the earth, so long as time endures, any large 
city, but you will find it filled with just such characters 
and institutions as these. Believe us, Sir, the fault is 
not in cities, nor yet in slavery, nor in marriage, nor 
religion ; it is in Man. The old Adam is large as life 
to this day, and boasts a roomy and well-swept apart- 
ment in every human heart, until through faith in 
Christ and practical godliness we all learn to "put off 
the old man and his deeds;" hence, although you were 
to abolish every institution under the sun, so long as 
the human race continues mortal and frail as at present 
there will be no lack of sin and shame, sorrow and suf- 
fering. Moreover, though the writer is but a layman, 
still he takes the liberty of telling your Reverence, that 
the true and only mission of Christianity is, not to abol- 
ish institutions or to set up dynasties, but to make every 
individual man, whether bond or free, rich or poor, 
high or low, a new creature in Christ Jesus ; and who- 
ever endeavors to pervert the Gospel to any other pur- 



150 THE SOUTHEKN YANKEE. 

pose, using it for secular or political ends, will assuredly 
find his efforts prove abortive in every instance. In 
proof whereof, a word in your private ears, ye friends 
of abolition. 

We know (what you could get very few Southerners 
to believe) that many of you are amiable people, re- 
fined, highly cultivated, full of all gentle emotions, 
charitable and godly. "We are convinced that many 
of you honestly desire the good of the African, but 
would scorn at the same time to exhort him to mingle 
poison with his master's food or drink, and do not allow 
your sympathy for the slave to overcome your charity 
for the slaveholder. So, too, the society in Paris, Les 
Amis des Nbirs, (which without doubt caused the mas- 
sacre of San Domingo,) was composed of some of the 
purest as well as wickedest of men : Lafayette and the 
Abbe Gregoire, for example, both genuine philan- 
thropists; and on the other hand Anacharsis Cloots 
and Marat, demons in human shape. In the case of 
Les Amis des Noirs, however, so soon as the good men 
in its confidence became aware of the evil of its influ- 
ence and tendency, they immediately cut loose from its 
communion, and let it run its bloody course in its own 
wicked way; and we doubt not but the really good 
men in the abolition ranks of to-day, could they only 
awake to a consciousness of the evil they are doing, 
(and if John Brown has not awakened them we know 
not what can,) would turn aside with loathing from the 
viperine natures of some of their leading and trusted 
associates. For up to this time, notwithstanding fifty 
years of agitation, according to their own confessions, 
they have gained nothing — absolute!?/ nothing — while 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 151 

slavery lias strengthened itself an hundred fold. We 
know they do claim some merit for the abolition of 
slavery in Jamaica, but, alas, with how poor a show of 
reason ! After twenty years' experience of the bless- 
ings of free labor, Great Britain has at last been forced 
to introduce into that Island a new species of slavery, 
which we boldly assert to be a thousand-fold more 
heartless and cruel than the patriarchal institution. 
Even while we write, there is before the two Houses 
of the English Parliament the Jamaica Immigration 
Act, recently passed by the Jamaica Legislature, and 
which only awaits the approval of the Home Govern- 
ment to become a Law — an Act to legalize corporal 
punishment to be inflicted upon refractory Coolies and 
other free apprentices ! What the provisions of this 
Act are, we are unprepared to state in detail, having 
never seen a fall copy of it ; but we know that the 
members of the British Anti-Slavery Society are up in 
arms against it, denouncing it as a virtual return to 
slavery, and are using all their influence to prevent its 
becoming a Law by the sanction of the British Gov- 
ernment. So great a bobbery have they kicked up 
about it, in fact, the London Times has felt called upon 
to defend the Act ; and in order to pave the way for 
its smooth reception by the English people, uses the 
following language, which we find in its issue of Feb- 
ruary 10, 1859 : 

" When the slaves were emancipated, first from ac- 
tual thraldom, and ultimately from even the modified 
restrictions of agricultural apprenticeship, they went the 
way which it was prophesied they would go. They cer- 
tainly did not become riotous, turbulent, or disloyal, 



152 THE SOUTHEKN YANKEE. 

but neither did they become industrious or enlightened, 
nor could such progress be well expected of them. 
They were under no valid inducements to work, and 
they were surrounded by every temptation to idleness. 
Their wants were confined to the simplest necessities 
of life, and the number of estates thrown out of culture 
supplied them with squatting grounds, on which they 
might vegetate with the indolence and apathy natural 
to their race. In the mean time, the planters went to ruin, 
until at length they took heart and cast about for labor 
to serve as a supplement or substitute for that which 
the liberated blacks so grudgingly and insufficiently 
gave." 

The labor here spoken of is the Coolie or free-ap- 
prentice system of labor, to render which more useful 
and effective is the intent of the afore-mentioned Immi- 
gration Act ; and to render which latter more palatable 
to the honest Britishers, the Thunderer proceeds, in the 
same article from which we have quoted above to hold 
forth as follows : 

11 The truth is, that on both sides of these bargains 
the conditions are peculiar. The immigrants who 
come (?) [what cool impudence hath this honest Eng- 
lishman, to be sure !] to the West-Indies for work are 
either negroes or creatures as helpless as negroes, utterly 
incapable of that discrimination which would be exer- 
cised by English laborers in forming an engagement, 
and absolutely dependent upon the care of others for obtain- 
ing equitable terms. The planters, however, are also 
critically situated, for the character of agriculture in 
these countries requires that work shall be steadily 
performed; and that, in particular, at certain seasons 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 153 

of the year the cultivator may be able to reckon with 
confidence upon an unceasing supply of good effective 
labor. For this purpose it is necessary that the bargain 
between master and man should be stringent, and that the 
negro, while duly secured in all his own rights of good 
wages, good treatment, and terminable hire, should 
nevertheless, for the fair term of his actual engagement, 
be bound under penalty to give fair work. Were it 
otherwise, the indolence and instability of the negro charac- 
ter, stimulated by the possession a/a little money and the 
prospect of immediate ease, would infallibly operate to the 
destruction of the planter's hopes as harvest time came 
round. 11 

After which and in conclusion, the Times proceeds 
to rap the heads of the Anti-Slavery Society's men foi 
their intermeddling officiousness and fanatical zeal, in 
the following words : 

"For the sake of interests which, if not imaginary, 
are certainly insignificant, they have overlooked the 
broad contest between slavery and freedom, and the 
result has been that Cuba has thriven, and Jamaica has 
suffered under the auspices of those whose objects and wishes 
lay in exactly the opposite direction. 11 

Now, Messrs. abolitionists, ought not such a retrospect 
as this to induce you to pause in your present tactics, 
at least long enough to ask yourselves, Why is this ? 
A skillful commander does not persist in battering 
always at the same gate of a besieged fortress, after he 
once discovers that nothing is to be gained by the pro- 
cess. And, seriously, do you not sometimes suspect 
that you yourselves have aided in riveting the manacles 
of the slave more securely by your dogged persistence 
7* 



154 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

in the fanatical attempt to liberate him ? We think so, 
and we are supported in our opinion by many others 
wiser and better than ourself. The reason too is very 
plain, and can be stated in a breath. For you have 
only to consider, gentlemen, that you have never yet 
endeavored to make the condition of the slave any 
better as a slave. Your efforts have been directed all the 
time against the master, with the end in view of ulti- 
mate freedom to the bondman, but not a dollar have you 
expended for the purpose of bettering the latter' s con- 
dition without any disruption of the ties binding him 
to his owner. Hence, the sole result of all your lavish 
expenditure of time, and money, and breath, and brains, 
has been to band together all the slave-owners, both the 
humane and the heartless, and to lead them to resist 
every encroachment upon their rights of property in 
their negroes ; and while you have thus succeeded in 
strengthening the South politically, you have indubit- 
ably rendered the slave's condition much worse than 
it otherwise would have been. 

What is more, we are persuaded that the Southern 
people, if left to themselves, and freed from all appre- 
hension of intermeddling from outsiders, would soon 
establish their domestic institution of slavery upon a 
more humane basis than it rests upon at present. None 
but Southern Yankees, and persons of like kidney, 
would then uphold any laws which allowed families to 
be broken up and sold to separate masters ; or the nu- 
merous other undoubted hardships under which slaves, 
when in the possession of unscrupulous men, labor at 
the present time. The great mass of the people of our 
Southern States, are fully as philanthropic, evangeli- 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 155 

cal, and freedom-loving, as the descendants of the Pu- 
ritans. They do not desire to oppress the dusky child- 
ren of Africa to any greater extent than is demanded 
by a proper regard for their mutual safety and well- 
being : and should the negro ever evince a capability 
for self-government, (which he never yet has done,) they 
would be as ready as the citizens of the Free States to 
put the peculiar institution " in course of ultimate ex- 
tinction." But so long as the British and Northern 
abolitionists endeavor to force them into measures — 
measures fraught with most disastrous consequences to 
both themselves and their slaves, not to mention the 
inevitable overthrow of the commercial prosperity of 
the rest of the world — so long will they resist to the 
death all such impertinent ohiciousness ; and so long, 
too, will the Southern Yankee continue to wield his 
merciless lash, while the debauched Negro Trader will 
continue to sunder at his pleasure, the most sacred of 
human ties, laughing the while at every precept of re- 
ligion and all the teachings of humanity. The anti- 
slavery men of the North may close their eyes to these 
unpalatable facts, and may, if they choose, continue to 
wage their relentless and unscrupulous war upon the 
South ; but even if they ultimately succeed by mere 
brute violence and the force of numbers in freeing the 
slave against the will of his master, it will be through 
such scenes of carnage and devastation as the world 
never saw before, and the effects of which will be to 
throw the wheels of civilization back fully a century. 
And after all, it will only be to try an experiment ! an 
experiment which, on a much smaller scale in Jamaica, 
has already cost the English hundreds of millions of 



156 THE SOUTHEEN YANKEE. 

pounds sterling, only now in the end to be pronounced 
by the leading statesmen of Great Britain, a most mag- 
nificent humbug and failure ! 

But to return once more to our subject. 

Having said so many hard things about the Southern 
Yankee, perhaps we had better now say a good word 
in his favor ; for he is not altogether without redeem- 
ing qualities. Although swallowed up completely in 
selfishness, which prevents his ever undertaking any 
object or enterprise unless well assured beforehand 
that it " will pay," he is still of very great advantage 
to the community at large, and in most cases is a use- 
ful citizen. The Northern Yankee proper (for all New • 
England men even are not Yankees, by great odds) 
has been the main instrument in advancing the North 
to her present proud position, as a great manufactur- 
ing, inventive, and commercial community. So, on 
the other hand, the Southern Yankee, aided by the 
thrifty Middle Classes, has contributed no little to the 
present unprecedented prosperity of the Slave States : 
for, aside from his own labors and industry, he has 
also stimulated the Southern Gentleman to activity and 
enterprise. Certainly there is a vast difference between 
the motives which have instigated the two, the latter 
being influenced by public spirit and patriotic pride, 
while the former has only sought to make money 
and to advance his private interests ; yet the result of 
their labors has been the same. Thus the Worn-out 
lands of Virginia and the Carolinas, which ten years 
ago went a-begging at five dollars per acre, by judi- 
cious culture and scientific manuring have been so im- 
proved that they now readily command from twenty to 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 157 

fifty dollars per acre. So, also, the vast savannas and 
heavily-timbered forests of the Gulf and South-western 
States, have been brought under cultivation, until the 
lands on which fifty years ago stood one grand and 
primeval forest, now produce annually more than two 
hundred millions of dollars' worth of surplus agricul 
tural products. In the achievement of these wonder- 
ful results, the Southern Yankee has played no mean 
part ; but he has ever been foremost among the pio- 
neers, clearing up the "new grounds," and draining 
the swamps, preparatory to introducing the virgin soil 
to the close embraces of " de shovel and de hoe.'' 
Neither has he been backward in assisting the South 
to build her great lines of railway, most of which are 
profitable investments ; and the Southern Yankee 
troubles himself about nothing else, if satisfied that the 
investment will prove pecuniarily profitable. 

The best specimens of the genuine Southern Yan- 
kee, are to be met with in Georgia. In this State they 
grow to enormous sizes, and seldom stand under six 
feet in their stockings, often, indeed, reaching six feet 
and a half. Muscular, heavy -jawed, beetle-browed, 
and possessed of indomitable energy, they are well 
calculated to command respect almost any where, did 
one only have it in his nature to forget that Self is 
the only god they worship, and Money the only in- 
cense that ever ascends as a sweet-smelling savor to the 
nostrils of their idol. But persons of a certain cast of 
mind, and possessing certain unfashionable properties 
of heart, (and the writer must plead guilty to such a 
weakness,) will not, and can not be blinded to their 
real characters, and instead of respect entertain for 



158 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

such Shylocks only pity and disgust. Now, do not 
understand us to find fault with any man for diligence 
in business, or for the skill and enterprise which ena- 
ble him to provide bountifully for the members of his 
own household ; but there are reasonable bounds to 
every thing. There is a happy mean betwixt business 
and pleasure, betwixt idleness and ceaseless toil, which 
only a mind of philosophic mould can ever hope to 
comprehend or appreciate. The Southern Yankee 
does not possess such a mind, no more than does his 
restless, craving, ever-pushing brother of the North. 
Neither of them knows when he has enough of this 
world's goods, or when is the fit season to leave off the 
tireless chase after riches which satisfy not, but must 
perish with the using. They both die usually with the 
harness on, and, if old, go out of the world reluctant 
and despairing, clutching even in their last hours after 
the poor gilded baubles they have wasted their lives 
to accumulate. So true are the words of the learned 
Dr. Johnson : 

" Unnumbered maladies man's joints invade, 
Lay siege to life, and press the dire blockade ; 
But unextinguished Avarice still remains, 
And dreaded losses agravate his pains ; 
He turns, with anxious heart and crippled hands, 
His bonds of debt, and mortgages of lands ; 
Or views his coffers with suspicious eyes, 
Unlocks his gold, and counts it till he dies." 

Indeed, to a well-balanced mind, there can be no 
more painful spectacle than the death of a rich and 
avaricious old man. Other sinners, while they can 
look forward to no bright prospects "beyond the 



THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 159 

river," still feel that in death they will at least get rid 
of a present load of crime and shame — that at the 
worst they will but exchange a world of vice and 
wretchedness for one of merited punishment. But the 
miser's heart, his hopes, his very life — all centre in the 
glittering heaps of yellow metal he has wasted so many 
precious hours in accumulating. The terrors of the 
unknown world bring no terrors to him ; the upbraid- 
ings of conscience he never hears, or heeds not if he 
hears ; friends and wife and weeping children he could 
part from without a pang; the bright sunlight, the 
starry night, balmy morning and dewy eve, the velvety 
green of spring, the rich hues of summer, and ripened 
sheafs of autumn, and frosty but kindly breath of old 
winter — all that is in Nature to bless and brighten the 
life of man, he could cheerfully give up : but oh ! to 
have to part from his gold ! Ah ! any thing but this ! 
Willingly at such an hour would he remain content 
to roast in Tophet all his days, could he only take his 
treasure with him. But alas ! he can not. He must 
die like other men, and like the poorest beggar he 
must go out of the world as naked and destitute as he 
came into it. Already the film of fast approaching dis- 
solution gathers upon his hard and cruel old eyes, deep- 
sunken in their sockets and nearly hid beneath the 
shaggy brow ; already the air thickens, and the room 
darkens, and the muffled drum of life beats slowly, 
slowly, the dead march ; but in the gloom the miser 
still views his hoards, and fancies the bags of precious 
dust are vanishing out of his sight. Thieves ! robbery ! 
help ! lie stretches out his bony arms and clutches 
with his skinny fingers at the coveted treasures. 'Tis 



160 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

his last effort. In the wildness of despair the bleared 
and leaden-slumbering eyes for one moment stare with 
a stony stare — then there is a contortion, horrible, 
ghastly, of the thin face; a quiver of the sunken 
limbs; a death-rattle; and the untenanted clay lies 
stiff and grim in the cold embrace of Death. 

Alas ! how true is that saying of Him who spake as 
never man spake: "The love of money is the root 
of all evil." And yet in this respect how few of us are 
guiltless ? How many of us, think you, are free from 
a prejudice in favor of riches? How many of us ever 
let the bloated worshippers of Mammon know how ut- 
terly despicable they are, or how honestly we abhor 
their selfish natures ? That is the question which con- 
cerns us all. Does any one doubt but the avaricious 
old curmudgeons who now disgrace the world by hav- 
ing a foothold on it, would speedily amend their ways, 
if they knew in what abhorrence they are held by the 
whole community ? Does any one believe that Mr. 
Augustus Thorn dike ever would have made the unjust 
will he did, had he known that the drawing up, sign- 
ing and sealing of the same, would cause himself to be 
damned to everlasting fame f We tell you honestly, our 
noble fellow-countrymen, we that throw stones so vir- 
tuously at the dead old misers who can no longer repay us 
in the same (if not a little better) coin, are no better 
than they if we cringe, and fawn, and " crook the sup- 
ple hinges of the knee" to the plethoric misers who 
still remain above ground. And yet we all do it more 
or less. Even gowned clergymen are moved by the 
sight of a sleek millionaire, however bloated he may 
bo with sin and selfishness, more than by the vision of 



THE SOUTHERN" YANKEE. 161 

honest worth, struggling with poverty. And shall we 
wonder that the rich mistake the nature of our adula- 
tion, and only go on in consequence from bad to worse ? 
letting the gangrene gold eat up their hearts, until no 
place is left for natural affection — no love of home, or 
wife, or children ? We say, let us not be so uncharit- 
able. We assist the poor souls to delude themselves 
into a belief that whatever they do is proper, and we 
have no right to throw stones at them when they turn 
upon their own offspring, as did the unfortunate Thorn- 
dike, and seek to carry their bloody revenges even be- 
yond the grave. Let us be consistent at least. 

So far as regards family affection, or rather the want 
of it, the Southern Yankee is no better than other mam- 
monites the world over. He is cold and repulsive in 
his intercourse with his wife and children, and regards 
the latter with somewhat the same feeling of envy and 
jealousy which British Peers are said to entertain for 
their eldest sons, who are presumed to be impatient to 
stand in their fathers' shoes. Indeed, when he comes 
to die, the Southern Yankee nearly always seeks by 
some species of testamentary Thorndikeism, to prevent 
his children from coming into a fee simple possession 
of his estates. If the truth must be spoken, however, 
in most cases the Southern Yankee does a very wise 
thing by depriving his children of the free use of his 
property after he is dead : for as the toiling grub 
always produces the thoughtless butterfly, so does your 
genuine mammonite nearly always give birth to thrift- 
less snobs, or drunken debauchees, or idle spendthrifts. 
And for this the fathers are chiefly to blame. Children 
learn a great deal more from example than precept ; 



162 THE SOUTHERN YANKEE. 

and while the Southern Yankee devotes himself almost 
wholly to the sordid acquisition of wealth, his children 
are left to devote themselves as wholly to dissipation 
and a senseless love of pleasure : else, they are unrea- 
sonably stinted and too harshly dealt with while their 
father is alive, and on his death coming suddenly into 
the possession of wealth which they know not how to 
use wisely, they proceed immediately to abuse the same 
most unwisely. Hence, from the loins of the Southern 
Yankee have sprung in the main our Cotton Snobs 
and rich Southern Bullies ; of both whom we shall 
speak more at large in the proper place. 



CHAPTEE IV. 

COTTON SNOBS. 

"A barren spirited fellow, one that feeds 

«On objects, arts, and imitations ; 
Which, out of use, and stalled by other men, 
Begin his fashion : do not talk of him, 
But as a property." 

Shakspeare. 

Mr. Michael Angelo Titmarsh lias discoursed to 
us very entertainingly upon the character, attainments^ 
etc. etc., of Snobs in the Old World, while Mr. Geo. 
W. Curtis has in an equally pleasant manner sketched 
for our delectation, the family portraits of the Poti- 
phars of the North. But the South has had as yet no 
chronicler to note down the distinguishing peculiar- 
ities of her own Cotton Snobs, who indeed, either 
through ignorance or malice on the part of the enemies 
of the South, have been, pretty generally confounded 
with the Southern Gentleman — than which a more 
egregious blunder could hardly be committed. For 
although the Cotton Snob may possess many Southern 
characteristics, and thus differ materially from the 
New-York or English Snob, he is yet not a whit 
more respectable than these, and never once is a gen- 
tleman. Let the reader not forget it — to be a Cotton 
Snob is one thing, and to be a Southern Gentleman is 
quite another. 



164 COTTON SNOBS. 

By the term Cotton, used to designate the class of 
Snobs peculiar to the South, do not understand us to 
mean a person who must of necessity hail from the 
cotton-growing States. By the expression we wish to 
embrace the entire class of agricultural snobs — so to 
speak — without reference to whether they raise cotton, 
or tobacco, or rice, or sugar, or wheat, or hemp, or 
Indian corn. We have already spoken of your store- 
keeping snobs, who are the same in the South that 
they are in the North ; while nearly all classes of resi- 
dents in the Southern cities, differ in no essential par- 
ticulars from the same classes in other cities any where 
else in the Union. But the Cotton Snob does not hail 
from the city originally, though he may later in life go 
to the city to live, and when he does so becomes inva- 
riably the most disgusting cockney one can find any 
where in the four quarters of the globe. He is always 
of country breeding, and his manners more often than 
otherwise lack that quasi polish which the city snob 
sometimes possesses, despite his toadying mannerisms 
and want of native manliness of character. 

Owing sometimes to the penuriousness and igno- 
rance of his parents, and almost always to his own dis- 
taste for and neglect of mental application, the Cotton 
Snob rarely is well educated, possessing at best the 
merest smattering of learning, and is as ignorant of the 
rules of grammar, as of the rules of good breeding. 
Nevertheless he ever entertains a happy, not to say 
flattering conceit of himself, and imagines that he is 
capable of solving ^all knotty questions, whether in 
Law, Medicine, or Politics : but as for Eeligion, early 
in life, he prides himself on knowing nothing about 



COTTON SNOBS. 165 

that, boasting that he is a Free Thinker ; and when he 
is a little too deep in his cnps he is apt to allude to the 
" demned parsons," as the greatest rogues in the world. 
More particularly is this true of those Cotton Snobs 
who have, for a wonder, come of pious parents of the 
middle class, and have even been members of the 
Church themselves at some former period of their lives. 
If the reader has ever been a little " fast" himself, and 
hails from New-England, we need not to inform him 
where one can every day meet the counterpart of these 
last-named Cotton Snobs. Of course, as we all know, 
there is no sort of deviltry or other sinfulness ever car- 
ried on in a New-England college — that is to say 
publicly. But when fellahs get a good lot of fellahs in 
rooms of fellahs — why, they know how to kill time in 
an amazingly orthodox fashion ; especially those dege- 
nerate sons of the Puritans, who carry their mother's 
Bibles on one side of their hearts, and a good stout 
brandy-flash on the other. Ah ! ye gentle dames of Mas- 
sachusetts, I* it gars me greet" to tell you how often, 
even while may be you have on your bended knees 
been petitioning the ever-blessed God in behalf of your 
dear, pious boys, these have been hobnobbing with 
b'hoys of another class entirely, and with drunken 
gravity have essayed to sing the " sweet songs of Zion" 
in the midst of ribald and most ungodly companie ! 
But, alas ! such is the unpalatable truth. 

But the Cotton Snob rarely comes of parents who 
are pious or strictly temperate : in nine cases out of 
ten he is the son of the Southern Yankee. If sent to 
college at all, it is without the previous preparation 
requisite to enable him to take an honorable position ; 



166 COTTON SNOBS. 

and having been accustomed at home to be flattered 
by his father's negroes, as well as by many poor 
wretches in the shape of white men, who have a most 
worshipful reverence for any person owning wealth ; 
and finding now that the studious and refined of his 
new associates avoid his company as much as possible ; 
even if he has remained temperate and virtuous hither- 
to, he very soon yields to the blandishments and cajo- 
leries of those sharpers who haDg about every college 
in the world — regular Deuceaces and Blewitts — and so 
proceeds immediately to dress extravagantly, to give 
wine- suppers, to get drunk, to play cards, and just as 
certainly to lose his father's money. But the more he 
loses, the higher are his bets and the deeper his pota- 
tions. In a very little while he becomes a confirmed 
tippler — unless, as sometimes does happen, drink disa- 
grees with him, producing only nausea and headache 
instead of the much-coveted "good feeling." He thinks 
indeed it is very distingue to get drunk. He reads how 
that the old Cavaliers were wont in ancient times never 
to rise from the dinner-table sober, and damme, Sir, he 
intends to live like the bloods did in the good old times. 
Egad, he would hang your temperance folks, Sir, and 
send all your cold-water fools to the devil ! Particu- 
larly is the Cotton Snob valiant and chivalrous, when 
under the influence of two or three Brandy Straights 
and as many Cocktails. You should hear him talk on 
such occasions. "I'll tell you what, Boys, Pa makes 
lots o' cotton — bags on top o' bags" — or, " lots o' to- 
bacco, hogsheads and hogsheads, the world and all — ■ 
but it's all for me. Blamenation, won't I make it 
fly ? Wine and women, women and wine, fast nags, 



COTTON SNOBS. 167 

splendid trotters, New- York buggies — imrrah ! You 
must all come to see a fellow, then — you shall live like 
princes of the blood." Ah ! the subtle, invisible spirit 
of wine, how does it loosen one's tongue, and let out 
even the closest secrets of the heart ! 

But though never so bold when closeted with his 
roystering fellows in their college dormitory, the Cotton 
Snob is at great pains to conceal his drunken debauch- 
eries from the Old Man, (as he affectionately calls his 
father,) well knowing that the Southern Yankee would 
never tolerate the miserable waste of time and money 
such riotous proceedings occasion. So our Cotton Snob 
resorts to all manner of lies and brobdignagian stories 
to melt the heart of his stern " parient," so that the 
latter shall still afford him the means to purchase his 
flash apparel — to sport his heavy rings, watch-chains 
and seals, and other showy jewelry — to give his wine- 
suppers — to play his little games of Euchre and Seven- 
up — and to supply the cormorant demands of that ter- 
rible leech which drains of their freshest blood the 
youths of all lands, the Strange Woman. Sometimes he 
professes to have had a long spell of sickness, and in 
addition to the heavy doctor's bill, etc., etc., he spins 
out a pitiable story about having been robbed of his 
clothes and money, by the servants, during his illness. 
At other times he falls among thieves, and so has his 
pocket picked on board the steamboat, or the cars, or 
at the theatre, or even while attending church. Or 
not unfrequently he professes to have loaned a hun- 
dred or so to a fellow-student who seemed to be " hard 
up" but honest, yet who did run away with the same, 
not so much as leaving with his creditor an L 0. TJ. 



168 COTTON SNOBS. 

By such cunning fables the Old Man is deluded, despite 
his lynx-eyed wariness in regard to whatever affects 
his purse. And when our Cotton Snob does at last 
return to the paternal roof, he dissimulates so well, pre- 
tends to love money so devoutly, gets drunk so slyly, 
and natters the Southern Yankee so unceasingly, the 
latter is totally blinded, at least for a time. But if by 
any chance he should linger on this mortal stage a lit- 
tle too long, the impatient heir wearies of playing the 
part of supernumerary, and by some ill-advised utter- 
ance, or downright open defiance of authority, shows 
to his astonished sire that he is impatient to enact the 
part of principal himself, and chafes that the only op- 
posing obstacle to his wishes is so long a time being 
knocked by the friendly hand of Death out of the way : 
upon which unfortunate discovery there is some swear- 
ing in Flanders you may be assured, but all to no pur- 
pose. In the end, and in the course of nature, the 
gray head sinks into its unhonored grave, and the ea- 
ger heir steps with hot haste into his father's shoes, and 
proceeds to hobornob with his boon companions over 
their brandy and cigars, almost before the paternal 
dust is cold. 

"For this the foolish, over-careful fathers 
Have broke their sleep with thoughts, their brain with care, 
Their bones with industry !" 

And now, if our young Snob be unmarried, what a 
life of drinking, gambling, horse-racing, fox-hunting, 
and vulgar display of one kind and another, he imme- 
diately rushes into ! Vivimus dura vivamus is his mot- 
to, and what he calls enjoying life is comprehended in 



COTTON SNOBS. 169 

the above excesses ; for tie knows of no rational plea- 
sure, but passes from one beastly gratification to an- 
other, thinking all the while, poor imbecile ! that he is 
one of the favored children of Fortune. If he does not 
go to Cuba, or Europe, or attend the sessions of Con- 
gress, or visit some of the Southern cities, he spends 
his winters on his plantation, in company with an 
equally moral and gentlemanly set of bachelor compan- 
ions, whose nightly carousals end only with the morn- 
ing, and whose jolly fox-hunts and other out-door 
sports are conducted with such a reckless disregard of 
the rights and feelings of the neighbors, as at once to 
point out the difference between the Cotton Snob and 
the Southern Gentleman. For when the latter desires 
to hunt off his own broad acres, he invariably asks per- 
mission of the owners of adjacent estates before pro- 
ceeding to trespass on their lands with his retinue of 
horses, dogs, and darkeys — and, in particular, in the 
Cotton States, wherein the planters dislike exceedingly 
for the fox-hunters to overrun their unpicked fields 
with their devastating train ; but the Cotton Snob im* 
agines it would not be distingue enough to ask permission 
to do any thing, and so dashes right on, regardless of 
whose property he may be injuring, pulling clown fences 
ad libitum, and destroying any quantity of the imperial 
staple-*— yelling and shouting meanwhile to his com- 
rades and his dogs at almost every turn, and riding 
more like a madman just out of a strait-jacket than a 
sane or sober human being. 

In the summer months the Cotton Snob travels — 
visits all the famous watering-places — flirts with sense- 
less girls, who, like the tortoise, carry their fortunes 
8 



170 COTTON SNOBS. 

on their backs, but, unlike the same, ever hold what lit- 
tle of hearts they possess in their hands, ready to ex- 
change the hollow baubles at any moment for an estab- 
lishment, no matter if it be encumbered with either a 
toothless old simpleton or a simpering and bloated 
young rake. Hence the Cotton Snob is frequently to 
be seen in the Free States, and when seen is pretty sure 
to make himself a " shining mark," for he assumes to 
be the very tip-top of the first families, and as such 
considers his individual corporosity a thing too sacred 
to be touched even by the hands of Northern canaille, 
" greasy mechanics," or what not. lie also seeks every 
opportunity to talk about "my niggers," (observe, a 
Southern Gentleman rarely if ever says nigger /) en- 
deavors to look very haughty and overbearing ; sneers 
at whatever he considers low, and "their name is le- 
gion ;" carries a cane not infrequently ; affects a mili- 
tary step and manner, and tries to look daggers, bowie- 
knives, revolvers, blood and thunder, whenever or 
wherever he meets an abolitionist or a nigger. By such 
and other similar displays of vulgarity and ill-breeding, 
the Cotton Snob pretty soon renders himself both ridi- 
culous and contemptible ; and, what is more and worse, 
brings a reproach upon the true Gentlemen of the 
South, which goes far to increase that bitterness of 
feeling at present rankling in the breasts of many loyal 
citizens of each section of our great Republic, against 
their fellow-citizens of the other. While we know, 
from a pretty intimate acquaintance with all classes of 
our fellow-countrymen of the Free States, that they all 
— with the exception of a few radicals here and there — 
entertain a very high regard for the genuine Southern 



COTTON SNOBS. 171 

Gentleman such as they imagine him to be, and such 
as he is in reality, still, we grieve to say, they are too 
credulous in believing the professions of every little 
stammering upstart who lays claim to be a gentleman 
from the South. Hence, when they come in contact 
with a dirty fellow, who swears roundly, drinks deeply, 
boasts incessantly of his patrician blood, and is always 
in a snarl with every body and every thing, instead of 
setting such an individual down for what he really is, 
they prefer to believe that he is what he represents 
himself to be ; consequently they lay to the charge of 
the lion all the dirty mean tricks and senseless braying 
of the ass that is simply robed in the lion's skin. 

So much for the unmarried Cotton Snob. 

When he gets him a wife, and afterwards, he takes 
a little more respectable position in society, leaves off 
many of his ungentlemanly practices also, but runs into 
many new extremes of absurdity and bad taste. Like 
all snobs and parvenues the world over, he seems bent 
on nothing higher than a foolish display of his wealth, 
and erroneously imagines his chief honor to lie, not in 
what he is, but in what the beau monde takes him to be ; 
but he differs somewhat from the snobs of the North 
in his manner of playing the fool. 

The Potiphar families seek usually to display their 
wealth in costly houses, splendid furniture, rich plate, 
magnificent dresses, dazzling jewelry, and an occasional 
" perfect jam'' of a party when parties are in season, as 
well as they affect French customs, French morals, and 
French manners, and consider a little successful in- 
trigue as the very perfection of good breeding. The 
Southern Snob delights in all these luxuries too, but 



172 COTTON SNOBS. 

not to the same extent as the "new rich" of onr Free 
States — remember, we are speaking now of the agricul- 
tural Snobs of the South, not of those who figure in 
New-Orleans, or Charleston, or Washington City. The 
peculiar " wanity" of the Cotton Snob is a weakness for 
fine horses, fine carriages, and obsequious footmen and 
outriders. We do not remember ever to have seen a 
" coach and four" with outriders in any Northern State, 
but such institutions are much delighted in by all 
Southern upstarts whose purse-strings are long enough 
to enable them to support so much state and ceremony. 
Fifty years ago, indeed, it was customary for most 
Southern Gentlemen to go in state in their lumbering, 
old-fashioned coaches, which two horses would hardly 
have been able to drag along ; but, autres temps, autres 
mceurs. While in those old-fashioned times there was 
nothing at all objectionable to good taste, in the sight 
of a hearty old Virginian Gentleman bowling leisurely 
along over the heavy dirt-roads in his great family 
coach, having of necessity from four to six horses at- 
tached, and with outriders and lackeys in any number 
he might desire ; still, in these days of steam-engines, 
railroads, turnpikes, and telegraphs, there is no longer 
any fitness in such old-time customs. This the South- 
ern Gentleman has seen and acknowledged for many 
years, and so confines himself to a modern-built car- 
riage of the best style for country use, and keeps but a 
single pair of carriage-horses, and never" more than a 
single outrider, whose business is to open gates, etc. 
etc. Not so, however, the Cotton Snob, who much 
affects a " coach and four," even on the best turnpike 
roads, and loves to see the liveried blacks galloping 



COTTON SNOBS. 173 

after him, looking as consequential and full of their 
own importance as though they followed the triumphal 
chariot of an Emperor. Ah ! who does not feel tempted 
to exclaim, when he sees such a Southerner hobornob- 
bing at Northern watering-places with the Potiphar 
families of New- York and the Eamrods from Boston, 
as well as numerous other Free State families of re- 
nown — who, we say, does not feel tempted to exclaim, 
not once but all the time, par nobile fratrum — noble 
band of brothers ! 

Alas ! how unfortunate is it that true gentility is so 
little understood or appreciated in this great country. 
Here we are, not yet a century old, and while in the 
full enjoyment of all those blessings which are the rich 
heritage won for us by the struggles of our ancestors, 
affecting to despise the plain domestic virtues in which 
those same ancestors excelled, and blindly and madly 
imitating the lax morals, the effete civilization, the lux- 
uries and the vices of that rotten Old World, with 
whose rulers and whose traditions we ought to enter- 
tain not a single feeling in common. Is there any man- 
liness in this ? any virtue ? any worthiness ? Do you 
delight in feasting on toads, gentle reader ? or are you 
ambitious to ungirdle the native independence which 
should encircle every freeman's loins, to wear in its 
stead the effeminate cest that binds with silken folds 
the poor slave of courts and princely ceremony ? And 
yet, good faith, what else are we doing when we dis- 
card the plain but honest virtues of our sires, to em- 
brace every hollow flam or shallow pretense newly im- 
ported from Paris or London ? 'Tis time indeed Ame- 
ricans should learn to cease from following after strange 



174 COTTON SNOBS. 

gods, and to put more trust than they have done of 
late in straightforward integrity of purpose and a pure 
genuine morality, and less in corrupting riches and a 
shallow outward polish, which, like the sleek crust 
over the smouldering volcano, conceals ever beneath 
its shining exterior only stifling ashes and treacherous 
fires. 

But let us proceed once more with our subject. 

If the Cotton Snob pere appears so ridiculous in the 
eyes of common-sense and common manliness, the 
Cotton Snob, Jils, appears even more so — for you must 
know, our readers, our Southern snobs have already 
reached the second generation. The Cotton Snob, fils, 
lives an idle, worthless life, too lazy even to fox-hunt ; 
and bestows all his time and attention upon his imma- 
culate kids and patent-leathers, upon the culture of 
his incipient mustachio, and in experimenting with the 
different kinds of pomatum for his precious locks of 
hair. He reminds one of that Mendycides of Sybaris, 
spoken of by Seneca, who was so fatigued at "seeing" 
a man dig, that he ordered such work never more to 
be done in his presence ; or more aptly still, of those 
pretty little coxcombs to be seen in all our large cities 
— those degenerate sons of some old Bullion, who 
would feel insulted if you were to accuse them of ever 
doing any useful labor, or even of possessing the manly 
strength, the brawn and bone necessary to the success- 
ful accomplishment of such labor. Hence, however 
unfortunate the father may be in his attempts to revive 
the practices and customs of fifty or a hundred years 
ago, the son is still more unfortunate when he goes 
back yet another century, and endeavors to revive the 



COTTON SNOBS. 175 

Tournaments of the Middle Ages. For these in the 
old days of chivalry, were chiefly participated in by 
war-worn heroes, clad in steel from head to foot, armed 
with a genuine lance of truest temper, and mounted 
on spirited steeds, whose fiery natures had never felt 
the debasing touch of el castrador. Placed vis d vis to 
such a Knight of the Past, behold the dwarfish dimen- 
sions of our modern Cotton Knight, who ambles daintily 
forward on the back of a docile gelding, holding a 
sharpened stick under his arm, and gallantly and glo- 
riously endeavoring to thrust the same through an iron 
ring, which is suspended by a rope of twine from an 
horizontal beam! Note well with what a cavalier- 
like grace the thing is done. How stiffly stands his 
shirt-collar, how spotless are his patent-leathers, how 
mildly flaps his lengthened coat tail in the wind, how 
charmingly glistens his carroty-colored hair underneath 
his shining beaver ! Plaudits, Romanes, Plaudite, 
Omnes ! Here is bravery for you, and chivalry and 
gallant deeds in arms. Tremble, O Cuba, and quake 
with much fear, O States of Nicarauga and Costa Rica, 
for the old lions have refreshed themselves, and the 
young lions are preparing against the day of battle ! 
Stand in awe, O Nations, and hide your little heads, 
ye Isles of the Sea, for verily Cotton is King, and the 
New Order of Chivalry is the Cotton Snob ! 

But alas ! our countrymen, we blush even while we 
smile. 

Like his father before him, the Cotton Snob wor- 
ships money, but in a different sense. The Southern 
Yankee loves money for its own sake — the Cotton 
Snob loves it because it supplies him with cigars, and 



176 COTTON SNOBS. 

brandy, and fine clothes, and fine horses, and fine 
houses, yea, and fine women too, my dears, as Mr. Tit- 
marsh would say, as well as a quasi-public esteem. In 
truth, he fancies that money is more potent than the 
lever of Archimedes — that its glittering dust will blind 
the eyes of Justice (though proverbially blind any 
how) as well as hermetically seal up the mouth of Mrs. 
Grundy ; while, on the other hand, he looks upon pov- 
erty as a sort of crime, and thinks every poor man is 
just about good enough to be hanged and nothing 
more. Hence he shuns the society of the poor man 
as he would the plague, but clasps every brother Croesus 
to his bosom with the most unfeigned delight, asking 
no questions ; as, by what means the latter has come 
by his riches, or to what base uses his life may be 
habitually devoted. Wherefore, should you speak to 
the Cotton Snob admiringly of the charms of some 
female acquaintance, his very first inquiry would be, 
Is she rich? Or if you tell him of the unsullied honor 
and manly uprightness of some gentleman friend, his 
stereotyped interrogatory is, What's he worth? And 
until his vulgar mind has been assured respecting this 
all-important matter, he never will consent to see any 
thing estimable or praiseworthy in any individual. 
Nor does he know of any more satirical or witty re- 
mark, than to say of a person praised for his intelli- 
gence and his virtues: "Ah! yes, very clever, I dare 
say, but poor as Job's turkey I" 

As is well known, the Southern Gentleman rarely 
prides himself upon his dress — indeed he is only too 
negligent in regard thereto ; but the Cotton Snob is 
fully as sensitive on that subject as his Northern bro- 



COTTON SNOBS. 177 

ther, and in every thing which concerns Fashion is 
equally as thin-skinned and foolish as the latter. Noth- 
ing so mortifies the genuine Southern Snob as to be 
considered out of the fashion ; and he would at any time 
rather lose one of his most valuable niggers than to be 
seen in public with an old coat, or wearing an unfash- 
ionable hat, or with hands ungloved and boots un- 
blacked. So too would he never be able to survive 
the mortification caused by any notorious breach of 
etiquette or conventional ceremony. We remember 
to have witnessed once a most amusing instance of this 
fear of making some such breach of etiquette, in the 
person of a Cotton Snob who hailed from Charleston, 
South-Carolina. He was a be-oiled and highly be- 
scented coxcomb, having a stronger resemblance to the 
New York Fifth- Avenoodle than to the Cotton Snob 
proper, save that his complexion was sombre, and his 
hair long a la cavalier. The scene was enacted in the 
Exchange Hotel, Eichmond. The Charlestonian, it 
appears, was just setting out on his summer travels, 
but had stopped in Eichmond for a few days, and was 
desirous in the mean time of giving a dinner party to a 
select company of friends. He was discoursing on 
this topic to the landlord, at the registry-desk, when 
the writer chanced to overhear what in substance is 
given below. He spoke in a thick, half-choking, drawl- 
ing sort of tone, and with a slight imitation of the dia- 
lect of Samivel, (an unusual thing with most Cotton 
Snobs, by the way, for they much oftener imitate the 
dialect of Sambo ;) and as he spoke, he turned his head 
languidly from side to side, evidently persuaded in his 
own mind that he was " cutting a swell." 
8* 



178 COTTON" SNOBS. 

" Now, you see," said he, "I desire to give a very 
select pawty, ye kno', and I want it to be just the thing. 
Do you think it would be altogether recherche, proper, 
and the thing, to have it in the Ladies' Ordinary? Aw, 
now ? Would that be distingue enough, my clean sir ? 
You see, I live a mile or two out of Chawlston, South 
Cawolina — have a very nice, recherche, and elegant 
Bachelor's Hall there, in which I entertain my friends 
in the most distingue style two or three times every 
week, when I'm at home, ye kno' ; and I would not like 
to give a pawty here in Wichmond, that was not just 
the thing. We Cawolinians must keep up the weputa- 
tion of our gallant Commonwealth, ye kno' — the land 
of the chivalwig, ye kno'." 

The land of the chivalwig, indeed ! Had this fellow 
not been a Southerner, and hailing from the most really 
chivalrous of all the Southern States, we should have 
laughed outright at the absurd figure he played ; but 
as it was, we felt too much mortification. Not so, 
however, on another occasion (which we can not resist 
the temptation of alluding to here, although seemingly 
out of place) when we fell in with two Northern Snobs 
of a like kidney, noble sons of York both, who, at the 
time, were spending their winter travelling through the 
South. This chance adventure happened in Alabama, 
at a certain country railroad depot which shall be 
nameless. It was on a very chilly winter's night, and 
the railroad passengers were forced to remain in the 
rather primitive sitting-room of the wooden depot, from 
one till three of the clock in the morning, nearly cooked 
by the red-hot stove and almost stifled by that horrible 
stench which always is emitted from burning iron ; and 



COTTON SNOBS. 179 

all because the rival railroad companies would not 
agree to make "connections" simultaneously. Had it 
not been for the entertainment afforded one by the two 
New- York coxcombs spoken of, we do not see at this 
late day how we ever should have rendered those mor- 
tal two hours tolerable. They were pretty fair speci- 
mens of the cultivated dandies of the Sawedwadgeorge 
earllitnnbulwig species, such as Mr. Tennyson de- 
scribes : 

" Oiled and curled like an Assyrian bull, 
Smelling of musk and insolence." 

They were acting as gallants to some female friends, 
who seemed to be akin to the New Order of Southern 
Chivalry, (pardon us if we refrain from using any more 
disparaging epithet while speaking of the ladies ;) and 
betwixt their attentions to these, and their conversation 
between themselves, we managed to kill the time pretty 
agreeably. There was one other young gentleman in 
the room, from Nashville, we think, but a stranger to 
ourself, who seemed to enjoy the sport even more than 
we did ; else, his organ of mirthful ness was more fully 
developed, or he had not yet acquired that self-control 
which is becoming. His efforts to restrain his pent-up 
laughter were almost as ludicrous as the stilted conver- 
sation of our two New-Yorkers, which was one con- 
tinuous flow of "dictionary words" and "my clean 
f'la," and "my deah f'la," and "twue," "twue," and 
" I dessay," "I dessay." In the desperate determina- 
tion to maintain his composure, our Nashville acquaint- 
ance shook like a jelly from his head to his feet; his 
cheeks swelled every now and then as if ready to burst, 
and had not the pent-up wind managed to escape in 



180 COTTON SNOBS. 

little short chuckles at the corners of his mouth, (stifled, 
'tis true, in his travelling shawl,) we do not know what 
would have become of him. Although he was evi- 
dently an intelligent person, despite a little rudeness, 
at last he could contain himself no longer, but almost 
split his sides, and startled the whole company with 
his unbridled cachinnation, just as out distingue fops 
reached the culminating blunder of the night. 

They had for some time been descanting on Dickens, 
Thackeray, poetry, and the fine arts generally, but the 
opera in particular, and in a manner too, it must be 
confessed, which showed that in literary and artistic 
matters, at least, they were pretty well versed. But, 
unfortunately for their laurels, from the discussion of 
the muses they joroceeded to discuss politics, of which 
they knew as little as any Southern Gentleman's valet 
would be presumed to know. Still they talked in the 
same stilted and consequential manner as before, and 
seemed to fancy "they knew it all !" To have heard 
them, one would have thought they dined regularly with 
Mr. Buchanan and his whole Cabinet, and besides were 
intimately acquainted with all the leading statesmen in 
the Union. In particular, did they admire Prentice, of 
Louisville, and S. S. Prentiss, sometime of Mississippi ; 
the respective merits of whom they discussed with 
much volubility. 

" But, my deali f 'la," said one of them during the 
conversation on this topic, "they tell me that Prentice, 
of the Louisville Courier [here our Nashville friend 
gave indications of much bodily pain in the epigastric 
region] has had a stwoke of pawalysis lately." 

" Beg your pawdon, my deah fwiend," replied his 



COTTON SNOBS. 181 

companion, " but I am intimately acquainted with Mis- 
taw Pwentice, and saw him not two weeks ago, wben 
he was pweffectly well." 

" Ah ! twue, I dessay. Then it is Pwentice of Mis- 
sissippi who is pawalyzed. I knew it was one of them, 
but did not remember distingly wich." 

Considering that Mr. S. S. Prentiss had then been 
dead and buried for some five years and more, we felt 
inclined to overlook the rudeness of the young gentle- 
man from Nashville, who, at this juncture, by his un- 
restrained overflow of merriment first notified our 
worthy young sparks that they had been making the 
most consummate asses of themselves. But though in 
so unwelcome a manner advised of the fact, and while 
they evidently entertained the opinion that they were 
" the observed of all observers," they yet did not possess 
native wit enough to perceive wherein their blunder 
lay; but blushing, stammering, and in the blankest 
confusion, continued to make matters worse and worse 
by their fruitless efforts at explanation, until even the 
writer, serious and self-possessed as he fancied himself, 
was constrained finally to join in the general laugh. 

But Jwiv does the Cotton snob treat his human chattels f 
Come, tell us that! dear madam — our very dear and 
reverend friend — only exercise a little patience, there's 
a good soul ! Can you never think of any thing else 
than the woolly -heads ? One would almost be per- 
suaded to believe that you are more pained to hear of 
the servile condition of his dependents than to learn 
that the Cotton Snob is himself a slave of slaves — not 
only the slave of passion and vanity, but the slave of 
Satan also. For we would have you to know, re- 



182 COTTON SNOBS. 

spected mother in Israel, that there are in the world 
two kinds of slavery, both of which existed as now 
when our Saviour was on the earth ; but the Great 
Master never mentioned but one — never but one, our 
dear Madam, on our faith as a Christian gentleman ; at 
least he never reprobated but one. Now, can you 
guess which or what species of bondage that was which 
fell under his censure? Why, human bondage, of 
course; the sum of all villanies. Indeed? why, certainly, 
for donH our preachers always preach about that, and 
arvbl they all called and sent to preach the Gospel? Yes, 
Madam, they are called and sent, and do likewise 
preach a gospel — the gospel of " pike and gun," the 
glorious gallows gospel of John Brown, the thief and 
murderer ; but not the Gospel ; for this commands us 
not to kill, not to steal, not to bear false witness against 
one's neighbor, not to engender strifes among brethren, 
and at the same time comdemns only one kind of bond- 
age, and that is not human bondage. Jesus declared 
that he found all men, whether free or bond, under 
bondage to sin, and his sole mission was to emancipate 
them from this thraldom. Do not find fault with us, 
therefore, if, in imitation of the Divine Master, and of 
his disciples and ministers for the first eighteen hun- 
dred years after his crucifixion, we prefer the Gospel 
of Christ to the gospel of John Brown. For this we 
know, if bodily servitude be a hardship, (as it often is, 
as well as poverty, or sickness, or even marriage some- 
times, or any other human relation whatever, in a cer- 
tain sense ; but how much greater blessings are these 
all in a higher sense, God only knows !) still there is 
but one way to do away with it, and that is by first 



COTTON SNOBS. 183 

freeing man from that much more galling servitude — 
the Bondage of the Soul. Had there been any other 
method Jesus certainly would have made it known to 
us, for he was expressly commissioned to do away 
with " all sin." Yet in the Primitive Church, slave- 
holders were admitted to as full fellowship as any of the 
poorest saints, and not infrequently, as we learn from 
Eusebius, master and slave suffered martyrdom at the 
same time. But why will we fall into this prosing 
vein, to the disgust of the general reader ? Let us re- 
turn to our "sheeps," impatient sir. You would have 
us tell you how the Cotton Snob treats his human chat, 
tels. We shall do our utmost to gratify you. But allow 
us to insist in a friendly way, that you do not begin to 
weep until there is a demand for your sympathetic 
tears. 

Know, then, negrophilist, that the Cotton Snob is 
a man like yourself; given to like infirmities and pos- 
sessing the same benevolent emotions. Now we would 
like for you to answer; have you ever yet seen a man 
so utterly corrupt and abandoned, as not to possess a 
single redeeming characteristic? We doubt if you 
ever have. Even thieves sometimes evince a sense of 
honor, and murderous highwaymen have been known 
to be charitable ; while that poor degraded wanton, 
whom the soulless son of Belial stabbed in Cincinnati 
only last year, because she refused his gold, died with 
a prayer on her lips for her babe and her husband, to- 
tally oblivious of herself ! Yea, so true it is, no mat- 
ter how thickly the human heart may be incrusted 
over with sin aud shame, we will yet oftentimes catch 
a glimpse of some sweet flower of the earlier Eden, 



184 COTTON SNOBS. 

budding and bearing heavenly fruit in the midst of all 
its loathsome corruption ; just as the water-lily with 
unstained blossom peeps out above the offensive scum 
of the malarious marsh, telling by its lovely presence 
of pure, cool waters, far down below the poisonous 
green spume of the surface. Hence, do not be sur- 
prised when we inform you, that some of the kindest 
masters of the South are to be found among her Snobs ; 
for such is the fact. Some of them are even indulgent 
to a fault ; allowing their slaves to traffic at their plea- 
sure with the groggery keepers ; to insult poor white 
folks with impunity — their masters always maintaining 
before the courts their servants' innocence ; and en- 
couraging them to brow-beat and bully overseers and 
managers, until it sometimes happens that no honest 
or capable person can be induced to undertake the su- 
perintendence of the estates to which such negroes be- 
long. We have known masters of this character, when 
not residing on their plantations, but in some neigh- 
boring village, ten or twenty miles distant, to encour- 
age their slaves to run off when corrected by the over- 
seer — no matter how deservedly — and present them- 
selves to " Mas'r," giving a doleful account of wounds 
and contusions without number, of untold hardships 
and ill-usage — all apocryphal, and when, in reality, the 
saucy fellows had, in most instances, fared a deal sight 
better than any poor white man, guilty of similar offenses 
would have fared in any town or city in the United 
States, blessed with an honest and faithful Justice of 
the Peace. 

Now, there are two reasons for such conduct on the 
part of the Cotton Snob — one an honorable and the 



COTTON SNOBS. 185 

other a dishonorable motive ; for, however paradoxi- 
cal the proposition may seem, a man can be led by a 
dishonorable purpose to do an honorable action. The 
honorable motive alluded to above, is the pure result 
of a large development of what the phrenologists 
would call the organ of benevolence. When natur- 
ally benevolent and humane, though vain as a pea- 
cock, though shallow as Dogberry, though profane of 
speech as Horace Greeley is said to be, though notori- 
ously unchaste and as notoriously a wine-bibber and a 
drunkard, though vulgar and coarse in manners, and 
obscene in conversation, and in every thing else indeed 
"tolerable and not to endured," still, in kindness to his 
negroes — a practical benevolence which sees that they 
are warmly clad, comfortably housed, abundantly fed, 
and not over- worked — the Cotton Snob is the peer of 
the most gentlemanly and virtuous person in the whole 
South. Of a truth, we have known just such charac- 
ters to be avowed emancipationists in sentiment ; even 
while holding slaves, professing themselves unable to 
see any right by which one man can be privileged to 
hold a fellow-being in bondage. So true is it, that 
persons of a single idea, can never perceive the absurd 
discrepancy between their teachings and their practice, 
and are always straining out the gnat to swallow the 
camel. 

As for the dishonorable motive which not infre- 
quently leads the Cotton Snob to be a good master, 
we shall not shoot very far of the mark if we say, that 
it always grows out of his excessive vanity, and that 
torturing anxiety — which characterizes all snobs — to 
be well spoken of by the world, and applauded for 



186 COTTON SNOBS. 

every thing he does ; the right or wrong of any act 
never once entering into his thoughts. It is no credit 
to any man in the South to have the reputation of be- 
ing a hard master ; but if it were, the Cotton Snob 
would soonest boast of his cruelties ; and would doubt- 
less keep a little private torture-room, wherein to en- 
tertain his friends with a show of some of his most 
devilish inventions for producing human agony ; some- 
thing like the pious Priests of the Middle Ages were 
wont to torture heretics for the delectation of Popes 
and Cardinals. Nor need you conceive that we exag- 
gerate ; for only consider all the wicked things the 
race of snobs the world over, and in all ages, have com- 
mitted, merely to be in the fashion. Consider the mu- 
tilation of the feet in China ; the hari-kari of Japan, or 
happy process of disembowelling ; the intrigues in the 
fashionable circles of the Old World, and the ease with 
which our own patriotic fellow-citizens learn to forget 
old friends and familiar faces, merely because the 
wheel of Fortune has, in its blind evolutions, whirled 
the former up and the latter down. "We tell you 
plainly, honest reader, the genuine Snob will make 
wry faces at no toad, however large or disgusting ; but 
will make it a point of honor to swallow the animal 
whole, the little stump-tail, the big goggle-eyes, the 
bloated belly, slimy back, toe-nails, gristle, skin and 
all ! And the Cotton Snob verily, if persuaded it was 
the thing to have a juvenile African served up whole 
on state occasions, stuffed like a young grunter or pre- 
pared like a baron of beef, would never once hesitate to 
have young Sambo served with parsley and egg-sauce, 
or whatever else might be the taste of the hour ; and 



COTTON SNOBS. 187 

what is more, he would pretend to enjoy the delicious 
repast with as much gusto, as he at present evinces 
while discussing the mysterious compounds served at 
the St. Charles or the St. Nicholas — not one of which, 
in most instances, he would be able properly to trans- 
late into his own vernacular. For he holds it a sin to 
cry out against any dish that Fashion and a French 
cook have pronounced in favor of ; and would, in con- 
sequence, be totally unable to appreciate at its full 
value the honest verdancy of a stout Alabamian we 
once knew ; who, visiting New-Orleans for the first 
time, and having a dish set before him, the contents of 
which would not go down at his bidding, after many 
contortions of visage and sundry and divers attempts 
at swallowing the savory mess, at last threw up his hands 
in alarm, ejecting the sweet morsel from his mouth at 
the same time, and with his " eyes in a fine frenzy 
rolling," bawled at the top of a very stentorian pair of 
the lungs : " Take it away ! take it away ! carrion ! car- 
rion /" If every man were as honest as this stout gen- 
tleman from Alabama, and, having no fear of Mrs. 
Grundy before his eyes, dared to call every caprice of 
Fashion by its proper name, what a flutter would there 
be in " our best society I" 

But, (and we see you grimly smile, worthy Negro- 
philist !) the Cotton Snob, when he is situated so that 
he can hide his wickedness from the world, is some- 
times as hard a task-master as his father was before 
him ; driving day and night, as the negroes express it 
being solely intent on acquiring the means to enable 
him to fare sumptuously every day, and — speaking in 
figures — to be every day arrayed in that purple and 



188 COTTON SNOBS. 

fine linen which is the peculiar delight of the vain, 
rich man the world over. He generally employs for 
managers shrewd New-Englanders, or canny Scotch- 
men, or native Southern Bullies, who are to be seen 
at all times astraddle their horses and overlooking the 
field hands while at work, wearing a big " bull- whip" 
tied over one shoulder and under the other, scarf- fashion } 
and rarely addressing a slave without cursing him in 
the same breath. These very gentlemanly -looking per- 
sonages are instructed to "drive like h — 11," and make 
all they can : hence, the more the Cotton Snob sinks 
at Faro, or at the " races," the harder his negroes are 
" pushed," and the heavier the lash is laid on their 
weary backs ; and the more his wife and daughters 
spend in silks and jewelry, or at the fashionable sum- 
mer resorts, the longer the poor African is forced to 
labor on into the night, even sometimes till the " wee 
sma' hours at ween the twal ;" when he drops down to 
slumber by the roadside, or wherever he may chance 
to be when his weary labor is done, tired nature refus- 
ing to support him on his legs until he can reach his 
humble cabin. Of course, Reverend Sir, we are here 
presenting an extreme, and let us hope an exceptional 
case ; and, allow us to add, chiefly for your own pecu- 
liar delectation. It is better than a play, we assure 
you, to see with what a righteous unction you roll your 
weeping eyes to heaven, inwardly thanking God that 
you live in a "land of Bibles and Freemen, where such 
villanies are never perpetrated." 

But, if your Reverence please, we would beg to remind 
you of a scene said to have been enacted in the land of 
Judea. We are told that, upon a certain occasion, two 



COTTON SNOBS. 189 

men went up to the Temple to pray. One of them 
stood afar off, and bowing himself to the ground seem- 
ed overwhelmed with the consciousness of his guilt, 
and kept smiting himself on the breast, crying bitterly 
all the time: "Lord, have mercy on me a sinner! 
Lord, have mercy on me a sinner !" But the other 
straightened himself up, lengthened his phylacteries 
and spread out the borders of his robe, and folding his 
hands with an air of the most perfect self-righteous- 
ness, cried out in a loud and confident voice : " Lord, I 
thank thee that I am better than other men ! Lord, I 
especially thank thee that I am unlike that publican 
and sinner, who stands there beating his breast and be- 
moaning his sins." And the Great Master declared, 
that the Publican went away more justified than the 
Pharisee. Now, your Reverence may be unable to 
perceive the present applicableness of this parable, but 
it has its application nevertheless. For, while you 
stand thanking God that you live in a land of Bibles 
and Freemen, and especially thanking him that you 
are better than your brethren of the South ; your own 
Northern Snobs and Northern Yankees are daily tram- 
pling in the dust hundreds of thousands of God's poor 
all around you, and yet, you miserable Priest of Cant 
and Hypocrisy, you only wrap your self-righteous robe 
closer about you, and pass unheeding by on "the 
other side !" Nay, more ; the very gold which clothes 
your precious person in broadcloth, and which is the 
hire paid you for introducing politics into the pulpit, 
comes from the plethoric pockets of those same Snobs 
and Yankees ; and is virtually red with the heart's 
blood of poor consumptive seamstresses, of pale and 



190 COTTON SNOBS. 

Laggard artisans, and of the widow and the fatherless. 
For there is this marked difference between the Snobs 
and Yankees of the South, and those of the North : 
while the former only oppress and render miserable 
the bondmen belonging exclusively to themselves ; the 
latter, by an unholy combination of capital against 
labor, oppress the whole working class — reducing 
their wages down to the merest pittance — working 
them harder than the plough-mules are worked on the 
most driving Southern cotton-planter's estate ; and giv- 
ing bread and life only to the strong and the robust^ 
leaving the weak and helpless, the sick and the infirm, 
a prey to want and starvation, as well as to every spe- 
cies of villany and oppression. Hence, in view of these 
facts, we make bold to assert that any man, who ne- 
glects to devote himself body and soul to relieving the 
burdens of that society in which his lot is cast, prefer- 
ring idly and profitlessly to carp at the evils of any 
other system of society whatever with which he is not 
identified ; we care not what his profession or his pre- 
tensions may be, is at heart a base deceiver and hypo- 
crite; and, although he may receive in this life the 
guerdon for which he labors, namely, the applause of his 
fellow-men, yet in the life which is to come, he will 
receive for his recompense a reward to which he does 
not now aspire, but which will be eminently his clue. 
For we are commanded of God to do good as we have 
opportunity, and not to neglect our own opportunities 
for doing good, to point out to our neighbors wherein 
they are remiss in the performance of their duties and 
obligations. In other words, people who live in glass 
houses have no right to throw stones. 



CHAPTER V. 

THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN". 

" At length his lonely cot appears in view, 
Beneath the shelter of an aged tree ; 
Th' expectant wee things, toddlin stacher through 
To meet their dad, wi' fiichtering noise and glee ; 
His wee bit ingle blinkin bonnilie, 
His clean hearthstone, his thrifty wifie's smile, 
The lisping infant prattling on his knee, 
Does a' his weary kiaugh and care beguile, 
And makes him quite forget his labor and his toil." 

Robert Burns. 

"When we gaze upon some loftj mountain which 
rears its pinnacled and azure summit high up in the 
region of mists and eternal snow, lost in admiration of 
the sublime spectacle we are prone to forget that, while 
its heaven-crowned peaks may dazzle and delight us 
with their matchless wealth of grandeur and beauty, 
still, deep down in its cavernous base and hidden from 
the garish sunlight and the blaze of day, are treasured 
up mines of greater wealth and greater splendor, as 
well as exhaustless quarries of imperishable marble, 
which only waits the hand of genius to be converted 
into living forms of beauty, and thus become a "joy 
forever." So, too, when we look upon some mighty 



192 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

and powerful nation, dazzled by the magnificent robes 
of state and authority, and by all the splendid pomp 
and circumstance of those who move in the upper cir- 
cles of society, we are very liable to forget that these 
all fail to constitute the State, and that they owe their 
very existence and continued elevation, as well as that 
distance from us which lends enchantment to the view, 
to the unbedecked and toiling masses, who, like the 
unseen but all-powerful forces of Nature, labor on in 
secret and unobserved, yet in reality are the producers 
of all the real wealth or useful progress and achieve- 
ments of empires. For while princes, presidents, and 
governors may boast of their castles and lands, their 
silken gowns and robes of ceremony — all which can 
be made the sport of fortune, and do often vanish away 
in a moment, leaving their sometime owners poor in- 
deed — the Common People, as the masses are called, 
possess in and of themselves a far richer inheritance, 
which is the ability and the will to earn an honest live- 
lihood (not by the tricks of trade and the lying spirit 
of barter, nor yet by trampling on any man's rights, 
but) by the toilsome sweat of their own brows, delving 
patiently and trustingly in old mother earth, who, un- 
der the blessing of God, never deceives or disappoints 
those who put their trust in her generous bosom. And 
of all the hardy sons of toil, in all free lands the Yeo- 
men are most deserving of our esteem. With hearts 
of oak and thews of steel, crouching to no man and 
fearing no danger, these are equally bold to handle a 
musket on the field of battle or to swing their reapers 
in times of peace among the waving stalks of yellow 
grain. For, in the language of the poet : 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 193 



Each boasts his hearth 



And field as free as the best lord his barony, 

Owing subjection to no human vassalage 

Save to their king and law. Hence are they resolute, 

Leading the van on every day of battle, 

As men who know the blessings they defend. 

Hence are they frank and generous in peace, 

As men who have their portion in its plenty." 

But you have no Yeomen in the South , my dear Sir? 
Beg your pardon, our dear Sir, but we have — hosts of 
them. I thought you had only poor White Trash? Yes, 
we dare say as much — and that the moon is made of 
green cheese ! You have fully as much right or reason 
to think the one thing as the other. Do tell, now ; 
want to know? Is that so, our good friend? do you 
really desire to learn the truth about this matter? If 
so, to the extent of our poor ability, we shall endeavor 
to enlighten you upon a subject, which not one Yan- 
kee in ten thousand in the least understands. 

Know, then, that the Poor Whites of the South con- 
stitute a separate class to themselves; the Southern 
Yeomen are as distinct from them as the Southern 
Gentleman is from the Cotton Snob. Certainly the 
Southern Yeomen are nearly always poor, at least so 
far as this world's goods are to be taken into the ac- 
count. As a general thing they own no slaves ; and 
even in case they do, the wealthiest of them rarely pos- 
sess more than from ten to fifteen. But even when 
they are slaveholders, they seem to exercise but few of 
the rights of ownership over their human chattels, mak- 
ing so little distinction between master and man, that 
their negroes invariably become spoiled, like so many 
9 



104 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

rude children who have been unwisely spared the rod 
by their foolish guardians. , Such negroes are lazy as 
the day is long, saucy and impertinent, and besides are 
nearly as useless members of society as the free blacks 
of the North, or Jamaica, or the Central American 
States. Indulged from their infancy, never receiving 
a stripe unless some one of their young masters is stout 
enough to give them a lamming in a regular fisticuffs 
fight, and in all things treated more like equals than 
slaves, it is certainly no cause of wonder that they im- 
pudently call their masters by their proper names, and, 
when permitted, address all other white persons in the 
same ill-bred and familiar manner. Indeed, Senator 
Seward himself could not demand any greater show of 
equality, than what is often exhibited by the Yeomen 
of the South in the treatment of their negroes ; and we 
think it would cure even him of nis rabid mania on the 
subject of the ultimate extinction of the peculiar insti- 
tution, could he be brought into personal contact with 
some of the free and easy specimens of poor down- 
trodden Africans we have had the luck to fall in with 
now and then in the Slave States. If he did not carry 
with him to his grave a very unflattering remembrance 
of his loutish, lazy, lousy, and foul-scented black "bro- 
thers," then he is not the dainty gentleman we have 
been accustomed to consider him. For, after all their 
demonstrations in behalf of the Negro, the people of 
the Free States are possessed of olfactories like the rest 
of mankind, and individually entertain a very whole- 
some dread of coming personally in contact with their 
down-trodden and much-abused proteg^ however lusti- 
ly they may bawl about his being both 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 195 

a brother." We know, in some parts of the North, 
negroes are admitted to the society of a certain class of 
fanatical free-lovers and socialists — dine with them 
sleep with them, school with them, and even sometimes 
intermarry with them — while it does occasionally hap- 
pen, that a big buck African will familiarly slap a 
white man on the back, with a "How ar' yer, Tom? 
gib a feller a treat," or, "Harry, my boy, how goes de 
wedder ?" In a majority of cases, however, as we have 
already declared, decent people in all the Northern 
States entertain a very wholesome and sensible preju- 
dice against affiliating on terms of equality with per- 
sons of color. In this regard, indeed, they are far 
more scrupulous and sensitive than any class of whites 
in the South. 

Now it is chiefly owing, as we conceive, to this univer- 
sal prejudice against color in the North, that the citizens 
of the Free States will insist free labor is degraded by the 
existence of African slavery, and that the Poor Whites 
of the South because thereof prefer to starve rather 
tli an to labor side by side with slaves. Because they 
themselves will not consent to work oh a level with the 
free negroes in their own midst, of course (such is their 
reasoning) any poor Southerner would feel degraded to 
labor in company with enslaved persons possessing the 
same objectionable color. Capital logicians! Now, 
Sirs, what are the facts ? Would you believe the de- 
claration, that honest Southern Yeomen (these are the 
industrious poor whites of the South) always work side 
by side with their own human chattels in the fields, in 
the forests, and every where else ? Nothing, we assure 
you, is more common. No man can travel a day 



196 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

through any thickly-settled portion of the South, but 
he will come up with some sturdy yeoman and his sons 
working in company of their negroes ; sometimes their 
own propert}^, at other times hirelings whom they have 
employed by the month or year. In portions of "West- 
ern Virginia, particularly in the districts settled by the 
Pennsylvania Dutch, such spectacles are to be witnessed 
on almost every other farm. Passing by their fields of 
rich clover, nearly waist-high, and blushing as red in a 
rich profusion of purple blooms as the cheeks of the 
plump country maiden who sits singing and knitting 
under the big apple-tree in front of the neat farm- 
house, you can not fail of being amused to observe the 
lazy deliberation with which the broad-shouldered 
farm-boys, and their equally broad-shouldered sooty 
companions, lay down their hoes or scythes to gaze at 
a stranger — gazing long and steadfastly, with hanging 
lip and open mouth, until you are hidden from their 
sight by a turn in the green lane, when they all simul- 
taneously burst out a laughing, (at what, Heaven 
knows !) but in so hearty and boisterous a manner as 
to wake up the dozing cattle, whose sleek fat sides are 
scarcely visible about in spots among the clover-leaves, 
refulgent and glistening in the shimmering rays of the 
glorious summer sun. So, too, if you leave Virginia 
and pass down into the Old North State — the State so 
famous for its tar, pitch, and turpentine — you will hear 
the axe of master and man falling with alternate strokes 
in the depth of the whispering forests of dark ever- 
greens, as with redoubled blows they attack the lofty 
pines, felling them to the ground for lumber, or simply- 
barking them for their resinous sap. Here you will 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 197 

frequently see black and white, slave and freeman, 
camping ont together, living sometimes in the same 
tent or temporary pine-pole cabin ; drinking, the dar- 
keys always after mas'r, out of the same tin dip- 
per or long-handled gourd their home-distilled apple- 
brandy ; dining on the same homely but substantial 
fare, and sharing one bed in common, videlicet, the 
cabin floor. 

Again, should you go among the hardy yeomanry 
of Tennessee, Kentucky, or Missouri, whenever or 
wherever they own slaves (which in these States is not 
often the case) you will invariably see the negroes and 
their masters ploughing side by side in the fields ; or 
bared to the waist, and with old-fashioned scythe vieing 
with one another who can cut down the broadest swath 
of yellow wheat, or of the waving timothy ; or bearing 
the tall stalks of maize and packing them into the stout- 
built barn, with ear and "fodder on, ready for the win- 
ter's husking. And when the long winter evenings 
have come, you will see blacks and whites sing, and 
shout, and husk in company, to the music of Ole Vir~ 
ginny reels played on a greasy fiddle by some aged 
Uncle Edward, whose frosty pow proclaims that he is 
no longer fit for any more active duty, and whose long 
skinny fingers are only useful now to put life and met- 
tle into the fingers of the younger buskers, by the 
help of de fiddle and de bow. 

And yet, notwithstanding the Southern Yeoman 
allows his slaves so much freedom of speech and action, 
is not offended when they call him familiarly by his 
Christian name, and hardly makes them work enough 
to earn their salt, still he is very proud of being a 



198 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN". 

slaveholder ; and when he is not such, his greatest am- 
bition is to make money enough to buy a negro. We 
recall a very amusing anecdote illustrative of this am- 
bition of the Southern Yeoman. 

A man named Home, who was a bachelor, had en- 
tered some land at government price, or at all events 
at a very small sum. In a few years his land increased 
so in value that he sold out at an enormous profit, tak- 
ing as part payment one negro man, whom we will call 
Jeff. The next morning after the bargain had been 
closed, the negro was awakened quite early by hearing 
his new master bawling at the top of his voice: 

" Jeff! you, Jeff! Come here, you big black nigger, 
you!" 

"Bres God, Mas'r, what's de marter?" said Jeff, 
rushing sans culotte into his master's room, and nearly 
out of breath with alarm. 

"0 nuthin," replied Home dryly, " I only wanted to 
see how Hwould sound jist — that's 011!" 

In his origin, aside from the German settlers in West- 
ern Virginia, the Southern Yeoman is almost purely 
English. He nearly always bears some good old 
Anglo-Saxon name, and will tell you, if interrogated 
about his ancestors, that " grandfather so and so came 
over from the Old Country" — by which familiar and 
endearing phrase he always designates Great Britain. 
He is thorough English in fact, in both physical hearti- 
ness and dogged perseverance. Very seldom is he 
troubled witli dyspepsia, or melancholy, or discontent 
with his humble lot — evils which in most cases have 
their origin in a disordered stomach. Just so rarely, 
too, will you ever meet a Southern Yeoman who has 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 199 

learned to fear mortal man, or who would under any 
circumstances humiliate himself to curry favor with 
the rich or those in authority. He always possesses a 
manly independence of character, and though not so 
impetuous as the gentry of the South usually are, still, 
in the midst of the dangers and carnage of the battle- 
field, and in the thickest of the fray, his eye never 
quails; but with steady tramp and unflinching nerve 
he marches right on to where duty and honor call ; and 
with unblanched cheek meets death face to face. His 
wounds, like the scars of the old Eoman, themselves 
bespeak his praise, for they are ever received from the 
front and never from behind. 

The usual weapon of the Southern Yeoman is the 
deadly rifle — even in his sports — and this he handles 
with such skill as few possess, even in America. He 
likes the quick sharp report which announces in a clear 
tongue when the leaden messenger is sent home ; and 
affects to despise the rattling fowling piece, the peculiar 
sporting gun of the Southern Gentleman. With his 
rifle the Yeoman shoots squirrels, ducks, turkeys, deer, 
bear, buffalo, and whatever else he pleases. The best 
riflemen are found in Georgia, Mississippi, Tennessee, 
and Kentucky — the best, perhaps, in the last-named 
brave and chivalrous Commonwealth. Herein turkey- 
shooting is practised by all classes, but chiefly by the 
yeomen. A live turkey is securely fastened to a stake 
at the distance of one hundred paces, and you pay five 
or ten cents for the privilege of each shot ; if you hit 
the fowl in the head the carcass is yours, but any other 
hit is considered foul, and so passes for nothing. This 
is the kind of school in which were trained the hunt- 



200 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

inof-shirt heroes of King's Mountain, and those unerr- 
ing riflemen who, at the memorable battle of New-Or- 
leans, made such havoc in the ranks of Packenham's 
veterans. So also were trained those brave defenders 
of Texan independence — Crockett, Travis, and their 
compeers, who buried themselves beneath the countless 
] leaps of Mexicans slain at the heroic defense of the 
Alamo. And it was because of a similar schooling 
that Col. Jeff. Davis was enabled to say to the retreat- 
ing Indianians at the battle of Buena Vista, pointing 
proudly to the gallant yeomanry of Mississippi : " Stay, 
and re-form behind that wall!" For well the brave 
Colonel knew the rifles in the hands of his favorite 
regiment would soon with their iron hail beat down 
the advancing foe, and cause them to rush back in dis- 
orderly rout to their tents and entrenchments. Indeed, 
take them all in all, and we doubt if the world can 
produce a more reliable citizen soldiery than the yeo- 
manry of our Southern States. They only require the 
right sort of leaders — officers undo] 1 whom they are 
willing to fight, and in whose mettle and abilities they 
have perfect confidence. General Taylor was such a 
man, and in this regard no American General of late 
years has been his peer. Southern born himself, and 
Southern bred, plain and unostentatious in his manners, 
and at all times cool and determined in the hour of 
danger; his soldiers loved the man, while they re- 
spected and trusted the general Noble old Soldier ! 
no true heart can fail to regret, that the exigencies of 
politics forced you to lay aside the sword for our re- 
publican sceptre, and thus with the weighty cares and 
perplexities of a station which you never were fitted to 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 201 

adorn, too soon consigned you to the grave and de- 
prived the Union of one of her most able and patriotic 
defenders. Green be the turf above you, honest Ko- 
man, and may your successors in office learn to emulate 
your virtues! 

The Southern Yeoman much resembles in his speech, 
religious opinions, household arrangements, indoor 
sports, and family traditions, the middle class farmers 
of the Northern States. He is fully as intelligent as 
the latter, and is on the whole much better versed in 
the lore of politics and the provisions of our Federal 
and State Constitutions. This is chiefly owing to the 
public barbecues, court-house-day gatherings, and other 
holiday occasions, which are more numerous in the 
South than in the North, and in the former are nearly 
always devoted in part to political discussions of one 
kind or another. Heard from the lips of their neigh- 
bors and friends, and having the matter impressed upon 
their minds by the presentation of both sides of every 
disputed question at the same time, it is not strange 
that poor men in the South should possess a more com- 
prehensive knowledge of the fundamental principles 
of our artificial and complex system of government, or 
should retain a clearer perception of the respective 
merits of every leading political issue, than if they 
derived their information solely from books or news- 
papers; which always furnish but one view of the 
matter in dispute, and which they must painfully pe- 
ruse after a long day of toil, being more exercised 
meanwhile (aside from the drawback of physical weari- 
ness) in laboring to interpret the meaning of the "die 
tionary words," than in attempting to follow the facts 
9* 



202 THE SOUTH EKN YEOMAN. 

or the argument of the writer, be he never so lucid and 
perspicuous. 

We know a pretty general belief prevails through- 
out the entire North, and in Europe as well, (owing to 
the misrepresentations of our patriotic book-makers of 
the Free States,) that the great mass of the Southern 
people are more ignorant than the mass of Northern 
laborers ; and, although this opinion is no sounder than 
the baseless fabric of a vision, there is yet a plausible 
excuse at least to be urged on behalf of those citizens 
of the North who entertain it. For the North, taken 
as a whole, is an inventive and manufacturing commu- 
nity, and her citizens, in consequence, love to agglome- 
rate in towns, villages, etc. etc. Hence, they entertain 
a very foolish prejudice against the country, and every 
thing almost that pertains to country life ; while such 
a personage as a country gentleman proper, is un- 
known from Maine to Oregon, and to speak of " our 
country cousins" as very annoying and troublesome, is 
a standing witticism in every Free State. But the 
South is almost evclusively agricultural, and, of course, 
the great mass of her citizens fall under the bann of 
the cockney prejudices of the trades-people of the 
North, equally with their own country cousins from 
Down East, or the sun-embrowned Hoosiers from the 
West. Now, we do not pretend to claim that the yeo- 
men of the South are as intelligent or well-instructed 
about a great many things, as the mechanics, artisans, 
small shopkeepers, and others, who in a great measure 
constitute the population of the Northern towns ; but 
we do insist, from a pretty extensive acquaintance with 
the peculiarities and characteristics of both, that the 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 203 

Southern Yeoman is the peer in every respect of the 
small farmers in the Free States, as well as their supe- 
rior in a great many. For, as has already been shown, 
he is certainly better informed than the latter about 
the political history of the country ; is more accus- 
tomed to the use of fire-arms, particularly the rifle ; and 
(which is no small recommendation) he has a better ap- 
preciation of good liquors, for, instead of swallowing 
the vile stuff sent forth from Cincinnati and other 
places in the shape of mean whisky, the Southern yeo- 
man usually confines himself to home-brewed ale, or 
native apple-jack, or home-distilled peach brandy, all 
of which drinks are said to be both wholesome and 
harmless, if taken in moderation. 

From the yeomanry usually springs the overseer 
class — a very useful and important class of persons in 
the South ; very much-abused and slandered though 
they always have been, owing to the drunken habits, 
libertinism, coarse brutalities, and general bad conduct 
of many of their number. But there are to be found 
among them men of sterling worth and incorruptible 
integrity — good citizens, intelligent managers, kind dis- 
ciplinarians, and even sometimes they evince gentle- 
manly instincts, though but little polished in speech or 
manners. 

We think the reading public, Southern as well as 
Northern, in forming its judgment of overseers, has 
never sufficiently considered the responsibilities and 
temptations of their peculiar position. They constitute 
the Southern police, or patrol, just as every Northern 
city has its squads of police to protect the property and 
lives of its citizens from the hands of thieves, burglars, 



204 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

incendiaries, garroters, midnight assassins, and street 
bullies. The "beat" of each Southern overseer, is the 
plantation on which he resides ; and the collective body 
of overseers in every neighborhood, constitutes a regu- 
larly organized patrol — called by the negroes " Pate- 
rollers," and upon set times these " paterollers" form a 
troop and gallop from plantation to plantation during 
the whole night, arresting and punishing all slaves 
found off their proper premises without a permit from 
their master or mistress. But on the whole, the 
Southern overseer has a much more laborious duty to 
perform than his brother policeman of any Northern 
city. The latter has only to look after freemen — in 
most cases intelligent white men, who entertain some 
respect for the officers of the law ; whereas the South- 
ern overseer has confided to his care the kinky -headed, 
descendants of those pagans who, only a century ago, 
made no bones of eating one another, and whose kin- 
dred yet remaining in Africa still look upon a white 
missionary stewed with onions and cayenne pepper, or 
even better perhaps eaten raw and without salt, as the 
greatest " delicacy of the season." 

Did you never consider this fact, dear philanthropic 
Madam, who are so grateful to the policeman who 
breaks the pate of the drunken Irish bully, as kicks up 
" sich a divil of a row," right under your parlor win- 
dow ; but go into hysterics at the bare mention of a 
Southern overseer's knocking down a refractory Hot- 
tentot ? And, besides, if you are so valiant in defense 
of the wholesale slaughter of Ghoorkas, Sejioys, and 
other colored Hindoos, by your beloved brethren, the 
English abolitionists, why, in the name of common- 






THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 205 

sense, do you scowl so because some bloody Southerner 
finds it necessary occasionally to give a rebellious slave 
a flogging? Is a tough New-England cowskin dili- 
gently applied to the back of a lazy, lying Congo, a 
more heineous offense in the sight of Heaven, than the 
breaking of a drunken loafer's skull by means of hon- 
est Charley's club, or the blowing of Sepoys from the 
mouths of British cannon, simply because, like our 
worthy revolutionary sires, they have dared to rebel 
against an usurped authority and a confessedly most 
inhuman tyranny ? But bear in mind, our stout John 
Bull, we are casting no stones — save at the heads of 
those hypocrites, who sustain your virtuous queen in 
her recent bloody enactments in India, (all necessary, 
perhaps,) but at the same time rend the very heavens 
with their shrieks, because, in endeavoring to keep in 
subjection our India, we must needs resort to much 
milder and less sanguinary measures, though sometimes 
quite revolting to our humaner feelings. For he must 
be a very bold man who will deny that the overseers 
on many Southern plantations, are cruel and unmerci- 
fully severe, when permitted to be so by the careless- 
ness or connivance of their emplo^yers. Despite all 
which, however, we are yet prepared to contend, that, 
compared with the police of all other places, the world 
over, and taken en masse, there is not any where a 
more respectable and well-behaved patrol than the 
Southern overseers. 

But that is not saying much after all! we hear 
} t ou exclaim, thou worthy reader of books and not of 
men. To which wc reply : Until you and we have 
been tempted as such men are always tempted, every 



206 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

where and at all times, and have proven ourselves to 
be better and holier than they, we have no right to 
condemn or pass judgment. God, who is Judge of 
both the quick and the dead, alone is competent to 
determine who is deserving of condemnation, and who 
of praise. At all events, let us not denounce the inno- 
cent with the guilty, as in all our short-sighted human 
judgments we are ever prone to do. Some men, for 
example, when they have read in the daily press the 
fulsome details of a scan. mag. — the minute particulars 
of how some second Judas has betrayed his master's 
cause, not with a kiss, but for the kisses and wickeder 
endearments of a straying lamb of his flock — are apt 
to congratulate themselves that they still remain bach- 
elors, and that they have never been so foolish as to 
entertain any religious sentiments at all. Such men 
will solemnly and seriously vow and swear (and for 
one we believe they are honest in their declarations : 
who is not that measures the rest of mankind by him- 
self?) that they doubt the existence of female virtue, 
and conscientiously believe there never was a clerical 
neck-tie yet which did not encircle the throat of a hy- 
pocrite and rogue. These very virtuous-minded in- 
dividuals simply confound the innocent with the guilty, 
and are so affected by the prominence given to some 
glaring example of clerical hypocrisy, or breach of 
matrimonial and conjugal fidelity ; they fail to note 
how many thousands of happy households all around 
them are patterns of virtue and good morals, or how 
many hundreds of ministers of the Gospel do not only 
point the road to Heaven, but also " lead the way." 
And just in the same spirit has it been the custom of 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 207 

certain Northern busy - bodies, (whose mental equi- 
librium is not well-poised,) because of the prominence 
given to the cruelties practised now and then by some 
Southern Overseers, to speak of the whole class as to- 
tally vile and sin-hardened, fit subjects for the wrath 
of Heaven, and destined ere long to people the dismal 
abodes of Hades — a place formerly regarded as the 
final resting-bed of all sinners, but latterly devoted to 
the exclusive accommodation of slaveholders, and those 
engaged in the Slave Trade — barring the legitimate 
traffickers in Coolie flesh, who (on account of favors 
manifold) are to be landed after death in the Seventh 
Heaven. But, we would beg to remind all such astute 
reasoners, of what they seem to be ignorant, namely, that 
sometimes diamonds are picked up from the dirtiest 
dung-hills, while the most beautiful of pearls are taken 
often from the bodies of the ugliest of testacean bi- 
valves. 

So far as hospitality goes, the Yeomen of the South 
are not a whit behind the Southern Gentleman, or any 
other class of gentlemen the world over. And we 
make this declaration boldly, despite the assertions to 
the contrary of a certain literary Peripatetic of New- 
York, who has been in the habit of taking a jaunt 
through some portions of the South every few years, 
and afterwards publishing in book-form an account of 
what he saw and heard. Affecting the utmost candor 
and impartiality, as well as the very essence and spirit 
of Truth, this peripatetical maker of books scarcely 
succeeds in spreading his poppies broad and thick 
enough, to conceal even from simple eyes the ma- 
lice which underlies his plausible style; and which, as 



208 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

the venomous reptile concealed underneath the stone 
in the pathway takes every furtive opportunity to 
thrust its poisonous fangs into the flesh of the unwary 
pedestrian, so is ever showing its serpent head when 
occasion serves, hissing with spite and bitterness. This 
writer has spoken of the Southern Yeomen (not by 
name, 'tis true) as mean and stingy, selfish and rude, 
and as being besides devoid of even a semblance of 
hospitality. Now, making all due allowance for the 
temptation to misrepresent which such a writer would 
very naturally yield to, (since upon such a misrepre- 
sentation chiefly depends the sale of his book, while 
upon the said sale he himself depends for his daily 
bread ;) we would yet mildly suggest, that, if ever 
again he should desire to share the humble crust of 
poverty, the proper way to attain his object is not to 
strive to be condescendingly kind and excruciatingly 
affable, as if one would say : " My poor country clown, 
I pity you ; for I am dressed in broadcloth and patent- 
leathers, and am much more intelligent than you, my 
poor country clown !" No, worthy Sir ! that is not 
the way to get at a poor man's heart, or his humble 
fireside either, as a welcome and honored guest. What 
is the right and proper way, let the following personal 
incident inform you, our over-dainty gentleman. 

Perhaps you have not forgotten the Panic yet, fel- 
low-citizens of the Free States? In the midst of }^our 
mad and headlong chase after sudden wealth ; in the 
midst of your wild and reckless speculations in stocks, 
bonds, railroads, lands, and every thing else, whereby 
money is to be made without any honest toil ; in the 
midst of your self-gratulations at the much faster me- 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 209 

thod yon Lad of getting riches, than } T our more con- 
servative and plodding brethren to the South of you ; 
lo ! there suddenly appeared a hand-writing on the 
wall, and in one short hour all your visions of bound- 
less prosperity came to naught. "We need not remind 
you of the scenes which ensued. They will not soon 
be effaced from the memory of the present generation. 
We need not remind you with what inward satisfac- 
tion you turned your doleful visages towards the hith- 
erto despised South, and in view of her still undimin- 
ished abundance, took heart again for the future of our 
common Kepublic. You felt a pride, doubtless for the 
first time, while beholding all the once firm -seated 
thrones of Commerce and Finance toppling and tum- 
bling down in irretrievable overthrow around you, that 
one American Sovereign at least remained with head 
erect — that, as ever before, Cotton still was King. 
Many of you, indeed, leaving your families in the Free 
States, turned your steps Southward in search of em- 
ployment. Never was there such an Exodus from the 
Northern to the Southern States before. We happen- 
ed likewise to hibernate in the Slave States during 
that memorable era, and in passing from place to place 
chanced to fall in with many of those unfortunates, 
whom lack of employment and the Hard Times had 
driven from their homes to seek shelter from the storm 
in the sunny South. One of these was a Connecticut 
man, a machinist by trade, and possessed of strong 
anti-slavery prejudices, but prudent of speech and very 
intelligent for a person of his calling and condition. 
We met aboard a steamboat on one of the loveliest 
rivers in the South ; and although it was mid- winter, 



210 THE SOUTHERN" YEOMAN. 

still, sitting on the steamer's hurricane-deck, as it is 
called, and inhaling the soft and balmy air which al- 
ready seemed laden with the odors of spring ; he re- 
counted to us the several adventures with which lie 
had met in his various ups and downs, since he left the 
land of wooden nutmegs and steady habits. 

We were much entertained. He told us with what 
hopes he had left his family in their New-England 
home, where he found it impossible longer to get em- 
ployment at his trade, and how he had hastened South- 
wards with a joyful heart, confident of making enough 
to feed both himself and his little household during the 
winter months. But he was too late. Hundreds had 
rushed in before him, and every railroad shop was filled, 
(his business was to build engines,) as well as every 
other shop wherein he could hope to make himself use- 
ful. His money, what little he had, was soon exhaust- 
ed ; and then, to add to his misfortunes, at a lonesome 
village in Tennessee, he was taken sick of typhus fever, 
which kept him closely confined for some three weeks, 
and from which he recovered with difficulty, having 
not a beggarly dernier left ; and so, weak and suffering, 
and without money or friends, he set out on his travels 
a-foot, being as yet barely able to walk. But he man- 
aged to walk thirty miles the first day for all that, and 
found himself late in the afternoon in the town of Co- 
lumbia. Seeing two taverns in the place, he resolved 
not to impose upon the proprietors of either, but deter- 
mined in the honesty of his heart that he would state 
the sad condition of his exchequer first to one, and, on 
refusal, then to the other, and afterwards throw himself 
on their charity for supper and a night's lodging. He 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 211 

was still well-dressed, which would make against him, 
he knew, but he flattered himself that his honest face 
would persuade even the most suspecting to believe his 
story. So he put a bold face on the matter, walked 
into the nearest of the two public houses, and going- 
straight up to the landlord told him plainly how he was 
situated. For his pains and his honesty he was told to 
take himself off instanter. He then essayed to reason 
the matter with "mine host;" but the more the Yan- 
kee argued the more " mine host" swore and raved, un- 
til the former was glad to escape with a whole skin 
from the presence of the enraged Boniface, who must 
have been a genuine specimen of the native Southern 
Yankee, about whom we have already discoursed. But 
our Connecticut adventurer felt famished almost, hav- 
ing eaten nothing all day, and was determined not to 
die of starvation in the midst of plenty, so he forthwith 
sought out the other tavern. An old man was the 
proprietor of this— an old white-headed man, with a 
calm patriarchal demeanor. When he of Connecticut 
first looked on him, he thought to himself that if such 
a venerable old gentleman had no milk of human kind- 
ness in his composition, then surely charity must be a 
thing unknown in the State of Tennessee. Being 
taught by his recent experience, however, he was now 
a little more circumspect than in the first instance, and 
entering the public reception-room, proceeded to wash 
his face and then to comb his hair, which having fin- 
ished, he walked deliberately up to the broad old-fash- 
ioned fireplace, in which blazed and crackled a rousing 
wood-fire, and leisurely took a seat in the midst of the 
numerous gentlemen who sat in a semi-circle about it. 



212 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

There chanced (it being Court week) to be many law- 
yers, judges, and country gentlemen lodging with 
"mine host" at the time; and these, as they collected 
around the blazing hearth in the dusk of the gathering 
twilight, passed the time in story- telling, each spinning 
his yarn in turn, and vieiug with all in the shouts of 
applause which were sure to follow any "decided hit." 
When every one had finished his story, seeing a stran- 
ger present, they courteously called on him to furnish 
them with his story, too. Our Connecticut friend was 
nothing loth, but proceeded immediately to do his best. 
His effort proved quite successful, and he was eagerly 
besought to tell another. 

" I will tell you another in the morning," said the 
honest fellow. " I am too faint and hungry now. I 
am from Connecticut, gentlemen ; I hope I am an hon- 
est man, too, but although you see me dressed so well, 
I have not a penny to save me from the gallows. I 
have walked thirty miles to-day, (turning to the land- 
lord,) and have eaten nothing since yesterday. I would 
like to lodge with you to-night. I can pay you nothing 
now — I only ask of you to trust me, however ; for so 
sure as my name is , and I am an honest Yan- 
kee, you shall yet get every farthing." 

" And you haven't eat any dinner this blessed day ?" 
was the only reply of the gray -headed old gentleman, 
whose benign countenance from the first had so favora- 
bly impressed him of Connecticut. 

"Not a mouthful!" 

" Ned, come here. Show this gentleman to the din- 
ing-room, and see that he eats all he wants," said next 
the Good Samaritan, addressing his colored man ; and 



TIIE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 213 

then turning to his guest: "Of course, Sir, you can 
stay with us as long as you find it necessary." 

"Yes," here interrupted the District Judge, "put 
him in my room, landlord, if the house is crowded ; for 
I am invited to a friend's to-night, and shall not occupy 
it." 

"Well, here was a generous hospitality unlooked-for, 
and our Yankee's heart, as he expressed it, all of a sud- 
den jumped up into his throat like a big bullfrog, and 
stuck there, and so impeded his utterance he had not a 
word to say by way of thanks, but simply bowed, and 
retreating to the dining-room proceeded to do ample 
justice to the generosity of his benevolent host. 

But he could not afford to beg, and so sold his over- 
coat for twelve dollars, and started out once more a-foot 
*with a little money: this, however, he soon spent, 
when, clad in only a thin, close-bodied coat, with ordi- 
nary pantaloons and vest, and a small bundle on his 
back, containing a clean shirt or two, he plodded wea- 
rily along, begging, like poor Oliver Goldsmith, as he 
went. And'now came his experience of the hospitality 
of the Southern Yeomanry ; for he purposely shunned 
the villages and the dwellings of the rich, and every 
night rested his tired limbs underneath humble roofs 
only. He was perfectly enthusiastic in his praises of 
the kind reception he every where met. We will tell 
you, our readers, just as he told us, how he was re- 
ceived in one house at which he stopped over night, 
and this will serve as an example of all the rest. 

At this house there was a frolic of some kind or oth- 
er, and the dancing and singing were kept up until a 
latj hour. The guests assembled, like the host and 



214 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

hostess, were all of the Yeoman class, plain, hard-work- 
ing people, owning no slaves, and possessing a scanty 
knowledge of either books or men ; hence their songs 
were, as can be easily imagined, of the commonest and 
most homely description. When, therefore, they called 
upon the Yankee for his song, and he gave them the 
pathetic ballad of Ben Bolt, sung feelingly and well, 
all hearts were instantly captivated. Immediately they 
passed him the bottle of old rye, pressing him to 
wet his whistle and try again, and so kept him singing 
and telling of the great world of which they knew so 
little, until near upon the peep of day. And the next 
morning, when he left, they would have him take along 
a bottle of "sperrits" for his stomach's sake, as well as a 
huge package of provisions, called in Southern parlance 
a "snack." This certainly was enough of kindness for 
one poor toiling family, and so our Yankee thought ; 
but when he was about a mile off, behold one of the 
fair damsels of the house came clattering after him, 
(riding her steed bare-backed, though witl^ all delicate 
and lady -like grace,) for the sole purpose of telling him 
that there was a creek a little further on, which, owing 
to the late rains, he could not cross without a horse and 
a guide ; and so, being as how all the men were gone 
to work, mother had sent her to see the gentleman safe 
over. And she did (0 blushing daughter of fashion !) 
absolutely take up before her on the bare-backed work- 
horse this strolling and unknown fellow, and having 
safely set him down on the other side of the swollen 
stream, returned to her humble cot, never once dream- 
ing that she had done a noble and generous action . 
Ah ! wandering Peripatetic of New-York, you never 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 215 

met with such hospitality, for you did not deserve it. 
Your cockney bearing and general stiffness of demeanor 
did not appeal to the humble tastes and simple habits 
of the yeomanry, and that is why you have declared 
them mean and selfish. "What a wonderfully sapient 
fellow thou art, truly ! Now, your brother Northerner, 
whose experience of the hospitality of the same class 
of people, we have already given, though he stopped 
for many nights in succession at their humble homes, 
bears witness that he was always entertained in the 
same hospitable spirit, and never but once was refused 
a night's lodging. On this occasion he had another 
Yank (as he called him) in company, a foot-passenger 
like himself, with whom he had been journeying for 
several days. When they called at the house alluded 
to, the mistress came to the cloor and told them that 
her good man was away ; else, she would gladly take 
them in, but since he was absent she could not think of 
it. He of Connecticut thanked her, like a gentleman 
who could appreciate the delicacy of feeling which 
prompted the good wife to pursue the course she did : 
but his fellow Yank turned to him and whispered, 
" Let us go in, any how." " Sir," said noble Old Con- 
necticut, (we called him Old Connecticut on board the 
steamer,) " you can do so if you like, but I shall not. 
But whether you go in or remain outside, I will have you 
to know that henceforth we travel separate roads. I 
shall no longer remain in company of a person who is 
a disgrace to his native land, and who in the country 
of strangers does not know how to conduct himself like 
a gentleman." Honest words these, worthy son of 
New-England ! What a pity it is more of your coun- 



216 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

trymen do not feel as he must of necessity feel, who 
can honestly give them utterance. For, in that case, 
there would not be so many lying, sneaking, cowardly 
knaves, foot-padding it all through the Southern States, 
endeavoring by every devilish machination to kindle 
the fires of a servile insurrection, and writing calumni- 
ous letters to Northern newspapers, oftentimes defam- 
ing the characters of the unsuspecting patrons, at 
whose hospitable board their miserable carcasses are 
each day filled with abundance of every species of good 
cheer. 

But to return once more to the subject of this chap- 
ter. Besides being given to hospitality, although in a 
very primitive way, as has been shown, the Yeomen of 
the South are also quite social and gregarious in their 
instincts, and delight much in having all kinds of fro- 
lics and family gatherings during the long winter even- 
ings. On all such occasions, nearly, something serv- 
iceable is the ostensible cause of their assembling, 
though the time is devoted almost wholly to social 
pleasures : sometimes, 'tis true, there is a wedding, or a 
birth-day party, or a candy -pulling ; but much more 
frequently it is a corn-husking, or the everlasting quilt- 
ing — this last being the most frequent and most in 
favor of all the merrymakings which call the young 
people together. There is, indeed, nothing to compare 
to a country quilting for the simple and unaffected hap- 
piness which it affords all parties. The old women and 
old men sit demurely beside the blazing kitchen fire, 
and frighten one another with long-winded ghost sto- 
ries ; thus leaving the young folks all to themselves in 
the " big room," wherein is also the quilt-frame, which is 



THE SOUTHERN" YEOMAN. 217 

either suspended at the corners by ropes attached to the 
ceiling, or else rests on the tops of four chairs. Around 
this assemble the young men and the young maidens, 
robust with honest toil and honestly rub}~-cheeked with 
genuine good health. The former know nothing of 
your dolce far niente or dyspepsia, and the latter are 
not troubled with crinoline or consumption, but all are 
merry as larks and happy as it is possible for men and 
women to be in this lower world. No debts, nor duns, 
nor panics, nor poverty, nor wealth disturbs their 
thoughts or mars the joyousness of the hour. Serene 
as a summer's day, and cloudless as the skies in June, 
the moments hurry by, as they ply their nimble nee- 
dles and sing their simple songs, or whisper their tales 
of love, heedless of the great world and all the thought- 
less worldlings who live only to win the smiles of " our 
best society." Meanwhile the children play hide and 
seek, in-doors and out, whooping, laughing, and chat- 
tering like so many magpies ; and, in the snug chim • 
ney-corner, Old Bose, the faithful watch-dog, stretches 
himself out to his full length and doses comfortably in 
the genial warmth of the fire, in his dreams chasing 
after imaginary hares, or baying the moon ; while, as 
the poet sings : 

" Around in sympathetic mirth 

Its tricks the kitten tries ; 
The cricket chirrups in the hearth, 

The crackling fagot flies." 

In their religious convictions and practices, the 

Southern Yeomen very much resemble the Middle 

Classes ; are prone to shout at camp-meetings, and to 

see visions and dream dreams. Although generally 

10 



218 THE' riOUTIIERN YEOMAN. 

moral in their conduct and punctilious in all religious 
observances, they do yet often entertain many very 
absurd ideas in regard to Christianity, ideas wholly at 
variance with any rational interpretation of the Sacred 
Scriptures ; and hence they are led not infrequently, 
to mistake animal excitement for holy ecstasy, and 
seem to think, indeed, with the old-time priests of Baal, 
that God is not to be entreated save with loud prayers, 
and much beating of the breasts, and clapping of the 
hands, accompanied with audible groans and sighs. 
For all which, however, their officiating clergy are 
more to blame than themselves; for they are often ig- 
norant men of the Whang Doodle description, illiter- 
ate and dogmatic, and blessed with a nasal twang which 
would do no discredit to New-England. They very sel- 
dom know any thing about their Bibles, but, like the star 
political priests of the North, seem to exert themselves 
to ignore all the facts and precepts of the Gospel of 
Jesus Christ as revealed in the Sacred Scriptures, pre- 
ferring to teach " for doctrines the commandments of 
men ;" just as did the Levites and Pharisees with their 
talmudistic theologies in the days of our Saviour. 
And truly, it has always been to us a singular circum- 
stance why religious people are so easily gulled. Al- 
though palpable to all the world else, they seem not to 
know — 

"A man may cry, Church ! Church ! at every word, 
With no more piety than other people — 
A daw's not reckoned a religious bird, 
Because it keeps a-cawing from a steeple ; 
The Temple is a good, a holy place, 
But quacking only gives it an ill savor ; 
While saintly mountebanks the porch disgrace, 
And brin": religion's self into disfavor!" 



THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 219 

Bat to return. 

As to the Vital Question of the Day, to make use of 
the cant phrase so greatly in vogue at the present writ- 
ing, although not as a class pecuniarily interested in 
slave property, the Southern Yeomanry are almost 
unanimously pro-slavery in sentiment. Nor do we see 
how any honest, thoughtful person can reasonably find 
fault with them on this account. Only consider their 
circumstances, negrophilist of the North, and answer 
truthfully ; were you so situated would you dare to 
advocate emancipation ? Were you situated as the 
Southern Yeomen are — humble in worldly position, 
patient delvers in the soil, daily earning your bread by 
the toilsome sweat of your own brows — would you be 
pleased to. see four millions of inferior blacks suddenly 
raised from a position of vassalage, and placed upon an 
equality with yourselves ? made the sharers of your 
toil, the equals and associates of }^our wives and child- 
ren ? You know you would not. Despite your 
maudlin affectation of sympathy in behalf of the Negro, 
you are yet inwardly conscious that you heartily de- 
spise the sooty African, and that you deny to even the 
few living in your own midst an equality of rights and 
immunities with yourselves. You well know that you 
entertain a natural repugnance to coming in contact 
with Sambo — a repugnance so great that you slam your 
church doors in his face, shut him out of the theatres, 
refuse him a seat in your public conveyances, and, so 
fearful are you of the contamination of a black man's 
presence any where, in nine tenths of your States drive 
him away from the ballot-box, thus making your 
statute-books even belie your professions of philan- 



220 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

thropy. And yet you seek to turn loose upon your 
white brethren of the South four millions of these same 
despised Africans, congratulating yourselves meanwhile 
that you would be doing a most disinterested act of 
benevolence! Shame on your consistency, gentlemen. 
Judged by your own acts, were you situated as the 
Southern people are to-day, stronger pro-slavey men 
than yourselves would not be found in the world. 
Hence we ask you again, did you occupy the position 
of the Southern Yeomanry in particular, is there a man 
in }^our midst who would favor emancipation ? You 
know there is not. By the love you owe your race — 
by all the sacred ties of family and home — by every 
instinct of a superior nature — you would be restrained 
from perpetrating so iniquitous an act ; an act which 
would sweep away in one overwhelming flood of an- 
archy and barbarism every trace of civilization, as well 
as every semblance of law and order. And do you 
suppose the Yeomen of our Southern States are not 
rational and reflecting beings like yourselves ? Al- 
though not so learned as some others, they yet possess 
the hearts of men, of fathers and husbands, and they 
know as well as any political economist of you all, that 
their own class, in the event of emancipation, would 
suffer the most of all classes in the South, unless we ex- 
cept the negroes themselves. For the Southern Gen- 
tleman would soon convert his property into cash, as 
did the wealthier planters of Jamaica, and immediajtely 
retire to some more congenial soil to enjoy his otium 
cam dignitate. So, too, the thrifty Middle Classes would 
retire to the present Free States, and begin business in 
a different line ; but the Yeomen would be forced to 



THE SOUTHERN" YEOMAN. 221 

remain and single-handed do battle with Cuffee, who, 
no longer forced to labor, and resorting again to toad- 
eating and cannibalism for the food necessary to sustain 
life, would in a few years reproduce on the shores of 
the New World a second Africa, all except the lions 
and elephants, the sandy deserts, and the anacondas. 

And yet there are men in the North, claiming to be 
honorable, members of the Church, too, who are labor- 
ing to bring abdut such a catastrophe ! Can any rea- 
soning being doubt the motives which instigate such 
persons? We speak of the leaders* of the abolition 
fanaticism, not of the rank and file who follow the for- 
mer, to use an expression of Sam Weller's, "as a tame 
monkey does a horgan." But of the spirit which in- 
stigates the leaders in the blind crusade against Negro 
Slavery, the following facts speak with an eloquence 
more potent than words : 

Near the close of the winter of 1857, the Eev. Wm. 
D. Chadick, of Huntsville, Ala., at the instance of S. D. 
Cabaniss, Esq., and S. C. Townsend, visited Ohio, for 
the purpose of selecting a home for a number of slaves 
belonging to the estate of Samuel Townsend, deceased, 
and who, according to his last will, were to be liberat- 
ed and settled in some Free State. While in Ohio on 
this business, Mr. Chadick called on Gov. S. P. "Chase 
one of the lights of the Eepublican party. 

" I was received by the Governor," says Mr. Cha- 
dick, "with apparent cordiality ; and received from him 
much information in regard to the various negro schools 
and colonies, etc., in the State. But to my utter as- 
tonishment, Gov. Chase closed his conversation on the 
subject by remarking, with emphasis, that for his part, 



222 THE SOUTHERN YEOMAN. 

lie would rather never see another free negro set his 
foot upon Ohio soil ! I asked his reason. ' Because, 1 
said he, ' their moral influence is degrading. 1 I then re- 
marked that it appeared to me a glaring inconsistency 
in him and others in Ohio, to love our Southern slaves 
so much as to desire their freedom, and clamor for 
their emancipation, and yet hate them so much as to 
be unwilling to allow them a home in their own State ; 
especially so, since, by the existing laws in the Slave 
States, the negro can not be liberated and remain where 
he is. He replied : ' I do not wish the slave eman- 
cipated BECAUSE I LOVE HIM, BUT BECAUSE I HATE 
HIS MASTER — I HATE SLAVERY — I HATE A MAN THAT 
WILL OWN A SLAVE.' " 

Comment is unnecessary. 



CHAPTER VI. 

THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

"From love of grace, 
Lay not the flatt'ring unction to your soul, 
That not your trespass, but my madness speaks ; 
It will but skin and film the ulc'rous place ; 
"Whilst rank corruption, mining all within, 
Infects unseen : confess j^ourself to heaven ; 
Repent what's past, avoid what is to come ; 
And do not spread the compost on the weeds 
To make them ranker." 

Hamlet. 

Not Plug Uglies and Rip Raps do we purpose to 
discourse about at this time, gentle reader, for such 
doughty shoulder-hitters and short-boys are not the 
nceessary out-growth of Southern institutions, but only 
vegetate in the purlieus of the cities of the South, just 
as Dead Rabbits, et id omne genus of outcasts and vaga- 
bonds, grow up within the shadows of the marble pa- 
laces, gothic churches, and iron front five-storied ware- 
houses of the cities of the North. But there is in most 
of the Southern States a species of Bully entirely dis- 
tinct from the above — a swearing, tobacco-chewing, 
brandy drinking Bully, whose chief delight is to hang 
about the doors of village groggeries and tavern tap- 
rooms, to fight chicken cocks, to play Old Sledge, or 



224 THE SOUTHEKN BULLY. 

pitch-and-toss, chuck-a-luck, and the like, as well as to 
encourage dog-fights, and occasionally to get up a little 
raw-head-and-bloody-bones affair on his own account. 
This is the Southern Bully par excellence, for in all the 
world else his exact counterpart is no where to be found. 
Ay, and a valiant Southerner is he too ! No Giddings 
of the North, no fiery Greeley ever felt one half so able 
to thrash the trembling South into meek submission, (if 
we are to credit their vaporing bravado while standing 
out of harm's way,) as does the Southern Bully at all 
times feel able and prepared — cocked and primed, in 
his own vernacular — to flog the entire North ; with his 
tongue, that is, and very conveniently while the poor 
North has her back turned. Thunder and bludgeons ! 
how he'd like to get at 'em, the crazy old milk- sops ! 
Split the Union ? By all means, let her rip, the cussed 
old concern ! Yankees fight ! Blamnation, man, we'd 
lam 'em afore they could say Jack Eobinson — we'd 
put 'em through a course of sprouts in short order, so 
we would! Ah! Messrs. abolitionists, you have your 
lessons to learn yet, despite your eminent talent for 
vaporing and vituperation. And truly we know of no 
more competent instructor whom we could commend 
to you than the Southern Bully : but in the kindness 
of our heart now in advance, Messrs. abolitionists, we 
warn you to beware of your instructor's ferule, beware 
of his limber-jack ; for he will cane you and cowskin 
you, before even you, however nimble of tongue, will 
be able to say, Jack Robinson. 

However, since the Southern Bully is eminently the 
production of the dram-shop or Southern groggery, 
perhaps we can not do better than to describe, first, this 



THE SOUTHEBN BULLY. 225 

peculiar institution — a most devilish man-trap which 
daily ensnares its thousands — before proceeding to dis- 
cuss the merits, or demerits, whichever you please, of 
the Southern Bully himself. 

Now, as we all know, the temples devoted to the 
service of the Demon Alcohol in these United States, 
are Legion ; and every where, all over the land, in cities 
and towns, in the most retired hamlets, and at every 
cross-roads, the independent Sovereigns of America 
exercise without let or hindrance the glorious privilege 
of getting beastly, senselessly, and riproariously drunk 
at their own royal will and pleasure. It is true, fair 
skeptic, and pity 'tis 'tis true. Have you read the report 
of the trustees of the Binghamton Inebriate Asylum? 
Even before the building is up, twenty-eight hundred 
applications, and among them three judges, twelve 
editors, twenty-eight clergymen, thirty-six physicians, 
forty-two lawyers, and, strangest and saddest of all, 
four hundred and ten women in the upper circles of society I 
But the most of these unfortunates would feel insulted 
did }^ou accuse them of entering a rum-hole, a vulgar 
rum-hole ! ' No, they keep a private shrine in their own 
homes, and they seek to bury their guilt and shame in 
fine houses and costly display of one kind and another. 
But the poor, alas ! they must resort to the filthy, de- 
moralizing rum-holes ; for, laying aside all cant and all 
mere sermonizing, even the most casual observer can not 
fail to regret, deeply and sincerely regret, the wholesale 
destruction of morals, of honesty, of patriotism, of fam- 
ily affection, of domestic peace and domestic comforts, 
nay, of life itself, daily wrought in our midst by those 
terrible sinks of iniquity commonly called dram-shops. 
10* 



226 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

These are the bane of our great Kepublic, of the Free 
States as well as of the Slave. In all their protean shapes 
— whether as gilded saloon, or tempting bar, or polka- 
free-concert-and-free-cyprian Bier Keller, or reeking- 
groggery — they are but the visible " gates of hell," lead- 
ing inevitably and surely into the jaws of a moral, if not 
always a physical, death. In the cities are to be found 
the worst specimens, for in such congregate indiscrimi- 
nately wharf-rats, thieves, burglars, pimps, pickpockets, 
policemen, ward politicians, free negroes, and (alas! 
alas !) those Pariahs of our civilized society, those poor 
outcast wantons, whose miserable lives of crime and 
blasphemy, of lust and sottishness, are so harrowing to 
every honest man's soul to contemplate. However, in 
our Southern States (and of these alone do we now wish 
to speak) there is in the country and village groggeries 
enough of villainy and soul-murder, without the addi- 
tion of pimps, thieves, pickpockets, degraded females, 
and the like abandoned characters, who mostly throng 
the liquor-dens of all cities, and support by the earn- 
ings of their infamy the sinful cause of murderous 
Alcohol. 

A groggery -keeper in the South is usually a man of 
uncultivated mind, devoid of principle, habitually a 
blasphemer and Sabbath -breaker, a re viler of religion, 
and is sometimes also an abolitionist — owing to his 
secret traffic with the slaves, of which more anon. He 
is usually stout of person, being bloated from constant 
imbibing, and possesses a coarse beard, a blotched and 
otherwise spotted face, a red nose, hard, cold, watery 
and inflamed eyes, a dirty and badly fitting dress from 
crown to sole ; and in speech is low, vulgar and ob- 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 227 

scene, a retailer of stale jests and disgusting stories of 
scandal and intrigue, and with every sentence belches 
forth from his accursed throat oaths and blasphemy. 

The Southern groggery is usually a small wooden 
building, with two rooms ; one intended for a sleeping- 
room but used mostly for playing cards in, and the 
other devoted to the retailing of ardent spirits. His 
"sperrits" the groggery-keeper buys in Cincinnati 
chiefly, getting his rum however from New-England, 
though in both cases at second-hand of course ; for the 
ordinary groggery-keeper rarely is able to go so far for 
the purchase of his wares. His usual custom is, to 
procure his whisky and rum from some wholesale liquor- 
dealer in the nearest large town to his domicil. Given 
the whisky, or neutral spirit preferred, he proceeds to 
manufacture his own wines and brandies from recipes 
furnished by dealers in New- York, who promise (we 
have seen their precious circulars) to forward the desired 
information on the reception of twenty dollars. The 
remainder of his liquors he mixes pretty thoroughly 
with wholesome water, and with unwholesome ingredi- 
ents of some other description designed to give the 
requisite strength. Log- wood, juniper berries, dog-leg 
tobacco, and even strychnine, are all said to be used ; 
and, owing to their different effects, have originated the 
expressive names of "bust-head," "rifle-whisky," "tan- 
gle-foot," "red-eye," and "blue-ruin." The water, 
however, luckily for the drinkers of the vile stuff, pre- 
dominates not unfrequently, and we have heard of in- 
stances, even in the mild latitude of Mississippi, where 
genuine Old Rye has been known to freeze during a 
cold snap ! 



228 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

Of course the groggery -keeper's profits are enormous, 
provided lie gets much custom. It requires very little 
figuring to prove this. Thus, B buys a barrel of A 
No. 1 whisky, takes out one half — which he converts, 
by an ingenious process known only to the initiated, 
into the most delightful old Cognac, genuine eau de vie 
— and supplies its place from the nearest well or spring, 
adding a modicum of pepper, dog-leg tobacco, strych- 
nine, or what not, all of which, however, cost very lit- 
tle. He sells his brandy at so much the gallon or bot- 
tle, and his adulterated whisky for just double what 
it cost him. So you see he can afford to drink one 
half his liquors himself; if he can only dispose of the 
remaining half, he will still make money hand over 
fist, as he delights to express himself. The trouble is, 
there is no lack of competition in such a profitable 
business, and so our groggery -keeper has to keep a 
sharp look-out for customers. Luckily for him, he is 
surrounded by thieving blacks, who are always glad 
of an opportunity to exchange their master's meal, their 
mistress' ppultry, or the neighbors' pigs, for a bottle of 
New-England rum, or a jug of Ohio whisky. Cer- 
tainly the slave-owners object to such high-handed pro- 
ceedings, flog the slaves whenever they detect them in 
any of their rogueries, or even when they find the poor 
fellows have gotten lawfully drunk on their honest sav- 
ings, and crop the hair of the sinning liquor-sellers, feed- 
ing and housing them beside at the expense of the State, 
and robing them in the livery of convicted crime. But 
liquor is no respecter of persons or color, and the black- 
amoor who has once been under the dire influence of 
the Worm of the Still, like his infatuated white brother 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 229 

who is similarly situated, runs greedily into the very 
jaws of the reptile on every opportunity, and remain - 
eth unsatisfied till he findeth himself swallowed entire, 
both body and breeches. Hence the Southern slaves 
always contrive, either by hook or by crook, to carry 
on their nefarious but secret traffic, often exchanging a 
whole porker, worth from five to ten dollars, for a sin- 
gle bottle of rum, worth intrinsically perhaps not more 
than fifty cents. But, if you consider how that the 
porker costs the darkey only the trouble of killing and 
cleaning it, and that the midnight purchaser runs the 
risk of the penitentiary every time he closes such a bar- 
gain, 'you will agree with us that, if any thing, the 
black man gets the best end of the trade. The good 
New-England rum will warm up the poor fellow's in- 
ner man and 'help to cheer him on his "journey frou' 
de wilderness," much more effectually than all that 
wordy sympathy so lavishly expended in his behalf by 
New-England orators in their heated harangues against 
his oppressors ; while, if the worst comes to the worst, 
he will only have to undergo a flagellation at the 
hands of the overseer, by order of his master, or at the 
hands of the constable, by order of a Justice of the 
Peace — and there an end. 

The extent to which this species of traffic is carried 
on would stagger credulity, even in the minds of the 
Southern people themselves. It is usually conducted 
in so secret a manner, that only occasionally are the 
miscreants detected in a way to furnish legal evidence 
of their guilt. Negro testimony is no where admissible 
against a white man in the South, and even if it were, 
the negroes would suffer almost any species of torture 



230 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

before they would "peach ;" for those of them who en- 
gage in the traffic are generally the greatest devils on 
the neighboring plantations, the greatest liars, the big- 
gest rogues, as well as the most quarrelsome with their 
fellow-slaves, and are so wedded to the love of liquor, 
that it becomes to them a kind of necessity, a second 
nature so to speak. Such fellows have the shrewdness 
to know, if they were to inform on one groggery -keep- 
er, they could never more obtain the confidence of an- 
other, and thus would have their grog cut off for all 
time — -a consummation by no means wished for, and to 
which they would almost prefer death itself. Besides, 
whenever two criminals have the same terrible secret to 
keep, there is sure to spring up a sympathy betwixt 
them ; hence, there is a real sympathy between the slaves 
and the groggery-keepers, and this is why the latter are 
sometimes abolitionists. These reason that, let the ne- 
groes only be emancipated, and their idleness will soon 
force them more and more to the dram-shop, while 
their facilities for robbing hen-roosts and pig-sties would 
not be in the least diminished ; and hence, like as Den- 
nis, the public hangman, in Barnaby Eudge, aided in 
the Lord Gordon riots simply because his own horrible 
trade would thereby come into more request, so the 
Southern groggery -keeper, that his own business might 
thrive, would willingly aid in the overthrow of the 
prosperity of the whole South, and would rejoice to see 
her present teeming fields become one desolate wilder- 
ness. 

And here will we pause a single moment, to address 
a few words of friendly advice to the ultra abolitionists 
of the North. Why, gentle Sirs, do you not more fre- 



THE SOUTHERN" BULLY. 231 

quently take rfie Southern groggery -keepers into your 
councils ? Why do you not initiate them into your 
secret plots for fostering negro insurrections, for poi- 
soning, maiming, and murdering the white families of 
the South, burning down their dwellings and laying 
waste their estates, in order that, as one of your lead- 
ers has declared, "you may laugh when their fearcom- 
eth?" It is known to a few, and suspected by a great 
number of American citizens, that you have your secret 
emissaries all through the Southern States, bound by 
secret obligations to carry out your nefarious and Cati- 
linian conspiracies ; and we ask you in all seriousness, 
why do you not enlist the Southern groggery -keepers 
under your black banner ? They will prove the most 
efficient allies you can possibly hit upon. They know 
how to intrigue with the slaves, and to worm out fam- 
ily secrets, far better than those lank-jawed, thin-lipped, 
sharp-nosed, and bespectacled governesses whom you 
now use for that purpose ; and they can tell you who 
are the most reckless, daring, villainous, and discon- 
tented of the negro men, with much greater precision 
than can those ostensible clock-menders, book-peddlers, 
and other Yankee foot-passengers generally, who are 
at the present time sneaking about from house to house 
in the Southern States, sharing the hospitality of the 
planters by day, and plotting with the slaves at night 
as to the best means by which a righteous and Christ- 
ian insurrection may be inaugurated. Moreover, whis- 
ky is the most potent charm you could make use of to 
influence the negroes themselves ; for we verily believe 
one good rousing dram would put more life and daring 
in their hearts than all the homilies ever preached by 



232 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

the political divines of the North, or all the bloody 
tracts ever published by the Secret Committee of the 
Massachusetts B. M. F. Society. 

So much for the groggery -keepers and their grogge- 
ries — in which latter the Southern Bully so delights to 
lounge and drink, drink and lounge, and lounge and 
drink again, until he is fitly prepared for bets, brawls, 
oaths, blasphemies, quarrels, bruises, stabbings, shoot- 
ings, manslaughters, murders; for in all these things 
he is more or less an adept. But the village groggery 
is not the only place loved and patronized by the South- 
ern Bully. He haunts the village tavern equally as 
much — that is to say, when it is provided with a bar. 

The village tavern is proverbially a dreary, dull, and 
ennui-begetting place, in all parts of the world, and is 
none the less so in the South, except on occasions. On 
occasions it becomes a sort of pandemonium, as the 
reader will presently learn. Most usually, when off 
the public highway and removed far from the routes 
of frequent travel, the establishment used as a tavern 
in all small Southern villages is nothing better than an 
old tumble-down shanty, the proprietor of which is a 
miserable old guzzler himself, coarse, ignorant, and 
vulgar, and quite indigent in circumstances — what 
little he makes being derived more from the sale of 
liquors at the bar than from any patronage of the travel- 
ling public. Indeed, a "solitary horseman" even, or 
other wayfaring man, hardly makes his appearance 
once in six months. Hence, the village Boniface makes 
no preparation for the entertainment of strangers, and 
in consequence keeps the vilest of vermin-habited beds, 
the mustiest of feathers, and the dirtiest of bed-linen : 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 233 

while the floors of all the rooms are bare, the walls are 
bare, the chairs are rickety, the window-shutters are 
ragged in the extreme, and rattle and bang unceasingly 
at the sport of the wind ; and the whole is looked after 
by a single slovenly wanton of a negro-wench, who is 
both chambermaid, cook, and scullion generally, and is 
besides a most brazen-faced, impudent hussy, (rendered 
so by the too frequent interchange of favors with the 
village bucks, and the overseers of adjoining planta- 
tions,) who will wink a modest man out of countenance 
any day. 

The most profitable customer who ever patronizes 
the village Boniface of the South is the Horse or Hog 
Drover, wending his way from Virginia, Kentucky, 
Tennessee, Missouri, or North-Carolina, with his herds 
of wheezing swine, or droves of blooded horses and 
sleek mane-croppecl, tail-cropped mules, to the more 
southerly latitudes, where such animals are always in 
demand at high prices. Since, however, the introduc- 
tion of railways into most of the Southern States, hog- 
drovers do not so often patronize the village taverns as 
formerly, preferring to transport their herds to market 
by rail. Both the hog-drovers and the horse-drovers 
belong usually to the class of Yeomen, and are indus- 
trious but plain, plodding people — we mean when they 
raise their own animals, and merely drive them to the 
extreme South for a better market. For those of them 
who are not producers, but merely traders, afford some 
of the most illustrious examples of the native Southern 
Yankee to be found in the entire South. This is espe- 
cially true of the horse- drovers ; and it is on the occa- 
sion of a visit from these that the village tavern is for 



234 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

a while the scene of much bustle and activity, and be- 
comes, as we expressed a few paragraphs back, a very 
pandemonium for noise and strife. 

And here we may as well confess, we have no sym- 
pathy with horse-jockeys the world over. We have 
had our share of dealings with them, in both the North 
and the South, and we flatter ourself that we always 
succeeded in coming out of every such encounter, a 
"sadder but a wiser man." They are such a voluble, 
smooth-tongued, plausible race of miscreants, we do be- 
lieve they could persuade an unsophisticated purchaser 
that black is white, or that any old broken-down, wind- 
galled, spavined, colicky, and otherwise generally used- 
up piece of horse-flesh, is a perfect paragon of equine 
cleverness — nimble as a cricket, gentle as a lamb, fleet 
as a reindeer, and possessing all the blood of all the 
best Arabians ; and yet sold for never a fault in the 
world, and always at a sacrifice ! 

The Southern horse-jockey varies somewhat from 
the usual type, but chiefly in his outward man only ; 
for inwardly he is ever the same sly, cunning fox, and 
thinks it a monstrous noble action to get the better of 
a credulous purchaser in a sale, and the very apotheosis 
of wit and shrewdness to swindle a poor countryman 
in a swap. He is usually unlettered, and in conse- 
quence despises your book-learning and all that such 
learning bestows upon its possessor ; is rough in man- 
ners, and rude in speech, being much given to the use 
of slang expressions ; never makes a wry face at a glass 
of any kind of grog ; smokes an old rusty pipe inces- 
santly ; chews Virginia tobacco pf the blackest and 
strongest brands ; spits at random on every person and 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 235 

every tiling that comes within his reach ; wears Ken- 
tucky "jeans;" swears roundly and all the time ; tells 
all manner of tough "yarns ;" domineers over those of 
his own class in worldly position ; looks with a sort of 
awe coupled with envy upon the Southern Gentleman, 
but fairly bows his head to the ground in the presence 
of the Cotton Snob. Do you demand why the fellow 
does this last ? Ask rather, why corrupt ward poli- 
ticians are in such favor with our incorruptible States- 
men ; or why the tradespeople on Broadway are so full 
of genuflections at the appearance of gouty old Bullion, 
the great millionaire ; or why New- York saloon-keep- 
ers are so loud in their praises of those youthful Fifth- 
Avenoodles, who are wasting their patrimony in such 
hot haste by means of their fast horses, fast women, and 
riotous living, as well as every other species of folly 
that a plethoric purse and an empty noddle conjoined 
can devise — and you will have your answer : Self-in- 
terest. It is the Cotton Snob who usually pays his 
five hundred or his thousand dollars for his two-forty 
nag. It is the Cotton Snob who suffers himself to be 
flattered and cajoled by the cunning dealer in horse- 
flesh, until he feels himself grown so large in his own 
conceit as to imagine that his personal dignity, and the 
dignity of his social position, both imperatively demand 
that he should possess a splendid rig — none of your 
ordinary concerns suited only to gratify the taste and 
the financial credit of a Muggins. And do you sup- 
pose, generous operator on Wall-street, that the South- 
ern horse-jockey, though clothed all in russet and wear- 
ing his pantaloons inside his boot-legs, is yet any less 
shrewd than yourself to " watch the corners" — to look 



236 THE SOUTHERN" BULLY. 

after number One ? Note how eagerly the fellow 
pricks up his ears so as to catch every word the Cotton 
Snob may utter, ready always to make a flattering re- 
joinder, the obsequious slave ! Note how he affects 
to be amiably and confidingly drunk, plying all the 
while with the strongest of strong waters the poor 
pigeon he intends to pluck, until to save his soul the 
silly fool can not tell whether he carries his own shal- 
low head on his shoulders or some body else's ; and how 
affectionately he locks arms with the drunken booby, 
and, as they two totter and stagger down the village 
street, endeavors to out-sing his thick-voiced companion, 
who only expresses himself distinctly at each return of 
the chorus. Yet there is all the time in the scheming 
horse-jockey's eye a cold, clear, snake-like gleam of 
cunning calculation, which proclaims to even the dull- 
est observer how great is the sham he is perpetrating. 
So true — so true : 

" The fox barks not, when he would steal the lamb !" 

In view of the unusual flow of custom which his bar 
receives on such occasions, no wonder the village Boni- 
face is all aglow with delight, (as well as mean whisky,) 
when the horse- drover makes his appearance, and de- 
mands entertainment for man and beast. Besides be- 
ing enabled to get rid of his many times diluted and 
adulterated liquors, selling the same to the horse- 
jockeys, snobs, bullies, and the regular village topers 
and loungers, whom the occasion leads to assemble 
about the village bar-room ; he also succeeds in dispos- 
ing of his musty corn and worthless fodder, to feed the 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 237 

animals which the drovers have for sale. Wherefore, 
in high spirits, our village Boniface blusters noisily 
about, now here, now there, swearing all the time like 
a trooper, looking withal very magisterial and self-im- 
portant, and ready to turn up a glass with every new 
comer; until he jyretty soon feels "o'er a' the ills o' 
life victorious," and is then about as jolly an old dog 
of a landlord as ever wagged tongue against a " chaw" 
of plug tobacco. 

But, even in the midst of so much lying, drinking, 
fighting, and cheating, there is much to be witnessed 
that is both entertaining and diverting. It is nearly 
always in the winter season that the horse-drovers take 
their animals South ; when the evenings are long, and 
even a village bar-room fire, built up of glowing hick- 
ory logs, despite the rough company and the big-bellied 
black bottles frowning darkly in the shadowy back- 
ground, sends a cheerful thrill through the frame, and 
disposes even the most unsocial to merry-making and 
fun. Hence, when the evening shades begin to appear, 
having first supped and then attended to their horses, 
the drovers consider that the clay's labors are finished, 
and feel prepared to devote the evening wholly to so- 
cial pleasures. So " mine host" has a roaring big fire 
built up in the broad fire-place of the bar-room, and 
ensconcing himself snugly in the chimney corner, with 
a well-filled pipe in his mouth, waits anxiously for the 
story -telling to begin — for yarn-spinning is usually the 
chief feature of the evening's entertainment. Pretty 
soon assemble the village groggery-keepers, and all 
the loose young bucks about town, two or three of the 
drovers, a Cotton Snob or so about 'alf and 'alf, and 



238 THE SOUTHEKN BULLY. 

may be, some rattling, hare-brained son of a neighbor- 
ing gentleman, whose untamed spirit is not sufficiently 
under parental control, and whose mother is ignorant 
of the fact that her darling " is out." These all arrange 
themselves on cane-seated chairs about the blazing fire, 
after the most democratic fashion, some with heels over 
their heads, and others reclining in the laps of their 
friends ; while the body -servants of the wealthy young- 
sters present, together with the traipsing tavern wench 
before alluded to, stand grinning and giggling in the 
door- way, (they rarely close doors during winter in the 
far South,) occasionally emitting a loud guffaw, accom- 
panied by a slap of the palm on the thigh, and a sway- 
ing back of the entire hody, just as some exquisitely 
laughable yarn has been reeled off by any one of the 
story -telling revellers within. Nor is it long before all 
ideas of caste are forgotten; and as the fire blazes 
brighter and brighter, and the bottle begins to circle 
more freely, and the jests and laughter become more 
and more uproarious, whites and blacks guffawing and 
huzzaing in chorus, no wonder the hours glide unper- 
ceived away ; and often it is long after midnight before 
the merry wassailers retire to bed. 

Such, then, are the usual resorts in which the South- 
ern Bully delights to squander away the precious hours 
of life : namely, the village groggery and the village 
tavern. And now, reader, having introduced you to his 
haunts, we shall next proceed to show you what sort of 
person the Southern Bully is himself. And, imprimis, 
he is not necessarily always poor. Sometimes he boasts 
of extensive estates, though not often, and then chiefly 
when he is young ; for as he grows old, his wealth seems 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 239 

to take wings and fly away, so rapidly is it squandered. 
But as a general thing he is poor ; and we shall there- 
fore proceed first to speak of the seedy Southern Bully, 
and in conclusion will have a word to say about his 
wealthy confrere and fellow roysterer. 

The poor Southern Bully, in nine cases out of ten, 
is a loafering ex-overseer, whose drunken dissolute 
habits have lost him his situation, as well as the cha- 
racter that would enable him to procure another. When 
not an ex-overseer, he is either a disgraced dry-goods 
clerk, a bankrupt groggery -keeper who has poured all 
his liquors down his own throat, or else the quondam 
rich Bully in the era of his decline. The poor Bully's 
dress is usually loose-fitting, dirty, tobacco-stained, li- 
quor-stained, and grease-stained. His hat is woolen, 
with a limp flapping brim, battered crown, dirty and 
fuzzy, and on the whole might be called a shocking 
bad hat. His hair is habitually matted and unkempt, 
being in most instances of the Saxon peculiarity, that 
is, either red, or flaxen, or carroty-colored, or sandy. 
His beard is coarse and unkempt like his hair, and 
grows in great luxuriance all over his face, or else in 
ragged patches here and there, intended to represent 
imperials, mustaches, " literary dabs," and the like pre- 
cious ornaments of the civilized man. His breath is 
foul with all diabolical scents — rum, filth, tobacco — 
just such a breath as you can inhale any day in any 
police-court the world over, and which once inhaled, 
you will ever more pray that it shall not come betwixt 
you and the wind again. But his speech is fouler than 
his breath. He can out-swear a special policeman ; can 
out-lie a Toombs lawyer ; can use more obscene Ian- 



240 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

guage than the vilest pimp who ever laid snares to en- 
trap lecherous countrymen ; and can utter more blas- 
phemy in a single hour than could the whole mess of 
Rutland Reformers in a week, assisted by all the black 
spirits and white, blue spirits and gray, who annually 
assemble in some one of the Free States, for the pur- 
pose of putting down the Bible and our Federal Con- 
stitution. It is wonderful, indeed, what a gift of gab 
the fellow possesses ; what a multitude of strange and 
agglomerated oaths he can interlard his discourse with, 
and how he manages to survive the constant damnings 
he is ever heaping upon every hair upon his head, and 
every bone in his body; verily, it surpasses belief! 
Oh ! to see him at a chicken-fight — when there are game- 
cocks in the pit, and the bets range from one to five 
dollars ! We tell you, Sir, it is sublime — the swearing 
and profanity he can give utterance to — perfectly sub- 
lime, so wholly is it be} T ond the conception of less de- 
praved and more scrupulous minds ! But if to see him 
at a cock-fight is glorious, to see him looking on at a 
dog-fight — bull-dogs, with cropped ears, stump tails, 
bow legs, and most villainous chops — is more glorious 
still, while most glorious of all, grandest of all, most 
inspiring of all, is, to witness the conduct of the South- 
ern Bully, as he stands outside the imaginary ring in 
which is being waged a bloody man-fight ! O thou soul- 
stirring spectacle ! Hip, hip, hurrah ! See, with what 
a gentlemanly grace Jones bungs up Smith's peepers ! 
See, with what a sweet smile Smith plucks away half 
of Jones' yellow beard ! How comfortable must have 
been that " left" which Jones let fly into Smith's bread- 
basket ! How refreshing to the sight the claret fountain 



TTIE SOUTHERN BULLY. 241 

so unceremoniously started from Jones' mug by the no- 
ble Smith ! Hurrah for Jones ! Hurrah for Smith ! 
Go in, boys! Let 'er rip! Never say die! Hit 'im 
agin ! Dam- — ! Y-a-a-a-a-ou ! Ugh-h-h ! O-o-o-o-oh ! 

And the glorious work is done ! 

And yet you sdll advocate human bondage? Pray, 
thou good motherly soul, what has human bondage to 
do with such scenes ? You miserable old woman, why 
do you always discover an African in the fence, let one 
turn whithersoever he may ? Only go, worthy madam, 
into your own tenant houses, poor-houses, \vork*houses, 
groggeries, brothels, and the like nurseries of vice and 
infamy, and you will soon discover that the real cause 
of such human debasement, is not the kind of bondage 
to which you allude, but is that wickeder bondage of 
the soul which leads man a willing captive, bound and 
manacled, into the very camps and courts of the devil. 
To say nothing of other Northern cities, how many 
murders were committed in New- York alone during 
the year of grace 1858 ? Sixty - six ; or at least we find 
that set down as the number in the public journals. 
But we hang the murderers in the Free North. You do? 
How many were hanged during the year of grace 1858) 
in the above-mentioned city of New- York ? One ; 
and he, poor fellow, for a little more would have been 
pardoned by the kind, and amiable, and soft-hearted 
Governor. Query, are not all such Governors a little 
soft in the head as well as in the heart? 

We tell you, thou venerable grandam, it's all bosh. 

The South is no more a heathen country than the 

North. You, O mother of Israel, have bullies all 

around you, thieves all around you, murderers all 

11 



242 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

around you, et id, etc. etc. ; and when you lift up your 
hands in such holy horror at the shortcomings of your 
neighbors, you only make yourself an object of pity 
in the sight of the truly wise, and in the sight of God 
a hypocrite and Pharisee. Indeed, we think we may 
safely assert, that the South, in some particulars, even 
has an advantage over the North ; for, however coarse, 
vulgar, brutal, and besotted the Southern Bully may be, 
still he is rarely ever a downright thief, and seldom 
murders in cold blood, and never attempts to make a 
dishonest livelihood by swindling the innocent and 
helpless — widows, and fatherless girls, and the like. 
But, according to the statistics and estimates of the 
New-York Tribune, in the one city of New-York alone, 
about fourteen thousand persons make annually nearly 
sixteen millions of dollars in the various walks of 
crime and vice, for which our leading metropolis is so 
infamous. Moreover, although we do not pretend to 
gainsay that the Southern Bully is a miserable nuis- 
ance in every sense, as well as a disgrace to civiliza- 
tion, and all that, we yet stoutly maintain that he is a 
greater enemy to himself than to any other person, and 
for wickedness does not begin to compare with those 
swindlers in high places — the Schuylers, Huntingtons, 
and other gentlemen of the like kidney, presidents of 
banks, coal companies, railroad corporations, et cetera, 
et cetera ; who are every day growing rich on the 
hard earnings of the poor, pilfering from the day 
laborers, and absolutely stealing the little savings in- 
trusted to them by toiling servant-girls ; and yet who 
continue to be smiled upon by " our best society," and 
are allowed the ineffable privilege of snoring in our 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 243 

most orthodox and fashionable churches. Neither is 
the poor Southern Bully to be compared for meanness 
to the rich Southern Bully, of whom we come now to 
say a few words ; for the poor Southern Bully can 
plead in extenuation of his shortcomings the tempta- 
tions of poverty and ignorance, as well as the lack of 
any refining associations or surroundings ; which is not 
the case with his rich fellow-drunkard, fellow-gambler, 
fellow-blackguard, fellow-libertine, and fellow-brawler, 
since the latter could be a gentleman if he would. 

This style of Southern Bully is found more often in 
the Cotton States, than elsewhere ; which is owing to 
the fact, that fortunes are more frequently made in 
those States than in any others, by ignorant men — 
overseers, negro traders, and others of a similar class. 
For it is the son of the vilest of the Southern Yankees, 
who usually, no matter how great his wealth may be, 
does not even approach the comparative respectability 
of a Cotton Snob, but is nothing more nor less than a 
bully — an ignorant, purse-proud, self-conceited, guz- 
zling, fox-hunting, blaspheming, slave- whipping, up- 
roarious, vulgar fellow ! who is at all times as willing 
and ready to pink a fellow-being as to wing a pheasant, 
or to shoot a hare. Even if sent to college, (which 
sometimes does happen, since his father, however igno- 
rant, is yet anxious that his son shall know more than 
himself,) he seldom learns any thing from books, and 
cares for nothing but his daily drams, his cocktails, and 
brandy-straights, his pistols and his cards, his dogs and 
his sooty mistress, and, greatest knave of all, himself! 
While at college, however, he lives extravagantly, 
though but meanly supplied with funds by his miserly 



2-M THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

parent ; and, as a matter of course, is always over head 
and cars in debt. But wo to the poor tradesman who 
menaces him with a bill ! The Honorable Algernon 
Percy Deuceace, worthy scion of the noble house of 
Crabbs, knew not better how to brain a dunning tailor 
or starving cobbler, than does the warm-hearted noble- 
souled Southern Bully, of good family and respectable 
standing. And as for presenting one of the son's bills 
to his miserly father, were we an honest storekeeper, 
we should much prefer to bear in patience with the 
wrath of the hot-headed juvenile, than to run the risk 
of encountering the supercilious frowns of his honora- 
ble sire. 

When the rich Southern Bully comes into the pos- 
session of his estates, his first care is to fill his cellars 
(in case be has any, otherwise his store-room) with 
barrels of Old Bye, as well as brandy, gin, rum, and 
other kinds of strong waters, but rarely with any thing 
in the shape of wine. Wine may do for babes, but 
not for such a puissant gentleman as he fancies himself 
to be. Having laid in his stock of liquors, he pro- 
ceeds immediately to gather about him a set of boon 
companions like himself — idle loafers, drunken over- 
seers, and may be one or two other fellows of like kid- 
ney ; and now he devotes his nights to gaming, drink- 
ing, and coarse libertinism, and his days to fox-hunting, 
horse-racing, and the like. Ah ! thou blot on the fair 
escutcheon of the South, what a rabble is it indeed 
dangles ever at your heels ! How they }^ell, and 
whoop, and halloo, louder than the deep-baying 
hounds, while they pursue the manly old English 
sport ! One would almost fancy the whole of Bedlam 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 245 

had broke loose, so great is the confusion they create. 
And as they ride crashing and dashing through the 
thick underbush in the wide-reaching stretches of 
Southern woodlands, or through the tangled mosses 
which hang in festoons from the cypresses of the 
swamps, you will observe not ^infrequently two bottles 
of different kinds of liquors, dangling, one on either side, 
from the pommel of the Southern Bully's saddle — 
from each of which he drinks by turns, between every 
swallow shouting furiously, tally ho ! tantivy ! to his 
hounds, and waves to his liegemen to follow on, so 
that they may all be "in at the death." 

Like the Cotton Snob, the rich Southern Bully is 
great on horse-flesh. His conversation runs chiefly on 
dogs and horses, horse-trappings and the like ; and he 
himself much affects jockey caps, and other sporting 
articles of costume, and fills his house with wood-cuts 
of all the celebrated racers, as well as with whips, sad- 
dles, bridles, spurs, etc. etc. Besides, from associating 
so constantly with jockeys and grooms, he soon learns 
all the slang phrases peculiar to jockey dom, and rattles 
them off most volubly on all occasions ; for his grovel- 
ing conception of what constitutes a well-bred gentle- 
man, never allows of his looking to any thing beyond 
a shrewd dealer in horse-flesh. Hence, he will tell 
you that he wants no scallywags about him — no short 
stock, as he delights to characterize all horses of unre- 
cognized or uncertain pedigree. He must have the 
full blood or none ; and in consequence his stables are 
filled with racers, trotters, natural pacers, and saddle 
and harness horses without number, all of undoubted 
descent from some imported stallion, and any one of 



246 THE SOUTHEKN BULLY. 

which he will back against the world for almost any 
stake yon shall name. Hence, he is all the time run- 
ning his crack nags against the crack nags of the spong- 
ing worthies who dangle always at his heels; nor 
does he allow any of the public races near him to come 
off without his being in attendance, together with his 
horses, grooms, and motley crowd of retainers. Of 
course he loses money in the end ; as who does not 
that follows the turf any length of time ? But, in ad- 
dition to his losses from bets, he loses also from the 
negligent carelessness with which his plantation and 
negroes are looked after ; for how can these be ex- 
pected to thrive, when he keeps his overseer all the 
time with himself, and more than half the time drunk ? 
Moreover, to cap the whole, he is ever losing money at 
cards: for, if he plays in his own old tumble-down 
dwelling, he loses there ; and if he plays in the little 
back-room to the village groggery, he loses there ; and 
if he plays in the tap-room of the village tavern, with 
the horse-jockeys and other equally honest, hearty 
blades, he loses there too, since, poor ignorant simple- 
ton ! he is always fuddled with rum or brandy, and 
falls therefore an easy prey to every sharper who crosses 
his path. "When, however, he has played out his last 
card ; when he suddenly wakes up out of his sottish 
stupor, to find himself a thriftless beggar ; when he 
sees the auctioneer crying off his paternal acres and the 
lazy blacks, (for whom he never entertained one half 
as much sympathy as he still cherishes for his blooded 
horses, that are also now snatched from him by the 
officers of the law,) his wits seem to return to him in a 
measure, and pretty soon he becomes a peripatetical 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 247 

blackleg, gambling for a livelihood. He travels on the 
river steamboats mostly, and lives by plucking all such 
poor pigeons as remind him of his former self; else, 
acts as a decoy to entice such verdants to play, so that 
keener sharpers may do the plucking, dividing with 
him the spoil. Any man who has travelled much on 
the Mississippi, or the Alabama, or the Eed, or the 
Arkansas, or any other of our Southern rivers, can not 
fail to have noted the rich Southern Bully in this par- 
ticular stage of his decline and fall. He must not be 
confounded, however, with the keenest and most adroit 
of such peripatetic chevaliers (T Industrie ; for these arc 
nearly always foreigners, or else have served their ap- 
prenticeship to crime in some one of our large cities. 
The Southern Bully is not so polished or self-possessed 
as all such precious scamps usually are ; and is besides 
so constantly addicted to ardent spirits, that his face 
is full of blotches, and has not that genteel pallor and 
thoughtfulness of expression so characteristic of the 
regularly -bred gambler. 

But in a very few years we miss the Southern Bully 
on the river steamers, and must either search for him 
in an untimely grave, or else far out on the South- 
western frontier. Here he chases after buffaloes and 
Indians, and shoots wild cats and Comanches with 
equal nonchalance ; and astonishes with the boastful 
narratives of his former exploits, the simple-minded 
backwoodsmen — those rude American vi-kings who 
wear leather breeches and buckskin shirts, and live by 
following the chase ; but who are honest and rudely 
chivalrous, though unschooled in the arts of civilized 
life, all of which they as heartily contemn and despisc ? 



248 THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 

as did those ancient barbaric heroes of the Mebelungen 
Lied. Wearying after a while, however, of this no- 
madic life, the Southern Bully makes yet another 
change, and as a last resort turns fillibuster. Like 
Cortez in Mexico, or Pizarro in Peru, or the English 
in India, or the French in Algeria ; he seeks by plun- 
dering and pillaging a helpless people, to make up for 
his past losses, as well as to bury in the excitement of 
adventure and the changeful fortunes of the tented 
field, all remembrances of a past life, misspent, squan- 
dered, and most wickedly wasted in riot and dissipa- 
tion. 

And here let us remark, in conclusion, for all such 
emprises the Southern Bully is eminently the right 
man in the right place ; and it is much to be regretted 
that so many far better men and truer gentlemen, have 
been misled to consort with him in his hazardous and 
unlawful enterprises. For, although we feel persuaded 
the United States will, purely in self-defense, be com- 
pelled at no distant day to seize on Cuba, Mexico, and 
all Central America, we yet think when that time does 
arrive, it will then be plenty soon to rid the Republic 
of these pestilent, quarrelsome fellows, who now infest 
both the North and the South, and whose room is much 
more desirable than their company. Ah ! when the 
hour for action comes, how admirably will it serve us 
to pit such dawdling, lazy drones, against the still more 
worthless raggamumns who possess, only to abuse, 
those fertile and highly-productive lands lying along 
our Southern boundary. What a poetical justice will 
that be — the allowing the miserable riff-raff and rabble 



THE SOUTHERN BULLY. 249 

of both communities to kill one another off, and there- 
by make room for the honest workers. 

" So, neighbor confines, purge you of your scum ; 
Have you a ruffian that will swear, drink, dance, 
Revel the night ; rob, murder, and commit 
The oldest sins the newest kinds of ways ? 
Be happy, he will trouble you no more !" 

Let us not disguise the fact, however, that it is pain- 
ful to every virtuous or Christian mind to reflect, that 
such happy results are only to be consummated by 
such unhappy adventures. So, also, it is painful exceed- 
ingly to look upon a gallows ; or to gaze into the iron- 
barred windows of a Sing Sing or a Newgate ? Yet 
these all have their necessary uses ; and so too have 
those. For, in man's present transitory and changeful 
state, wars, pestilences, and famines, though usually 
regarded as scourges, are in reality only blessings in 
disguise. 

11* 



CHAPTER VII. 

POOR WHITE TRASH. 

11 The ways of Heaven are dark and intricate, 
Puzzled in mazes, and perplexed with errors ; 
Our understanding traces them in vain, 
Lost and bewildered in the fruitless search ; 
Nor sees with how much art the windings run, 
Nor where the regular confusion ends." 

Addison. 

The intelligent student of history needs not to be 
informed that the peasants of Western Europe and the 
British Isles, the descendants of the vassals and serfs of 
the Middle Ages, are not by any means so bountifully 
blessed with all creature comforts — food, clothing, and 
the like — as they should be ; and are in fact but little 
better off than were their old-time progenitors, who 
wore the badge of servitude, and passed by inheritance 
from the Baron to his heir, equally with his manor- 
house and other landed estates, his sheep and his swine, 
his horses and dogs, or the gloomy pictures on his cas- 
tle-walls, or the ancestral coat-of-arms. Why their con- 
dition at this time is so sorry, we leave to the political 
economist to inquire. It may be that the old order of 
things, the old relationship between landlord and vil 
lein, protected the latter from many hardships to which 
the nominal freemen of the nineteenth century are sub- 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 251 

jected, by the blessed influences . of free competition, 
and the practical workings of the good old charitable 
and praiseworthy English maxim: "Everyman for 
himself, and devil take the hindmost." Again, it may 
result from the over-crowding of the Old World with 
shiftless proletaires and starving sans culottes, in order to 
pamper and fatten a dissolute family of princes and 
kings, who revel in every luxury that art can devise or 
heart desire. And yet again, it may be that the labor- 
ing classes of Europe, having been used many hun- 
dreds of years (in the persons of their ancestors, that 
is) to the control and guidance of others, have proved 
inadequate to the task of providing for and taking care 
of themselves. But, no matter what the cause may be, 
the fact is indisputable, that the peasants of all the Eu- 
ropean States are- in a very sorry condition, and arc 
but little if any better off than were their forefathers 
who lived before the ancient feudal tenures were abol- 
ished. Else, why the social upheavals which have pe- 
riodically convulsed Europe for the past half-century 
and more? Why the strikes, trades-unions, socialist 
and communist tendencies of the times ? 

Now, without presuming to solve this great social 
problem, still, and with all due deference to those of 
our readers who may be of a contrary mind, we con- 
tend there is a great deal in blood. Who ever yet knew 
a Grodolphin that was sired by a miserable scrub ? or 
who ever yet saw an athletic, healthy human being, 
standing six feet in his stockings, who was the off- 
spring of runtish forefathers, or of wheezy, asthmatic, 
and consumptive parents ? And do you suppose, Sir, 
or Madam, the heroes of our Revolutionary history 



252 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

ever would or could have sprung from the loins of a 
dissolute aristocracy on the one hand, or a down- trod- 
den and servile race of villeins on the other ? Never, 
we warrant you. Their and our forefathers had to un- 
dergo a schooling of near upon ten centuries to prepare 
them and us, their latest offspring, to snatch the golden 
fruits of Independence from the Cerberean guardian- 
ship of Tyranny, and thereby prove to all mankind 
what dignity and worthiness the human race is capable 
of, under proper training and a proper system of edu- 
cation, 'Tis true, however, we are already beginning 
to forget the philosophy of this great marvel of the 
present age, and are foolishly clamoring that every na- 
tion and every people under heaven are just as fit and 
capable to control and govern themselves as we ; while 
some of us, in our Quixotic madness, are ever running 
a tilt against windmills, until many a poor gentleman, 
of amiable and kindly heart but weak head, has run 
stark mad — his little modicum of brains proving insuf- 
ficient to sustain the weight of all the Inalienable 
Eights of Man, to say never a word of Woman's 
Eights, about which so great a clatter is made in cer- 
tain quarters. 

Alas ! the disease which has deprived such unfortu- 
nates of their wits, is not to be reached by any reme- 
dial agency known to science, whether the science of 
medicine or of political economy. The instructive les- 
sons of history convey no intelligence to such minds ; 
the experience of the past serves not to guide their 
footsteps by its clear radiance, while, in their blind in- 
fatuation, they even dare to disregard the immutable 
decrees of the All-wise Father. Fancying they them- 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 253 

selves have discovered the long sought-for Philosopher's 
Stone, they feel assured the world must certainly go to 
eternal smash, unless they can prevail upon mankind 
to practise and to reverence their own crude teachings 
— those Utopian absurdities they so love to cherish in 
their heart of hearts, as something wiser than the wis- 
dom of Solomon, more sacred than the Ten Command- 
ments, more perfect than the Constitution framed by 
the Fathers of our Eepublic, as well as the source of 
greater blessings to the sons of men than the Gospel of 
our Lord Jesus Christ. Alas! poor imbeciles! how 
fortunate would it be for yourselves, your country, and 
the rest of mankind, could you all be securely caged 
and placed in a Maison de Sante, and there be confined 
to a strict regimen of cold water and asses' milk — the 
water to be applied outwardly to your empty noddles, 
to relieve the swelling thereof, and the milk to be taken 
inwardly, as the kind of nourishment most suitable for 
babes ! 

We apprehend there is no need to inform the intelli- 
gent reader why we have bored him with these pre- 
liminary remarks. He must be aware that certain per- 
sons in the Free States are always denouncing the 
South because of her "peculiar institution," and that 
they leave no stone unturned but they will have their 
spiteful fling at the "oligarchs." Time was, when 
such worthies swore roundly (and at that time not 
without reason, as confessed by Southerners them- 
selves) that the institution of African slavery was un- 
profitable, and should therefore be abolished. But 
suddenly came the great demand for cotton ; negroes 
advanced in value from five to fifteen hundred dollars 



254 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

a piece ; the South, furnished about three fourths of all 
our exports, and the peculiar institution became deci- 
dedly the most profitable and safe investment in the 
whole country. In consequence of this unlooked-for 
checkmate, the denouncers of the slaveholders were 
forced to change their tactics, and so began a new spe- 
cies of agitation. They now acknowledge that to the 
owners of negroes the system of labor peculiar to the 
South is beneficial, but is, they contend, a terrible 
curse to the non-slaveholding whites, and ought to be 
abolished on account of the latter. Look at the Poof 
Whites of the South, cry these wiseacres, and behold 
the fruits of slavery. And in the same breath they 
exclaim, Down with the Oligarchs ! Down with the 
Chivalry ! They do not trouble themselves to inquire 
what are the natural causes of the existence in the 
South of a class of lazy vagabonds known as Poor 
Whites, or how great the number of these may be, but 
rush madly and recklessly to the conclusion, that they 
form the bulk of the Southern masses, and are rendered 
the pitiable wretches they are by reason of the peculiar 
institution. Behold now, attentive and reflecting read- 
er, how soon a plain unvarnished statement will render 
this whole subject intelligible. g 

As we took occasion to state in the first chapter, the 
early settlers of the South were not of equal fortune, or 
blessed alike with the same refinement and culture. 
We have already spoken of the Cavalier class, and 
their present descendants and representatives ; of the 
past and present standing of the thrifty Middle Classes ; 
of the Yeomanry and the useful position their offspring 
yet occupy ; and we would now like to know, what 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 255 

/ 

has become of those paupers and convicts whom Great 
Britain sent over to her faithful Colony of Virginia — 
of those indentured servants who were transported in 
great numbers from the mother country, or who fol- 
lowed their masters, the Cavaliers and Huguenots, 
when these bade adieu to the white cliffs of merry Eng- 
land and the purple-clad hills of La Belle France, to 
seek theirjbrtunes in the New "World ? Sir William 
■ x Berkley, in\?770, in answer to interrogatories submit- 
*■ ted to him by the Lords' Commissioners of Foreign 
Affairs, in which they inquire, " What number of Eng- 
lish, Scotch, and Irish have for these seven years last 
past come yearly to plant and inhabit within your gov- 
ernment; and also what blacks or slaves have been 
brought in within the same time ?" answered : " Yearly 
there comes in of servants about fifteen hundred; most 
are English, few Scotch, and fewer Irish, and not above 
two or three ships of negroes in seven years." The 
servants here spoken of were indentured servants or 
paupers, who were sold pretty much like the Coolies 
are sold to the Cubans at the present time. They were 
considered as mere "goods, wares, and merchandise," 
to be sold publicly at places appointed by law, as the 
reader will learn from the following clause from an act 
passed in 1680 by the Virginia House of Burgesses ^ 
" And all goods, wares, English servants, negroes and 
other slaves, and merchandises whatsoever, that shall be 
imported into this colony from after the 29th day of 
September, which shall be in the year 1681, shall be 
landed and layd on shore, bought and solde at such 
appointed places aforesaid, and at noe other place what- 
soever, under like penalty and forfeiture thereof." 



256 POOR WHITE TRASH. 



V, 



row, does the reader fancy there is any thing in 
the nature of our soil and climate which would soon 
transmogrify such untutored, uncultivated, and servile 
creatures into freemen and gentlemen ? Does he 
imagine that the glorious Declaration of Independence 
vwould alone suffice to put bread and meat into 
the mouths of paupers, or clothes upon their ragged 
backs ? Is he so foolish as to believe that the over- 
throw of the Law of Primogeniture, the bestowal of 
the elective franchise, and the other levelling doctrines 
of Mr. Jefferson, would of themselves elevate to a po- 
sition of thrift and intelligence, necessary to success 
in an honest competition with their more self-reliant 
fellows, those outcasts and paupers, picked up in the 
back slums and cellars of London, and transported at 
the public charge to Virginia, and there sold in the 
market-house to the highest bidder ? If yea ; then we 
must say, candid reader, that you are a greater ninny 
than we supposed you were, be you sir or madam, miss 
or master. 

For observe, if you please, the actual result has been 
far different. Just as the abolishment of the old feudal 
base tenures has been as yet productive of no percep- 
tible advantages to the Old World peasants, so likewise 
the removal of the English paupers to the JSTew World, 
to the enjoyment of all the immunities of freemen, and 
to a land of such cornucopian abundance that it may 
be said almost to flow with milk and honey, has as yet 
been productive of no material improvement in their 
condition as a class. An individual here and there 
may have become imbued with a more manly feeling 
than what he otherwise would have attained unto ; but 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 257 

as a class, as a community, they remain in statu quo. 
Every where they are just alike, possess pretty much 
the same characteristics, the same vernacular, the same 
boorishness, and the same habits ; although in differ- 
ent localities, they are known by different names. 
Thus, in the extreme South and South-west, they are 
usually called Squatters ; in the Carolinas and Georgia 
Crackers or Sandhillers ; in the Old Dominion, Eag 
Tag and Bob-tail ; in Tennessee and some other 
States, People in the Barrens — but every where, Poor 
White Trash, a name said to have originated with the 
slaves, who look upon themselves as much better off 
than all " po' white folks" whatever. 

To form any proper conception of the condition of 
the Poor White Trash, one should see them as they 
are. We do not remember ever to have seen in the 
New-England States a similar class ; though, if what 
a citizen of Maine has told us be true, in portions of 
that State the Poor Whites are to be found in large 
numbers. In the State of New- York, however, in the 
rural districts, we will venture to assert that more of 
this class of paupers are to be met with than you will 
find in any single Southern State. For in examining" 
the statistics of pauperism, as prepared by the Secre- 
tary of State for New-York, we learn that the number 
of her public paupers, permanent and temporary, is 
set down as 468,802 — to support whom requires an an- 
nual outlay of one million and a half of dollars, which 
lias to be raised by tax for the purpose. They are 
also found in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Indiana, and all the 
States of the North-west, though in most of these last 
they came originally from the South. But every 



258 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

where, North and South, in Maine or Texas, in Vir- 
ginia or New- York, they are one and the same ; and 
have undoubtedly had one and the same origin, 
namely, the poor-houses and prison-cells of Great 
Britain. Hence we again affirm, what we asserted 
only a moment ago, that there is a great deal more in 
bhod than people in the United States are generally 
inclined to believe. 

Now, the Poor White Trash are about the only pau 
pers in our Southern States, and they are very rarely 
supported by either the State or parish in which they 
reside ; nor have we ever known or heard of a single 
instance in the South, in which a pauper was farmed 
out by the year to the lowest or highest bidder, (which- 
ever it be,) as is the custom in the enlightened States 
of New -England. Moreover, the Poor White Trash 
are wholly rural ; hence, the South will ever remain 
secure against any species of agrarianism, since such 
mob violence always originates in towns and cities, 
wherein are herded together an unthinking rabble, 
whom Dryden fitly describes as, 

" The scum 
That rises up most, when the nation boils." 

The Poor Whites of the South live altogether in 
the country, in hilly and mountainous regions gener- 
ally, in communities by themselves, and far removed 
from the wealthy and refined settlements. Why it is 
they always select the hilly, and consequently unpro- 
ductive districts for their homes, we know not. It can 
not be, however, as urged by the abolitionists, because 
the slaveholders have seized on all the fertile lands ; for 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 259 

it is well known, that some of the most inexhaustible 
soils in the South have never yet felt the touch of the 
ploughshare in their virgin bosoms, and are still to be 
had at government prices. Neither can it be pleaded 
in behalf of the Poor White Trash, that they object 
to labor by the side of slaves ; for, as we have already 
shown, the Southern Yeomanry, who, as a class, are 
poor, work habitually in company with negroes, and 
usually prefer to own a homestead in the neighborhood 
of wealthy planters. We apprehend, therefore, that it 
is a natural feeling with Messrs. Eag Tag and Bob- 
tail — an idiocyncrasy for which they themselves can 
assign no good reason — why they delight to build their 
pine-pole cabins among the sterile sand hills, or in the 
very heart of the dismal solitude of the burr-oak or 
pine barrens. We remember to have heard an over- 
seer who had spent some time among the Sandhillers, 
relate something like the following anecdote of a 
youthful Bobtail whom he persuaded to accompany 
him out of the hill-country into the nearest alluvial 
bottoms, where there was any number of extensive 
plantations in a high state of cultivation, which will 
aptly illustrate this peculiarity of the class. So soon 
as the juvenile Bobtail reached the open country, his 
eyes began to dilate, and his whole manner and ex- 
pression indicated bewilderment and uneasiness. " Be- 
dadseizecl !" exclaimed he at last, " ef this yere ked'n- 
try haint got nary sign ov er tree ! How in thunder 
duz folks live down yere ? By G-o-r-j ! this beats all 
that Uncle Snipes tells about Carlina. Tell yer what, 
I'm goin' ter make tracks fur dad's — yer heer my horn 
toot!" And he did make tracks for dad's, sure 
enough. 



260 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

In the settlements wherein they chiefly reside, the 
Poor Whites rarely live more than a mile or two apart. 
Each householder, or head of a famity, builds him a 
little hut of round logs ; chinks the spaces between 
these with clay mixed with wheat-en straw ; builds at 
one end of the cabin a big wooden chimney with a ta- 
pering top, all the interstices being "dobbed" as above ; 
puts down a puncheon floor, and a loft of ordinary 
boards overhead ; fills up the inside of the rude dwell- 
ing with a few rickety chairs, a long bench, a dirty bed 
or two, a spinning-wheel (the loom, if any, is outside un- 
der a shed,) a skillet, an oven, a frying-pan, a triangular 
cupboard in one corner, and a rack over the door on 
which to hang old Silver Heels, the family rifle; and both 
the cabin and its furniture are considered as complete. 
The hapjoy owner then "clears" some five acres or so 
of land immediately surrounding his domicil, and these 
he pretends to cultivate, planting only corn, pumpkins, 
and a little garden truck of some kind or other. He 
next builds a rude kennel for his dog or dogs, a prim- 
itive-looking stall for his u nag," ditto for old Beck 
his cow, and a pole hen-house for his poultry. This 
last he covers over with dirt and weeds, and erects on 
one side of it a long slim pole, from the upper branches 
whereof dangle gourds for the martins to build their 
nests in — martins being generally regarded as useful 
to drive off all bloody-minded hawks, that look with 
too hungry an eye upon the rising generation of dung- 
hills. 

Being thus prepared for house-keeping, now comes 
the tug of war. 

But, whatever may be said of the poverty of Bag 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 261 

Tag and Bobtail, of their ignorance and general spir- 
itual degradation, it is yet a rare thing that any of them 
suffer from hunger or cold. As a class, indeed, they 
are much better off than the peasantry of Europe, and 
many a poor mechanic in New- York City even — to say 
nothing of the thousands of day-laborers annually 
thrown out of employment on the approach of winter 
— would be most happy at any time from December to 
March, to share the cheerful warmth of the blazing pine 
fagots which glow upon every poor man's hearth in the 
South ; as well as to help devour the fat haunches of the 
noble old buck, whose carcass hangs in one corner 
suspended from one of the beams of the loft overhead, 
ready at all times to have a slice cut from its sinewy 
hams and broiled to delicious juiciness upon the glow- 
ing coals. 

Indeed, the only source of trouble to the Sandhillers 
is the preservation of their yearly "craps" of corn. 
Owing to the sterileness of their lands, and deficient 
cultivation, that sometimes fails them, running all to 
weeds and grass. But they have no lack of meats. 
Wild hogs, deer, wild turkeys, squirrels, raccoons, 
opossums — these and many more are at their very 
doors; and they have only to pick up "old Silver 
Heels," walk a few miles out into the forest, and return 
home laden with meat enough to last them a week. 
And should they desire to purchase a little wool for 
spinning, or cotton ditto, or a little "swat'ning" to put 
in their coffee and their "sassefack" tea, or a few cups 
and saucers, or powder and shot, salt, meal, or other 
household necessaries — a week's successful hunting 
invariably supplies them with enough venison to pro- 



262 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

cure the wished-for luxuries, which they soon possess 
themselves of accordingly, from the nearest village or 
country store. Having obtained what they want, they 
hasten back again to their barren solitudes ; their wives 
and daughters spin and weave the wool or cotton into 
such description of cloth as is in most vogue for the 
time being; while the husbands, fathers, sons, and 
brothers, betake themselves to their former idle habits 
— hunting, beef-shooting, gander-pulling, marble-play^ 
ing, card-playing, and getting drunk. Panics, finan- 
cial pressures, and the like, are unknown amongst them, 
and about the only crisis of which they know any 
thing, is when a poor fellow is called upon to "shuffle 
off this mortal coil." Money, in truth, is almost a 
perfectly unknown commodity in their midst, anc] 
nearly all of their trafficking is carried on by means 
of barter alone. In their currency a cow is considered 
worth so much, a horse so much, a dog so much, a fat 
buck so much, a wild-turkey so much, a coon-skin so 
much, et cetera, et cetera ; and by these values almost 
every thing else is rated. Dollars and dimes, or 
pounds, shillings and pence, they never bother their 
brains any great deal about. \J 

The chief characteristic of Eag Tag and Bobtail, 
however, is laziness. They are about the laziest two- 
legged animals that walk erect on the face of the Earth. 
Even their motions are slow, and their speech is a sick- 
ening drawl, worse a deal sight than the most down- 
eastern of all the Down-Easters ; while their thoughts 
and ideas seem likewise to creep along at a snail's pace. 
All they seem to care for, is, to live from hand to 
mouth ; to get drunk, provided they can do so without \j 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 263 

having to trudge too far after their liquor ; to shoot for 
beef; to hunt; to attend gander pullings; to vote at 
elections ; to eat and to sleep ; to lounge in the sun- 
shine of a bright summer's day, and to bask in the 
warmth of a roaring wood fire, when summer days are 
over, and the calm autumn stillness has given place to 
the blustering turbulence of hyemal storms. We do 
not believe the worthless ragamuffins would put them- 
selves to much extra locomotion to get out of a shower 
of rain ; and we know they would shiver all day with 
cold, with wood all around them, before they would 
trouble themselves to pick it up and build a fire : for 
we recollect to have heard an anecdote of a gentleman 
who was once travelling through a section of country 
peopled by Sandhillers, on a cold and raw winter's day, 
when he chanced to come up with a squad of great 
strapping lazy bumpkins on the side of the road in a 
woods, sitting all huddled up and shivering around 
the smouldering remains of what had once been a fire. 
The traveller was himself quite chilled, and thought it 
prudent to stop and warm before proceeding any fur- 
ther on his journey. But imagine his astonishment, 
on asking the miserable scamps why they had suffered 
their lire to burn so low, to hear them answer, that they 
" were afeared they mout git too cold pickin' up sticks!" 
Very humanely he gathered together a pile of dry 
brushwood lying close at hand, built up in a little while 
a roaring fire, warmed himself, and again mounting his 
horse, rode on his way ; leaving the great loutish clowns 
quarrelling among themselves, as to which one of them 
was entitled to the warmest side of the fire ! 

In physical appearance, the Sandhillers arc far from 



264 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

prepossessing. Lank, lean, angular, and bony, with 
flaming red, or flaxen, or sandy, or carroty-colored hair, 
sallow complexion, awkward manners, and a natural 
stupidity or dullness of intellect that almost surpasses 
belief; they present in the main a very pitiable sight 
to the truly benevolent, as well as a ludicrous one to 
those who are mirthfully disposed. If any thing, after 
the first freshness of their youth is lost, the women are 
even more intolerable than the men — owing chiefly to 
their disgusting habit of snufY-dipping, and even some- 
times pipe-smoking. The vile practice of snuff-dipping 
prevails sometimes also among the wives and daughters 
of the Yeomanry, and even occasionally among other- 
wise intelligent members of the Southern Middle 
Classes, particularly in North-Carolina. The usual 
mode is, to procure a straight wooden tooth-brush — 
one made of the bark of the hickory-nut tree preferred 
— chew one end of the brush until it becomes soft and 
pliant, then dab the same while still wet with saliva 
into the snuff-bottle, and immediately stick it back into 
the mouth again with the fine particles of snuff adher- 
ing; then proceed to mop the gums and teeth adroitly, 
to suck, and chew, and spit to your heart's content. 
Ah ! it is almost as decent as smoking cigars, and is 
fully as distingue as chewing tobacco ! 

Being usually addicted to this filthy and disgusting 
vice, or whatever else one may choose to call it, it is 
not at all strange that the female Sand-hill ers should 
so soon lose all trace of beauty, and at thirty are about 
the color of yellow parchment, if not thin and pale 
from constant attacks of fever. Besides, they are quite 
prolific, and every house is filled with its half-dozen of 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 265 

dirty, squalling, white - headed little brats, who are 
familiarly known as Tow- Heads — on account of the 
color of their hair, as well as its texture and generally 
unkempt and matted condition. In the main the en* 
tire family, both male and female, occupy the same 
apartment at all hours of the day and night, just as do 
the small farmers of the North-west, or the very poor 
in all large cities. But it is a rare circumstance to find 
several families huddled into one poor shant} r , as is 
more often the case than otherwise with those unfor- 
tunates in cities, who are constrained to herd together 
promiscuously in tenant - houses and in underground 
cellars. On the contrary, each Sandhiller has his own 
lowly cabin, and whilst it is sad to contemplate the 
hard necessity which forces father and mother, sons 
and daughters, all to live in the same narrow room ; 
still it is pleasant to believe, that the sacred nature of 
the relationship between the parties, casts a vail of mo • 
desty over the scene, which is wanting where two or 
more stranger families are thus promiscuously thrown 
together in such close contact. 

Of course, intelligence of all kinds is at a low ebb 
with Messrs. Rag Tag and Bobtail. Few of them can 
read, fewer still can write, while the great mass are 
native, genuine Know- Nothings, though always demo- 
cratic in their political faith and practice. Indeed, puz- 
zled to comprehend for what other purpose the miser- 
able wretches were ever allowed to obtain a footing in 
this country, we have come to the honest conclusion, 
that it was providentially intended, in order that, by 
their votes, however blindly and ignorantly cast, they 
should help to support the only political party which 
12 



266 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

has been enabled thus far to maintain a National organ- 
ization. Nor can tliey be blamed for voting the demo- 
cratic ticket, live they in the North or the South ; for 
to the democratic party do they owe the only political 
privilege which is of any real use to them — the privi- 
lege of the elective franchise. This fact, indeed, is 
nearly the sum total of their knowledge of our Govern- 
ment, or its history. They remember Washington be- 
cause he was the Founder, if we may so speak, of the 
Eepublic: they remember Thomas Jefferson because 
he effected the change in the policy of the country, 
whereby they became sovereign freemen, the voice of 
each one of them counting one, while that of an Astor 
or a Girard could count no more : and they remember 
General Jackson because he whipped the British so bad 
at New-Orleans, and afterwards, while he was Presi- 
dent, dared to " remove the Deposits" in the teeth of 
opposition from all the moneyed men in the nation ; 
and it is said that, in certain very benighted districts 
of Central New- York and the mountains of East-Ten- 
nessee, General Jackson is voted for still at every pre- 
sidential election. 

In religion the Poor Whites are mostly of the Hard- 
shell persuasion, and their parsons are in the main of 
the Order of the Whang Doodle. They are also very 
superstitious, being firm believers in witches and hob- 
goblins ; likewise old-time spiritualists, or, to render 
our meaning plainer, believers in fortune-telling after 
the ancient modes — such as palm-reading, card-cutting, 
or the revelations of coffee-grounds left in the bottom 
of the cup after the fluid has been drained off. Poor 
simple souls ! they have not yet risen to the supernal 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 267 

glories of table-tipping, horn-blowing, and the other 
modern improvements in the mode of consulting such 
as have familiar spirits : for, although these boast that 
they number a million or so of adherents in the more 
enlightened Free States, we suspect they could hardly 
drum up in the entire South one thousand fools credu- 
lous enough to embrace their miserable dogmas. Yet 
in scarcely a settlement of Poor Whites will you fail 
to find some gray -headed old crone, who professes to 
be able to tell you all about your past life, as well as 
to predict what is to be your future career : but she 
does not charge very exorbitant prices for her disclo- 
sures, being well satisfied to receive the small sum of 
twenty -five cents for each consultation. Whereas, in 
the enlightened city of New- York, in which are hun- 
dreds of professed star-readers, (the united annual in- 
comes of nineteen of these Professors of the Black Art 
being one hundred thousand dollars,) and where, it is 
said, sixteen hundred persons are foolish enough every 
week to consult such damnable impostors ; the regular 
fee varies from one to five dollars. Besides, this can 
also be said in behalf of the old women among the 
Saridhillers who tell fortunes ; they never use their 
pretended gifts for the purpose of entrapping poor but 
silly girls, into such peculiar institutions as are kept by 
our virtuous and refined Dawsons : which is more than 
can be said of one half those dirty dens of superstition 
which flourish in the very centres of our refinement 
and civilization, and the proprietors of which dare, 
with unblushing audacity, to advertise in the daily 
press the location of their horrid penetralia. 

Another evil which prevails greatly among the 



268 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

Sandhillers — a royal evil too, in the present as all 
past ages, if poor King Clicquot of Prussia washing 
his face in the vermicelli soup at Milan the other day. 
and afterwards grinning with a drunken leer upon his 
guests through the strings of worm-like paste that hung 
from his royal beard, is to be considered a specimen of 
modern potentates — is the iniquitous practice of drink- 
ing alcoholic beverages to excess. And then, too, such 
vile stuff as the poor fellows are wont to imbibe ! Too 
lazy to distill honest peach or apple brandy, like the 
industrious yeomanry, they prefer to tramp to the near- 
est groggery with a gallon-jug on their shoulders, 
which they get filled with "bust-head," "rot-gut," or 
some other equally poisonous abomination ; and then 
tramp home again, reeling as they trudge along, and 
laughing idiotically, or shouting like mad in a glorious 
state of beastly intoxication. Hence, as is the case 
elsewhere in all parts of our glorious Union, many of 
the poor fellows annually die of delirium tremens or 
mania a potu ; to the memory of all whom some dog- 
gerel poetaster has indited the following epitaph : 

" Here is laid a luckless Bobtail, 
Died, poor fellow, of mean whisky, 
Strychnine whisky, sharp as lightning, 
Ruin-blue and Minie rifle — 
Knock-'em-stiff and flaming red-eye — 
Such as kill 'em at the counter, 
Forty rods or any distance. 
Perished thus the wretched Bobtail, 
By imbibing strychnine whisk3 T , 
Sold by some confounded bummer, 
At a bit a glass, or cheaper — 
Strychnine whisky — whisky strychnine." 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 269 

To so great an extent are Rag Tag and Bobtail ad- 
dicted to this shameful vice, that, in those Congres- 
sional districts in which they mostly abound, as we 
were once told by a Southern member of Congress, no 
person who is temperate and lives cleanlily and like a 
gentleman, and who will not therefore condescend to 
drink and hurrah with Tom, Dick and Harry, need ever 
hope for political preferment. And the character of 
our informant bore ample testimony to the truthful- 
ness of his assertion ; for a more drunken and besotted 
wretch we should hardly wish to see. He said, that, 
in certain parts of his district, the " red-eye" was pass- 
ed around in an old tin coffee-pot, and every man help- 
ed himself by " word of mouth" — whatever this slang- 
expression may mean. And we may here observe, 
this accounts for the great dissimilarity in the charac- 
ter of our Southern Congressmen. While these all 
are more or less innocent of any participation in the 
corrupt practices of those Forty Congressional Thieves, 
who have brought such deserved opprobrium upon 
our National Legislature ; and while as a general thing, 
there is more of good-breeding, of gentlemanly bearing, 
of chivalric tone and statesmanlike deportment about 
the Southern Representatives than most others — still, 
it can not be safely denied, that some of them are no- 
thing better than tippling, gambling, and debauched 
libertines, not a whit more intelligent or honest than 
the corrupt ward politicians of our large cities ; men 
who never make a speech in our Legislative Halls for 
any other purpose than Buncombe. Which is true 
likewise of many Northern Congressmen — especially 
of those who live in the North- west, where lager-beer 



270 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

and corn-juice have in a measure usurped the place of 
wholesome water. 

Neither have we, Honorable Sirs, Northern or 
Southern, any apology to offer for these animadver- 
sions ; and for two very good reasons. In the first 
place, we shall have offended no gentleman, for all such 
who are members of our Federal Congress, acknow- 
ledge and lament, equally as sincerely as we do, the 
truth of what we have charged. And in the second 
place, although it is not the fashion for the delicate 
wits and kid- gloved moralists of this decent age to 
speak the truth plainly and bluntly, we will yet plainly 
and bluntly declare, we do not consider it a mortal 
offense to excite the ire of those political demagogues 
who are not gentlemen ; but whose coarse and vulgar 
habits and tastes, whose wicked and open blasphemies, 
and whose vaporing Buncombe speeches, serve only to 
disgrace the Eepublic at home and abroad, and to de- 
moralize their own immediate constituents, as well as 
the masses of the people at large. O you miserable 
agitators and radicals, North and South, what a pity 
it is you can not see yourselves as others see you ! 
For truly, while you are so furiously ventilating your 
windy fanaticism and overhot zeal in the Halls of 
Congress, wholly regardless of the honor and the vital 
interests of the Eepublic, you only serve, be you Fire 
Eater or Black Eepublican, to give point and signifi- 
cance to these lines from a translation of a satire in 
Monsieur Boileau : 

" Thus one fool lolls his tongue out at another, 
And shakes his empty noddle at his brother !" 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 271 

But to return. 

The Poor White Trash rarely possess energy and 
self-reliance enough to emigrate singly from the older 
Southern States to the South-west, but usually migrate 
by whole neighborhoods ; and are thus to be seen 
nearly every summer or fall plodding along together, 
each family having its whole stock of worldly goods 
packed into a little one-horse cart of rudest workman- 
ship, into which likewise are often crowded the women 
and children, the men walking alongside looking worn 
and weary. Slowly thus they creep along day by 
day, camping out at night, and usually carrying their 
own provisions with them — bacon, beans, corn-meal, 
dried fruits, and the like simple and unassuming fare. 
When they reach a large river whose course leads in 
the proper direction, they build them a rude kind of 
flat-bottomed boat, into which, huddling with all their 
traps, they suffer themselves to drift along with the 
current down to their place of destination. Having 
reached which, they proceed immediately to disembark, 
and to build their inevitable log-cabins, squatting at 
their free will and pleasure on Uncle Sam's domain ; 
for they seldom care to purchase land, unless they can 
get it at about a "bit" an acre. Owing to this custom 
of occupying the public lands without making entry 
of the same according to law, in most of the new 
Southern States the Poor Whites are almost invariably 
known as Squatters. When the lands temporarily 
occupied by them, finally come into market, the Squat- 
ters once more hitch up their little one-horse carts, pile 
in all their worldly store, together with their wives and 
little ones, and again facing to the westward, go in 



272 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

search of their New Atlantis — which the poor crea- 
tures find so soon as they get beyond the limits of civ- 
ilization; when they " squat" as before, raise their lit- 
tle "craps" of corn and garden truck, shoot bears, 
deer, and Indians, and vegetate generally like all other 
nomadic races. And thus will Eag Tag and Itobtail 
continue to pass farther and further westward and 
southward, until they will eventually become absorbed 
and lost among the half-civilized mongrels who inhabit 
the plains of Mexico ; unless it should chance that 
some new life and energy shall be instilled into them 
during their sojourn on our Western frontier, both by 
contact with the hardy race of backwoodsmen and 
hunters who there abound, and the stern necessity of 
learning to defend themselves against the predatory 
bands of Camanches and Arapahoes, who are always 
prowling around, seeking whom they may scalp and 
plunder. If such a life fail to work a change for the 
better in the miserable wretches, we are inclined to 
think their ultimate absorption by Mexico will prove 
a happy riddance to us ; for they are of so little ac- 
count at present, that, could every one of them be 
blotted out of existence to-morrow, neither the South 
nor the North, nor the commercial world would be any 
the poorer for their loss. Let us cherish a hope, how- 
ever, that the experiences of a rough border-life will 
in time regenerate Rag Tag and Bobtail, and render 
them at some future period both useful and ornamental 
citizens of our great Republic. Homo sum, et humani 
a me nil alienum puto, said Terence, and so say we : 
and we confess, moreover, that we feel for the humblest 
descendant of our common father Adam, a brotherly 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 273 

sympathy. Not, however, of the patent sort, of the 
popular double-self- acting-backward sort, kind Sir, 
which leads your worship into the gross errors of so- 
cialism, communism, and the like stuff and nonsense, 
but a rational sympathy which would lead us to give 
ten talents to the man endowed with sufficient capacity 
to use ten talents ; to give five talents to him who 
could only manage five ; and three talents to another 
whom five would make a fool of; but not even one 
talent to the poor imbecile, who, not knowing the 
value of the gift, would surely wrap it up in a napkin 
and bury it in the ground, or else throw it away en- 
tirely as something worthless and unprized. 

The Poor Whites of the South seldom come in con- 
tact with the slaves at all, and thousands of them 
never saw a negro ; still, almost to a man, they are 
pro-slavery in sentiment. Unlike the Southern Yeo- 
men, who are pro-slavery because these dread the con- 
sequences to the humbler whites of the emancipation 
of the negroes, and because also they are intelligent 
enough to understand what would be the nature of 
these consequences ; the Poor White Trash are pro- 
slavery from downright envy and hatred of the black 
man. We presume this feeling must have originated 
many years agone when the pauper ancestors of the 
Sandhillers were first " layd on shore," as our worthy 
ancestors expressed it, like all other " goods, wares, and 
merchandise," and very possibly met with a somewhat 
supercilious reception at the hands of the bepowdered 
and bejewelled body-servants of the grand old cava- 
liers of those times. The blacks on their part, too, 
12* 



274 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

reciprocate the feeling of hatred at least, and look with 
ineffable scorn on a " po' white man." 

Nevertheless, although as a class the Poor White 
Trash are intensely pro-slavery, now and then one will 
find amongst them fierce abolitionists. These, how- 
ever, are not usually of the pure, unadulterated pauper 
blood. Their origin is somewhat mixed. Thus it 
happens not. infrequently that a poor Sandhiller is 
blessed with a more than commonly pretty daughter, 
whose rosy cheeks, blue eyes, pearly teeth, and wealth 
of golden hair (despite a few freckles, and tan, from 
constant exposure) win the affections of some robust, 
honest, hard-working young Yeoman, or better still, the 
son of a well-to-do farmer of the Middle Class ; and soon 
the loving twain are made one flesh, and begin life on 
their own hook, as the bridegroom's father expresses 
it. Now, love-matches of this nature, as all of us may 
have observed, generally result in a pretty large family 
of children, all of whom are more or less blessed with 
good constitutions and a fair share of intelligence. 
Yery seldom is it, indeed, but at least one of the hum- 
ble household is possessed of more than ordinary abili- 
ties : this one, let us suppose, is a boy. Before he is 
ten summers old, he is put to hoeing tobacco, or corn, 
or cotton, and is enabled to get from two to three 
months only of schooling during the whole year. But 
his mind is quick, his perceptions and desires run ahead 
of his years, and an inborn spirit of gentlemanship 
prompts him to strive to occupy a position in society 
more honorable than what his parents do. He feels, 
yea knows, that he is the equal of the sons of the neigh- 
boring gentlemen, with whom he comes often in con- 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 275 

tact at the district school, but who habitually treat him 
as an inferior — -just as your own darling Charlie, phi- 
lanthropic Madam, is accustomed daily to snub that 
poor Irish lad who occupies the same seat with him at 
the Free School. Of course our young Yeoman feels 
keenly the gibes and slights put upon him ; for he is a 
lad of spirit, and we do not blame him. Neither do we 
blame him that he firmly resolves to toil night and day 
but he will yet occupy an equal position with those 
who now look down upon him with such ill-disguised 
contempt. We do not blame the worthy lad for laying 
by his hard-earned "fo'pences" and "bits," hoarding 
them closer than miser ever hoarded his gold, in order 
that he may buy such books as he may need, as well 
as to enable him by and by to work his way through 
some second or third-rate college, assisted it may be by 
some benevolent gentleman who takes an interest in 
the plucky spirit of the struggling boy. In all this he 
is to be honored and applauded by every generous mind. 
Bat if, after he has gained the knowledge and social 
position to which he so ardently aspires, and has there- 
by become the pride of his doting old mother and the 
boast of his hard-working father ; he still continues to 
harbor in his bosom resentment against those whom 
fortune favored more than himself in the outset of life, 
and secretly entertains proposals from the deadliest en- 
emies of his native land merely because of such per- 
sonal spite, to gratify which he also lends himself to 
aid the schemes of Northern abolitionists; where is 
there an honest man who would not utterly loathe and 
despise his meanness of soul ? We know he may de- 
lude himself into the belief, that the social position of 



276 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

his father as well as that of his mother's family connec- 
tion is due mainly to the institution of slavey j but is 
this an excuse for treason ? Is it any excuse for his 
wishing to deprive other men of their property, or for 
his aiding to stir up a servile insurrection, hoping to 
see the roofs of his supposed enemies blazing at mid- 
night and tumbling in upon the devoted inmates, while 
the emancipated blacks are dancing savagely around 
the ruins in the delirium of a brutal joy ? And yet, if 
these things be inexcusable, how much more damning 
and black becomes his record when, driven by force 
out of the State he seeks to rend with intestine feuds 
and all the horrors of a servile war, he takes refuge in 
the Free States and still, in bitterness of soul, continues 
his unnatural war upon his native land ! Before, there 
was a shadow of palliation for his treason, since he 
honestly felt that the peculiar institution was the sole 
cause of his humble origin and the poverty of his race ; 
now, however, he knows better. He finds the poor 
just as plenty in the Free States as in the Slave States, 
and that social distinctions are just as nicely drawn in 
the one as in the other. He sees that the sons of gen- 
tlemen as habitually scorn to associate with the sons of 
laborers, either in Massachusetts or New- York, as in 
Virginia or the Carolinas ; and this should teach him 
that the real cause of all such social distinctions is not 
to be sought for in any institutions whatever, no mat- 
ter how peculiar, but in the lamentably narrow and 
crooked nature of man himself. For, we care not how 
vociferously the demagogues of New-England, or any 
other section of the North, may rant about social equal- 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 277 

ity, they all know in their hearts that such a thing is 
simply an impossible abstraction. 

Why then do they prate so constantly about it? un- 
sophisticated questioner, we much fear you have not 
yet cut your eye-teeth ! Why ? Because it pays, dear 
Sir; and will therefore be kept up, until the people 
shall learn to appreciate at their real value the profes- 
sions of those political mountebanks and charlatans, 
who imagine the surest way to office and preferment is, 
to natter and cajole the thoughtless and variable rab- 
ble. At present, however, the windy demagogues have 
every thing their own way, and do indeed play such 
fantastic tricks in the sight of high Heaven as are 
enough almost to make the angels weep. It is chiefly 
owing to the influence of such worthies that Massachu- 
setts, rightly boastful of the culture and scholarly re- 
finement of her citizens, has been led to discard her 
Everetts, Winthrops, Cushings, and Choates, for — 
whom ? Well, let the history of the old Bay jState, 
since the voice of the great Webster was hushed in 
death — the absolute nothingness of her political influ- 
ence in the Republic — the utter incompetency of her 
later representatives, dealing in slash-buckler rhodo- 
montade and pedantic imitations of the old classic mas- 
ters, instead of the dignified statesmanship and chaste 
oratory of her earlier political giants — let the many 
hurtful isms which are rapidly being embraced by her 
citizens at large, isms hurtful alike to good morals, to 
good manners, to political integrity and a pure Christ- 
ianity — let these all furnish the answer. In the words 
of the deep-voiced and heavy -browed sage of Marsh- 



278 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

field, but with, a far different significance : u There she 
stands ; let her answer for herself!" 

We know, Be v. and Hon. Sir, what your ready reply 
is. "We have heard it again and again, until the sound 
thereof vexes our ears like a twice-told tale. You con- 
tend, that the present uninfluential position of Massa- 
chusetts, is owing solely to the temporary ascendency 
of what you are pleased to call the Oligarchs : and you 
seek to console yourself and your friends, with the 
pleasing anticipation of what wonders the old Bay State 
will perform when her time comes to wield the sceptre 
of empire and destiny. Bat, Sir, allow us to suggest, 
that possibly that " good time coming" may be tardy 
in its approaches, and that, when it does come, (if ever ?) 
the event will prove even to Massachusetts herself far 
other than propitious. For (and mark well our words!) 
you, Sir, half priest and the other half demagogue, 
wearing the surplice and wielding also the secular arm 
of power, have been for a long time preaching a cru- 
sade against the rights of property — have taught men 
every where, that to deprive their neighbors of prop- 
erty valued at millions and millions of dollars, instead 
of being an infraction of the Divine Law and therefore 
criminal in the sight of God, on the contrary would 
entitle them to receive praise and honor in the present 
life, and insure to them in the life to come rewards 
imperishable. And upon what pretense, forsooth? 
Because your neighbors, as you claim, can possess no 
rights of property in men and women — in human flesh, 
and brawn, and blood, and brains, to use your own 
vernacular of cant. And so in truth they ought not 
in for o conscientios, without making an equivalent return, 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 279 

cither in the nature of protection, food, shelter, atten- 
tion in sickness and the like ; the most of which the 
Southern slaveholders are constrained by law to grant 
in return for the service exacted of their bondmen. 
But, you clamor, they do not return an exact and equal 
account — they charge too much for their kind superin- 
tendence and benevolent regard! Ah! Sir, it is just 
here that you have trodden upon an adder, which will 
in time turn and sting your Eeverence. For, truly, 
the poisoned darts you have so resolutely hurled against 
tl^e South will, rebounding, yet find a mark the archer 
little meant, and one close to your own hearthstone. 

Unconsciously to yourself, you have been advocating 
all this time only a new species of agrarianism. Un- 
consciously you have been sowing the wind, and sooner 
or later will surely reap the whirlwind for your pains. 
Already your laborers, your operatives, your journey- 
men mechanics and others, secretly moot the question : 
Uow it happens they remain so poor, while the\r em- 
ployers are constantly growing richer and richer ; build 
their marble palaces, educate their children in idleness 
and dissipation, and besides spend half their own days 
tuft-hunting and toad-eating upon the continent of Eu- 
rope. Already, we repeat, this terrible question is be- 
ing mooted in secret conclave; and should the time 
ever come when it shall be mooted openly — when loud- 
mouthed and earnest men, fresh from the peojile, shall 
bestride Faneuil Hall, bawling -for an equal and exact 
distribution to every mechanic of whatever craft, to 
every operative of whatever mills, to every laborer of 
whatever grade — bawling, we say, for an equal and 
exact distribution to the workmen of the net proceeds 



280 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

of their combined labor ; and denouncing in the same 
breath pampered capitalists, as so many lordlings grow- 
ing rich on the earnings of the moiling and toiling poor, 
reaping where they have not sown, and gathering where 
they have not scattered ; upon what plausible pretext 
will you, Sir, then seek to gainsay them ? You will 
have none. Dumb and quaking with fear you would 
be constrained to acquiesce in their logic; for they 
would only use in their own behalf the identical argu- 
ments you have assiduously tried to impress upon their 
minds for ten years and more, in order to persuade 
them to interfere in the affairs of their neighbors. 

But you think we are begging the question ? You 
think such a terrible chimera never has troubled the 
thoughts of the sober citizens of New-England ? You 
feel assured that men and women, little boys and girls, 
can stand to work from ten to thirteen hours every day, 
winter and summer, in heat and in cold, making at that 
only a beggarly pittance which barely suffices to keep 
body and soul together ; and yet never once inquire, 
honest souls ! how it chances that their employers, who 
neither toil nor yet do spin, are still reckoned among 
the merchant-princes of the land, dress in fine broad- 
cloth and spotless linen, and in every other respect fare 
sumptuously every day? Oh! dear, no; you couldn't 
begin to think of such a thing. Why should you? 
Your Reverence is paid from three to five thousand 
dollars per annum for talking billingsgate religion, 
maudlin sentimentality, and a cheap philanthropy, and 
of course it never occurs to you that what is so profit- 
able to your individual self, is yet sowing broadcast the 
seeds of many future disasters to the Constitution and 



POOR WHITE TRASH. 281 

the Union. It never occurs to you, O astute politician, 
that those whom you so earnestly teach how to remedy 
the sad lot of others, are all the time, although unread 
in classical lore, revolving over in their minds the sen- 
timent so often quoted from Horace: Mutato nomine, 
de te Fahula narrator. But, we have written that this 
question is even now agitating the breasts of thousands 
of the sons of toil in New-England; and what we have 
written that do we know to be true. For we have 
heard it discussed in whispers, and under one's breath 
as it were, within the very shadows of Faneuil Hall 
and Bunker Hill Monument. Nay, within the classic 
precincts of old Harvard, under the venerable elm trees 
which there spread so far-reaching their umbrageous 
boughs, as well as in the shadowy alcoves of her mag- 
nificent Library; we have heard agrarian utterances 
from learned schoolmen and collegians — utterances 
alike antagonistic to the spirit of our Federal Constitu- 
tion, and the generally accepted ideas in regard to the 
laws of meum and tuum. We have there heard ultra 
anti-slavery men, when driven to the wall by force of 
irresistible argument, confess that they equally abhorred 
capitalists as slaveholders; and that the only reason 
why they did not not wage as relentless war upon the 
rich men of the Free States, as upon the Southern Oli- 
garchs, was owing entirely to the dictates of policy. 
The time has not come yet, was the plea they invariably 
set up ; but after disposing of the Chivalry, then would 
come the turn of their own rich men. So-ho, ye stout 
gentlemen of backbone/ 

" When the Devil is sick, 

The Devil a monk would be ; 



282 POOR WHITE TRASH. 

But when the Devil is well, 
The Devil a monk is he 1" 

The Chivalry are not disposed of yet, however, and 
the prospect is, that they will not be disposed of for 
many a day to come. In the mean time, the leaven 
of unsound political doctrine has been doing its perfect 
work in the Old Bay State. Her great lights have all 
been hid under a bushel, and farthing candles only now 
serve to guide with flickering uncertain beams the feet 
of her groping citizens; who, as was to have been 
looked for under the circumstances, have stumbled into 
all sorts of social and political quagmires — in their 
blind flounderings even stultifying themselves so much, 
as openly to put at defiance the laws of Congress, and 
shamefully to despoil of his ermine a noble Judge, 
whose sole crime was that he dared to respect his oath 
of office. But the end is not yet, we much fear. What 
with ovations to Brown, the hanged horse-thief and 
murderer — with lawlessness and bigotry — with pam- 
pered capitalists on the one hand, and starving opera- 
tives on the other — with drinkers of five-dollar whisky- 
skins in her pulpits, and infidel ranters in her lyceums 
— with every where a form of godliness, and no where 
any evidence of its power to make men charitable to 
the opinions of other people; we must confess, we 
should be astonished at no calamity which might befall 
such a community. But, procul, 0! procul be the day 
of its trouble and the hour of its disaster ; and soon 
arise once more with healing in your beams, thou Sun 
of Prosperity, and light up with golden splendors the 
granite hills of New-England, which have blackened 



POOR WHITE TRASn. 283 

so long under the lowering clouds of financial panic 
and commercial depression. For know, land of the 
Pilgrims — land of grassy meadows, mountain streams, 
and bonnie lassies — with all your faults (and these are 
not few) we love you still ! Yes ; there is a charm in 
your frosty but kindly atmosphere — there is a breath 
of poesy in your lovely landscapes — there is a wealth 
of intellect in your teeming cities, a wealth of invention 
in your crowded workshops, and a wealth of energy in 
your hardy sons, which we shall never fail to admire 
and esteem. While, highly prized above all the rest, 
we revere the very stones of your flinty hillsides, which 
mark the spots where fought and fell the noble patriots 
of 'Seventy-Six ; and ever swells our bosom with pride 
and emotion, when we recall those memorable events 
which preceded and followed the Declaration of Inde- 
pendence, and in which brave, true-hearted New-Eng- 
land played such an honorable and conspicuous part. 
For truly, fellow-countrymen, though we smite you 
hip and thigh when our blood is up, we feel all the 
time that you are our countrymen still : and although 
with no sparing hand we probe you in your sore places, 
like the good physician, we seek to wound only that 
we may heal. 



C HAP TEE VIII. 

THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

" In fact, in his perennial speech, 
The Chairman owned the niggers did not bleach, 

As he had hoped, 

From being washed and soaped, 
A circumstance he named with grief and pity ; 
But still he had the happiness to say, 

For self and the Committee, 
By persevering in the present way, 
And scrubbing at the Blacks from day to day, 

Although he could not promise perfect white, 

From certain symptoms that had come to light, 
He hoped in time to get them gray!" 

Thomas Hood. 

A great many philanthropic men, possessing too 
exalted an opinion of human kind, are ever seeking 
to find fault with God (either directly or indirectly) 
for the misery and sin which are in the world. They 
will not consent to acknowledge that man is, when un- 
regenerate, essentially a bestial sort of animal, grovel- 
ling in ignorance and vice, and influenced at all times 
by such sentiments only as are inspired either through 
fear or self-interest. Filled with their own idea of what 
a man ought to be, they delude themselves into the be- 
lief that he would be the beau ideal of their imagina- 
tion, had Grod never allowed the devil to leave Hell ; 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 285 

for they do not consider that there is in every man a 
private devil of his own, which can turn his bosom 
into a hell or heaven as the man himself of his own free 
will shall choose to act. 

All such short-sighted and one-ideaed philosophers 
are in the main miserable — full of impracticable the- 
ories, and ever disposed to be skeptical as regards any 
kind of religious belief. Though boastful of their 
charity and humanity, however, their hearts are filled 
instead with all bitterness, being perfect strangers to 
that heavenly Love, which "suffereth long and is 
kind;" for they seem to delight in looking at the 
darker aspects only of every subject, and refuse to per- 
ceive that their Creator is always 



Hence, they are the genuine representatives of Pro- 
crustes in this present nineteenth century : whoever does 
not agree with them in sentiment, they damn incon- 
tinently, pronouncing anathema maranatha upon the 
heads of all such. Hence also, they may be fitly styled 
the latter-day Popes, from whose decrees there is no 
appeal. Yea, verily, as was predicted of Anti-Christ, 
they do not scruple to set themselves up as superior to 
the authority of the Holy Scriptures, and boldly and 
impiously teach for doctrines the whims and caprices 
of men. Thus they denounce what Abraham, the 
chosen friend of God, and what the Jews, his chosen 
people, all practised, as the " sum of all viJlanies.'' 
And they likewise pronounce Jesus Christ an impostor, 
because (as they blasphemously assert) he was influ- 
enced to let slavery alone from political considerations, 



286 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

although he did not allow these to prevent him from 
overturning the old Jewish laws allowing of concu- 
binage and fornication. And in precisely a similar 
spirit do they denounce St. Paul, because he, acting as 
the inspired Apostle of Christ, sent Onesimus, a run- 
away slave, back to his master, and enjoined upon all 
other slaves to count their masters worthy of all honor, 
especially those masters who were fellow-believers of 
the glorious Gospel which Paul preached. 

Now, on the minds of such men we do not expect to 
produce the slightest impression, by any thing we may 
have to say touching the condition of the negro slaves 
in our Southern States. Their understandings are as 
impervious to logical sequences, as the hide of the two- 
horned rhinoceros is to rifle-balls. They may be call- 
ed, indeed, not inaptly the pachydermatous race of 
bipeds. Like the tree mobwana of Central Africa, no 
matter how much you may clip, and pollard, bark, or 
even cut them down, they still flourish and seem to 
draw their nourishment from thin air alone. But, from 
an intimate acquaintance with many Northerners who 
have been seduced by the ceaseless clamor of such 
senseless babblers, to entertain strong anti-slavery con- 
victions ; we feel assured that we shall not labor in 
vain while endeavoring to present a fair and truthful 
statement of the result to themselves, as well as to the 
rest of mankind, of the forced labor of the Negroes in 
our Southern States. ' 

"We are well persuaded that many good men, pions 
men — meh of earnest natures and delicate sensibilities, 
not in the North alone but even in the South — do hon- 
estly look upon slavery as both a great moral evil and 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 287 

an equally great social curse. And when we consider 
their early prejudices and peculiar cast of mind, we 
can not greatly blame them because they sincerely are 
of opinion, that, had the peculiar institution never been 
introduced into this country, we should all have been 
much better off as a people and as individuals. For, 
well we know, they do not consider, while entertaining 
the honest convictions they do, that they thus assail 
the wisdom and goodness of the Great Ruler of Na- 
tions ; that they are carping at the overruling provi- 
dence of the Omniscient Being, in whose sight the 
wisest of men barely rise to the rank of fools. Alas ! 
so short-sighted are we all. " I could write down 
twenty cases," says Cecil, "wherein I wished that God 
had done otherwise than he did ; but which I now see, 
had I had my own will, would have led to extensive 
mischief." 

And the experience of Cecil is the experience of all 
mankind. We are all miserably short-sighted, and 
hardly a day passes but we are disposed to find fault 
with what is ; but the morrow invariably proves to us 
that we could not possibly have benefited matters had 
we had the power. So, at the present time, many of 
us are hourly expecting and hoping that God will sig- 
nally rebuke the sin of slavery, and by a special inter- 
position of Divine Providence bring what we conceive 
to be the greatest of evils to an instant and final end. 
• In our folly, we do not consider that Jehovah never 
would have permitted the first human-freighted ship 
to leave the shores of Africa for the New World, had 
he not designed a beneficial result should flow from the 
introduction of the sable children of the tropics into the 



288 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

fruitful fields of our own temperate latitude. Yes, 
Madam, with our conception of the nature of Deity, we 
can not believe that the All-wise Kuler would pur- 
posely allow a great evil to grow and increase to such 
magnitude, as to become indeed the very centre and 
pivot of the world's commerce ; merely to signalize his 
disapprobation of it by the overthrow of the world's 
prosperity, when he might have crushed it in the be- 
ginning without harm to a single individual. We hon- 
estly believe, therefore, God had a design in permitting 
the old Slave-trade — a design to bless and benefit the 
human race. 

What ! God have a hand in the horrors of the Middle 
Passage f Consider, Madam, the horrors of war, of pes- 
tilences, and famines, (rod surely has a hand in all 
these. Consider the horrors of our Revolutionary 
struggle, and, above all, the sad fate of the poor Indian, 
whom your own Puritan ancestors helped to drive off, 
at the point of the bayonet, from the hunting-grounds 
of his fathers, to the unknown wildernesses of the "West. 
Will you deny that Grod had a hand in all this ? And 
yet the Red-men have faded from before the presence 
of the Pale-faces, as the morning mists melt away before 
the rising sun. We have slain in battle many more of 
them, than ever perished of blacks in the Middle Pas- 
sage, and at the same time we have utterly corrupted 
the living with our damnable fire-water, thus render- 
ing them useless to themselves and to the world ; nei- 
ther have we converted any numbers of them to Christ- 
ianity, as is the case with millions of the Africans held 
in bondage on the American Continent. Still, in the 
face of these facts, your anti-slavery minister will tell. 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 289 

you in all soberness, that God had a hand in removing 
the savages in order to make room for the saints. And 
he will tell you the simple truth. We have no fault 
to find with him for entertaining such a belief. But 
we do find fault with him for turning upon the men 
of the South in the same breath, and saying to them in 
regard to their negroes, what the lawyer said to his 
client when told whose bull it was did the goring : 
"Ah ! that alters the case." Yes, thou Reverend Pha- 
risee, we do blame you for your inconsistency, while 
acknowledging the hand of God in the merciless 
slaughter of whole tribes of artless children of the for- 
est, in order to make room for the children of civiliza- 
tion; in refusing to perceive the benign Providence 
that snatched the idolatrous children of the desert from 
their cannibalism and their bloody human sacrifices, to 
place them under the control and tutorage of enlight- 
ened men and women of a superior race. 

For, although we might compare the present condi- 
tion of the Southern slaves with the condition of other 
laborers elsewhere, we yet fancy such would hardly be 
the proper method by which to arrive at any just 
knowledge of the benefits or evils resulting from Afri- 
can servitude. Certainly we believe the comparison, 
if made, would show that the negroes of the South are 
happier as a class than the peasants of other countries. 
We know from actual observation that they fare better 
than the poor of any of our cities — are more warmly 
clad, work less, and are a thousand-fold more cheerful 
and contented. We know, too, that they are infinitely 
better off than the peons of Mexico, who are bought by 
the year for any nominal sum which they are presumed 
13 



290 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

to owe the purchaser, and are liable in their old age to 
be turned adrift without a home, and with not a living 
soul to take an interest in their welfare. We also be- 
lieve, and so must every thoughtful honest man, that 
their lot is even enviable compared to that of the poor 
Coolies and other free apprentices, those new-fangled 
slaves whom Cant and Hypocrisy are engaged in sell- 
ing for a term of years to our tropical neighbors. But 
we repeat, there is no necessity to make the compari- 
son. To arrive at any rational conclusion as to what 
has been the result of African slavery in the United 
States, we must consider what was the character of the 
negroes when first landed on our shores, and what is 
their character now. Have they improved in speech, 
in morals, in personal appearance, and in usefulness ; 
or have the "degrading effects" of a century of slavery 
rendered them more savage than they were when they 
wandered about in the jungles of Congo and Gruinea, 
feasting on human flesh, and worshipping dogs and 
monkeys, stocks and stones ? or have they cursed the 
soil by their presence, rendering it as barren and un- 
fruitful as their original desert wastes, whereon their 
kindred still roam, rejoicing in the rude comforts of an 
untutored barbarism, and in all the wealth and sim- 
plicity of Adam's fig-leaf? This is the question, and 
the only question. 

However much sophists and demagogues may seek 
to mislead and confuse the public mind in regard to the 
subject of Negro Slavery, the above is the only view to 
be taken of its merits or demerits. How this master or 
that master may maltreat or abuse his slaves, has no- 
thing whatever to do with the question. No more 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 291 

than, to judge of the influence and results of Christian- 
ity, would it be just to cite the examples of a Borgia 
or a Hildebrand. No more than, to weigh the bless- 
ings of the sacred institution of marriage, would it be 
proper or reasonable to dwell only on the frequency of 
divorces, or to direct attention to the many mismated 
couples, whose union is a lasting torment to each. 
Would you not call that man a fool, who should pre- 
tend to denounce the Bible on account of Judas Iscariot 
and the bloody old Popes of the Middle Ages, or the 
thousands of modern Christians who are only wolves 
in sheeps' clothing ? Unquestionably. We give our 
readers credit for common sense and common honesty. 
We take it for granted that we are addressing no Hot- 
tentot, no Fourierite, no free-lover, no latter-day-saint, 
no carping philosopher, superlatively wise in his own 
conceit. We beg the question therefore. Our readers 
will all acknowledge that the merits of Christianity are 
greater than its abuses, and that its abuses even may 
be considered blessings, when compared with the greater 
evils which would undoubtedly afflict mankind if 
shrouded wholly in heathenish darkness, and deprived 
of even the most glimmering ray of Gospel light. Thus 
Dr. Livingstone, the Protestant anti-slavery missionary, 
coming from the jungles of Ethiopia into the Catholic 
Portugese colony of Algona, honestly confesses that he 
would rejoice to see the poor degraded negroes of the 
interior even no better Christians than the saint-wor- 
shipping half-castes of the coast-country, rather than 
they should remain in the forlorn and hopeless state of 
barbarism and savage idolatry in which he found them 
universally steeped. To his enlightened vision, even 



292 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

the most priest-ridden of untutored Catholics appeared 
as saints, compared with the incomparably vicious and 
degraded pagans whom he had left behind him, and 
whose whole religion consisted in the worship of Bari- 
mo, or Evil Spirits. 

As for the benefits flowing from the institution of 
Christian marriage, we presume there are only a few 
radicals in this enlightened country who will question 
them. Not because there are no abuses, but because 
without marriage there would be greater abuses. And 
why shall we not apply the same just and humane rea- 
soning to the existence of African slavery in our South- 
ern States? Can any honest man tell why Negro 
slavery should be condemned, if it can be shown that, 
with all its abuses, it has still been the source of incal- 
culable good to millions ? that, had it not been intro- 
duced into America, greater abuses would have been 
the consequence ? If there be such a man in these 
States, an honest anti-slavery man who loves God and 
hates the devil, who honors Truth but despises Cant, 
who pins his faith to the lively oracles of the Living 
Jehovah, and not to the trash and stale fustian of the 
Bunkum orators of the tabernacles, we beseech from 
him a candid hearing. Lay aside all your early preju- 
dices, Brother after our own heart, and read the follow- 
ing pages thoughtfulty, calmly, and dispassionately, 
and afterwards decide the matter for yourself as be- 
seemeth a man, and do not crouch clown like a trem- 
bling slave for fear of public opinion, and in conse- 
quence adopt some one else's sentiments as your own. 

Imprimis, then, do you know how it came about that 
African slavery was first introduced into the New 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 293 

"World ? We warrant you not one in ten of the negro- 
philists of Europe or this country can properly answer 
this question. We warrant you, also, that fully one 
half the enemies of the peculiar institution do not know 
that negroes have always in all lands been held as 
slaves, from times so remote that the memory of man 
runneth not to the contrary; but firmly believe, that 
the whole blame of the great oppression rests upon the 
heads of the slaveholders of the present generation. To 
all such allow us to say, the introduction of African 
slavery into America originated in the humane breast 
of Las Casas. At that period the aborigines of this 
country, the poor untutored " salvages," were sorely 
oppressed by the discoverers and conquerors of .the 
land, who used the poor creatures like so many beasts 
of burden, not even sparing their lives on occasions. 
Having been accustomed, before the coming of the pale 
faces, to the utmost personal freedom, devoting their 
time to idleness and hunting, they very soon proved 
unequal to the misfortunate change, being incapable of 
performing the tasks imposed upon them by their new 
masters, and so perished miserably by hundreds of 
thousands. 

To remedy so great an evil, Las Casas bethought 
him of the experiment of removing the negroes from 
Africa to the New World, that they might take the 
place of the poor "salvages." The negroes were al- 
ready slaves in their own country — slaves to masters 
whose authority was absolute — and had been such from 
time immemorial. Not only were they slaves to men ; 
they were doubly the slaves of every species of degra- 
dation as well. Sunk in the most deplorable barba- 



294 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

rism, and guilty of all the wickednesses of the cities of 
the plain, they also waged incessantly cruel wars 
amongst themselves ; tribe against tribe, and village 
against village. Chiefs built their huts of human bones, 
and drank the blood of their enemies out of human 
skulls, and yearly offered up whole hecatombs of hu- 
man sacrifices ; and on the death of every headman of 
a tribe, hundreds of his slaves were butchered over his 
grave, that they might accompany and serve their dead 
master in the other world. 

Surely, thought the humane Las Casas, there can be 
no harm in removing such wretches from the thraldom 
of their heathen masters to the milder sway of civilized 
men. And at that time, all humane men every where 
were of the same opinion. Catholics, churchmen, non- 
conformists of every persuasion, and infidel philoso- 
phers also, all regarded the move as both philanthropic 
and evangelical. Certainly good men reprobated the 
horrors of the Middle Passage then, as earnestly as they 
do at the present time; but when they reflected on the 
horrors left behind—the man-eaters and the bloody 
human sacrifices — the constant wars between the differ- 
ent tribes — their spiritual degradation and mental dark- 
ness — they felt constrained to look upon even the hor- 
rors of the Middle Passage as an advance from the 
blacker horrors of the accursed country, whence the 
poor creatures were being removed. And so our own 
New-England Puritans became the leading traffickers 
in slaves, and Boston one of the best slave-marts in the 
country. The clergy of Massachusetts then did not 
scruple to buy human flesh at the market price, and 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 295 

felt that they were conferring a favor upon the poor 
pagan purchased, which they were. 

Wisely, however, the Slave-Trade did at last come 
to an end ; at least so far as the United States are con- 
cerned. We say wisely, and what we say we mean ; 
for had the traffic continued, the Southern people 
would have soon found themselves in a similar predi- 
cament with the man who purchased the elephant. 
They would have come into possession of such a multi- 
tudinous horde of savages, that they never would have 
succeeded in controlling them, much less in civilizing 
or christianizing them ; but would have been doubtless 
themselves swept away by the black inundation, leav- 
ing the whole land covered with a darker barbarism 
than what marred its face when first discovered by the 
great Genoese. 

Altogether, we only received from Africa about 
three hundred and eighty thousand blacks. At the 
time of their importation, they were valued at and sold 
in the market for about an average of fifty dollars a 
piece. They were worth no more, and in Africa not so 
much ; indeed, a hundred-fold less. Even at the present 
time slaves can be bought in Africa at one dollar a head. 
Dr. Livingstone saw a slave boy sold in Algona for only 
five shillings. Now, say what you please about selling 
God's image, we think it looks encouraging to see the 
said image bring a thousand dollars instead of the 
paltry sum of five shillings : it indicates improvement, 
to say no more. Had the Slave-Trade continued, 
however, we doubt much if the negroes would by this 
time have been worth a baubee. And had not Eng- 
land turned anti-slavery, and emancipated all the 



296 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

blacks in her colonics, thus giving the South the mo- 
nopoly of most slave-grown products, the negroes 
would, in all probability, have been worth not more 
than half what they are valued at now ; and in conse- 
quence would not have been one half so humanely 
cared for as they are at present, since self-interest 
prompts every man to bestow the greatest care upon 
what is of the greatest pecuniary value. The reader 
will perceive, therefore, that, while acknowledging the 
hand of Providence in the introduction of African 
slavery into the New World, we also consider the abo- 
lition of the Slave-Trade at the proper time as equally 
providential. 

But let us come back to our " sheeps." 

When the honest reader reflects what was the cha- 
racter of the negroes when first brought to America ; 
when he reflects, also, that the merchantable value of 
" God's image cut in ebony," has been enhanced just 
about one thousand per cent, by one hundred years of 
servitude ; he will certainly agree with us, that whips, 
and chains, gyves, buckings, burnings, and flagella- 
tions, have not been so much in fashion at the South, 
as certain light-headed gentlemen would have one be- 
lieve. 

But the best test of the improvement of the African 
race in this country, is not the increased value of the 
negroes as chattels. It has grown to be almost a po- 
litical axiom, that nations as well as individuals propa- 
gate the species according to the abundance or lack of 
projDer nurture, protection from the inclemencies of the 
weather, attention in sickness, and the removal of dis- 
quiet from the mind. If we apply this test to the con- 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 297 

dition of the slaves on our Southern plantations, we 
will find that they have fared better than the laboring 
classes of almost any nation on the globe. From the 
original three hundred and eighty thousand, by natural 
increase, aside from their descendants now free, in 
1850 according to the census there were in the South 
3,204,000 slaves of the African race. These, allowing 
the same percentage of increase for ten years, as the 
census returns show during the last decennial period, 
would now number nearly five millions. And as an 
evidence of their moral improvement, the number of 
these connected with the churches is 468,000, or about 
one seventh part of the entire number. Probably in 
no State in this nation is one seventh part of the whites 
professors of religion. These Christian slaves are dis- 
tributed as follows : 

Connected with the Methodist Church South, are 200,000 

Methodist Church North, in Virginia and Maryland 15,000 

Missionary and Hard Shell Baptists 175,000 

Old School Presbyterians 15,000 

New " " 20,000 

Protestant Episcopalians 7,000 

Disciples of Christ .10,000 

All other sects combined 20,000 

These figures appear the more remarkable, when we 
consider that, as a result of all foreign missionary 
efforts, the native heathen church membership in 1855 
was only 180,000. Add to which, that none of our 
Southern slaves are addicted to the paganism of their 
ancestors ; none of them are liable to lose their lives 
except for offenses against the country's written laws ; 
13* 



298 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

none of them are cannibals ; all of them are more or 
less warmly clad in garments which cover the whole 
body, and all of them are kept under wholesome re- 
straint to prevent their lapsing again into barbarism ; 
and we are at a loss to perceive, how any reflective 
person can refuse to acknowledge, that it is manifestly 
a Divine Providence which has wrought so great a 
change for the better, in so short a time. 

But, aside from this great improvement in their own 
physical and moral condition, are these enslaved Afri- 
cans of no benefit to the rest of mankind ? What is 
the value of the annual product of their labor ? It is 
estimated at ten hundred millions of dollars ! almost 
enough to buy np the whole continent of Africa. The 
surplus annual produce alone brings in over two hun- 
dred millions of dollars ; we mean that surplus which 
the South exports to foreign countries. And this is 
no fictitious wealth — it is solid and substantial. The 
Panic which has so recently collapsed the speculative 
bubbles of the North ; which destroyed the financial 
credit of the whole country, and shook the entire con- 
tinent of Europe with a great monetary crash ; scarce- 
ly affected in the least the wonderful prosperity of our 
Slave States. This fact is now conceded by all. It is 
proven by the continued high prices paid for negroes 
and land in the South, but more especially by the little 
decrease in the value of her exports for the fiscal year 
of 1857-8, and their undoubted increase in value for 
the fiscal year of 1858-9. According to the official re- 
port of the Secretary of State, our exports of domestic 
products for the last fiscal year show the following 
figures : 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 299 

Free States exclusively $5,281,091 

Free and Slave States in common 84,417,493 

Slave States exclusively 188,693,498 

the balance of our exports being made up of 
specie and foreign productions re-exported. Indeed, 
had it not been for the products of slave labor during 
the two years last past, not only would our own coun- 
try have become bankrupt, but the leading nations of 
Europe would have shared a like fate, and fully ten 
millions of white freemen would have been thrown out 
of employment, and thereby reduced to absolute star- 
vation. 

And yet in the face of all these wonderful but un- 
deniable facts, there are men in the world who have 
so befogged their minds with the senseless vaporings 
of our mouthing anti-slavery orators, they fail to note 
the linger of God in so marvellous a development! 
They refuse to confess the goodness of the Almighty 
in snatching the poor naked heathen from the burning 
plains of Africa — clothing them in the habiliments 
worn by civilized men — enlightening gradually their 
benighted minds, and rendering their labor (before ex- 
pended in wars and a constant struggle with torrid 
wastes of sand for the commonest necessaries of life) so 
productive as to fill all the ports of commerce with 
activity, and to crowd the navies of the world with 
cargoes more rich and rare than those brought from 
ancient Ind: giving thereby bread and life to the 
toiling millions of God's poor, who would else be left 
to perish succorless and friendless. On the contrary, 
full of fanatical zeal and blind prejudice, they seek to 
undermine the institutions of the South by every foul 



300 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

means known to conspiracy, and, failing in their trea- 
sonable designs, ont of sheer madness exalt to the dig- 
nity of a martyr a hanged horse-thief and murderer ! 
And this too, while one of their most cunning and oily- 
tongued leaders confesses in the words following, that 
they are remiss in their own cod duct towards the free 
blacks in the Northern States. Hear him : 

"How are the free colored people treated at the 
North ? They are almost without education ; with but 
little sympathy for ignorance. They are refused the 
common lights of citizenship which the whites enjoy. 
They can not even ride in the cars of our city railroads. 
They are snuffed at in the house of God, or tolerated 
with ill-disguised disgust. Can the black man be a 
mason in New -York? Let him be employed as a 
journeyman, and every Irish lover of liberty that car- 
ries the hod or trowel would leave at once or compel 
him to leave. Can the black man be a carpenter? 
There is scarcely a carpenter-shop in New- York in 
which a journeyman would continue to work if a black 
man was employed in it. Can the black man engage 
in the common industries of life ? There is scarcely 
one in which he can engage. He is crowded down, 
down, clown, through the most menial callings, to the 
bottom of society. We tax them, and then refuse to 
allow their children to go to our public schools. We 
tax them, and then refuse to sit by them in God's 
house. We heap upon them moral obloquy more atrocious 
than that which the master heaps upon the slave. And, 
notwithstanding all this, we lift ourselves up to talk to 
the Southern people about the rights and liberties of 
the human soul, and especially the African soul !" 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 301 

These are the words of H. "W. Beecher, who called 
John Brown a " servant of Christ," and declared from 
his pulpit, that it only wanted a cord and gibbet to 
make of that old felon's life a complete success ! Con- 
sistency, thon art a jewel ! 

This is what the abolitionists in the North have done 
for the negro : let us see now what their English cou- 
sins have done for him. Many facts of importance in 
regard to the Underground Eailroad have been brought 
to light by the fiasco of Old Brown and his companions 
at Harper's Ferry, but none of greater importance than 
the disclosures in regard to the actual condition of the 
negroes of Canada. By the proceedings of the Court 
of Assizes of Essex county, (Canada,) it appears that 
the grand-jury have made a presentment to the court, 
based upon a representation emanating from the au- 
thorities of the township of Anderclon, in regard to the 
negro population of the county. The grand-jury sub- 
mit the document that was presented to them to the 
court, and urge that some action be taken in the mat- 
ter. The Anderdon authorities say : " We are aware 
that nine tenths of the crimes committed in the county 
of Essex, according to population, are committed by 
the colored people." And they further urge, that 
' some measures may be taken by the government to 
protect us and our property, or persons of capital will 
be driven from the country." The court,' in alluding 
to this presentment, remarked that "he was not sur- 
prised at finding a prejudice existing against them (the 
negroes) among the respectable portion of the people, 
for they were indolent, shiftless, and dishonest, and un- 
worthy of the sympathy that some mistaken parties ex- 



802 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

tended to them; they would not work when oppor- 
tunity was presented, but preferred subsisting by thiev- 
ing from respectable farmers, and begging from those 
benevolently inclined." 

"We may now return to our subject. And it maybe 
that some reader will object ; How do you know, had 
the negroes been left unmolested in their native land, 
they would not of themselves have attained to even 
greater civilization than they have achieved in this 
country? This objection is easily answered by con- 
sidering the present status of Cuffee in his native Af- 
rica : and let us pause a moment to regard him, as de- 
scribed by the latest and most reliable travellers. 

Eichardson and Bartk have furnished us with the 
most reliable information in regard to the negroes of 
North- Africa. Although both these travellers were 
sent out by the British Government, and were them- 
selves strongly anti-slavery in sentiment, they yet bear 
testimony to the utter degradation of the natives of 
Negroland, and prove conclusively that these are to- 
day just where they were one hundred — yes, five hun- 
dred years ago, and that now as always slavery is their 
normal condition. Dr. Barth even is of opinion, (in 
o]3position to the popular sentiment,) that the foreign 
slave-trade has very little to do comparatively with the 
horrors of slave-hunting and the like inhumanities; 
but that the domestic slave-trade of Africa alone is the 
chief support of such barbarous acts. Hear him : 

" Now, it should always be borne in mind that there 
is a broad distinction between the slave-trade and do- 
mestic slavery. The foreign slave-trade may, compar- 
atively speaking, be easily abolished, though the dim- 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 303 

culties of watching over contraband attempts have been 
shown sufficiently by many years' experience. With 
the abolition of the slave-trade all along the northern 
and south-western coast of Africa, slaves will cease to 
be brought down to the coast ; and in this way a great 
deal of mischief and misery necessarily resulting from 
this inhuman traffic will be cut off. But this, unfortu- 
nately, forms only a small 'part of the evil. There can be 
no doubt that the most horrible topic connected with 
slavery is slave-hunting ; and this is carried on not 
only for the purpose of supplying the foreign market, 
but, in a far more extensive degree, for supplying the wants 
of domestic slavery." 

In this assertion, Dr. Barth is sustained by the facts, 
and by the unanimous testimony of all explorers wor- 
thy of the name. It has not been six months, in fact, 
since the death of Guezo I., King of Dahomey, has 
been announced ; and his son and heir caused eight 
hundred slaves to be slain on his grave, in order that these 
might accompany their dead sovereign into the land of 
spirits : while of the two hundred thousand population 
of this kingdom, one hundred and eighty thousand are 
slaves. 

Passing down into South-Central and South- Africa, 
on the testimony of Dr. David Livingstone, a devout 
missionary, a practical Christian, a learned Englishman, 
the most wonderful of modern travellers and explorers, 
and withal both by constitutional and national preju- 
dices anti-slavery in sentiment ; we learn what is the 
present condition of those native Negro tribes, from 
whom our own Southern slaves have doubtless in the 
main derived their origin. Dr. Livingstone has evi- 



304 THE NEGEO SLAVES. 

dently done his best to present us the most pleasing 
aspect of the condition of those tribes : being therefore 
a witness for the prosecution, his testimony mnst of 
necessity be regarded as at least impartial when used 
by a pro-slavery advocate. Now, Dr. Livingstone de- 
scribes nearly all the black tribes with whom he came 
in contact as more or less enslaved, except the Bechu- 
anas and Makalolos. But what is the character of these 
black freemen of Africa, according to the testimony of 
Livingstone himself? We shall see. 

First, as to the Bechuanas. 

The different tribes comprehended under this general 
name, live in Southern Africa, near the English pos- 
sessions of Cape Colony, and have been under mis- 
sionary influence for about fifty years. Dr. Living- 
stone lived among these people a long time as a mis- 
sionary himself; and married the daughter of Mr. Mof- 
fat, who has labored in the same field forty years or 
more, and who has also translated the Bible into the 
Bechuana language. In his zeal for establishing that 
the Bechuanas are free, the worthy missionary even 
goes so far as to contend that their very name means 
free men. Now, to show what is considered freedom in 
benighted Africa, read the following account of the 
conversion of Sechele, the chief of one of the Bechu- 
ana tribes. We quote the author's own words : 

"Seeing me anxious that his people should believe the 
words of Christ, he once said: ' Do you imagine these peo- 
ple will ever believe by your merely talking to them ? 
I can make them do nothing except by thrashing them ; 
and if you like, I shall call my headmen, and with our 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 305 

litnpa (whips of rhinoceros hide) we will soon make 
them all believe together.' " 

This may look like freedom to an Englishman, espe- 
cially when in Africa, where the chiefs of most tribes 
are wont to run a muck, (when they have nothing more 
serious to occupy their thoughts,) killing every person 
they meet ; but we presume most Americans will be 
puzzled to perceive wherein is any difference between 
such a free use of litupa by the headmen of Sechele 
and the same use of cowskins by the overseers on our 
Southern plantations. 

But again, speaking of these same Bechuanas: 

" No one refuses to acquiesce in the decision of the 
chief, as he has the power of life and death in his hands, 
and can enforce the law to that extent if he chooses. . . . 
This system was found as well developed among the 
Makalolos as among the Bakwains, or even better, and 
is no foreign importation." 

The Bakwains here spoken of are a tribe of Bechua- 
nas — the same of whom Sechele was chief. 

As for the intellectual advancement of the Bechua- 
nas, despite fifty years' intercourse with the English, 
Livingstone gives the following not very flattering re- 
port : 

" The acme of respectability among the Bechuanas 
is the possession of cattle and a wagon. It is remarka- 
ble that, though these latter require frequent repairs, 
none of the Bechuanas have ever learned to mend them. 
Forges and tools have been at their service, and teach- 
ers willing to aid them, but, beyond putting together a 
camp-stool, no effort has ever been made to acquire a 
knowledge of the trades. They observe most carefully 



306 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

a missionary at work until they understand whether 
a tire is well welded or not, and then pronounce upon 
its merits with great emphasis, but there their ambition 
rests satisfied." 

So much for the Bechuanas. 

As we have before observed, the Makalolos were an- 
other tribe of freemen with whom Livingstone became 
acquainted. They reside to the north of the lake Nga- 
mi, in the heart of what has heretofore been considered 
a terra incognita, namely, Ethiopia. They never saw 
a white man before the coming of Livingstone ; never 
had any intercourse with the Portuguese or other slave- 
traders, and pretended indeed to know nothing of the 
slave-trade whatever. According to their oral tradi- 
tions, they came originally from further north, and con- 
quered by their superior prowess all the tribes then in- 
habiting their present country ; and these tribes they con- 
tinue to hold in bondage, calling them Makalaka, their word 
for slaves. What the nature of this slavery is, as well 
as the character of the enslaved tribes, can be conjec- 
tured after perusing the following extracts : 

" On land the Makalaka fear the Makalolo ; on wa- 
ter the Makalolo fear them, and can not prevent them 
from racing with each other, dashing along at the top 
of their speed, and placing their masters' lives in dan- 
ger. In the event of a capsize, many of the Makalolo 
would sink like stones. A case of this kind happened 
on the first day of our voyage up. The wind, blowing 
generally from the east, raises very large waves on the 
Leeambye. An old doctor of the Makalolo had his 
canoe filled by one of these waves, and, being unable 
to swim, was lost. The Makalaka who were in the 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 307 

canoe with him saved themselves by swimming, and 
were afraid of being punished with death in the eve- 
ning, for not saving the doctor as well. Had he been 
a man of more influence, they certainly would have suf- 
fered death." 

Another example : 

"An interesting-looking girl came to my wagon one 
day in a state of nudity, and almost a skeleton. She 
was a captive from another tribe, and had been neg- 
lected by the man who claimed her. Having supplied 
her wants, I made inquiries for him, and found that he 
had been unsuccessful in raising a crop of corn, and 
had no food to give her. I volunteered to take her, 
but he said he would allow me to feed her and make 
her fat, and then take her away. I protested against 
his heartlessness, and, as he said he could not part with 
her, I was precluded from attending to her wants. In 
a day or two she was lost sight of. She had gone out 
a little way from the town, and, being too weak to re- 
turn, had been cruelly left to perish. Another day I 
saw a poor boy going to the water to drink, apparently 
in a starving condition. This case I brought before the 
chief in council, and found that his emaciation was 
ascribed to disease and want combined. The chief de- 
cided that the owner of this boy should give up his 
alleged right rather than destroy the child. When I 
took him he was so for gone as to be in the cold stage 
of starvation, but was soon brought round by a little 
milk given three or four times a day." 

The reader will now know why these Makalolo are 
not slaves — they are a precious lo't of slaveholders ! 
Besides, they are not negroes proper, but rather cop- 



808 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

per-colored, being evidently in part of Arab descent. 
The Makalaka, on the contrary, are darker-lmed, and 
pretty fair specimens of the negroes of dry latitudes. 

The Makalolo and their slaves usually dress alike, 
the fashion being to appear in puris naluralibus, or at 
best with a very shabby apology for Adam's fig-leaf. 
The slaves delve in the ground for food to feed their 
masters, while the latter are nearly always at war with 
some tribe or other, or engaged in the old Highland 
sport of lifting their neighbors' cattle, etc. etc. When 
they attack a village, their custom is to slay without 
remorse or any distinction of age or sex, and to reduce 
all the captives, whose lives are spared, to bondage. 
And this is the sum of all that can be said of Dr. Liv- 
ingstone's enlightened free tribe of blacks in the inte- 
rior of Ethiopia, about whom some respectable journals, 
in both Great Britain and the United States, have cir- 
culated many exaggerated not to say apocryphal sto- 
ries. 

As for the other negro tribes with whom Livingstone 
was made acquainted in South Central Africa, he has 
himself been forced to make the following confession : 

" The statement of Pereira that twenty negroes were 
slaughtered in a day, was not confirmed by any one 
else, though numbers may have been killed on some 
particular occasion during his visit; for we find through- 
out all the country north of 20°, WHICH I CONSIDER REAL 
Negro, the custom of slaughtering victims to accompany 
the departed soul of a chief; and human sacrifices are oc- 
casionally offered, and certain parts of the bodies are used 
as charms.'''' 

You here behold, O negrophilist of the North, what 



THE NEGBO SLAVES. 309 

the negro slaves on our Southern plantations would 
have been, had not their ancestors been providentially 
removed to a land of Christian enlightenment, and 
placed under the severe but necessary pupilage of life- 
bondage to white men. And this very necessity Liv- 
ingstone has unwittingly confessed, while giving the 
reasons which led him to refuse a slave-girl presented 
to him by Shinte, a chief of the Balonda — a tribe re- 
markable for the toilet of its females, who literally have 
" nothing to wear." 

" If I could have taken her into my family for the 
purpose of instruction," says the Doctor, "and then re- 
turned her as a free woman, according to a promise I 
should have made the parents, I should have done so ; 
but to take her away, and probably never be able to 
secure her return, would have produced no good effect 
on the minds of the Balonda ; they would not then 
have seen evidence of our hatred of slavery, and the 
kind attentions of my friends, as it almost always does in 
similar cases, would have turned the poor thing's head. 
The difference in position between them and us is as 
great as between the lowest and highest in England, 
and we know the effects of sudden elevation on wiser 
heads than hers, whose owners had not been born to 

It. 

Immediately following this confession" is a veiy sin- 
gular paragraph, which we must quote, if merely to 
show how a good and wise man can be blinded by either 
national, or sectarian, or constitutional, or whatever 
other kind of prejudice you may please to call it. For, 
directly after having refused the gift of a slave from 
conscientious scruples, this really Christian gentleman, 



310 THE NEGKO SLAVES. 

in every sense of the word, proceeded to show the na- 
tives the pictures in the magic lantern — and the very 
first picture represented Father Abraham, a slaveholder ! 
But let the Doctor tell it in his own words : 

" The first picture exhibited was Abraham about to 
slaughter his son Isaac ; it was shown as large as life, 
and the uplifted knife was in the act of striking the 
lad ; the Balonda men remarked that the picture was 
much more like a god than the things of wood or clay 
they worshipped. I explained that this man was the 
first of a race to whom God had given the Bible we 
now hold, and that among his children our Saviour ap- 
peared. The ladies listened with silent awe ; but when 
I moved the slide, the uplifted dagger moving towards 
them, they thought it was to be sheathed in their own 
bodies instead of Isaac's. 'Mother! mother!' all shout- 
ed at once, and off they rushed helter-skelter, tumbling 
pell-mell over each other, and over the little idol huts 
and tobacco bushes." 

After the learned missionary had gotten through 
with the illustration of this subject, having previously 
delivered them a good orthodox anti-slavery sermon, 
we should have liked much to witness the effect on 
himself and his auditory of the public announcement 
that the same "friend of God," even Abraham, was a 
slaveholder, and bought and sold human chattels at 
their market value ! We apprehend there would have 
been seen then and there real pictures, which, for effect, 
would have greatly surpassed the cunningest devices 
of the camera-obscura. 

And now,' will the reader pardon yet another digres- 
sion? For just here we wish briefly to allude to a 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 811 

very singular fallacy, which has begun to mislead the 
minds of men of late years — and that is a belief in 
the absolute non-superiority of races ; in other words, 
the absolute equality of all men, of every creed and 
every color. A new sect of philosophers is springing 
up in this country and in Europe, who, shutting their 
eyes to the experience of thousands of years, and re- 
fusing to acknowledge the notorious superiority in all 
climates and all lands of the pure white races, have 
the impudence and temerity to declare that this supe- 
riority is only apparent, and does not indicate any in- 
herent superiority of blood. We have often been 
amused to note what poor shifts these learned wiseacres 
are forced to resort to in defense of their cherished 
hobby. The weakest and most shallow of them all, is 
the latest which has come to our knowledge* It orig- 
inated in this country, we believe, and is urged by the 
abolitionists in support of their designs for compassing 
the emancipation of our Southern slaves, or at least in 
the hope of putting the institution "in course of ulti- 
mate extinction." 

It is this very sapient proposition: The whites in 
these United States are superior to the negroes, because 
the latter are exotics in our latitude ; but are inferior 
to the same blacks in Africa, because there the blacks 
are the indigenous race, while the whites are the exotics, 
and in consequence must succumb to the climate. 

Now, can the reader tell wherein lies the wit of the 
above sage proposition ? Why, in this : It is like the 
celebrated question of a certain learned philosopher, 
asking the reason why a pail full to the brim of water 
can yet be made to contain a fish weighing two pounds. 



312 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

without spilling a single drop of the fluid. Both pro- 
positions are false in fact. When you put the fish 
weighing two pounds into the pail, }^ou find that the 
water does run over ; and so, too, when you come to 
study the map of Africa, you find the white race, there 
as here, invariably superior to the black, and this from 
time immemorial. Ba}^ard Taylor assures us, that, on 
the walls of the Egyptian monuments and palaces, the 
thick lips, woolly head, black skin, and other peculi- 
arities of the negro, are often to be seen, but in every 
instance the blackamoor is represented as serving in 
the capacity of a slave. 

Confining ourselves, however, to modern times, we 
find the Boers in South-Africa holding the blacks in a 
state of bondage, in spite of the English, the negroes, 
and the climate, all combined. So, too, on both the East 
and West Coast we find the Portugese doing the same 
thing. And as for Northern Africa, the testimony of 
Dr. Barth and almost every other traveller, proves be- 
yond cavil that the mass of slaves used there for do- 
mestic purposes are brought from Negroland, and are 
sold to the Arabs, Berbers, etc. etc. ; all of these latter 
being not in the least tainted with negro blood, if not 
pure white. At a late meeting of the Boston Society 
of Natural History, however, Dr. Bodiehon, a resident 
of Algeria, presented a paper on the races of the north 
half of Africa, in which he contended that the Numidi- 
ans or Berbers, and the Arabs, are white. The former 
live in the mountains, are small in stature, warlike, in- 
dependent, democratic, and polygamous. They dwell 
in villages, and plant vineyards. They are fine sol- 
diers, able to compete with Europeans. They are an 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 313 

indigenous race also; at least Bodiehon so declares. 
The Arabs live in the plains, are a tall race, of dark 
complexion, equestrian, nomadic, warlike, religious, 
poetical, and polygamous. Dr. Bodiehon also found 
in the interior a Germanic race, with blue eyes and 
light hair, and who are probably the descendants of 
the ancient Carthaginians. " These all" concludes 
Bodiehon, "possess the characteristic* superiority of while 
races — the enslaving of the neighboring blacks." 

Wherefore, our philanthropic friends, whenever again 
you feel inclined to swallow unquestioning, like so 
many young crows, whatever your gowned clergy and 
much-be flattered paragons of the Lyceum may choose 
to thrust down your gaping throats ; we beseech you, 
in Truth's name, to keep your mouths shut until you 
have learned the nature at least of the nutriment you 
are invited in such honeyed phrase to receive into 
your capacious stomachs. What if you do possess all 
the wonderful digestive capabilities of the ostrich, is 
that any reason why you should stultify yourselves by 
evincing as little discretion as that silly bird, fowl, or 
whatever you may please to call it, which never can 
distinguish between a fat healthy worm and a tenpenny 
nail? Even if you have "a taste for being diddled," 
have sufficient self-respect not to make 37-ourselves the 
laughing-stock of the wise, by giving point to the keen 
satire of Hood : 

" Only propose to blow a bubble, 
And lord ! -what hundreds will subscribe for soap I" 

But to return to our subject once again. 
Having demonstrated to a certainty that the four 
14 



314 THE NEGKO SLAVES. 

millions of enslaved blacks in the United States are 
superior in every respect to the blacks remaining in 
Africa, whether free or slave; and having demon- 
strated, also, that the negroes every where are an infe- 
rior race; therefore, exclaims the reader, believing 
slavery to be the natural and normal condition of the 
negro, and that his removal from Congo or Mozambique 
is to benefit both h^m and his posterity, of course you 
advocate the revival of the slave-trade ? Not of neces- 
sity, dear Sir ! Not of necessity, permit us to assure 
you, thou venerable and respected grandam ! Draw a 
little nearer, if you please, Madam, seeing that age has 
rendered your hearing a little defective. Well. Now, 
there is your paragon of grandsons, the hopeful Au- 
gustus — (he is twisting the cat's tail, we observe !) who 
is ever tearing his dear granny's dress, and plucking at 
the scanty beard which grows from a mole directly 
under your venerable chin : Augustus dearly loves 
sugar-plums, doesn't he? And a few of them, well 
melted in the mouth before being swallowed, rarely 
give him the colic or the gripes, eh ? Oh ! they only 
sweeten the dear child's temper, we hear you mumble, 
admiringly. But when he bolts down his sugar-plums 
whole without any previous lubrifaction, (which he 
always does, if allowed,) and crams and crams until, 
however much like poor Oliver he may cry for more, 
he finds it impossible to coax or force another plum 
into his distended stomach, what are the sad conse- 
quences? Ah! how often has your grandmotherly 
soul been grieved within you, while you watched by his 
sleepless pillow after every such feat of gormandizing, 
administering to the saintly infant tinctures and pow- 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 315 

ders, from ten of the clock at night until the crowing 
of the old family rooster at day -break I Truly we will 
not harrow your warm old heart by dwelling on such 
painful reminiscences. Observe, however, that there 
may be a surfeit of slaves as well as of sugar-plums. 

But these things are not left to man to decide. A 
Higher Power disposes — man is like the dog in the 
treadmill, he goes his little round, but can never get 
beyond the length of his tether. Under the guidance 
of the Divine Hand, at the proper time, a missionary 
exactly fitted for his mission has penetrated to the most 
secret recesses of Ethiopia, and, returning safely thence, 
has made known to the Christian world such facts as 
lead us to predict : That, fifty years from to-day, the 
slave-trade on the high seas will be entirely unknown. 
The only thing which encourages the traffic at present 
is the difference in value between a slave in Algona 
and the same chattel in Cuba, Brazil, or the United 
States. Whenever the day comes that a man's labor 
shall be worth as much in Central Africa as in Ala- 
bama or Louisiana, it will then no longer be profitable 
to engage in the slave-trade ; and, we don't care how 
much the preachers pray, or the politicians twaddle, or 
the old women whimper, or the young misses snivel, 
or the British cruisers cruise, or the laws denounce the 
traffic ; nothing under heavens will ever stop the slave- 
trade, but the certainty of no profits. 

Now, as we have declared above, we believe the 
time will come when there will be no gains for those 
who would like to engage in the slave-trade, or the 
Coolie trade either, which is altogether the worse of 
the two. Were the writer a member of the English 



316 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

Cabinet, and did his voice possess sufficient weight, he 
flatters himself that he could put a stop to the slave- 
trade at least, in the short space of twenty years. Dr. 
Livingstone has shown that all Central Africa, once 
considered a waste of sand, is reticulated with many 
noble streams, of a size sufficient to carry large steam- 
boats, and watering millions of acres of cultivable land, 
all lying idle at present, owing to the ignorance, lazi- 
ness, and vice of the indigenous races. Nine tenths of 
these are already slaves, degraded below the level of 
the brute creation around them, and holding their lives 
at the absolute disposal of their masters, who are in all 
respects as sunken and degraded as themselves. These 
slaves could be purchased on the spot by Englishmen 
for one dollar a piece on an average ; and the whole 
territory could likewise be bought up from the different- 
black tribes for a mere song. By judicious leveeing 
the present fluvial wastes of the Leeambye region could 
all be reclaimed, and very soon cotton estates, sugar 
estates, coffee estates, and others could be opened and 
successfully cultivated, the masters living in the high 
and healthy districts, leaving the blacks to till the river 
lands under white tutorage and control. Ere long, 
wealth would spring up on every hand; towns, vil- 
lages, gentlemen's parks and preserves, schools, church- 
es, railroads, steamboats, and telegraphs would follow ; 
and in another generation the negroes themselves would 
forget their paganism, and would be placed on a par 
with our own negro slaves, speaking the English lan- 
guage, freed from their former degradation, clothed in 
decent apparel, church-goers, Christians many of them, 
and, compared to what they now are, civilized all. Men 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 317 

might bawl out, slavery ! despotism struck in ! and all 
that ; yet such is the only method by which Africa can 
ever be speedily civilized, or rendered of much com- 
mercial importance to the rest of the world. 

" To this complexion will it come at last." 

And, honestly; would not such a system be emi- 
nently humane compared with the policy England has 
pursued in India, and which she will doubtless pursue 
in Central Africa also, when she once gets a foothold 
on any of the waters of the Leeambye? In India, 
although acting in the name of Freedom, the English 
have oppressed the natives much more despotically than 
our slaves are oppressed in the South. Perhaps our 
British cousins have been as lenient as possible under 
the circumstances ; we are not prepared to deny it ; but 
there is, as we all know, a material difference between 
a clean shirt to a laboring man's back and bacon and 
greens and johnny cake for his digestion, and a simple 
strip of calico about the loins with only rice to eat from 
the cradle to the grave. That the latter condition ap- 
pertains to the shudras and all the lower castes in India, 
all must acknowledge. Besides, the Hindoos still re- 
main wedded to their gross superstitions ; they despise 
the religion of their English conquerors ; and, as is well 
known, the recent terrible rebellion m ts caused solely 
on account of their abhorrence of cartridges greased 
with the fat of their sacred animal, the cow. Indeed 
it has been asserted (how truly we know not) that the 
English have not cared to Christianize the natives, pre- 
ferring to make money out of their superstitions, sell- 



818 ' THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

ing them idols of wood and brass fabricated in England, 
and levying a government tax on the offerings placed 
in the temples of Brahma, Vishnu, and Juggernaut. 
Verily this may be called Freedom which produces 
such results, and that Slavery which in two or three 
generations converts a horde of lazy savages into use- 
ful and partly civilized beings ; and because one is called 
Freedom and the other Slavery, men may be swift to 
applaud the former and denounce the latter ; but, for 
all that, in the eyes of God, there is nothing in a name ! 
Now, we have stated above that Great Britain will 
probably pursue the same line of policy in Africa that 
she has pursued in India; but that she will continue 
to do so any length of time, we are inclined to doubt. 
There is a great difference between the two countries, 
particularly as regards population. In India there are 
millions upon millions of laborers, and the killing off 
of a few hundred thousand is a downright advantage to 
the survivors. But in Africa the population has always 
been kept thin and scanty, owing to the constant wars 
between the petty chiefs, and cannibalism, and human 
sucrifices, and the slave-trade; in consequence whereof 
John Bull will soon discover that, if he wishes to de- 
velop the resources of the latter country, he will have 
to put a stop to every practice which causes the destruc- 
tion of human life. Hence, although the English in 
the outset may begin in Ethiopia as they began in Cal- 
cutta, we opine still that it will not take a great while 
to convince so practical a people that such a policy will 
never pay; particularly when unemployed Saxons, cla- 
moring for "work or bread," shall throng the streets 
of Liverpool and Manchester, London and Leeds; and 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 319 

wlien the price of slave-grown cotton shall have ad- 
vanced to from twenty to thirty cents per pound. 

But let their policy be what it may, we firmly believe 
that South Central Africa will in time come under 
English domination. We think this thing has been 
fore-ordained — predestinated from the foundation of 
the world. It is a subject of prophecy indeed, and ages 
ago the decree went forth, that the heathen should be- 
come the possession of the followers of the Cross before 
the second advent of Christ. " I shall give the heathen 
for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the 
earth for thy possession ; thou shalt break them with 
a rod of iron ; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a 
potter's vessel." This may be done in the name of 
Freedom, as the English now rule the Indies, and in 
time are destined, consociate with the French, to rule 
Africa ; or it may be done under the name of Slavery 
and superiority of race, as we of America will ever 
continue to rule our negroes, and those shiftless vaga- 
bonds — Indians, half-breeds, and no breeds at all — who 
wander about from place to place over our vast territo- 
rial domain, both present and prospective ; or it may 
be done under the auspices of a supreme autocracy, like 
that of Eussia, which will eventually absorb at least 
half of Asia, and nearly, if not the whole, of the em- 
pire of the Ottomans. But, however accomplished, the 
event is as certain as fate. No opposition on the part 
of one-ideaed philanthropists, nor incredulous sneers 
on the part of infidel philosophers, nor intrigues of 
selfish cabinets, nor the rant and cant of the tabernacles 
and Exeter Hall, will avail ought to prevent the fulfill- 
ment of the irrevocable fiat of Jehovah-God. In the 



320 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

heavens, sitting on his everlasting throne, the Ancient 
of Days will laugh at their abortive attempts to retard 
the progress of true knowledge, of pure religion, and 
of the only feasible enterprise whereby the millions of 
Adam's posterity, now so sunk in every beastly degrada- 
tion, can ever, by any possibility, become regenerated. 

Certainly, (and we make the confession with sorrow 
unfeigned,) before the glorious consummation can be 
achieved, there must of necessity be innumerable and 
bloody wars, as well as great oppression of the weak 
by the strong, and most pitiful crushings of the bruised 
human heart in all nations. But let us not forget the 
only, the sad alternative : without such wars, and the 
subduing of the savage nations by the civilized, there 
would still greater calamities befall the former through 
their own ceaseless fightings and discords, while their 
savage natures would remain world without end the 
same. Certainly, also, many a Warren Hastings, many 
a Koompanee Jehan, will grow hugely rich out of the 
spoil of the poor, while many a heartless Legree will 
continue to oppress the enslaved African ; but even the 
wickedness and grasping cupidity of such spoilers will 
result in blessing many a laboring man's hearthstone 
and humble mechanic's fireside, cheapening the neces- 
saries of life, which they would otherwise be unable to 
purchase, and enabling them to clothe their families in 
garments of such warmth and comfort as they other- 
wise could never provide. 

We pray our readers not to misunderstand us, how- 
ever. We do not seek to defend the outrages perpe- 
trated by Messrs. Koompanee Jehan, Legree, and their 
compeers in crime and oppression ; so neither do we 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 321 

admire the spots on the surface of the sun, but shall we 
be so foolish as to wish the light of Phoebus extin- 
guished because of such blemishes ? No : let Koom- 
panee Jehan answer for himself — let all the rascals the 
world over answer for themselves ; and do you, our 
readers, take care to stand upright on your own bot- 
toms, and our word for it you will find but precious 
little time to discuss, or even rail at, the lack of per- 
pendicularity on the part of your neighbors. Christ 
chose twelve Apostles, yet Judas was one of them. Do 
you, Kevarend Sir, pretend to say that you would ob- 
ject to being an Apostle, because the Apostle's office 
can be and has been most shamefully abused ? Do you 
believe that by standing in the shoes of Paul you would 
have to stand in the shoes of Iscariot as well ? And 
yet you are teaching just such nonsense every day of 
your life. Every day you are teaching your spiritual 
flock to concern themselves more about the shortcom- 
ings of others than their own, until the doctrine taught 
by Christ, of individual responsibility and individual 
righteousness, is almost wholly unknown in the land. 

Paul, thou man of Tarsus, how would your eyes 
have been opened had you lived in this blessed, nine- 
teenth century ! A little wine for thy stomach's sake, 
and thine often infirmities, says Paul. Nay, answers 
the Kev. Water Bunkum ; touch not, taste not, handle 
not the unclean thing, for it is shamefully abused by 
many, and by using it at all you become a participant 
in their guilt and debasement. Marriage is honorable 
in all, says Paul, and the marriage -bed un defiled. Nay, 
respond the New Lights ; marriage is often the source 
of numberless wrongs, therefore marry not at all, but 
14* 



322 THE NEGKO SLAVES. 

let your loves and affinities enjoy the " largest liberty." 
If you are called being a slave, seek not to be free, says 
Paul. Nay, answer the Priests of Higher Law ; ad- 
minister poison in your master's meat, or march with 
pikes and Sharpe's rifles into his mansion, bent on mur- 
der, and let your watchword be, God and Liberty ! Be 
obedient to rulers, says Paul, and to all those who are 
in authority, knowing that all governors are appointed 
of God. Nay, bawl out the political parsons of these 
enlightened times ; not so fast, Brother Saul ! We 
find that it pays to mingle politics and religion, and we 
speak advisedly when we say that all governments are 
the work of the devil, and hence we advise men every 
where to pray for anarchy — for we believe in the larg- 
est liberty in all things, and are of those who would 

" Havoc ! and let slip the dogs of war !" 

Alas ! alas ! where shall we find the humble, pray- 
erful, and consistent disciple of the Christ who declared, 
" My kingdom is not of this world ?" iEsop tells us, 
in one of his fables, that he took a candle with him on 
a certam day to help him in his search for a man ; but 
in the present age of the world, something other than 
a candle would be needed to help the most diligent in- 
quirer find a Christian. We are of opinion, however, 
that we are on the eve of a great change for the better ; 
though we feel sure, notwithstanding, from the predic- 
tions of Holy Writ, that the world will continue in a 
very deplorable condition even until the sounding of 
Gabriel's trumpet. Hence we are astonished at the 
simplicity of those soi-disant philosophers, who per- 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 823 

suade themselves and their disciples that this or that 
form of oppression, this or that wickedness shall cease 
before the ushering in of the Millennium. A favorite 
idea with them is, that in a very few more years there 
will exist no where on the globe either a slave or slave- 
holder, king or subject, prince or vassal. Now, to con- 
vince such windy babblers of the impiety of their pre- 
dictions, we would beg to remind them that St. Jotm, 
foretelling the final destruction of the human race pre- 
paratory to the creation of a new heaven and a new 
earth, uses the following language : 

"And I saw an angel standing in the sun; and he 
cried with a loud voice, saying to all the fowls that fly 
in the midst of heaven, Come, and gather yourselves 
together unto the supper of the great God ; that you 
may eat the flesh of kings, and the flesh of captains, 
and the flesh of mighty men, and the flesh of horses, 
and of them that sit on them, and the flesh of all men, 

BOTH FREE AND BOND, BOTH SMALL AND GREAT." 

Thus it will be seen that kings, captains, free men and 
slaves, great men and small, will continue on the earth 
the same as now, up to its final destruction ; or, as was 
declared by Christ himself, that great day will come as 
a thief in the night, just as the flood came in the days 
of Noah — finding men marrying, and trafficking, and 
lying, and swindling, and corrupting, and degrading, 
and oppressing their fellow-men as always before. 
Wherefore let us hope that those visionary gentlemen 
who are idly dreaming of the fraternization and equal- 
ity of all races of men will soon lay aside their Utopian 
schemes, and learn to look upon man as he is, and labor 
to help him in the condition in which they find him. 



324 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

For assuredly, Messieurs, the mountain will never come 
to Mohammed, but Mohammed can go to the mountain if 
he will. With all your dreaming and theorizing, your 
cant and your tabernacle trash, you will change man's 
nature not a whit ; but a little practical charity and 
godliness will effect much. It is just as difficult a mat- 
ter to whitewash a white man as a blackamoor; and 
you may remember Thomas Hood's account of the 
great Philanthropical Society which undertook to wash 
the latter, and whose members, honest souls ! are rub- 
bing and scrubbing poor CufLee yet : 

" Great were the sums collected ! 
And great results in consequence expected. 
But somehow, in the teeth of all endeavor, 

According to reports 

At yearly courts, 
The Blacks, confound them ! were as black as ever ! 

" Yes ! spite of all the water soused aloft, 
Soap, plain and mottled, hard and soft, 
Soda and pearlash, huckaback and sand, 
Brooms, brushes, palm of hand, 
And scourers in the office strong and clever, 

In spite of all the tubbing, rubbing, scrubbing, 

The routing and the grubbing, 
The Blacks, confound them! were as black as ever !" 

And this brings us once more to the consideration of 
our main subject. 

Although the negroes in our Southern States have 
been improved almost beyond computation, by the ne- 
cessary pupilage of one hundred years of bondage, they 
are still totally unprepared for emancipation. This 
fact is demonstrated clearly by the result in Liberia, 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 325 

Algona, Jamaica, South and Central America, and 
every where else in fact that the blacks have been lib- 
erated in any numbers. They very soon relapse again 
into the heathenish practices of their ancestors, super- 
adding to the same the vices of civilization. We once 
knew an intelligent German gentleman, a graduate of 
a leading German university, who had afterwards lived 
three years in London, in which city he was employed 
by English capitalists to visit Jamaica, for the purpose 
of superintending some important chemical experiments 
with sugar-cane. He remained in Jamaica five years. 
When he first went there, like nearly all the Germans, 
he was strongly anti-slavery in sentiment ; but at the 
time we made his acquaintance, although then an as- 
sistant Professor in one of the leading colleges of New- 
England, he vowed that no negro was fit for anything 
else than slavery. The London Times, indeed, after a 
review of the actual condition of the British West-In- 
dian Islands, closes with the following emphatic para- 
graph against the policy of black emancipation : 

" We wish to heaven that some people in England 
— neither government people nor persons, nor clergy- 
men — but some just-minded, honest-hearted and clear- 
sighted men would go out to some of the Islands — say 
Jamaica, Dominica, or Antigua, not for a month, or three 
months, but for a year — would watch the precious pro- 
tege of English philanthropy, the free negro, in his 
daily habits : would watch him as he lazily plants his 
little squatting : would see him as he proudly rejects 
agricultural or domestic service, or accepts it at wages 
ludicrously disproportionate to the value of his work. 
We wish too, they would watch him while, with a hide 



326 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

thicker than that of a hippopotamus, and a body to 
which fervid heat is a comfort rather than an annoy 
ance, he droningly lounges over the prescribed task, 
on which the intrepid Englishman, unaccustomed and 
immured to the burning sun, consumes his impatient 
energy, and too often sacrifices his life. We wish they 
would go out and view the negro in all the blazonry 
of his address, his pride, his ingratitude, contempt- 
uously sneering at the industry of that race which made 
him free, and then come and teach the memorable les- 
son of their experience to the fanatics who have per 
verted him into what he is." 

Now, Freedom is a good thing in its place, but there 
is not in any language a word which is more often mis- 
applied. Nothing is more common than to mistake 
license for liberty, nowadays. People seem to have 
forgotten that a man has to be educated to appreciate 
Freedom, as much if not more than to appreciate 
music, or literature, or to be a connoisseur in Art. 
Properly speaking, there is not a, freeman on the globe : 
we are all more or less restrained from doing what we 
like, and such restraint is in nearly every instance not 
only wholesome but absolutely essential to our well- 
being. Man needs indeed to stand in greater awe of 
himself, than of what a fellow-man can do to him. 
Wherefore, because a man desires the largest liberty, 
is no reason why he should have it : so, too, do we all 
desire wealth and the honors of the world, but do not 
these often render their possessors miserable, changing 
wise men into fools, and fools into knaves? Why, 
there is not a beggar in our streets but would like to 
be put on horseback, and yet he would no sooner find 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 827 

himself in the saddle than he would ride post-haste to 
the devil, as the old adage hath it. So neither is there 
a convict in any of our penitentiaries but damns in his 
heart the whole penal code ; yet the well-being of him- 
self as well as society, demands that he should be re- 
strained of his liberty for all that. The same rule ap- 
plies to minors also, persons non compos, idiots, and 
others. Wherefore shall it not be held equally appli- 
cable to negroes, Indians, Chinese, and all other infe- 
rior races, who are incapacitated to take care of them- 
selves ? 

Confining ourselves to negroes for the present, we 
must say, that such works as Uncle Tom's Cabin have 
created an entirely erroneous sentiment, touching the 
present mental, moral, and social status of the Negro, 
to say nothing of their tendency to deceive the public 
as to the physical condition of the great mass of our 
negro slaves. Mrs. Stowe wished, doubtless, by writ- 
ing her book, to reform abuses ; but, like the young- 
physician who advised the cutting off of a man's head 
to cure a tumor on its side, she made a great mistake 
touching the proper method of reform. Although she 
must feel flattered by the great success of her book 
among those who have nothing whatever to do with 
the abuses of slavery, she can hardly fail to blush when 
she remembers that no practical good has resulted from 
her labors ; for slavery, according to the often-repeated 
assurances of her greatest friends and admirers, is daily 
growing in strength and power. 

Now, to arrive at any proper conception of the act- 
ual average condition of the slaves on our Southern 
plantations, the reader must not lose sight of the fact 



328 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

that they are, about three fourths of them, only two or 
three generations removed from those naked gibbering 
savages and cannibals, who, fifty or a hundred years 
agone, offered up human sacrifices on the Continent 
of Africa. After living some twenty years in the 
midst of such pagans, Dr. Livingstone, the stout anti- 
slavery Englishman, is forced to write : 

"The Israelitish slaves brought out of Egypt by 
Moses were not converted and elevated in one genera- 
tion, though under the direct teaching of God himself. 
Notwithstanding the number of miracles he wrought, 
a generation had to be cut off because of unbelief. Our 
own elevation, also, has been the work of centuries, 
and, remembering this, we should not indulge in over 
wrought expectations as to the elevation which those 
who have inherited the degradation of ages may attain 
in our day." 

This is the whole argument in a nut-shell. With 
this thought in our minds, the great marvel is, that our 
negro slaves are not more degraded than we really find 
them. While it is possible that some of them may con- 
tinue to this day to worship their fathers' gods, the 
Barimo, we have yet never met with or heard of any 
instance of the kind. The nearest approach to any 
species of paganism amongst the most degraded of 
them, of which we have any knowledge, is an absurd 
belief in charms, medicine-bags, witches, conjurers, 
and the like. Nearly all of the negroes, indeed, except 
those who have been reared up in direct contact with 
intelligent whites, and those who are practical believers 
in Christianity, are more or less wedded to superstition, 
and firmly believe in the potential agency of conjura- 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 329 

tion, and in the efficacious influence of " medicine." 
What they mean by this expression, is perfectly synon- 
ymous with what the Balonda, the blackest and most 
woolly - headed of all the inhabitants of Negroland, 
mean by the same term, as interpreted by Dr. Living- 
stone : and we have noticed in the South, too, that the 
blackest of the blacks are in the main most generally 
addicted to this miserable superstition. What their 
" medicine" is composed of, we do not know. They 
usually tie it up in little dirty rags, and either suspend 
it from a bush over some path often frequented by the 
enemy they wish to " kunger," or else try to get a 
small bit of the latter's beard which they tie up in the 
same rag with their other " charms," and then " kunger" 
him at their leisure. Their bag of " medicine" they call 
a "waiter." They believe it to possess wonderful 
powers, and that it will protect them against every spe- 
cies of misfortune. Whenever they have clone any 
thing amiss, they immediately begin to manipulate 
their " waiter" in order to " kunger" off whippings, or 
any other mode of punishment : and if they can only 
procure a bit of their master's beard or of the overseer's, 
they are rendered perfectly invulnerable, in their own 
eyes, against hurt from either. Of course only the 
most degraded of them are such fools, but it is impos- 
sible to drive this gross superstition out of the thick 
skulls of those who are wedded to it. 

We know a Southern gentleman who owns one of 
the most inveterate conjurers alive. He is one of your 
in-grain lazy devils, and in consequence finds himself 
in hot water very frequently ; but so great is his faith 
in his medicine-bag, he is accustomed to tell his fellow- 



330 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

slaves, that lie can alwaj^s " kunger off" a whipping 
if apprized of its coming soon enough. His master, to 
cure him of his laziness and his superstition at the same 
time, used to tell him to prepare his "waiter" several 
days before he purposed to chastise him, in order that 
he might make a fair trial of his art of conjuration. 
The negro's name is Wesley — called Wes' for short — 
and though he has tried time and again to charm away 
the remorseless hickory, still, poor fellow ! he has most 
signally failed in every instance. Notwithstanding, 
Wes' still clings to his medicine-bag as tenaciously as 
ever. Like our modern Spiritualists who fail some- 
times to raise the spirits, Wes' considers that the fault 
is in himself and not in his " art." Like our modern 
abolitionists whose hopes are yearly growing " smaller 
by degrees and beautifully less," he feels assured of a 
better day a-coming. Like our disappointed politicians 
who long for the Presidential Chair, he thinks while 
there is life there is hope : at least Wes' is determined 
to stick to his " medicine" through thick and through 
thin. 

Connected with this superstition of the medicine-bag 
and conjuration, is the diabolical practice of poisoning : 
for the negro poisoner is nearly always a great conjurer, 
or witch, in the estimation of the other blacks. No 
person who has not lived in the South, can form any 
adequate conception of the effects of African poison, or 
of the frequency of its use. Had the amiable Mrs. 
Stowe ever heard of the wicked practice, she could have 
introduced into her book one of the most original as 
well as useful of characters. How pleasantly, in truth, 
could she have killed off poor Legree with the slow 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 331 

African poison, and all for the sake of Humanity ! 
How well she could have painted for our delectation 
his remorse, and the terrible visions seen during those 
paroxysms of pain and madness, which the same devil- 
ish poison so often produces ! Believe us, our readers, 
it would have been better than a play. It would have 
proven dreadfully edifying and instructive. Besides, 
there can certainly be no more charming character to 
grace a blood-and-thunder novel, than the genuine Af- 
rican poisoner ; for usually she is an old toothless hag, 
who either came direct from Africa herself, or is but 
one generation removed from those who did — is black 
as midnight, and, being superannuated, sits all day long- 
in her cabin-cloor like a great black spider, the while 
with busy brain and a leer that would shame the devil 
himself, either laying new schemes for murder or gloat- 
ing over the murders with which her skinny hands 
are already stained. The secret (for it is a secret) of 
her diabolical skill undoubtedly originated in the very 
heart of Negroland, and is even now known to the 
fewest number of blacks, and we presume to no living 
white person whatever. 

Some of our readers may possibly remember that 
Fred. Douglass, the chief negro lecturer of the North, 
publicly prayed in the presence of several thousand of 
the Slue of the city of Chicago, during the Fremont ex- 
citement, and on a solemn Sabbath day, too, (the better 
the day the better the deed, you know !) that the South- 
ern slaves might dare to administer poison to their 
masters in the food cooked for their tables. Now, we 
would suggest to honest Fred, that any information 
as to the nature of the genuine African poison would 



332 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

prove of great service to his quondam fellow-slaves, 
provided it enabled science to discover an antidote ; 
for, singularly enough, the negroes nearly always poi- 
son one another, and rarely even attempt the life of a 
white person. And it is utterly confounding for what 
trivial causes they will take the life of a fellow-slave. 
Sometimes it is simply a dispute about a game at cards 
or marbles ; sometimes the being supplanted by a rival 
in the confidence of the master or overseer is the excit- 
ing cause ; but much more frequently jealousy leads to 
the fatal deed, or a strong desire to get rid of a trouble- 
some wife or husband, in order to solace themselves 
with some new "affinity." 

When a negro has determined to take the life of an- 
other negro, he or she, as the case may be, proceeds 
under cover of night to the cabin of the most famous 
witch or conjurer in the neighborhood, and in a round- 
about, circumlocutory manner states his or her busi- 
ness. They do not use the word poison on such occa- 
sions ; they call it " medicating." They hint to the 
old hag of a sorceress, therefore, that they want so and 
so "medicated." Having communicated their wants 
and paid the customary fee, the bloody-minded wretch- 
es skulk back to their own quarters, feeling a devilish 
satisfaction. It is but fair to say, however, that manv 
of them have no more correct idea of how such "medi- 
cation" is effected than our readers ; and we are chari- 
table enough to believe, that they sometimes become 
accessories to murder by poisoning, when their firm 
conviction is that the little dirty medicine-bag does all 
the mischief. Occasionally, 'tis true, the negroes at- 
tempt to destroy their victims without consulting a 



THE NEGEO SLAVES. 333 

witch or conjurer ; but in nearly all such instances their 
attempts prove abortive, for these tyros in villainy sel- 
dom advance beyond "jimson weed," ground glass, 
snakes' heads, lizards stewed in oil, and such like sim- 
ple poisons. The effects produced on the human sys- 
tem by these are not necessarily fatal, and are altogether 
different from what is produced by the genuine A frican 
poison ; the direful effects of this are sui generis, and 
can not be mistaken. This is eminently a slow poison, 
and rarely kills under six months, and sometimes the 
victims linger for several years. If it be not in reality 
what the medical faculty have named African consump- 
tion, then it is so nearly allied thereto as to be alto- 
gether its cousin-german. We incline to the opinion 
that they are one and the same thing. 

The effects produced by African poison are different 
in different individuals, but still possess a general sim- 
ilarity in all cases. We never saw its effects upon but 
one living victim, that we are aware of; but we have 
heard them described so often, we think our descrip- 
tion will be true to the facts. And here we may re- 
mark, that the same cowardly mode of assassination 
prevails in Hayti also, which affords additional evi- 
dence that the secret is of African origin. 

We know an aged gentleman who, when a young 
man, knew in lower Virginia a certain old Doctor 
Flournoy, an illiterate root or Indian doctor, as he was 
called, who was famous for curing cases of negro poi- 
soning, and whom the gentleman in question once em- 
ployed to attend two of his own negroes, who were 
dying of (supposed) African consumption — a case of 
which, the whole faculty assert, has never been cured. 



334 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

When Flournoy visited the negroes they were in the 
last stages, and he immediately pronounced them incu- 
rable, stating at the same time that they had been poi- 
soned, (which the patients had all the while stoutly 
maintained,) and, also, that had he been called upon 
for advice before the pains ceased, he certainly could 
have effected a cure. For one thing remarkable in 
both African consumption (so called) and African poi- 
son, is the fact that the patient or victim suffers horri- 
ble pains at the outset, but gradually becomes perfectly 
free from all pain whatever, and then slowly dwindles 
away to a mere skeleton, and so dies. Yery frequently 
too, in the first stages of the complaint, the victim is 
troubled with terrible dreams, both sleeping and wak- 
ing. The visions which haunt him upon his couch at 
night are usually horrible and ghastly — visions of blood 
and murder, of grinning skeletons and shapeless mon- 
sters, which cause him to start up in his sleep and cry 
aloud for very fright ; but the waking fancies of tlie 
wretched man are far more terrible. He imagines that 
his body is full of creeping things — snakes, lizards, and 
the like reptiles ; and he solemnly assures the physi- 
cian that he can feel them crawl and twist and wriggle 

DO 

under his flesh, along the thighs, up the spinal column, 
and over the whole body in fact ; and will in a frenzy 
sometimes clap his hand over the particular spot indi 
cated, and exclaim excitedly: "Ah ! here he is — here 
he is!" At other times the wretched victims of this 
terrible poison will declare that invisible arrows have 
been shot clean through them, and will point to the 
spot where each entered, as well as to the spot whence 
it issued again from the body. And it sometimes hap- 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 385 

>ens that they fall clown suddenly, declaring they are 
bewitched, precisely like the old Puritans used to do 
in the days of Cotton Mather. The venerable and sage 
Flournoy, indeed, who flourished some thirty or forty 
years ago, when such murders by poison were much 
more common than now, and who was besides both 
ignorant and superstitious, did stoutly maintain that 
witchcraft had about as much to do with such strange 
procedures as any thing else ; and whenever the poor 
blacks began to tumble over around him, either be- 
cause of fainting fits or fright, the old gentleman was 
accustomed to lift up his hands in superstitious awe, 
and exclaim : " Well, boys, what darts is flyin' in the 
a'r now !" 

As we have said, however, the acute pains, the fren- 
zy, the crawling motions under the skin, all soon pass 
away ; the victim loses his appetite ; his skin becomes 
dry ; the secretions irregular ; the pulse somewhat ex- 
cited and feverish — until, in the final stages, a slight 
hacking cough ensues. But the great source of the 
whole physical derangement is in the bowels. These 
are filled with tuberculous ulcers, very similar to those 
to be found in the lungs in an ordinary case of con- 
sumption. We were once led by curiosity to witness 
the dissection of a young negro man, who had been for 
eighteen months dying inch by inch of this terrible 
malady. The physicians endeavored to persuade the 
poor fellow that he had African consumption, but he 
maintained to the last that he had been poisoned. So 
when he died, the learned doctors, to prove they were 
in the right and the negro in the wrong, determined to 
open his body to see if they could discover what had 



336 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

caused his death. In company of an elderly friend we 
were permitted to enter the room in which the dissec- 
tion took place ; nor shall we soon forget the scene then 
and there presented to our gaze. The room was dark 
and dirty, shrouded in gloom and silence, except di- 
rectly under the light of a solitary window, beneath 
which lay the outstretched corpse on a table or some- 
thing of the kind, while gathered about in little squads 
the learned disciples of Esculapius discussed in low 
tones the merits of the case. The wisest of the M.D.s, 
a pursy old gentleman of about sixty -five, sat coolly 
smoking a pipe of strong tobacco, to prevent his inhal- 
ing the noisome effluvia emitted from the dead body, 
while with steady hand he proceeded unconcernedly to 
lay open the stomach of the deceased, exposing to view 
a most revolting spectacle. The whole body of the 
intestines presented one mass of fetid tubercules, and 
the sole wonder was how any human being could have 
lived an hour, much less a whole year, with his bowels 
in such a condition. 

After a very brief consultation, the doctors present 
sagely concluded, that the negro had not been poison- 
ed as he ever contended, but must have died of the in- 
curable African consumption — a name used to desig- 
nate a disease about which, as a general thing, the 
Faculty know nothing positively, save that in some 
respects it is similar to the old orthodox consumption 
of the lungs. From the fact of its being seated in the 
bowels and seeming to attack negroes exclusively, they 
dubbed it in the outset African consumption, and have 
ever since shaken their profoundly sagacious wigs at 
all those who dare to dissent from their dictum. But 



THE NEGBO SLAVES. 337 

for all that, we contend it is simply African poison • 
and they would do well to study its nature more close- 
ly, for possibly an antidote can be found somewhere 
in the vegetable kingdom. 

As we have already mentioned, the name of this 
dreadful life -destroying agency is a secret, (known only 
to a few old negro women and men,) which must have 
come originally from Africa ; for cases of this kind of 
poisoning were much more frequent fifty years ago — 
when fully one half our slaves were natives of Negro- 
land — than at present, when it is seldom you meet an 
aged " culled pusson" who was born a subject of the 
King of Dahome}^ or of any other African prince. 
After reading Livingstone's work, we are led to enter- 
tain this conviction stronger than ever before. Indeed, 
one of his own sable attendants evidently died of the 
same complaint, in the very heart of the African con- 
tinent. Here is his account of the matter : 

" We were detained here so long that my tent be- 
came again quite rotten. One of my men, after long 
sickness, which I did not understand, died here. He was 
one of the Batoka, and when unable to walk I had 
some difficulty in making his companions carry him. 
They wished to leave him to die when his case became 
hopeless." 

When it is remembered that Livingstone is a reg- 
ular M.D., the presumption is pretty strong, that a dis- 
ease which he confesses not to understand must have 
been very different from such diseases as are produced 
by natural causes. 

So much for "medicine," "waiters," "medication," 
and the like. Nearly all the other negro superstitions 
15 



■ nannies which, in the main, the 

poor creatures have learned from their white mast — 
1 Pnrita Methodists, and other re- 

lig; st obtained possession of their an- 

Thus in fortune - telling, in 

witches, ghosts, hobgobli : and many of 

them still nail (or did a : 

fill hors vet their cabin-doors, in order to pre- 

vent the ingress of all incorporeal beings whatever. 
One of their most orthodox convictions is, that witches 
ride the horses at night, and th<; 
point out to you the saddles in the mane of th 

.crating the same to have been used by the imps 
of the Foul Fiend. They likewise entertain 
horror of hearing a hen crow like the cock, for they 
d evil omen prognosticating a death in the 
family befor : while. So, too. 

a hoe on the shoulder into the hold- 
over another person's le^. as to do m. 
other things in th - simple and harm 

life on the plantations, their 
habits of work, eo: .. religion, el 

think the folio wiug u passages 1 ma North- 

era writer in the main very just and truthful. 

. most plantations a certain amount only of work 
required of each competent person, mi 
men, and children or youths ; the ' scribed 

being graduated in accordance with age and condition, 
from the k quarter-hand' of the youm_ ie 'half 

hand 7 and the ' three-quarter hand' of old . up 

:he 'full-hand' of mature and healthful adult 
strength: thence retrograding, iu like . toward 



THE XEGRO SLAVES. 889 

declining force and years. Industriously performed, 
these tasks are generally finished early in the afternoon, 
and often by two o'clock ; when the laborer leaves his 
field and saunters homeward or whither he listeth. 
Perhaps it is to gossip in the sunshine over his pipe, 
or, perhaps, if he be thrifty or short of funds, to raise 
vegetables in his own private garden-patch, or to look 
after his eggs and poultry and pigs, for all of which his 
master will pay him the market-price as to any other 
trader. The tasks are begun at sunrise, and toward 
eight o'clock the darkeys have a good time for half an 
hour or so over the breakfast which, has been brought 
for them to the field. At noon those who please dine, 
riding home for it if they are using horses, or having 
it brought to them, or waiting until the completion of 
their tasks. 

"Men and women all smoke habitually, whether at 
work or at rest. ISTear any squad or gang a fire may 
always be seen, made for the double use of lighting 
pipes and as a rendezvous in gossip hours, for your 
genuine African is never quite warm enough. The 
appearance of the negroes at work in their plantation 
rig is not very elegant, and not so picturesque as it 
might be with a little change from the inflexible regu- 
lation hue of hueless gray ; though, to be sure, the 
hankerchiefs worn on the head by the women (they 
never don bonnets, not even on Sunday or on gala 
days, [our Northerner is at fault here] ) afford some slight 
relief. In the cut of coat and skirt there is always va- 
riety enough, and so in the fashion of the ever-chang- 
ing hat. The conversation, though it seldom gets be- 
yond the little current aches and experiences of their 



340 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

own lives, the doings of their family and friends, and 
pigs, with sometimes a little talk about their master's 
household, is often gay and jolly enough, judging by 
the loud and hearty 'yah ! yahs !' sounding all about, 
heah and dar. 

" We once heard a jovial young scamp — the pet and 
gallant, the merry-maker and the mischief-maker of his 
set — a sort of ' Dandy Jim of Caroline,' relating to a 
wondering circle a certain alligator adventure he once 
had. How he killed an indefinite number, too nume- 
rous to mention, of the reptiles, and then tied one ob- 
streperous juvenile by the tail to a branch of a tree ; 
how he left him there and thus suspended some three 
feet from the ground, and straightway forgot all about 
him, until returning by that way a matter of a }^ear 
afterward he found the young prisoner doing well, and 
grown so much that his head now fairly rested upon 
the ground ! 

"'Lor' a massey!' cried an astonished demoiselle, 
' what you do to him den, Jim ?' 

"'What I do to him den, Miss Clarissa ? Why, I 
tie up his tail a little higher an' gib him chance to grow 
down some more. Yah, yah !' 

" The authority of the plantation is vested in the 
overseer, by whom it is re-delegated in parcels to the 
more enterprising, intelligent, and reliable of the 
blacks. The subordinate officers are called 'drivers,' 
and their office is to apportion the tasks and direct the 
labor of the gang placed under their care ; to admin- 
ister reproof and correction when needed ; and to be 
responsible for conduct and work to the superior officer. 

" Each family of negroes has a house or cabin of its 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 341 

own, generally with sufficient garden-ground, piggery, 
hennery, and so forth. These cabins are often made of 
logs, but sometimes are neat and cozy frame dwellings. 
They are usually placed, at suitable intervals, in rows, 
or double rows, with a wide street between. "When it 
pleases the occupants to keep their homes so, they are 
pleasant enough, surrounded with neat palings and 
well protected by the beautiful shade trees of the coun- 
try. Here, as in old Albion, their house is their castle, 
and rarely does even the master know any thing of 
their domestic affairs except when bad conduct or sick- 
ness makes it necessary for them to be looked after. 
They are constitutionally joyous and insouciant; and 
it is often pleasant to witness their glad, thoughtless 
recreations as the twilight and the evening hours set in. 

''They are supplied, even under the requirements of 
the law, with a reasonable amount of clothing, and 
ample rations of food are served out every week. 
These consist chiefly of meal, rice, vegetables, molasses, 
bacon, fish, and coffee, according to their wants and 
occupations. Most of them have a surplus of these 
staple articles of diet, which they exchange at the near- 
est store for nick-nacks more to their liking. The law 
forbids the sale of liquor ; but they manage, in some 
way, when so disposed, to get quite enough of it. 

" Sunday is the great gala-day of the negroes, always 
excepting the annual festival at Christmas. At this 
time they interchange visits with relatives and friends 
on the neighboring plantations, generally bearing with 
them some present or other ; most often of an edible 
character, as a turkey, a chicken, a goose, a cake, or a 
confection. Whether at home or abroad, however, on 



342 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

Sunday they are pretty sure to repair to the church, 
when an accessible one is open. The whites occupy 
the front seats, while the blacks fill up the rear, the two 
classes entering by different doors. 

"As a people, they seem to have a genius for piety, 
and in a pretty close ratio to their need of it, the great- 
est scamps being usually the most devout worshippers. 
Strange to add, there is no hypocrisy in this contra- 
diction. The same unreflecting impulsiveness which 
prompts them to steal any desirable thing within reach, 
also leading them to mourn, briefly, over their sinful- 
ness in sackcloth and ashes. They are fond of preach- 
ing, and the ministerial omce among them is seldom 
wanting in candidates. Every plantation is, more or 
less, well supplied in this wise. To be sure they make 
strange work in their confident ignorance, often weigh- 
ing anchor with but half an idea on board." 

But we will speak of their religious tendencies more 
at length on a future page. 

In nearly all the Southern States the negroes, as a 
general thing, are much attached to coon and opossum 
hunting, and on most of the large plantations one will 
find from six to a dozen coon-dogs, which belong ex- 
clusively to the slaves. They also are fond of hunting 
hares, whenever they can prevail upon their young 
masters to suffer them to use the fox-hounds for that 
purpose. They chase the hares until these are forced 
to betake themselves to a hollow tree, when the negroes 
either twist them out with a slim stick, or else smoke 
them out by means of fire. But above all things else, 
Cuffee dotes on fishing, and is a most enthusiastic disci- 
ple of the quaint old Izaak Walton. Angling requires 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 343 

little exertion, and your genuine Cuffee most cordially 
hates exertion ; while the hot Southern sun, which soon 
drives the white man away from his favorite "hole" to 
the umbrageous shelter of the nearest woods, never " fases 
the shell" of Cuffee, so to speak : to reverse the words of 
the poet, the black rascal seems to make a " shady jDlace 
in the sunshine," and will lie down any day at noon, 
when the thermometer stands at 100° in the shade, 
and sleep as quietly as an infant, with the broiling eye 
of Phoebus glaring right down upon him, hot enough 
almost to singe his eye-lashes. 

The negroes also set deadfalls for squirrels, snares for 
rabbits, traps for quail and ducks, and pens for wild 
turkeys; of all which they destroy large quantities, 
owing to their great abundance all through the South. 
We never cared any great deal for any of these pot- 
hunting schemes of the negroes, save the turkey -pens, 
which used to vex us amazingly. But, unlike the gen- 
tlemen sportsmen of Canada, who are said to wantonly 
destroy every turkey-pen they find, though built by 
English freemen ; we never could feel that it was ex- 
actly honorable to do such a thing, even when the pens 
belonged to negro slaves. Certainly pot-hunting is a 
very sorry business, but a true sportsman will not for- 
get, for all that, that he is, or ought to be at least, a 
gentleman. 

Added to the wild game, of which, we presume, the 
negroes in the South eat more everjr year than one half 
of the whites of our large cities, the usual fare of the 
slaves is bacon and greens, with ash-cake and corn-pone 
in summer, and in winter bacon and turnips and the 
same bread, with an addition of wheat flour for the 



344 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

Christmas holidays, except in the wheat-growing States, 
wherein it is customary to give the negroes about as 
much, flour-bread as of that made from corn- meal. In 
the summer time, also, they are allowed to eat fruit ad 
libitum, since on most plantations there are large apple, 
pear, peach, and plum orchards, the productions whereof 
the planters rarely think of selling. The negroes are 
also very fond of roasted or boiled maize, and hominy, 
as well as of a bread made of corn-meal and persim- 
mons mixed, which is quite palatable. In winter they 
have, besides, sweet potatoes more or less, and pump- 
kins all the time, of which latter they are fonder than 
the Down-Easters. Indeed, we will assert this in be- 
half of the Southern slaves, however much the assertion 
may be discredited ; they annually throw aivay food 
enough to feed during an entire winter the thousands of 
half starved white laborers thrown out of employment in 
all the Free States during the months from December to 
March. The proof of their well-fed condition is strik- 
ingly observable in their sleek skins, full cheeks, and 
general plumpness of physical development. You 
rarely see amongst them a haggard, thin-jawed starvel- 
ing, but their very eyes on the contrary stand out with 
fatness. In consequence whereof they are nearly 
always jovial and smiling, indulging at all times in 
snatches of song, and giving vent to the most stunning 
peals of laughter, which to hear even produces a plea- 
surable sensation. 

No matter where they may be or what they may be 
doing, indeed, whether alone or in crowds, at work or 
at play, ploughing through the steaming maize in the 
sultry heats of June, or bared to the waist and with 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 345 

deft hand mowing down the yellow grain, or trudging 
homeward in the dusky twilight after the day's work 
is done — always and every where they are singing and 
happy, happy in being free from all mental cares or trou- 
bles, and singing heartily and naturally as the birds sing, 
which toil not nor do spin. Their songs are usually 
wild and indescribable ; seeming to be mere snatches of 
song rather than any long continuous effort, but with 
an often recurring chorus, in which all join with a 
depth and clearness of lungs truly wonderful. No man 
can listen to them, be his ear ever so cultivated, partic- 
ularly to their corn-husking songs, when the night is 
still and the singers some distance off, without being 
very pleasantly entertained. But the wildest and most 
striking negro song we think we ever listened to, we 
heard while on board an Alabama river steamboat. 
We were steaming up from Mobile on a lovely day in 
the early winter, and came in sight of Montgomery 
just as the heavens were all a-glow with the last crim- 
son splendors of the setting sun, and while the still 
shadows of evening seemed already to be stealing with 
noiseless tread along the hollows in the steep river- 
banks, creeping slowly thence with invisible footsteps 
over the placid surface of the stream itself. A lovelier 
day or a more bewitching hour could not well be im- 
agined. As we began to near the wharf, the negro 
boatmen collected in a squad on the bow of the boat, 
and one dusky fellow, twirling his wool hat above his 
head, took the lead in singing, improvising as he sang, 
all except the chorus, in which the whole crew joined 
with enthusiasm. And Madame Jenny Goldschmidt, 
and Mademoiselle Piccolomini ! we defy you both to 
15* 



346 THE NEGKO SLAVES. 

produce, with the aid of many orchestras, a more soul- 
stirring strain of melody than did those simple Africans 
then and there ! The scene is all before us now — the 
purple-tinted clouds overhead — the dim shadows tread- 
ing noiselessly in the distance — the gleaming dome of 
the State Capitol and the church-spires of Montgomery 
— the almost perfect stillness of the hour, broken only 
by the puff, puff of the engine and the wild music of the 
dusky boatmen — and above all, the plump, well-defined 
outlines of some sable Sally, who stood on the highest 
red cliff near the landing-place, and, with joy in her 
heart and a tear in her eye no doubt, (we hadn't any 
opera-glass with us,) waved a flaming bandanna with 
every demonstration of rejoicing at the return of her 
dusky lover, whom we took to be our sooty im,provisa- 
tore, from the glow which mantled his honest counte- 
nance, and the fervor with which he twirled his old 
wool hat in response to the fair one's signal. Ah ! we 
had then but recently left our adopted home in the 
Free North, but, as we listened to the happy voices of 
these children of oppression, we could not fail to con- 
trast the same with the mournful wail at that very hour 
going up from all the streets and parks of our greatest 
metropolis — the wail of the unemployed clamoring for 
Work or Bread ! 

Now, we feel persuaded the anti-slavery reader is 
longing to ask why, if the slaves are so happy and con- 
tented, do they ever seek to run away and go North ? 
We might as well answer this question here as else- 
where. As a general thing no honest, industrious slave 
ever desires to run away at all, even though solicited 
to do so by the secret emissaries of the abolitionists; 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 347 

and when such an one is seduced to leave the protect- 
ing care of his master, and all the blessings and com- 
forts of the "old plantation," for the freedom to enjoy 
a precarious and hard-earned livelihood in the Free 
States or Canada, he is almost sure to embrace the first 
opportunity to return back again, a "sadder but a 
wiser man." The vicious, however, the dissolute, the 
lazy — these all are captivated by the glowing promises 
of ease and plenty held temptingly out to them in the 
" land of freedom ;" nor will any student of human na- 
ture wonder that such vagabonds should prefer com- 
forts earned without toil to those earned by the constant 
sweat of the brow. But when these fugitives come to 
realize the facts, and learn that white men hardly make 
a subsistence in the Free States by the most ceaseless 
labor, in proof of what we have said concerning their 
characters, they invariably almost (a few praiseworthy 
exceptions) take to petty stealing for a livelihood, pil- 
fering from hen-roosts, or snatching coats and hats in 
public halls. Will any Northern man deny this charge ? 
No : on the contrary they always plead in excuse of 
such conduct on the part of their colored population, 
that they are fugitives. Now, gentlemen agitators, allow 
us to tell you, that every freeman who walks your 
streets could be induced to sacrifice his present all, in 
the hope of grasping some greater imaginary good — 
such as a South Sea bubble or a Pike's Peak humbug. 
Mankind, whether black or white, like the clog in the 
fable, are ever ready to throw away a substantial good 
to snatch at the shadowy forms delusive Hope or too 
eager Desire is ever tempting them with, but which 



348 THE XEGEO SLAVES. 

dissolve themselves into thin air the moment they feel 
the touch of Reality. 

This all by way of parenthesis. 

The religions and love-songs of the negroes are not 
so peculiar and striking as those wild choruses and lul- 
laloos, which their fathers must have brought with 
them from Africa, but the words and meaning of which 
are no longer remembered. Nevertheless, even their 
tamest and most civilized efforts are surpassingly good ; 
and the loudest and most fervent camp-meeting singers 
amongst the whites are constrained to surrender to the 
darkeys in "The Old Ship of Zion" or "I want to go 
to Glory." In singing these and other kindred songs, 
the negroes usually keep time with the feet, or by clap- 
ping the hands or wagging the head, often shedding 
tears freely in the fervency and rapture of their devo- 
tions. And we may as well here remark, for the bene- 
fit of those philosophers and divines who pretend to 
abhor slavery so greatly, that Christian slaves are rarely 
found on the plantations of infidels, while it is equally 
rare not to find them in the households of Christian 
masters. This is a fact worth considering, particularly 
when we add, that the slaves do not by any means al- 
ways belong to the same denomination with their " mas- 
ters according to the flesh." There is hardly a planta- 
tion of any size in the entire South, belonging to an 
honest professor of Christianity, whereon you.will not 
find some two or three different sects of Christians 
among the negroes ; but these usually fraternize to- 
gether much more harmoniously than do their white 
brethren of the same rival creeds. On nearly all such 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 319 

plantations, in fact, the negroes nnite together without 
regard to differences of religious beliefs, and hold a 
common prayer-meeting two nights in every week, at 
which the master is sometimes present and expounds 
to them the Word of God. And it is notable what a 
change for the better Christianity produces in even the 
most degraded of them. They readily give up their 
banjos, their fiddles, their double-shuffles, and break- 
downs, and are eager to learn what is right and becom- 
ing. Of course we speak only of such as are sincere 
believers of the Gospel ; for we have reason to know 
that they sometimes profess Christianity because it pays, 
and in particular is this true of just about one half the 
negro preachers. Believe us, amiable Mrs. Stowe, 
black people are no better than white people the world 
over. 

It must not be denied, too, that few of the negroes 
entertain perfectly correct ideas concerning the Gospel 
of Jesus Christ ; but, if we must speak plainly, we don't 
believe one white man in a hundred entertains ideas 
perfectly correct and rational in regard thereto. The 
whites can not get along without their creeds and their 
innovations, and their preachers with itching ears, (and 
pockets too ;) and, as we think, the poor blacks are far 
less blameworthy, when they weave into the simple 
story of the Cross the tangled threads of their own 
crude fancies and imaginings. Hence we are much 
more inclined to pity than to censure, when we hear 
the poor creatures recount their dreams and visions 
about hell-hounds chasing them many a weary mile, 
with others equally apocryphal. But there is one 
thing which they always dwell on with peculiar de- 



350 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

light, and in which there may be a grain of truth — 
that after death they are to be changed into white folks. 
Their idea of hell is, that the Devil is a black man, 
with horns and a forked tail, a raw-head-and-bloody- 
bones old fellow, who literally burns up the wicked 
with fire and brimstone. Their idea of heaven is, that 
in the New-Jerusalem they will walk along pavements 
of gold with silver slippers on, and blessed with straight 
hair and a fair complexion. And here we may remark, 
this consciousness of the superiority of the white man 
over the black seems to be pretty generally entertained 
by all negro races whatever, and is not by any means 
confined to our Southern slaves. The negroes in Afri- 
ca told Dr. Livingstone that God made them first, but 
hated them because they turned out so ugly and black, 
and so left them to run about naked ; but that lie 
loved the white man, he was so fair to look upon, and 
in consequence gave him guns, houses, clothes, and 
books. So too were the poor pagans of Ethiopia much 
captivated with the Doctor's straight hair, just as our 
Southern slaves are always carding their own woolly- 
heads, twisting the wool out by means of cotton strings 
six days in the week, all for the glory of having it 
look straight like white folks' hair on Sunday ! * For 
verily no Broadway dandy could be more attentive to 
his own saponaceous curls than are some of the " Dandy 
Jims of Caroline" to their kinky wool. 

But, notwithstanding the negroes are ignorant, and 
thousands of them use religion for a cloak simply, still 
multitudes of them are devout and pious, as well as 
intelligent Christians. In Savannah, Georgia, three 
colored pastors, with salaries from eight hundred to a 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 351 

thousand dollars, are supported by subscriptions and 
pew-rents among their own numbers. In 1853, fifteen 
thousand dollars were contributed by five thousand 
slaves in Charleston, to benevolent objects. These 
may serve as examples. A Northern writer was 
deeply interested in some prayer-meetings of slaves he 
attended ; and furnishes us the following specimens of 
the prayers he heard : " Bless our dear masters and 
brothers who come here to read the Bible to us, and 
pay so much attention to us, though we ain't that sort 
of people as can interpret thy word in all its colors 
and forms." " my heavenly Father!" said an old 
man, " I am thy dear child. I know I love thee. 
Thou art my God, my portion, and nothing else. O 
my Father, I have no home in this world ; my home is 
very far off. I long to see it. Jesus is there ; thou 
art there ; angels, good men are there. I am coming 
home. I am one day nearer to it." 

As a general rule, however, the old adage of " like 
master like man," applies with as much truthfulness to 
the negroes in the South, as to the hired servants of 
other places. The slaves of a gentleman of good 
family, (we mean those who are accustomed to come 
into daily contact with their master,) are not only 
more intelligent than the mass of blacks, but are both 
polite and well-bred, and in a measure refined and aris- 
tocratic. They scorn to associate with common dar- 
keys, and are given to all the airs and stately manner- 
isms of a YelloAvplush or a Jenkins. Their chief am- 
bition is to become master's waiting-man, or valet ; or, 
in case of a female, lady's maid ; next they would pre- 
fer to act as housekeeper, chambermaid, steward, din- 



852 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

ing-room servant, or groom, or better still, carriage- 
driver. This last is considered a post of great honor, 
and the negroes are all capital fellows with the whip, 
being immoderately fond of horse-flesh, but much 
fonder of showy trappings — the silk tassels, the silver- 
plated buckles, the plumes, the costly harness, et ce- 
tera, et cetera, which usually constitute a gentleman's 
equipage. Even to be wagoner, to drive the plantation 
mules and oxen, often becomes a fruitful source of 
rivalries and ill-feeling. But the chief ambition of a 
field hand, or plantation slave, is to become a head- 
man. No king on his throne feels more his own im- 
portance, than does a big buck negro feel his, when he 
finds himself monnted on a sleek mule with close- 
cropped mane, and holding in his hand a stout New- 
England cow-skin, and having under his direct super- 
vision a " gang" of from twenty to thirty fellow- 
slaves. 

The slaves of persons of the middle class do not 
carry their heads quite so high as those who belong to 
the " raal quality," bnt they are, as a general thing, 
from being brought into closer contact with their own- 
ers, more moral and tractable than the slaves of very 
wealthy gentlemen, when the latter live in " quarters" 
under the control of an overseer, and, in consequence, 
seldom enjoy the advantages of daily intercourse with 
educated white persons. The worst slaves, however, 
the most degraded, thieving, impudent, and utterly 
worthless, are those who belong to men in moderate 
circumstances. This may seem strange to many, but 
it is true in most cases nevertheless. Such slaves in 
the main, enjoy greater liberties than other negroes, 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 353 

are over-familiar with their masters, do not begin to 
work as hard as the latter, and the consequence is that 
they grow up to be sleek, and saucy, and rascally. 
They never feel the lash, even in infancy, are permitted 
to leave home at all times without a " pass," and to 
run about at night pilfering from hen-roosts, pig-pens, 
and dairies ; and even when caught by the "paterol- 
lers," and basted as they deserve, ten chances to one 
but the ministers of the law are sued for damages by 
the indignant and too indulgent masters. In view of 
such facts, is it at all strange such spoiled and petted 
blacks should sometimes deflour a poor and friendless 
white girl, or even in a moment of uncurbed passion 
knock out their master's brains? For, singularly 
enough, nearly all the crimes of this nature are com- 
mitted by negroes of the above class. And the worst 
of it is, just among such a class of slaves, in the moun- 
tainous districts of Tennessee, Kentucky, and Virginia, 
the emissaries of Northern fanaticism are casting 
broadcast their incendiary firebrands; deluding the 
poor simple-minded blacks into a belief that, by mur- 
dering their masters and mistresses, they shall be raised 
to the condition of ladies and gentlemen themselves, 
with plenty of lands and money, and nothing to do 
but to eat and to sleep. And this too, despite the sad 
spectacle of Hayti, which, since the rule of the blacks 
began, has changed its form of government ten times, 
and from exporting, as a French slave colony, 
225,687,952 lbs. of produce, has now actually to im- 
part sugar for its home consumption! Yet Wendell 
Phillips, in Beecher's church, Brooklyn, while making 
a saint of John Brown, for his murders in Kansas and 



354 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

Virginia, cited the bloody example of St. Domingo as 
the fairest page upon the scroll of time ! ! How elo- 
quently did the pure Edward Everett reply to the 
frenzied madman in his great speech in Faneuil Hall ; 
we quote his closing words : 

" Sir, I have been admitted to the confidence of the 
domestic circle in all parts of the South, and I have 
seen there touching manifestations of the kindest feel- 
ings, by which that circle, in all its members, high and 
low, master and servant, can be bound together ; and 
when I contemplate the horrors that would have ensued 
had the tragedy on which the curtain rose at Harper's 
Ferry been acted out, through all its scenes of lire 
and sword, of lust and murder, of rapine and desola- 
tion, to the final catastrophe, I am filled with emotions 
to which no words can do justice. There could, of 
course, be but one result, and that well deserving the 
thoughtful meditation of those, if any such there be, 
who think that the welfare of the colored race could 
by any possibility be promoted by the success of such a 
movement, and who are willing to purchase that result 
by so costly a sacrifice. The colored population of St- 
Domingo amounted to but little short of half a million 
while the whites amounted to only thirty thousand. 
The white population of the Southern States alone, in 
the aggregate, outnumbers the colored race in the ratio 
of two to one ; in the Union at large, in the ratio of 
seven to one, and if (which Heaven avert) they should 
be brought into conflict, it could end only in the exter- 
mination of the latter after scenes of woe, for which 
language is too faint, and for which the liveliest fancy 
has no adequate images of horror." 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 855 

In regard to the holidays usually granted the ne- 
groes, we find there prevails a pretty general misap- 
prehension in all parts of the North. It is almost uni- 
versally believed in the Free States, that the only holi- 
day allowed the slaves is Christmas : but there could 
be no greater mistake. Some masters make it a rule 
to give their negroes every Saturday afternoon, while 
nearly all masters give them certain established holi- 
days, such as Easter Monday, the Fourth of July, the 
Eighth of January, and others. Indeed, if this custom 
did not prevail, the slaves could never find time to put 
in their little crops, a practice almost universal with 
them. After the crops are once seeded, they can man- 
age to work them of moonlight nights, if so disposed, 
and in case the regular holidays should prove too wet 
or otherwise unsuitable. Those who plant no crops 
(we are speaking of the industrious negroes) either 
work at basket-making, chair-making, or other similar 
trades, by which they make considerable money. Of 
a truth there is not an adult male slave in the entire 
South, provided he possess the necessary energy, who 
can not lay up more ready money in a twelvemonth 
than most day-laborers in the North or elsewhere, and 
at least double as much as the poor Coolies can at their 
four dollars per month, even granting they ever get 
their pay. In order to comprehend this assertion, you 
must consider that the slaves are not of necessity put 
to any expense whatever, either for themselves or their 
families. Their masters arc compelled by law as well 
as by self-interest to house them well, clothe them 
warmly, feed them bountifully, and pay all their doc- 
tor's bills ; hence, whatever they make for themselves 
is so much clear gain. 



356 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

The charge of the abolitionists that every thing the 
negroes make, is the' property of their masters, is the 
sheerest gammon. It may be true in theory, (for we 
have not taken the trouble to examine the law on the 
subject,) but the Southerner who should rob a slave of 
what he had earned for himself in the hours allotted 
him for his own use, would be pelted with rotten eggs 
out of the community in which he might reside, nor 
would he find a resting-place for the soles of his feet 
south of Mason's and Dixon's line. We have never 
heard yet of such a mean-spirited vvr tch, and we should 
dislike much to believe that he exists on the face of 
the globe. But we do know on the contrary, that the ne- 
groes sometimes make for themselves during a twelve- 
month as much as one hundred dollars; while in any 
of the Cotton States, nothing is easier than for a negro 
man and his wife to make for themselves a bale of 
cotton, and at present prices a bale is worth sixty dol- 
lars at the gin. Besides, the negroes have always 
(nearly) a little garden close to their cabins, in wmich 
they raise whatever kind of vegetables they please ; 
and are also great raisers of poultry, receiving at all 
times good prices for their eggs and chickens from their 
own masters and mistresses or from the neighbors. 

Why, then, asks the inquisitive reader, do so few 
of them make enough money to buy their freedom ? 
It is because they do not know how to keep their money. 
You must not forget that the negro race in Africa, has 
been from time immemorial the most degraded of all 
the human family, and that the semi-civilization which 
it has attained in this country is owing entirely to the 
sustaining and protecting care of the white race, with- 



THE NEGEO SLAVES. 357 

out which the blacks would assuredly relapse again 
into barbarism. Even in our Free States, although 
the free negroes are made much of by the abolitionists, 
and although their numbers are constantly augmented 
by fugitives from the South ; still the census returns 
prove that they are gradually passing away from be- 
fore the presence of their white brothers, just as the 
poor Eed-men have already passed away. 

As a general thing, the great mass of slaves do not 
know or care any thing at all about freedom, and spend 
their money just as fast as they get it. A great many 
of them are even too indolent to strive to make any 
money for themselves, but spend their holidays sleep- 
ing, fishing, or playing like so many children ; while 
the evenings are devoted almost wholly to dancing 
banjo-playing, singing, chit-chatting, or to coon-hunt- 
ing and night-fishing. Many a night have we lain 
awake until near twelve o'clock, listening to the dis- 
tant " thrum, tumpe turn" of the merry banjo, may be 
accompanied by a flute or violin, or "patting," and 
always more or less by singing and uproarious shouts 
of laughter : until we have been- led to wonder how 
the simple creatures ever manage to find time to sleep 
for at the blowing of the headman's horn at cock-crow, 
ing they are obliged to be found every man at his post. 
Although usually accounted somewhat nappy-headed 
we are confident they sleep less than white persons, and 
that they do not require as much. Indeed, we have 
known a slave girl, while standing behind her mistress' 
chair during the dinner hour, go fast asleep and startle 
the assembled guests by a veritable snore, while the 
same girl would dance in the moon-light for hours to- 



3-38 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

gether, and yet be up bright and early the next morn- 
ing, and with her eyes wide open so long as her duties 
required that she should keep bustling about. The 
moment they cease from work, unless eating or in con- 
versation, they begin to nod — to sleep, verily snoring 
with a forty-horse power. It is also remarkable that 
any kind of sedentary habit very soon undermines a 
negro's constitution. Seamstresses and weavers, in 
particular, seem to fade soonest, and masters are con- 
strained oftentimes to send such out into the field, to 
labor with the field hands for the benefit of their 
health, which is always recruited greatly thereby. 

But, as we stated just now, even those slaves who 
make money, spend it as soon as it is made. In case 
they are addicted to strong drink, whenever they can 
by any means elude the watchfulness of the overseer, 
they pretty soon pour all their hard earnings into the 
till of the groggery -keeper, and in exchange pour the 
vilest of "bald-face" and "rot-gut" down their own 
throats. And even when they spend their money for 
dry goods, groceries, shoes, hats, or other useful art- 
icles, instead of allowing their masters to invest their 
money for them, they invariably prefer to spend it 
themselves, except in a few rare cases, and just as inva- 
riably pay dearly for their foolish love of display, or 
independence, or whatever you may please to call it. 
They are wholly at the mercy of those unconscionable 
scamps, the clerks of country store-keepers, and are 
swindled accordingly, just as many a more enlightened 
white man has been ere this, we dare say. However, 
if it be any pleasure to the simple souls to be cheated, 
(and we maintain with Butler that it is a pleasure to all 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 359 

of us,) why, let them continue to enjoy the luxury, say 
we. But for conscience' sake don't let us suffer them 
to be cheated out of their present happy though humble 
condition, by those mistaken philanthropists, who are 
blindly laboring to help the negroes to become like 
their pagan ancestors — worshippers of snakes, monkeys, 
thunder and other reptiles, as our Liberian friends have 
recently expressed it in a government edict against 
such abominations. 

A word in regard to the manner in which the negroes 
celebrate the Christmas holidays, and we shall soon 
bring our present labors to a close. 

As is well known to most of our readers, Christmas, 
owing to the difference of opinion between the early 
Cavaliers and Puritans regarding the propriety of reli- 
gious feasts, has always been a day of much greater 
renown in the South than in the North. Of late years, 
'tis true, the Free States are changing in this regard 
very much, but still there is not in them that general 
abandon, that universal merry-making which always 
characterizes Christmas in the Slave States. More par- 
ticularly, however, is Christmas acceptable to the slaves, 
for at each return of the memorable day, as was cus- 
tomary during the old Roman saturnalia, the negroes 
are permitted to enjoy a week of freedom; in some 
localities even the necessary household duties, such as 
cooking, washing and the like, have to be performed 
by the whites, or else must be paid for with a good 
round sum. The negroes generally begin to prepare 
for the great occasion about six weeks beforehand. 
As the time draws near, their mistresses make them 
presents of extra allowances of flour, sugar, coffee, etc. 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 



etc. ; while they themselves replenish their beer barrels, 
(they brew a sort of beer from persimmons, malt, and 
other things, which is quite palatable,) or smuggle fresh 
bottles of rum or whisky into their cabins ; have all 
their " Sunday-go-to-meeting" clothes done up in the 
neatest manner, and have their houses, also, scrubbed, 
washed, and generally furnished inside and out. The 
night preceding Christmas they are all busy as bees, 
sweeping their little yards, running hither and thither 
in a fever of excitement, laughing and jumping about 
in a delirium of joy. Many of them hardly go to bed 
at all, but remain up during the entire night, snatching 
a nap by chance while sitting in a chair or lounging on 
a wooden bench before the fire. 

Long before the morrow's dawn they are all astir, 
and robing in their Sunday's best toggery, every mo- 
ther's son or daughter darts straight for the " Great 
House ;" and in a trice the old mansion rings from cellar 
to garret with the merry sounds of " Chrismus Griff, 
Mas'r!" "Chrismus Giff, Mistis!" which term of salu- 
tation is used in the South instead of the customary 
"merry Christmas" of the Free States. And we do 
not care how drowsy you may be, how cross, or deter- 
mined — even though you should swear worse than the 
troops did in Flanders — still the inevitable " Chrismus 
Giff" will continue to ring in your ears, and the grin- 
ning ivory will be thrust in your face, until you have 
conformed to the universal custom of making a donation 
on such occasions. Those of the darkeys who do not 
intrude upon your slumbers, lie in wait behind every 
door and corner, and the moment the end of your nose 
appears, they pounce upon you with a whoop, shouting 



THE NEGKO SLAVES. 361 

furiously, " Chrismus Giff, Mas'r ! ah ! I cotch you dis 
time !" And as you begin leisurely to open your purse 
and to clink the silver pieces inside, it does one's heart 
good to hear their ringing laughter, and their inimit- 
able and hearty "Thankee, Mas'r! Mas'r'saraal gen'l'- 
man. God bless you, Sar, an' gib you many happy 
Chrismuses!" And receiving your liberal donation, 
(for if you are a gentleman, it will be liberal,) the poor 
souls humbly bow themselves almost to the ground in 
your august presence, pulling off their hats at the same 
time, or in case their hats are not on, politely plucking 
at a kinky lock of wool in the place where the hats 
ought to be. 

By ten o'clock every body is wild with delight, hav- 
ing entered body and soul into the spirit of the occa- 
sion, while not a few of both whites and blacks are 
" unco fou' thegither." Procuring powder from their 
3 r oung masters, the blacks proceed to bore holes in 
large oak logs, filling the same with the powder, and, 
having set a slow match, stand off at a little distance 
until their big Christmas guns go off, when they shout 
and hurrah in a perfect frenzy of delight. A few who 
are accustomed to handling fire-amis either accompany 
their young masters a-hunting, or borrowing the guns 
belonging to the latter, go hunting themselves, followed 
by a rabble of the more timid men and boys, to whom 
a fowling-piece is about as great a mystery as it was to 
those salvages Miles Standish frightened away from 
Plymouth Eock, or is at this day to the natives of 
Central Africa, who arc accustomed to plant powder, 
expecting to reap a crop of guns, bullets, etc. etc., in 
due season. 

10 



362 THE NEGKO SLAVES. 

Thus, for the seven days the carnival continues, by 
which time the negroes themselves have become weary 
of so much feasting and idleness ; and hence return 
with eagerness to their shovels and hoes, feeling re- 
freshed, strengthened, and fully prepared to undertake 
the labors of the New Year. 

So much for the slaves in our Southern States. That 
they are not what every honest Christian would re- 
joice to see, we shall not gainsay ; neither will we deny 
that every people, of whatever creed or color, on the 
face of the earth, are far other than what the true men 
of all ages would approve of or desire. However, 
after reviewing the whole subject in all its bearings, we 
are disposed to regard the institution of Negro Slavery 
in a light very different from most of our contempora- 
ries. We are too apt, all of us, to confound the abuses 
of any system or institution with the system or institu- 
tion so abused. Nothing could be more unwise or un- 
philosophic. Let us consider how the little busy bee 
manages to extract sweetest honey from even the most 
inodorous and hurtful of flowers, while man has learned 
to distill from the most useful of all seeds a deadly and 
damning poison. New, God is wiser than bees, and 
he is infinitely greater and more just than man ; but 
no one can point to a single passage in the only authen- 
tic revelation of his will to man, in which he has con- 
demned as sinful the holding of a fellow-man in bond- 
age. On the contrary, he has by statute especially ap- 
proved of the same -; and even while he undertook to 
lead his chosen people out of Egyptian bondage, (and 
about this exodus the Higher Law advocates make 
much ado,) read, anti-slavery advocate, what fcheAl- 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 6b6 

mighty ordained to be a law among these fugitive 
bondmen, even while they still tarried in the land of 
their unfeeling taskmasters : 

"And the Lord said unto Moses and Aaron, This is 
the ordinance of the passover : there shall no stranger 
eat thereof. But every man's servant that is 
bought for money, when thou hast circumcised him, 
then shall he eat thereof. A foreigner and a hired 
servant shall not eat thereof." 

In this connection we can not refrain from mention- 
ing, that we once heard an honorable gentleman (by 
the bye, one of our cleverest Northern politicians, let 
his enemies denounce him as much as they please) de- 
liver an harangue upon the Burdens of Society. Al- 
though several times during his performance, he won 
from us the applause of a smile at some of his inimita- 
ble mimicries and grimaces, still we felt persuaded once 
or twice, that he ventured beyond his proper avocation 
when he attempted to handle sacred subjects. For ex- 
ample, in speaking of slavery as one of the greatest 
burdens of society, he took occasion to remark that he 
had no objection to the system of slavery upheld by 
Moses, and that he would be perfectly willing to put 
. all that concerns slavery to be found in the Old Testa- 
ment, into the New. Now, we are charitable enough 
to suppose that the Honorable gentleman is much bet- 
ter read in the New- York Tribune than in either the 
Old or New Testament; for we find Moses has de- 
clared (Exod. 21 : 20, 21,) the following rather sin- 
gular doctrine to be so emphatically indorsed by a 
leading champion of the anti-slavery men of the North. 
It is a doctrine, indeed, which would not be accepted 



364 THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

by the most ultra Fire-eater in the South, and is be- 
sides opposed to the whole tenor and spirit of the New 
Testament. We furnish it for the benefit of the Hon- 
orable gentleman himself, who possibly has never read 
it — at least we hope he never has, for the contrary sup- 
position would be even worse than what his bitterest 
enemy has ever uttered to his hurt ; and yet he may 
not see it now, for we judge he is one of those men 
who read their own side only of every question, since 
he has neglected to read his Bible. But here is the 
passage : 

" And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with 
a rod, and he die under his hand, he shall be surely 
punished. Notwithstanding, if lie continue a day or two, 
he shall not be punished; FOR HE is HIS MONEY." 

There, Sir ! that is the kind of slavery you don't call 
a burden. That is the kind of slavery you declare to 
be humane as compared to Negro slavery. Alas ! 
what intolerable farceurs are we all ! 

In conclusion, however, and merely for the sake of 
argument, let us suppose our African slavery to be an 
evil : but we have it still, and how are we to get rid of 
it? That's the question. Besides, notwithstanding 
this great evil, this great curse, we have as a people 
prospered more than any other people on the globe. 
Although the youngest of nations, we have already 
taken our place among the oldest as a first-class Power. 
Erom the very feeblest of beginnings, in little more 
than half a century we have grown to be of such gigan- 
tic stature, that we behold even now our lengthened 
shadow stretching entirely across the continent ; while 
with the aid of our ubiquitous commerce, upheld by 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 365 

invincible King Cotton, we have put a girdle of influ- 
ence around the entire globe. All this we have achiev- 
ed, divided as from the beginning into Free and Slave 
States, and in the teeth of the opposition and ill-omened 
vaticinations of the Old World dynasties, aided as 
these always have been by home-traitors who do not 
scrapie to hold out blue-lights for the enemy in time 
of war, and to continually predict in time of peace the 
ultimate failure of our complex and artificial s} T stem of 
government. Thus far the past history of the Repub- 
lic has been one continuous succession of brilliant 
achievements ; and now, blessed as we are on every 
hand, we see no cause why we can not reasonably look 
forward to a boundless future of prosperity, provided 
only we will consent as brethren to "dwell together in 
amity." And why shall we not? We all have glass 
houses enough, God knows, without daring to throw 
stones at each other. Would it not be better, then, for 
us all, 



close-buttoned to the chin, 



Broadcloth without, and a warm heart within," 

to go about "doing good as we have opportunity"? 
We will meet with opportunities every where, in the 
North or the South, in town or country, on land or 
sea. And when we slight those opportunities, to prat- 
tle never so sweetly about sins which do not concern 
us, and responsibilities which rest on other men's 
shoulders, however much we may gain the applause of 
men for oar fine speeches, yet there is One who con- 
demns us utterly for the miserable sham. Why, in a 
great city, in which at the time there were hundreds of 



366 THE NEGEO SLAVES. 

poor white families in a state of semi-starvation for lack 
of employment, we once paid our two shillings, along 
with about two thousand other sleek and well-fed citi- 
zens, to hear a quasi-mimstev of the Gospel (whose 
yearly salary is about five thousand dollars) declaim in 
choicest billingsgate against a set of rascals some thou- 
sand miles off, although he had never seen them, (from 
prudential reasons, as he waggishly observed, which 
brought down the house;) but he denounced them 
nevertheless as the greatest oppressors in the world, to 
the inconceivable delight of his hearers, who every one 
went straightway home, blessing God that they were 
not born in that heathenish country a thousand miles 
away, and feeling particularly unctuous in the con- 
sciousness of their own good deeds ! While the unc- 
tuous lecturer himself, pocketing the plethoric purse 
earned by his night's labor, went on his way rejoicing, 
not caring a bawbee for the hundreds of hollow-eyed, 
hungry beggars, who at every street-corner thrust their 
pleading eyes and cadaverous faces between his saintly 
Reverence and the biting winter air. 

Ah ! Hood ! Thomas Hood ! many a true word 
spakest thou in jest, but never a truer than is found in 
the following tale, " whereto is tied a moral:" 

" Once on a time a certain English lass 
Was seized with symptoms of such deep decline. 
Cough, hectic flushes, every evil sign, 
That, as their wont is at such desperate pass, 
The doctors gave her over to an ass. 

" Accordingly, the grisly Shade to bilk, 
Each morn the patient quaffed a frothy bowl 



THE NEGRO SLAVES. 

Of assininc new milk, 
Robbing a shaggy suckling of a foal, 
Which got proportion ably spare and skinny— 
Meanwhile the neighbors cried : ' Poor Mary Ann ! 
She can't get over it ! she never can !' 
When lo ! to prove each prophet was a ninny, 
The one that died was the poor wet-nurse jenny. 

" To aggravate the case, 
There were but two grown donkeys in the place ; 
And most unluckily for Eve's fair daughter, 
The other long-cared creature was a male, 
Who never in his life had given a pail 

Of milk, or even chalk and water. 
No matter : at the usual hour of eight 
Down trots a donkey to the wicket-gate, 
With Mister Simon Gubbins on his back — 
' Your sarvant, Miss — a werry springlike day — 
Bad time for hasses tho' ! good lack ! good lack ! 
Jenny be dead, Miss — but Tze brought ye Jack, 
lie doesn't give no millc — out he can bray.'' " 



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